What the Bible says about Marriage and Singleness
Marriage Conference 2025 • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Please turn to 1 Corinthians 7.
How many of you are married or single?
Then this passage and message will apply to you.
We have the marriage conference coming up...(picture on screen) this weekend Friday evening and Saturday. and it’s not too late to register. Honestly I would love to see every marriage in our congregation attend, because we all need help. Nobody has a perfect marriage.
We are going to hear from former NBA player Bay and Peg Forrest.
and then, Bay and Peg will be here Sunday morning to allow me to interview them together about marriage, singleness, divorce.
What I would like you to do is take our your smart phone right now… (picture on screen)
Take a picture of that QR code right now...
that will take you to a form that you can submit a question to Bay and Peg that you would like me to ask.
it could be about dating, singleness, divorce and remarriage, problems in marriage, healthy marriages, maybe you have a particular situation. we are not asking for you name. but go ahead right now and take a moment to submit a question (online too) or you can email me at rick@fmcberne.com (if you don’t mind me knowing your name)
I chose 1 Corinthians 7 today--because before I interview Bay and Peg, I want to interview the Apostle Paul. And in this chapter, it’s like he is getting a lot of FAQ’s on marriage and singleness.
So we have been learning so much about the Apostle Paul in Acts--He is following in the Footsteps of Jesus as he is arrested and on trials. 1 Corinthians is one of the letters he wrote to a church at he founded at Corinth.
1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” (so Paul is responding to a concern that the church wrote about.
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (let’s be honest--they are talking about sex)
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other (abstain from sex in marriage) except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
you may be seated...for now.
I love the Bible.
I love that God has a passage about sex and marriage.
because let’s face it--I don’t do a ton of marital counseling---I do some, but do a lot of pre-marital counseling. and I have heard from enough couples to know that 2 main areas of conflict are:
finances - so short commercial for financial peace (there’s a class that meets today)
sex--how often a married couple should have it
and what do I do in a marriage if either I want to have sex more than my spouse or my spouse wants me to have sex more than I do?
What does the Bible say about sex and marriage:
Sex is designed for marriage only (vs. 2). Paul (and God) talk about having sex only in the context of marriage between 1 man and 1 woman. Do you notice that?
some people say “the Bible doesn’t say you can’t sleep together before marriage.” Here this passage assumes it and clarifies it in verse 2.
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
that’s challenging for our culture and some of us--but also challenging back then--when in culture the man was allowed in Roman culture to sleep around but his wife couldn’t.
God gives sex boundaries--in a marriage, and our culture may laugh at that--”I can sleep with whomever I want as long as it is consensual.” (that’s what Paul challenged in 1 Corinthians 6. but in talking to people who have lived that lifestyle--I think most if they’re honest don’t really find that sexual freedom all that fulfilling. b/c that’s not how God designed it. God designed sex to be enjoyed in the context of a loving, committed, covenantal marriage between 1 man and 1 woman.
we only give ourselves sexually to our spouse because we have committed every other area to them as one flesh--relationally, legally, financially, mentally, and sexually. that’s incredible security and love. we don’t live together before marriage or sleep together before marriage.
why did God design it this way for sex within a covenant a marriage? I think it’s because it reflects God’s covenant or commitment to us. God made a covenant or committed Himself to us--He married us--even though we cheated on Him, and He gave Himself to us--through His son on the cross in the context of making a covenant, so we would know Him. likewise, we only give of ourselves in sex in the covenant of marriage.
and even if you don’t like what God says about this area--I am going to trust a God who gives His life for me--that He knows best.
what else does God say about marriage and sex?
Sex is to be a regular part of marriage. (vs. 2)
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
Paul is writing in this part to a church divided on sex. in chapter 6--some were sleeping around, so he had to challenge them to stop. and here there is another group who said having sex, even in marriage, made you dirty or impure. you only had sex to have children.
but Paul challenges that here. he encouraged sexual relations to happen often in a marriage covenant. God designed sex--it is good. It’s His idea.
some of you would like me to define what is regular sex in marriage--I can’t--because look at the next point...
Notice healthy sex (and healthy marriage!) in marriage is not about me--but about the other (and ultimately God) (vs. 3-5)
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
this was shocking in a culture where the woman could be a 2nd class citizen as times. The Bible is refreshing--both the wife’s body doesn’t belong to her, and the husband’s body doesn’t belong to him. it now belongs to each other.
this passage challenges both the spouse who withholds sex, and the spouse who pressures the other spouse to have sex more often.
let me talk to the spouse who always wants more sex. It’s often the husband but not always. don’t abuse this passage--don’t hold this passage over your spouse’s head— “your body doesn’t belong to you alone. The Bible says it.” that’s not the intention of this passage. we don’t abuse it. because your body doesn’t belong to you alone but to your spouses’ so you won’t force your spouse to have sex.
and to the spouse that may withhold it, this passage challenges it. in fact in vs. 5
5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
that word “deprive means steal or rob...” by withholding sex from your spouse, you are stealing from your spouse. instead, seek to serve them in love, in the context of the marital covenant you made even if you don’t like sex.
the intention behind it is each spouse is meant to surrender, serve the other--seek to serve the other--and if both spouses doing this for the glory of the Lord--then you will have a healthy relationship and sex life. this means at times saying “yes” to sex when you don’t feel like it--because you are seeking to serve your spouse, and it means at times not forcing your spouse to have sex because your body doesn’t belong to you alone (but to God first and to your spouse).
you see the Bible is giving us the best recipe for great sex. we see headlines or articles that say “want to have the best sex...” don’t believe them. the key to a great sex life is...it’s not about you--it’s about the other--not getting but giving--why?
because again this reflects--even sexuality reflects the Gospel. because in the Gospel Jesus gave of himself for us in our place--His entire body--it was about His Father and us. so we could be one or united with Jesus...so the best sex models the heart of the Gospel where we seek to give of ourselves not selfishly but selflessly...not for self-gratification or self-fulfillment but to serve the spouse.
ultimately--in marriage--it is about glorifying God, and if both partners are seeking to glorify God, they will serve each other--in all areas--not just the bedroom but in communication, conflict resolution, finances, expectations, working with in-laws, parenting.
i often think sex is like a temperature gauge or barometer--not that marriage is completely defined by it--but if you are having hard time being one and intimate in communication or conflict resolution, you will have a difficult time being intimate in the bedroom. I should be serving my spouse in all areas of the marriage.
now there is so much more I could say about these verses--like why deprive each other of sex to focus on prayer. I think it’s practical. just as sometimes you may fast from food to focus on God individually; you may fast from sex to focus on God as a couple (but not for long--come back together so that Satan may not tempt you). that’s because I think Paul is being very practical. life is busy. when I was single, I thought I was busy. I got married, and I realized we have to figure out 2 schedules and goals here becoming one. and then throw in kids into the mix--before we were married, I thought we were busy--but now the busy-ness has just increased.
let me keep going. some more FAQ’s
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 - writing to singles or unmarried
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Singleness:
#1. It is actually a good thing from God.
now I know it may not always feel good; it may be lonely;
and is a challenge or you feel pressured especially in rural Adams County.it can be challenging in church culture that can easily cater to families.
people make comments about people who are single-—or may try to set you up.
I would strongly encourage you if you have single friends and family members, don’t make those jokes. don’t put pressure on them. Those jokes can be so hurtful.
Paul makes an interesting statement about both singleness and I think marriage too....
in fact in verse 7--Paul uses the language of gift.
7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
that word for gift is same word for spiritual gift--a grace gift. xarisma
it is a special gift given from God--both singleness is that way--and marriage is that way. both are gifts--Paul says. very challenging, especially if you wish you were married, or if you are in a difficult marriage and wish you were single.
being single in a culture that family was everything; you got married for status or so you could have kids who could take care of you---Paul’s way of life and his encouragement for singleness was challenging! that it is a grace gift, a spiritual gift from God.
#2 If you burn with passion, pray for marriage and the ability to be celibate.
if you are burning with sexual desire, ask for God’s help. He knows what you are feeling. Pray for a future spouse, because marriage is the only context for that.
now certainly we should not only get married so you can have sex, but it is a reason among many.
God sees it; He knows what you need.
so pray..
pray for celibacy
pray for good friends and community...
#3 You are in good company--both Paul and Jesus were single.
Look at verse 8 again. Paul says “It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.”
Both Paul and Jesus are radical examples to our church culture.
that you don’t have to be married or have kids to be complete.
and you don’t have to have sex to be fully human.
they lived incredible lives.
Now, as you keep going... Paul will actually talk about a spouse married to a non-Christian (vs. 10-16). I don’t have time to address that one. but in the discussion guide I have
He also addresses in vs. 17-24--our identity as Christians. Again, I don’t have enough time,
but let me read one more chunk on marriage and singleness
25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.
26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.
28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
now--Paul is not against marriage. He kind of seems like a negative Nellie here--because just read Ephesian 5 — how a healthy wife and husband point to the relationship between Christ and the church.
nor is he saying pitting a spouse against serving Christ. Often you serve the Lord by serving your spouse; in fact, marriage can be very sanctifying. and family life/kid life.
You can please the Lord and be married at the same time!
but he gives at least 3 reasons why singleness can be beneficial...
#1 Singles can endure the present crisis better… (vs. 25-28)
I didn’t know how to put it, and I know there can be pushback here.
look at verse 26
26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
a lot of Bible scholars think there were some challenging times going on in the Roman world. possibly a famine or economic hardships.
so hard times affect you--add to that a spouse and kids...it can be challenging to survive in the ancient world with more mouths to feed.
if we relate it today--most of us have access to food so it’s not quite the same...however when you are making big decisions as a married person or parent, you know that your decisions affect more people than just you. they affect the entire family. It’s easier to make a big decision as a single person, pack up and move vs. if you have a family.
so Paul is very practical--consider the ability to handle the present distress--difficult things in life.
now you can pushback and say having a family is so helpful for support, and companionship--Amen. but from a practical standpoint--Paul calls them worldly troubles in vs. 28--you need to take these things into consideration.
#2 Singles can serve the Lord wholeheartedly (vs. 32-35)
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—
34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Now it is interesting that he uses the same word
for concern (or anxiety) in both senses. Even though the Bible says don’t be anxious for
anything, apparently we are to be concerned and anxious for the things of the
Lord, and if you are single, you can have a great advantage in this.
Paul is a living testament to this. He was
single, and because of it, he had incredible flexibility to travel, to do
missions, to start churches, to kind of throw his life into his work and
ministry and live dangerously for the Gospel—can you imagine if he would have
done that with a family? I mean if you
are single—what is keeping you from just throwing your life and jumping into
serving the Lord, maybe taking that missions trip you always wanted, having the freedom to venture out on a new venture.
I know firsthand that being married and having kids has been a great blessing—but even my interests are divided. If someone calls me when I am at home and needs help, sometimes I cannot answer until the
kids are in bed, or I can’t go out right away and help because I am on dad duty and Jamie is at the grocery store (making sure we can eat). My interests are divided.
And it’s not to say –that you cannot be married
and serve the Lord. You can. You often serve the Lord by serving your
family. And even being married and having kids has opened incredible opportunities for ministry. I now understand women a little better since being married (kind of—maybe—well not really).
J now that I am married, I often know exactly
how my wife would respond in any situation—and even if she is not with me—it’s
like I have her voice in my head—and another perspective of wisdom—so I don’t
want to downplay that. And since having kids, I understand the tremendous pull
on my time and those who have children.
BUT…if you are single…don’t have a pity party—yes there are challenges of loneliness and sexual temptation, etc---BUT,
BUT—you have an incredible opportunity!
Everything Paul says is very counter-cultural...
I want to end by thinking of identity again--both single people and married people--their primary identity is not in their marital status.
look at vs. 29-31
now verses 29-31 affect both married people and singles...
29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not;
30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;
31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
our identity whether married or single--that is not our primary identity Jesus says.
He is not saying to abandon your spouse in the name of Jesus if you are married.
but our time is short...
in other words--in God’s timeline--the next big thing to happen--is the 2nd coming of Jesus.
we have been waiting a couple thousands years--but in terms of the Lord’s perspective and His kingdom coming--the time is short. don’t let the world and its categories of single, married, widowed--define you or other categories--rich, poor, black, white, last name.
because you will see Jesus soon. Let Him and His coming kingdom define you.
I think what Paul is doing--is this--reminding us that
everything God gives us in life is meant to point us to him.
if you are a child—you know at some level what
the Bible means by being a child of God.
if you are a parent—you know a little what it
means when it says God is our father.
And whether you are single (longing to be
married) or currently married—you have a window into God’s relationship with
us.
b/c in the OT, God married Israel. and Israel cheated on him...yet despite that God kept bringing Israel back.
in the NT--The Bible calls Jesus the head of the church—he is the bridegroom. And we
as the church are the bride. We are
married to Christ.
So if you are single—you can say “being single
does not ultimately define me. Because I
have the best spouse—I am engaged to Jesus who loved me and gave himself for
me, and I have a huge spiritual family with brothers and sisters in Jesus.”
And it challenges singles—b/c a huge problem I see with current singles—is they
place so much hope on finding and marrying the right person and complete
them—don’t put that kind of burden on a human because it will crush your
relationship and marriage. Marriage does
not complete you—Jesus does.
And if you are married—you can say “being
married does not ultimately define or complete me. Because I am simply preparing myself and my spouse for the ultimate spouse—Jesus. This marriage is momentary as John Piper said for the eternal marriage to Jesus Christ who loved me and gave himself for me.” “I don’t look to my spouse to complete me or define me—my spouse is not Jesus.
Only Jesus can give me the ultimate love my soul needs—and that helps me be a
much better loving spouse.”
take a moment....
Pray...
2. any questions you want to submit?
3. after service — helping with Homecoming 2025
