Sticks and Stones

A believer should stand confidently (chap. 1), serve compassionately (chap. 2), and speak carefully (chap. 3). He should be what God wants him to be, do what God wants him to do, and speak as God wants him to speak.

Focus Statement:

Function Statement:

The tongue, representing the believer’s speech, is not easily mastered. But the tongue must be mastered by acquiring the great skills of wisdom through careful and arduous study of God’s Word

Tweetable Phrase:

Scripture:

Main Text: James 3

Supporting Text: Genesis 1:26-27, Matthew 5:16, Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 15:1

Redemptive Closure (point to Jesus): Luke 6:45

Benediction: Luke 6:45

WELCOME

Good morning!!! My name is Ryan Hanson and I have the honor of serving here at The Light KC as the lead pastor. I’m so glad you’re here with us.

‌Welcome to those joining us online. We hope your doing well and hope to see you in person in the coming weeks.

‌And a special welcome to those joining us for the first time. We’re so glad you chose to be here.

ME/INTRO - Tension

Can you finish the phrase?

[show sticks and stones picture]

Stick and stones can break my bones, but _____ _____ _____ _____ _____. (words can never hurt me)

How many think this phrase is true?

I definitely don’t.

I think it could not be further from the truth.

Sticks and stones can break our bones, but whereas injuries to the body are painful, they are most of the time temporary and fixable.

Words on the other hand, can be just as painful as physical wounds (maybe even more so), but the damage can last forever.

To put a visual in all of your minds, I have broken one bone in my life. It was in college. I was bench pressing in the weight room because I had a crazy goal back then of being able to bench press 100 lbs more than I weighed. So I lifted all the time. I only did the bench press and leg press, so there wasn’t really any health benefit to me, but since those are the only numbers people asked for, I was going to get big ones. Well one day, I was bench pressing what I can only remember as a MASSIVE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT when someone walked in to the weight room and said my name. Not thinking, I looked over, but continued the rep. This is where I made my mistake. You see, I had terrible form. I liked bouncing the weight off my chest. And whereas this isn’t a huge deal when you’re laying square on the bench (you’re not going to break your sternum), it is a huge problem when you rotate and bounce the weight off a rib. Needless to say I cracked a rib that day. I called the doctor and they said there was nothing they could do, that I just had to “SUCK IT UP” for 6-8 weeks. They told me not to breath to deeply and try to avoid sneezing. So I did. For 6-8 weeks, I sucked it up. I didn’t have to try to hard to avoid breathing too deep, because if I even got close to too deep, the pain slowly built and I automatically stopped. The problem was that I never figured out how to avoid sneezing, so every time I did, I was in an immeasurable amount of pain. Most of the time it was fine, but a few times I sneezed while driving and that was truly a dangerous situation. Overall the broken bone healed, I wasn’t too inconvenienced, and I learned how to ignore people who yell out my name. I honestly rarely if ever think of that event in my life.

On the other hand...

A few words have been spoken to me that have stuck with me, changed me, and if I’m honest haunt me to this day. In fact someone said something to me years back that nearly kept me from being here today.

When I was in Seminary, I was volunteering at a church. I developed, launched, and led their small group ministry. Our goal was to get every person in a small group. We nearly got there, with 80% of people in community. While there, I got to the preaching class and part of the requirement was to preach a minimum number of Sundays at your church. Thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal, I asked the lead pastor. His response gutted me. With the few words he said, I nearly quit everything. Quite volunteering at that church. Quit seminary. Quit the path toward full time ministry ... When I asked him if I could have a few preaching spots to meet the requirement of the class, he very quickly, very coldly said “NO”. I initially thought he was joking because of how heartless it came across, but when I pushed, his response still sits with me. He said, “I have never seen you preach, but I doubt you could hold someone’s attention for 10 minutes, let alone 30. I have been very successful in ministry and you’re nothing like me. I can’t see where you have a future in full time ministry.” I was speechless for a few seconds. I honestly didn’t know how to respond. I had led student ministries for years, preached over (200) 20-30 minute sermons to a youth group of over 350 kids. I had taught at a local college, lecturing for 2 hours at a time. I worked in sales, traveling the country giving presentations. I couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing / thinking that would lead to a response so cold. When I finally got my bearings and asked for some clarity behind the statement, he said “you served as the student pastor at a very large church for a long time. If you had a future in ministry they wouldn’t have let you leave to come here and help with this church plant. I believe that churches fight to keep talent, and because they let you leave, you must not have talent.”

Now, this logically makes no sense and I knew that at the time. Most, if not all, churches I have ever been a part of believe in building people up, and sending them out. All churches I’ve been at believe that we need to live with open hands and that God can call us to leave whatever we’re doing at any time to serve His Kingdom in new and different ways.

YET...

Even thought I knew that his comments were not grounded in rational thought, they stuck with me. I continued to serve at that church, pouring into the small groups, setting up community engagement events, and helping where needed. I even ended up getting some preaching spots because schedules were messed up one week and I forcefully made my case (motivated by my need to pass the preaching class).

AND...

After getting the opportunity to preach, I scheduled a meeting with this lead pastor to review the sermon. We watched it together. He had some feedback, but told me that I did a great job. But he doubled down and said I was too “dead pan” because I didn’t laugh at my own jokes, that my humor was “too dry”, and that since I was “too different than he was” he still saw no future for me in ministry.

These events, at this church, led me to delay even considering entering full time ministry for over 5 years. And when I did, the fear of rejection was huge with every resume I sent out. Every interview brought me back to those conversations and something in me constantly wonders if he was right, or at least partially right.

WE - Tension

Have you ever had an experience like this?

Have you had someone that you respected say something to you that fundamentally changed the way you see yourself?

Are there comments that people have said to you, in your past, that haunt you to this day?

That is exactly the topic that James tackles in our passage today.

Please turn with me to James 3, as we continue our series called RESOLVED.

We’re in the forth week of our series where we’re walking through the entire book of James. Over the 5 chapters of this book James gives us 12 very practical teachings, pulling from Proverbs and Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. Our goal throughout this series is to listen to the Holy Spirit’s voice as we walk through these chapters and discern what goals / next steps God wants us to RESOLVE to accomplish over 2025.

Last week we discussed James 2:1-13 in a sermon we titled “Mercy for All” where James calls us to stop judging others based on categories that don’t matter, but instead love everyone as God loved us, showing favoritism to no one.

We’ll have the scripture on the screen, but if you have a Bible with you, or Bible app on your phone, I’d encourage you to turn to the passage and follow along. There is nothing that replaces having God’s word in your hand.

AND...if you don’t have a Bible, due to a generous individual who believes every church should be fully stocked with Bibles, we now have Bibles under the seats. If you don’t have a bible and would like one, please come see me after the service and I’ll get you one you can keep.

Let’s dive in.

GOD - Text

Teaching - We’re all teachers!

James 3:1–2 NIV

1 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

It sounds like James is just talking to pastors here. AND...to a large degree before anyone steps into ministry, they should pray long and hard about this verse.

And whereas that is something I think about every week as I put these sermons together, I think James has a little more for us in this verse.

BECAUSE...

In Matthew 28:19-20, also known as the Great Commission, Jesus commands us all to be teachers.

Matthew 28:19–20 NIV

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

So, if Jesus call us to make disciples and teach them to obey God’s commands...James is warning us all that if we truly live out the call that Jesus puts on our lives, we will be judged more severely, because the consequences of teaching others inaccurately are so high.

I heard teaching defined this way, “The task of influencing others toward their own understanding of the truth.”

Looking at teaching this way, I can understand where James is coming from. If I’m influencing others to believe as I believe, I better make sure that my beliefs are correct and that I’m communicating effectively so that nothing is lost in translation.

Peter echoes this call to make sure that we have a solid grasp on what we believe in 1 Peter 3:15.

1 Peter 3:15 NIV

15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,

Which begs the question...

Do you have a solid understanding of the Gospel Message?

Can you effectively communicate the Gospel Message to others so they can understand?

Can you communicate your story of faith when people ask questions of you?

If you have never shared your testimony, maybe that is the one thing God wants you to think about this week, because your story is the most powerful tool you have in talking to non-believers about your faith…and it is very simple. Simply structure your story into four parts.

Your life Before Christ, describe your life before you invited Christ into it

Your Conversion Story, how did you come to faith, what Problem in your life motivated you to take that step

Your life After Christ, how has your life changed

Invite the person you’re telling your story to to put their faith in Jesus

If you don’t feel “prepared to give an answer for the hope you have in Jesus Christ” I would encourage everyone to take some time this week and write out your faith story in this format.

For extra credit, pray that God puts someone in your path this week to share your story with.

Controlling your Tongue - leads to control of your entire self!

Whereas that could easily be the end of this sermon after 2 verses, James continues in V3.

James 3:3–6 NIV

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

The danger James is describing is that we routinely underestimate the power of words. Just like the phrase we started today saying “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.

Words can not only hurt us, but they can be the spark that sets in motion events that get far outside of our control.

In the 1960s, Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis introduced this concept into psychology within the practice of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

They called it the Cognitive Triangle, it states:

Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to actions.

This was later expanded to include beliefs.

Words (or thoughts) lead to Beliefs, which lead to feelings, which lead to Actions.

Just as James writes, our words have huge power because they start a chain of falling dominoes in our life that leads to actions, good or bad.

So my question to you...

How intentionally do you think about what you say?

What guardrails do you have in place in your life to keep your thoughts from affecting your beliefs and eventually your actions?

What accountability do you have in place? Who have you given permission to speak directly to you when you actions don’t match the beliefs you aspire to live by?

We can’t walk the Christian walk alone. We need people in our lives holding us accountable.

If you haven’t considered it, we do have both women’s and men’s groups now that exist in part to do exactly this, encourage, support, and hold each other accountable. We’d love for you to join us.

Wisdom - How do we control our tongue?

And as James continues, he gives us a warning.

James 3:7–12 NIV

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

In V11, James eludes to the fact that a spring cannot be fresh and salty at the same time. In Biblical times, discovering water was a blessing. Whole towns grew up around fresh water sources that could provide everything needed to sustain life.

But...if the water was salty, there was no life, only death.

James here provides us with a stern warning about how we use our tongues. We can be FRESH WATER, speaking life giving words to build people up, encourage them, and motivate them toward becoming everything God created them to be.

OR...

We can be SALT WATER, speaking deadly words, tearing down, and keeping people from becoming what God created them to be.

Jesus speaks of this in the Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 5:21–24 NIV

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Jesus teaches that our words are important enough that they can, if used carelessly, lead us down a path straight to Hell.

Jesus continues, teaching that if we have used our words in some way that has hurt someone else it is more important that we reconcile with that person, than offering gifts to God.

The words we use matter, and the we need to be intentional about using them for good and eliminating harmful words from our speech.

James ends this sections with some practical advise, teaching us how to control our tongues.

James 3:13–18 NIV

13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

In V8 James, wrote that “no human being can tame the tongue”

It is here in V17 that James tells us that it is only through Heavenly Wisdom that we can tame our tongue.

Commentator K.A. Richardson writes

“The tongue, representing the believer’s speech, is not easily mastered. But the tongue must be mastered by acquiring the great skills of wisdom through careful and arduous study of God’s Word.”

It is only through time in the Word, listening to God, creating in us the soil ready for the Holy Spirit to cultivate that God can tame our tongues like we have tamed the animals described in V7.

To James, wisdom isn’t something one talks about; it is something one lives, evidenced through our actions.

YOU - Takeaway

Are you regularly in God’s Word, seeking His heavenly wisdom in your life, allowing Him to tame your tongue?

In this chapter, James challenges us all to RESOLVE to steward our words well. To be intentional how we use our words to influence others. To be fresh water, bringing life to the people in our lives. And...to spend time with God in His Word allowing Him to tame our tongues.

WE / JESUS - Redemptive Close - Call to Action

As you can guess, my story was not ended with the harsh words of one pastor.

My path to ministry was delayed. My confidence was shattered. I still second guess myself in many ways to this day.

BUT...we serve a God that doesn’t give up on us.

God blessed me in a way I could not have seen coming.

After years of serving bi-vocationally after this experience God put back in me a strong pull toward full time ministry again. It was at that point that God put a few other people in my life who spoke different words to me.

John Freed, the multiplication pastor for the Great Lakes Region was incredibly encouraging about my future in ministry. He got me in touch with a person I knew from the very early years of my ministry, Kathy RC. She was the discipleship pastor at the first church I led the youth at. She was now the lead pastor of a church and needed help with their men’s discipleship and students ministries. I was there for a year, serving where I was needed. And it was the year that God gave me such a gift. Kathy was unbelievably encouraging. She showed incredible trust in me as I led discipleship events, led the students, and she even put me on the preaching schedule 1x per sermon series without me even seeking the opportunities. She provided constructive feedback as needed, but never questioned the path that God was leading me down. When I told her I was feeling the pull to start applying for full time ministry positions, she not only confirmed that it was time, she was one of my strongest references and advocates. Kathy was fresh water that brought life back to me and my ministry.

So, as we end I want you look back at your past and ask yourself how have you used your tongue?

Are you salt water, leaving scars in people’s souls that could last a lifetime and keep them from fulfilling the plans that God has for them?

Or, are you fresh water, giving life to the people in your life, encouraging and helping them become everything that God created them to be?

No matter what type of person you have been in your past, what is God calling you to RESOLVE to do this week?

PRAYER

Will you join me in prayer...

SONG

As we enter into our final song, I want to open the steps up front as an altar to anyone who needs God this week. The steps are open for you to pray to the God who is with you, who loves you, you wants to give you His peace.

‌

You may feel a hand on your shoulder as I or one of the elders join you in prayer.

BENEDICTION

Luke 6:45 NIV

45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

This week… let’s stand confidently (chap. 1), serve compassionately (chap. 2), and speak carefully (chap. 3). Let’s be who God wants us to be, do what God wants us to do, and speak as God wants us to speak.

Quick reminder...

Superbowl party is next week, invite everyone you know to join us

Valentines day date night is the 14th. This will be a great event to bring friends to as well.

Town hall is 2/16, please come and hear about some changes we’re going to implement entering 2025, take advantage of the opportunity to join in on further planning for 2025, and come with all the questions you have

If you’re new, please stop by the info desk. We’d love to get to know you a bit better.

I hope you have a great week.

Go in peace.

You are dismissed.

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