Reforming Marriage Review

Douglas Wilson has managed to write one of the most concise and faithful treatments of marriage in his book “Reforming Marriage.” His treatment of the biblical truth of what marriage coupled with an ability to rise above particulars to give an overarching theme of marriage is outstanding. Marriage is the driving force of the aroma of the home (pg 9) and Wilson has crafted a book that explains how to make the aroma a pleasing one, both the guests and to the Lord.

The two points that I believe Wilson best addresses is the headship of the husband and marriage as a typology of Christ and his bride. Wilson first addresses headship when reviewing Ephesians 5:23 (pg 24) and makes the point that the husband is the head of his wife. This is not an imperative but instead an ontological statement regarding how our Lord has created the world. Husbands are heads, the question is are they good heads or bad heads. Even if a husband abdicates his leadership, he is still leading by not leading. His decision to lead or not lead is ultimately his to bear and he will stand before God answering for how he led his wife.

The second point that Wilson addresses extremely well is that marriage is a typology of Christ’s love for his bride. Marriage is therefor always making a declarative statement about how Christ loves his bride and how the bride submits and receives the love of Christ. The duty of the Christian therefor is to obey the 8th commandment and not tell lies about how Christ and the Church. For a husband to abuse his wife is to say that Christ abuses his Church. For a wife to nag or disrespect her husband is to say that the Church nags or disrespects Christ (though this is currently true in the sinful state one day the Church will be glorified and no longer sin against Christ).

Out of these two principles flows the fruit of this book. Wilson manages to explain well the difference between love and respect, the role of authority, how to be reconciled, how to view sex, how to raise children, and how to even view divorce. I believe that the faithful clinging to these two doctrines is essential for all marriages, and they are expressed clearly and beautifully in this book. Without diving too much into particulars Wilson still manages to define how a husband and wife should view scriptures and view their relationships.

I think one point that is important to note is that Wilson does tie children into the marriage. In my personal experience, many Christian books on marriage tend to completely leave out the relationship between marriage and children. In Chapter 1, Wilson states that one of the end goals of marriage is to have children. Wilson also makes it clear that a Christian marriage should produce Christian children based on Malachi 2:15. This is an important aspect of marriage but also for young couples preparing for marriage to consider.

I personally have greatly benefitted from this book and have read through multiple times even before our class. A common refrain that I speak to myself is to not lie about Christ in how I treat my wife. I have also recommended this book to multiple couples, both those who are married and those pursuing marriage. Its brevity, clear teaching, and general availability via Canon Plus has made it a resource that I consistently use.

If I ever become a pastor my plan would be to use this book in a twofold approach. First as a book study for a couple seeking marriage. We would walk through this book in approximately 8 weeks and focus heavily on the typology aspects previously mentioned as well as the difference between love and respect. I would want to focus especially on how a husband loves his wife in all circumstances and a wife respects her husband at all times.

I would also want to use the book as a resource for counseling post marriage. I believe that Wilson has excellent wisdom in how to handle conflict resolution, especially regarding not separating until a couple is reconciled. Approximately 8 weeks post honeymoon I would want to connect with the couple and work through those chapters again. This seems to be a good timeframe for when a couple has begun to put down their rose-colored glasses and began to see that they have, despite their earlier beliefs, in fact married a sinful person.

Overall “Reforming Marriage” is in my opinion one of the most helpful books ever written for couples. It has managed to speak timeless truths in a way that is Godly, accessible, and practical for any person at any stage of marriage. Every time I read it, I have gleaned a new insight into my own marriage that I had either forgotten or completely overlooked. This book is a gift to the church and I would suggest anyone doing any marriage counseling to take full advantage of Douglas Wilson’s wisdom.