Dealing with Conflict: Lessons from David & Saul’s

Introduction:

Where are we going over the next four weeks? We are exploring David’s relationships. We know that David’s life showcases multiple areas of complicated relationships.

David’s Relationships:

were entrenched in conflict,

he dealt with adultery,

murder,

and yet surrendered to the Lord’s authority in his life through the prophet Nathan and practiced repentance.

What I love most about David’s life is that the pages of Scripture do not scrub away his shortcomings. They don’t try to paint him in a better light or overlaying him with a positive filter to his readers.

David truly loved the Lord and had significant moments of integrity and yet made stupid choices.

He did the right thing on many occasions and chose not to in other moments.

David’s humanity is displayed all over the pages of scripture and we get to learn from it.

A key scripture that shares David’s heart is found in 1 Samuel 13:14 Samuel is rebuking King Saul in this text and sharing about David’s eventual ascension to the throne.

1 Samuel 13:14 NLT

But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.”

Where are we going today?

Central Idea: Conflict occurs in our relationships. As followers of Jesus we must respond to conflict with grace, faith, and integrity.

None of us can avoid conflict in life. We are all flawed, broken and bring our family of origin into our relationships.

Prayer

Who is David?

Every Man in the Bible David’s Role in Scripture

David had a powerful impact on the political life of the Hebrew people. Prior to David, the Israelites had remained loosely associated tribes governed for centuries by charismatic judges, and then for a time by a flawed king, Saul. During these centuries, the Israelites were an oppressed minority in Canaan, squeezed into a narrow strip of the broad land God had promised to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. When David finally won the allegiance of the twelve Hebrew tribes, he was able to weld them into the most powerful Middle Eastern kingdom of his era.

Every Man in the Bible David’s Role in Scripture

While David proved to be a military and political genius whose accomplishments in Israel are unmatched, David’s contributions to Israel’s spiritual life are just as impressive. David himself was deeply committed to God and spiritually sensitive. The passion and intensity of David’s personal relationship with God are revealed in the seventy-three poems in the Book of Psalms attributed to him. In these psalms, David fully exposed his inner spiritual life, freely expressing his hopes and fears, his failures and his abiding confidence in the goodness of the Lord. David’s psalms, along with the others in this book of 150 religious poems, have served believers ever since as a pattern for praise and worship. They have led untold millions of people into a deeper relationship with the Lord.

Five ways to respond to conflict from the life of David:

1. Understanding the Source of Conflict

There is a root cause to conflict in our relationships.

1 Samuel 18:6–9 NLT

When the victorious Israelite army was returning home after David had killed the Philistine, women from all the towns of Israel came out to meet King Saul. They sang and danced for joy with tambourines and cymbals. This was their song: “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands!” This made Saul very angry. “What’s this?” he said. “They credit David with ten thousands and me with only thousands. Next they’ll be making him their king!” So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David.

Key Moment: Saul becomes jealous of David after his success against Goliath and the praises of the people ("Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands").

Conflict often arises from jealousy, insecurity, or fear 

James 4:1–2 NLT

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.

Saul’s fear of losing power distorted his perception of David, who had no ill intent toward him.

Examine the root of conflict in our own hearts—what insecurities, pride, or fears may be driving it?

I often analyze myself when I am feeling anxious, afraid, angry, "why am I feeling this right now? What has happened to make me feel this way? Is this a justifiable emotion, or should I be making an emotional pivot?" 

There is always a root cause to the conflict - whether it be from you or the other person.

2. Responding to Unjust Treatment

1 Samuel 19:9–11 NLT

But one day when Saul was sitting at home, with spear in hand, the tormenting spirit from the Lord suddenly came upon him again. As David played his harp, Saul hurled his spear at David. But David dodged out of the way, and leaving the spear stuck in the wall, he fled and escaped into the night. Then Saul sent troops to watch David’s house. They were told to kill David when he came out the next morning. But Michal, David’s wife, warned him, “If you don’t escape tonight, you will be dead by morning.”

Key Moment: Saul attempts to kill David by throwing a spear at him, forcing David to flee.

Faithlife Study Bible Chapter 16

Saul has made himself God’s enemy and is treated as such from now on (see 18:10; 19:9). The exact nature of this spirit is unknown. The Hebrew word used here,

David did not retaliate but chose to flee, trusting God to handle the situation.

Proverbs 15:1 NASB 2020

A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Pastor - are you telling me to run every time there is conflict? Nope…I am asking you to be prudent. In this case, David knew that he would destroy the kingdom if he stayed. Killing Saul or being killed himself.

Resist the urge to escalate conflict; instead, respond with self-control and faith in God’s justice.

Romans 12:17–19 NLT

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

The temptation to always repay with equal or greater vengeance is there. Especially, with those that consider themselves to be people of “justice” and feel strongly when injustice is occuring.

3. Choosing Honor over Revenge

1 Samuel 24:1–12 NLT

After Saul returned from fighting the Philistines, he was told that David had gone into the wilderness of En-gedi. So Saul chose 3,000 elite troops from all Israel and went to search for David and his men near the rocks of the wild goats. At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave! “Now’s your opportunity!” David’s men whispered to him. “Today the Lord is telling you, ‘I will certainly put your enemy into your power, to do with as you wish.’ ” So David crept forward and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul’s robe. But then David’s conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul’s robe. He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this to my lord the king. I shouldn’t attack the Lord’s anointed one, for the Lord himself has chosen him.” So David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul. After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him. Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the Lord’s anointed one.’ Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me. “May the Lord judge between us. Perhaps the Lord will punish you for what you are trying to do to me, but I will never harm you.

Key Moment: David spares Saul’s life in the cave, even when given the perfect opportunity to kill him.

David’s restraint demonstrated his trust in God’s timing and sovereignty. He refused to take matters into his own hands.

David’s words, “I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed” (v. 10), show a profound respect for God’s authority.

Honor others, even when they wrong you. Let God be the judge.

Matthew 5:43–44 NLT

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”

In this verse, Jesus, once again introduces the upside kingdom or making right our response to the world system. To this day - we still say hate your enemy and we wickedly find great pleasure in doing so. This is not the Jesus way. We must pray for those who persecute you and they requires laying down your own desires.

4. Recognizing the Larger Story

1 Samuel 26:7–12 NLT

So David and Abishai went right into Saul’s camp and found him asleep, with his spear stuck in the ground beside his head. Abner and the soldiers were lying asleep around him. “God has surely handed your enemy over to you this time!” Abishai whispered to David. “Let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of the spear; I won’t need to strike twice!” “No!” David said. “Don’t kill him. For who can remain innocent after attacking the Lord’s anointed one? Surely the Lord will strike Saul down someday, or he will die of old age or in battle. The Lord forbid that I should kill the one he has anointed! But take his spear and that jug of water beside his head, and then let’s get out of here!” So David took the spear and jug of water that were near Saul’s head. Then he and Abishai got away without anyone seeing them or even waking up, because the Lord had put Saul’s men into a deep sleep.

Key Moment: David spares Saul again, this time in the camp where Saul is vulnerable.

David’s refusal to kill Saul shows his awareness that the battle belonged to the Lord.

David saw the bigger picture—Saul’s sin was ultimately between him and God.

In conflict, ask: How is God shaping my character in this? What is the larger story He’s telling through this situation?

5. Trusting God to Bring Resolution

1 Samuel 31:1–6 NLT

Now the Philistines attacked Israel, and the men of Israel fled before them. Many were slaughtered on the slopes of Mount Gilboa. The Philistines closed in on Saul and his sons, and they killed three of his sons—Jonathan, Abinadab, and Malkishua. The fighting grew very fierce around Saul, and the Philistine archers caught up with him and wounded him severely. Saul groaned to his armor bearer, “Take your sword and kill me before these pagan Philistines come to run me through and taunt and torture me.” But his armor bearer was afraid and would not do it. So Saul took his own sword and fell on it. When his armor bearer realized that Saul was dead, he fell on his own sword and died beside the king. So Saul, his three sons, his armor bearer, and his troops all died together that same day.

Key Moment: Saul’s death occurs in battle, fulfilling God’s judgment on his reign.

David never had to force the resolution—God brought justice in His own time and way.

Conflict resolution often requires us to trust that God will act, even if we don’t see immediate results.

Surrender the outcome to God and remain faithful in your part of the conflict.

Conclusion:

David’s Final Example

Scripture Reference: 2 Samuel 1:11–12

2 Samuel 1:11–12 NLT

David and his men tore their clothes in sorrow when they heard the news. They mourned and wept and fasted all day for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the Lord’s army and the nation of Israel, because they had died by the sword that day.

Key Moment: David mourns Saul’s death, showing compassion and forgiveness despite years of mistreatment.

True reconciliation begins in the heart. David did not hold onto bitterness but grieved for Saul, his former king.

Ephesians 4:31–32 NLT

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Forgiveness is essential to healing, even if reconciliation isn’t possible.

Miles Coverdale (1488-1568) a priest in the house of Augustinan friars.

“O God, give us patience when those who are wicked hurt us. O how impatient and angry we are when we think ourselves unjustly slandered, reviled, and hurt! Christ suffers blows upon his cheek, the innocent for the guilty; yet we may not abide one rough word for his sake. O Lord, grant us virtue and patience, power and strength, that we may take all adversity with goodwill, and with a gentle mind overcome it. And if necessity and they honour require us to speak, grant that we may do so with meekness and patience, that the truth and thy glory may defended, and our patience and steadfast continuance perceived.”

Revisit Central Idea: Conflict happens in our relationships. As followers of Jesus we need to respond to conflict with grace, faith, and integrity.

Key Takeaways for Dealing with Conflict

Identify the root of conflict

Ask God to search your heart for insecurities or fears

Psalm 139:23–24 NLT

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Resist retaliation

Respond with grace and trust God to handle the outcome.

Choose honor

Respect others, even when they’ve wronged you.

Focus on God’s larger story

Trust Him to shape your character through the situation.

Let go of bitterness

Choose forgiveness and allow God to bring healing.

Stay tuned for part 2 of David’s Relationships as we focus on David & Nathan (spiritual mentorship and accountability)

Prayer