Genesis 2:18-25

Genesis 2:18-25

Relationships make us who we are supposed to be and show us who God is.

Have you ever been in an argument with someone and they said something along the lines of, “stop yelling at me!” And you wanted to say back, “you want me to actually yell at you? You have no idea what yelling is!” Yeah, me neither!

I was thinking about this type of encounter this week when my dear children, on a facetime call with their mother who was away for work, recounted to her how I was grumpy, mean, and “yelly” all day. Simply because I made them clean their rooms!

Now, you need to know, I am not a perfect father. I do at times speak very directly with my children. I get grumpy, I am sinful. But I am also all they know. So I am the worst they experience!

Evenso, without them those edges would never see the light of day, and never have the opportunity to be confronted, repented of, and refined away. And that’s just the kids. They are the fruit of another relationship that does far more work at showing me who I really am.

Relationships, especially marriage, work this way, and I think they are purposed by God to do so. They make us who we are supposed to be and if we have eyes to see, they show us who God is too.

And it begins here, with the first human relationship. Marriage.

As we have taken up Genesis to discover how God is orchestrating all things to work his redemptive plan, you can’t get there without marriage.

You can’t understand the storyline of the Bible unless you understand something about marriage, because the Bible begins with this marriage, and at the end, in Revelation, it ends with a marriage, the wedding supper of the Lamb.

This is among the most known stories of our human experience. Adam and Eve in the garden.

We have come from the soaring heights of creation. With the power of His word, God creates the cosmos, sky, earth, seas, all that we see.

Man is in the garden, given an image to reflect and a moral responsibility to live by.

But he was never meant to be alone.

Made for relationship, Marriage makes us who we are supposed to be, and Marriage reflects Christ’s love for us.

Relationships make us who we are supposed to be and show us who God is.

Made for Relationship

Everything so far has been pretty cool. All of creation - “good.” Humanity and all that God has made - “very good.”

The breathing life into Adam, placing him into a garden of extravagant abundance, resource, and provision.

We romanticize the setting, and we should, our souls long for it.

But something changes at verse 18 that is incongruent with everything that came before.

Genesis 2:18 “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (ESV)

Now, in chapter 2 we have space in creation. Because in chapter 1 when God made man, he created male and female.

But we have more description here, so we will see how relationships serve us.

Should see being made for relationship in our image bearing. As something we image/reflect of the Trinity, of the Father, Son, and Spirit of God.

Genesis 1:26a “Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” (ESV)

This is God in unity, as himself. Loving, interconnected, community.

In brilliant contrast to the Desert Fathers, religious mystics that thought being alone in the desert wilderness would get them closer to God - they missed how other image bearers are meant to relate to one another.

And in an age where we increasingly relate only with screens I wonder if a key role for the church is to train future generations in relating with other humans, in person!

God himself is saying Adam being alone is not good. He lacks something. Incomplete.

And to prepare Adam he builds anticipation.

All the beasts of the field are brought to the man so that he can name them, and to see if they are suitable.

Genesis 2:20 “The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” (ESV)

So God caused a deep sleep, takes from his side and made woman.

Establishing the basis for all human relationships, foreshadowing Christ’s relationship with the church.

Marriage Makes Us Who We Are Supposed to Be

God commits to making a helper, fit for Adam, suitable for him.

God already is Adam’s helper (but a superior helper). The animals are also Adam’s helpers (but inferior helpers). This helper, then, must be one that will be equal to him.

Helper, Helpmeet (strange word). “A Person who contributes to the fulfillment of a need or furtherance of an effort or purpose.”

“Strength,” Supporting beam.

Help is a military word, help is a strong word, help is a divine word, and God has the audacity to use it to refer to Eve.

“Lest any imagine that “helper” is a diminishing or servile term, it must be understood that it is the name used to describe God as the helper of Israel (cf. Exodus 18:4; Deuteronomy 33:7; 1 Samuel 7:12). Often “helper” was used to reference God’s aid against Israel’s enemies (cf. Psalm 20:2; 121:1, 2; 124:8). Moses referred to God as his “helper” who delivered him from Pharaoh (cf. Exodus 18:4). So man’s “helper” would be no “weak sister” by any stretch of a misogynist’s imagination.”

Other places the similar or same word is used to describe military reinforcements… Marriage is war!

Furthermore, she is suitable for him. “Fit for him.” The Hebrew word for “suitable” suggests something that completes a polarity, as the north pole is “suitable” to the south pole. One without the other is incomplete.” Victor P. Hamilton

The function of the helper would be complementary to the man’s — “a helper fit for him” — literally, “like opposite him”3 or “according to his opposite.” 4 The woman would be a corresponding counterpart. As a counterpart she would share in his nature. Male and female were created in the image of God (cf. 1:27). And as his matching opposite, she would supply what was lacking in him.

This is a unique relationship, unity, partnership.

As the Puritan Matthew Henry quaintly coined it: “not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

Dave Hansen - Pinnacle, perfection, best of creation.

So unique, so vital, that it incites the first artistic response in the Bible. The first poem or song.

God brings her to Adam.

Genesis 2:23 “Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.” (ESV)

At last! Waiting his whole life! What was it, a day?!

Adam’s poetic response: “As I see you, I now know who I am. I have found myself in you. I’m not just coming to another; I’m coming to someone who is helping me see who I am. At last, finally, by discovering you I have found out who I am.” Timothy J. Keller

Becoming who he is supposed to be with a helper suitable for him.

This is what marriage does. It reveals and refines, reforms us into who we are supposed to be.

How? By holding fast and becoming “one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (ESV)

Holding fast, learning to surrender lesser things, giving up other ties to prioritize this above all others (except one - that of God and me). Committing to each other.

In the forsaking of all others, there is a forsaking of self that is essential to survival along the way.

“If two spouses each say, ‘I’m going to treat my self-centeredness as the main problem in the marriage,’ you have the prospect of a truly great marriage.” David Brooks

This is the worst. We are trained to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, that will serve us! That will enjoy all the things we like, that will feed us grapes and fan us on the beach. No arguments, no tension over what to have for dinner!

But holding fast is loosening the grip of self, prioritizing our spouse. Mutual sacrifice. Care. Surrender. Can only happen when we have the foundational and secure relationship with God that keeps us.

Where it isn’t mutual, can be abusive, unhealthy, idolatrous.

John Newton to newlywed couples: “You may think your biggest problem, spiritually speaking, is the prospect of a bad marriage.” He says, “Every bit as big a spiritual danger is the prospect of a good marriage.”

He warned them of creating a covenant of works in their holding fast that would kill each other. He was saying there is (or can be) something so powerful about marriage, so fulfilling about marriage, that unless you deliberately pay attention to it you will look to your spouse to give you the things only God can really give you.

You will look to your spouse’s love, your spouse’s respect, your spouse’s affirmation, to give you meaning in life, and to give you a foundation for your own sense of value, all of the things you should only be getting from God.

Holding fast is staying put in the imperfection, the monotony, the regular life of marriage. It is slaying false expectations and committing to each other for richer or poorer. And the longer you endeavor to do that, to pursue the Lord together, the more you are quick to repent, to put your spouse first, the better it gets.

And for those longing for marriage. Don’t so fantasize about the bliss of expectation you miss out on life now, and get around married people that will help you set right expectations.

C.S. Lewis: “It is probably impossible to love any human being too much. You may love him too much in proportion to your love for God, but it is the smallness of your love for God, not the greatness of your love for the person, that constitutes the inordinacy.”

Marriage could suffocate us unless we have a really great, true, love relationship with God. You don’t try to diminish your love for your spouse or the person you think you’re going to marry. You have to promote your love for God.

It’s how we hold fast.

One flesh.

There is physical union happening here. Coming together of the like - opposites, bodies that in the brilliance of creation connect for fruitfulness with such potential for pleasure.

God intends sex with your spouse to build intimacy, joy, and oneness. And where it is mutual, safe and for each other's flourishing it can deepen connection, relational resilience, and happiness in marriage. (Resources, never too soon in marriage, nor too late, to grow in your care for each other.)

But one flesh is also about another form of proximity.

“As soon as you start to try to define the difference between male and female, it never quite fits. Yet there it is, and it’s irreducible, and it’s inexorable. In marriage, into your life comes a person with a very radically different view of you, of the world, a person of different gender, of equal power, equal resources, but incredibly different, and you’re thrown into an incredibly tight, close relationship.

Do you know how close? One flesh.

“A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. The two shall become one flesh.” That word flesh is not what you think. It’s not talking about the bodies. When God says, “I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh,” he’s not saying, “I will pour out my Spirit on all bodies.” He’s saying, “I will pour out my Spirit on all persons.”

What it is saying is marriage puts you into the same space. You literally occupy the same space. You hold things in common. You’re raising your family together. Two people, very different, like you, not you, opposite you, put together in the same tight location. What’s going to happen?” Timothy J. Keller

Sanctification! Learning ourselves, selfishness, sinfulness, learning to repent, to listen.

Especially after sin enters the human story, marriage is a central place we are shaped, where you become the person God wants you to be.

Marriage is not designed to bring you so much into confrontation with your spouse; it’s actually designed to bring you into confrontation with yourself, to show you your sins, to show you what’s wrong with you, to show you ways to change that otherwise you never would find.

To show you territory and attitudes to surrender to Jesus. To invite the Spirit to transform.

Our marriages are work. Yours, mine, they are not easy. But if two partners are committed to God and each other they will form us, for our good.

Our only hope of becoming who we are supposed to be through marriage is by the humility we are given by the gospel. By the grace of Christ that says we can keep going.

And when we do, it reflects more of God.

Marriage Reflects Christ’s Love for Us

Marriage as the basis for our need for relationships elevates the institution. Placing it within the first 300 or so words of Scripture reveals how God prioritizes it. It shows us that it is not a social construct.

It is a pinnacle relationship. This is why humanity, even in rejection of God, longs for it however distorted the world attempts to make it.

But in that marriage, established here, reiterated by Jesus in his ministry, is between one man and one woman, and given that not everyone has a helper made from their side, and that sin and death still exist, not all of us will be married or stay married.

Marriage, like humanity, is reflecting God and his love for us. Even when it’s refining us, even when we have a long way to go.

It is always pointing to a more perfect union, that of Christ and the church. A union all of us can partake in.

Marriage founded here in Genesis 2 will be used by God to reveal what we are meant for in relationship with him.

God says repeatedly in Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Hosea, “I am the bridegroom, and you, my people, are the bride,” calling Israel to faithfulness to him.

God isn’t just someone you believe in, or someone you try to obey, but following the biblical imagery you need him in your life as a spouse.

He is the ultimate helper, like you but not you. Like you because you are made in his image, not like you because he is holy. Providing what you are lacking in righteousness.

A groom that gives you his heart. He gives all of himself for your sake, in love. He redeems you by his blood.

Ephesians 5:31–33 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)

His love motivates, empowers, sustains our relationships, and they resound back His story to the world.

When we encounter Jesus, our response is meant to be along the lines of Adam’s in Genesis 2, “at last, I know who I am, I am complete in you.”

For those hoping to be married, those who are married, who have been, and who never will be.

“You can experience union with Christ—the very thing marriage was designed to point to all along—in intimacy and power. I like the way celibate pastor and author Sam Allberry puts it: If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency.”

“Consider who the Lord Jesus is, whom you are invited to espouse yourselves unto. He is the best husband. There is none comparable to Jesus Christ. Do you desire one that is great? He is of the highest dignity, he is the glory of heaven, the darling of eternity, admired by angels, dreaded by devils and adored by saints. For you to be espoused to so great a king, what honour will you have by this espousal?

Do you desire one that is rich? None is comparable to Christ, the fullness of the earth belongs to him. If you be espoused to Christ, you shall share in his unsearchable riches. You shall receive of his fullness, even grace for grace here and you shall hereafter be admitted to glory and shall live with this Jesus to all eternity.

Do you desire one that is wise? There is none comparable to Christ for wisdom. His knowledge is infinite and his wisdom is correspondent thereto. And if you are espoused to Christ, he will guide and counsel you and make you wise unto salvation.

Do you desire one that is strong, who may defend you against your enemies and all the insults and reproaches of the Pharisees of this generation? There is none that can equal Christ in power, for the Lord Jesus Christ hath all power.

Do you desire one that is good? There is none like unto Christ in this regard; others may have some goodness but it is imperfect. Christ’s goodness is complete and perfect, he is full of goodness and in him dwelleth no evil.

Do you desire one that is beautiful? His eyes are most sparkling, his looks and glances of love are ravishing, his smiles are most delightful and refreshing unto the soul. Christ is the most lovely person of all others in the world.

Do you desire one that can love you? None can love you like Christ: His love, my dear sisters, is incomprehensible; his love passeth all other loves: The love of the Lord Jesus is first, without beginning. His love is free without any motive. His love is great without any measure. His love is constant without any change and his love is everlasting.

Oh everything we look for everywhere else but God can only be found in God!” George Whitefield, Christ the Best Husband

“Every greatness, every wealth, every wisdom, every power, every goodness, every beauty, and every love we are longing for can only be found in him, and in him we find the apex of all these virtues and more. Even the best of all earthly versions of these virtues are but pale substitutes. Even the most joyous marriage, the most blessed parenthood, the most adorable of babies virtually disappears in the radiance of his most joyous of joys, most blessed of blessedness, most adorable of adorability as the stars disappear when the sun comes up.” Jared Wilson

Marriage, this companionship reflects the beauty and intention of God’s love and purpose for humanity. That which is fully realized in Jesus.

Relationships make us who we are supposed to be and show us who God is.

Be United with Christ - Believe, be reminded, his life, death, and resurrection for you. A more suitable helper you could not find.

Reflect Him in Relationships - Go all in on your marriage. Make it a storied marriage, telling of Christ and his redeeming love.

Make space in community for relationships with singles, widows, those that are celibate, that the family would reflect Christ’s love.

Revelation 19:6–9 “Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah!

For the Lord our God

the Almighty reigns.

[7] Let us rejoice and exult

and give him the glory,

for the marriage of the Lamb has come,

and his Bride has made herself ready;

[8] it was granted her to clothe herself

with fine linen, bright and pure”—

for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

[9] And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” (ESV)

May our marriages point to this more perfect union, to the love of Christ for us. May all of our relationships be used by the Lord to shape us into who we are supposed to be for his glory and our good. Amen.