How important is marriage for those who are in Christ?

Ephesians 5v22-33

Question: How important is marriage for those who are in Christ?

Depending on who you are you might have a very different answer to that question. The world tends to go one way or the other - romantic comedies and Disney would have us believe that marriage or a romantic relationship is what we should want above everything else. But the world’s more cynical view on marriage is that it doesn’t mean anything - it’s just a piece of paper. So which is it? The most important thing ever or something that doesn’t matter at all?

We need to see what God say about marriage and how important it is. As we’ll see, marriage is his design, his creation. 

And as new identities in Christ our view on marriage should match his. For some of us that will mean things to put into practice in our marriages, for others it will mean reshaping our desires if we want to be married but aren’t yet, or what we should be praying for our married friends or family. 

For all of us it will mean having our perspective on marriage changed, either expanded or reduced.

Question: How important is marriage for those who are in Christ?

Answer: Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church

And this will change how we view marriage, how we do marriage if we are married. 

Paul doesn’t start with this picture, Paul starts with how those in Christ are to live out their new identity in their marriages and slowly builds up the picture as the reason for why married couples should do their marriages that way.

Paul has just introduced the idea of submission in verse 21: 

giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Submission is part of a Christian’s Spirit-filled wise walking, if you look back at v15-17. Paul goes on to address 3 relationships where this submission applies, the first is marriage.

In verses 22-24 Paul addresses wives. That’s our first point - 

Wives submit as the church submits because the husband is the head

Wives are to submit, not made to submit, but voluntarily submit themselves to their own husbands. Not to every man or all husbands. But to their own husband. As they submit to the Lord. So their submission to their husband is part of their new identity in Christ, in submission to him. V32 helps us see that a vital part of submission is respect - submission flows out of respect for the husbands headship which is given by God.

That’s Paul’s reason for why wives are to submit -  the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He gives an example to follow too -  the church submits to Christ, so in their submission wives are a picture of the church.

So what does submission look like? 

For wives, if the husband is the head that means supporting him in that role. Encouraging his leadership, not taking over that role or begrudging him that role. Remembering that you are a picture of the church in your submission.

Paul then turns to husbands, as the head of the wife. That’s our next point from v25-31.

Husbands love as Christ loves because husband and wife are one body Again Paul starts with a instruction, and then gives an example to follow and a reason. 

Husbands are told to love their wives. You might think that the husbands get off lightly when first reading this but the example that follows may change your mind. They are to love as Christ loved the church. Think back to what we’ve seen of Christ’s love in Ephesians so far. It’s the love that surpasses knowledge (3:19) and has Paul on his knees begging the Father to help the Ephesians comprehend its height, length and depth. 

And Paul gives even more evidence of the dimensions of Christ’s love in these verses. Look down at v25-27.

Christ gave himself up for the church, to make her clean and holy and beautiful. Husbands are a picture of Christ as they love their wives, not doing what only Christ can in dying for their cleansing but having the same priorities - their wives’ holiness before God. 

And what’s the reason? Because husbands and wives are one body, have a look at v28-31.

Paul makes a pretty safe assumption that we love our bodies, we take care of them, feed them and wash them. This is how Christ cares for the church, his body (as we’ve seen already in this letter, for example in 4:15) and Paul continues to show that marriage is the picture of that ultimate heavenly relationship. Husbands and wives have become one flesh, one body, as the church is Christ’s body.

Paul’s quote from Genesis 2:24 in verse 31 underlines that this has always been God’s design ever since the first marriage in creation. In marriage a man and woman become their own family, their own unit, one body.

So finally in v32 Paul seems to land where he’s been heading - the mystery he wants to explain is that marriage points to Christ and the church. That’s our final point.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church v32-33, 3v10

Paul uses the word mystery here linking us back to chapter 3 and his revelation from God that Gentiles are part of the body of Christ with Israel. Again this mystery in ch 5 is to do with bodies - Christ’s body, the church, which is reflected in miniature by marriage. The church - which 3v10 says is how God makes his manifold wisdom known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places - part of that wisdom is made known as our marriages reflect the relationship of Christ and his church.

In v33 he goes back to the instructions he started with - those seemingly mundane instructions which actually have cosmic significance in showing God’s wisdom to the universe.

So how important is marriage for those who are in Christ?

Firstly marriage possibly is way more important than we might think - it is a picture of Christ and the church and displays God’s wisdom to the universe. So how we do our marriages matter, how we do our roles matter. As we struggle to submit to or love our spouses we need to remember that we are trying to display God’s wisdom, be a mini picture of Christ and his church.

This will transform how we pray for marriages too, how we choose a spouse or talk about marriage in general. It is God’s good and wonderful design that has cosmic significance.

But we also need to remember marriage is only the picture, not the real thing - marriage therefore may be less important than we think it is. It points to relationship that we all should desire and pray for, which is that of Christ and the church.