Celebrating is better than comparing

INTRODUCTION

2 MINUTES

We're right in the middle of a series called Thief of Everything. What’s it about? It’s the one thing that all of us have the potential to get caught up in: comparison. It’s when we compare something about ourselves against something about someone else.

To set up what we’re talking about today, I have to ask you if you love one particular person…

Loki.

INTERACTIVE

(Communicator Note: Show an image of Loki. Show an image of Thor. Then show them side by side.)

He’s awesome! He’s called “the god of mischief,” which would’ve been a great nickname for some of you back when you were in middle school. Loki is played by Tom Hiddleston, an incredible actor who does an amazing job of showing that part of Loki that’s always torn between good and evil.

Almost all of Loki’s issues originate with his struggle with one single person…

Thor. The god of thunder. Loki’s older brother.

The problem was oh-so-simple. Loki was jealous. I mean, look at Thor’s biceps. Who wouldn’t be? Thor was the golden child and the heir to the throne. Loki was the mischievous little brother in the shadows. And his jealousy took him to all kinds of negative places. Why? Because that’s all jealousy knows how to do. When it comes to your heart, it’s a silent killer of the heart.

TENSION

3 MINUTES

INTERACTIVE: Comparison or Celebration?

One of the interesting things about jealousy is that I’ve never heard a student say, “You know what, I struggle with jealousy. I feel jealous toward my best friend, that random girl on IG, or that guy on my team who’s better than me.” And I’m not going to try and convince you that you have a jealousy issue. Instead, I’m just going share a quick personal story…

(Communicator Note: Share a personal story about being jealous of someone else.)

When I was a sophomore in high school, I became good friends with a guy named Ryan. We hung out all the time. He was a grade ahead of me. Not only that, he was way cooler than me, which wasn’t difficult to be. He was more popular than me by a long shot. And I didn’t have a problem with that—not at all. In fact, because he was popular, I got to know all kinds of new people. It was awesome! He was way stronger and more athletic than me. Again, that was extremely easy to do. His family had way more money than mine, so his car and all of his clothes were always nicer than mine. No problem, I couldn’t care less.

The real issue was this…

He was funnier than me.

I was a class clown and so was he. But the problem was that he was just, how do I say it, clownier?? Everything about his personality was funnier and more engaging than mine, and I knew it. And in those moments—when he really got the crowd going, when girls that I had a crush on were crying laughing at his stories, and when his laughter filled the room—I found myself feeling some weird things toward him. Things like…

Resentment

Frustration

Sadness

Disgust

I would’ve never been able to identify it, but that was good-old fashion jealousy, people! Total, raging envy! When it came to entertaining a crowd and making them laugh, he was Thor and I was Loki.

Was my problem with Ryan? Not really. What if the roles were reversed and I was the one who was funnier than him? I would’ve had NO PROBLEM with him then! I mean geez, we were practically best friends. My problem was that he had something I wanted. In this case, it was a better sense of humor, wit, timing, and personality.

You know what? Scratch that. The real problem was my heart. All of a sudden, I was completely frustrated at a guy who did nothing wrong to me, had no ill intention toward me, and had no clue I was even frustrated with him.

Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe it was that moment when…

You saw their post and they looked incredible.

You realized they are outshining you—on the field, court, stage, in the classroom, with the instrument, the list goes on and on.

You saw their new car.

You hung out at their house with their seemingly perfect family.

You found out they were accepted into the college you really want to attend.

Again, if the roles were reversed and everything that they had—or everything that happened to them—happened to you, you’d be totally fine with them, wouldn’t you? But they have what you want, so you’re not fine with them. Not even a little bit.

Let’s take it even one step further, shall we?

We’d never admit this, but we’d actually find some sort of pleasure in seeing them fail or struggle, wouldn’t we? They have NO CLUE that we’d enjoy seeing them slip below us, look worse than us, perform worse than us, but we would. If she broke out in acne or he had a terrible game, we’d secretly celebrate.

That’s awful, right? Talk about the thief of everything!

Relax, we’ve all been there! All of us. This struggle starts at birth and ends at death. Babies deal with this and so do grandparents.

The problems with jealousy are endless, but I’m going to highlight one…

It steals your ability to live your own life.

When you’re jealous of someone else, you get focused on them. And you quit appreciating, enjoying, seeing, experiencing, or embracing any part of your own life. I don’t know one person who’s hyper-focused on someone else’s life who is happy about their own. Jealousy can consume you and make you super-competitive with people you have no business competing with. It’s exhausting! So, let’s figure out a way to stop living someone else’s life and start living the one God has given us!

TRUTH

5 MINUTES

People have been dealing with jealousy forever. The authors of the Bible share story after story of people whose lives were affected by it. One of those people was a guy named David. He was an unknown shepherd who rose to unexpected prominence and became one of the most famous kings of all time.

In between his time as a shepherd and a king, David worked for a king named Saul.

Saul was tall, strong, and powerful. He was an incredible warrior. He was a respected king. The people loved him. He had it all. And after David killed an enemy giant named Goliath, Saul obviously promoted David. Any king on Earth would’ve been thrilled to have a guy like David in their army!

Check out what a writer named Samuel said about David in the Old Testament:

“Whatever mission Saul sent him on, David was so successful that Saul gave him a high rank in the army. This pleased all the troops, and Saul’s officers as well” (I Samuel 18:5 NIV).

This is awesome, right? David is crushing it! Everyone was happy. Until they weren’t. This is what it says next:

“When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with timbrels and lyres. As they danced, they sang: ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands’” (I Samuel 18:6-7 NIV).

Yep. This is when the “so-happy-to-have-David-around” days ended for Saul. For you, this is when…

He starts dating her.

She gets offered that college basketball scholarship.

He looks perfect.

She’s announced as the valedictorian.

You get it. This list could go on for days.

Samuel writes that this made Saul angry. Duh! Who loves the song where the other person wins, has more, gets more, outshines you, etc.?

Then he writes this:

“And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David” (I Samuel 18:9 NIV).

You catch that? “He kept a close eye.” He got consumed with someone else’s life. And the wheels fell of—Saul’s life spiraled out of control. He quit living. He lost perspective on all of the great things he already had. Why? Well, like we already said, that’s what jealousy does. It gets you all wrapped up in someone else.

And what do you miss? For starters, you miss all of the good things God has already blessed you with. Believe it or not, you do have some good things happening around you. You just haven’t learned to recognize those things because you’ve been too consumed with what someone else has.

You may not have as much stuff as you want, but you still have a lot.

You may not have as many friends as someone else, but you still have friends.

You may not be as talented as someone else, but you’re still very talented.

You can look at other people and what they have, or you can learn to appreciate what you have. King Saul had so much going for him—he had so many things to be grateful for. In fact, David would’ve done nothing but celebrate Saul and help his kingdom grow and thrive. But Saul became consumed with jealousy toward David that he lost perspective on the blessings in his own life. It was the thief of everything!

In another place in the Bible called Proverbs, the writer explained jealousy this way:

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 NIV).

Jealousy rots us from the core. That’s what happened to Saul. It ate up everything in his life—it was the thief of everything! But David kept his heart at peace, and it gave him life.

See, while jealousy breaks down, peace builds up. David kept his eyes on the good that was promised to him, and that helped him stay strong. The same can be true for us. When we keep our eyes focused on what we have, we’ll find more peace. When we stop focusing on what others have, we’ll better be able to enjoy the good in our life and theirs.

Think of it this way:

It’s such a better way to live—more peaceful, joyful, and life-giving. In fact, celebration is so powerful that it’s the one thing that can kill jealousy!

APPLICATION

3 MINUTES

But how do we choose to celebrate instead of compare? Let’s start by doing two things:

Start with you. Think about what you do have that’s worth celebrating. Whether it’s a friendship, something about your family, a good grade, a beautiful day, or just the fact that God loves you, there is something you have that’s worth a celebration! Big or small, start breaking free from jealousy by celebrating the good things in your own life.

Celebrate someone else. I want you to try to find a way to celebrate a person you’re jealous of. It’s not going to be easy. But remember, celebration will help you move toward peace, and peace brings life to the body. If all you can do is pray for them, that works, too. Prayer is a great thing to practice every day. It helps us get to a place where we can start celebrating and appreciating someone else.

INTERACTIVE

*Communicator, have 3 cups on a table. They don’t have to be elaborate—any simple cups will do. Then, have some small, simple things that you can drop in each cup. Use something like coins or marbles.

Here’s a simple way for you to think about it. These three cups represent places where you can start celebrating and being grateful. The first cup is YOU. You can think of things to celebrate or be grateful for in your own life. For example…

*Communicator, as you list these things, drop coins or marbles in the first bucket.

I love my student ministry!

My dog is awesome.

My favorite music to listen to.

Taco Bell.

You get the idea. Be creative and stretch your brain to come up with stuff!

The second bucket is for PEOPLE you’re grateful for. For example…

Drop coins or marbles as you list these…

My mom.

My small group leader.

My best friend.

My grandpa.

You get it? Awesome! Now it’s time for the most difficult bucket—PEOPLE YOU WANT TO SEE DIFFERENTLY. Find a way to celebrate them…

Drop coins or marbles as you list these…

Her Instagram posts are great.

He’s so funny.

She’s a great lacrosse player.

He’s so nice to everyone.

It may feel forced at first. Don’t worry, over time it will start to feel more genuine. And eventually, you will feel your heart changing!

LANDING

1 MINUTE

Imagine if Saul had celebrated David instead of being jealous. How much better and happier would his life have been? Instead, Saul tried to take David’s life and ended up losing his own. Dramatic, right? All of that happened because jealousy was the thief of everything!

You and I have the same choice. We can waste our time and energy focused on other people’s lives and what they have, or we can learn to be grateful for what we have. Celebrating is better than comparing. By the grace of God, we can put an end to jealousy, start focusing on the blessings God’s given us, and living our own lives with more joy!

So, as you head to small group, think about opening up to them as you answer this question: Who is one person I can choose to celebrate this week?