Ruth: A Proverbs 31 Woman

Introduction

How many of you have an early morning class? Maybe you’re a morning person - can’t relate - and you love it. But if you aren’t you may have had that horrible realization as you’ve laid out your class schedule that you have to add a class at a time that will require you to get out of bed and drag yourself there by some ungodly hour in the morning.

As you’re sitting there bleary-eyed trying to stay conscious, have you ever noticed someone that seems like they are just a little too put-together to be at this early of a class?

When I was in school I unfortunately had a class that started at 7:40 a.m. - three days a week. I know, it isn’t that early but it was for me at the time. There was a girl in that class who showed up every class looking like she had just gone through to a professional makeup artist and stylist before class. Like, every day it was the same thing. I never asked but I had to assume she got up at like 3 in the morning in order to be ready for class. Side note - she wound up becoming Miss Virginia so I guess she was playing the long game.

It may not be a situation exactly like this, but you probably know people in your life that just seem like they have it all together, at least compared to you. They seem to have everything they could ever want or need, and everything always seems to go their way. And even though you may try not to, you can find yourself comparing yourself to them in a way that makes you feel like you are somehow failing at your own life.

Society doesn’t help with this. Even though we know in our minds that the standards set by things like social media and entertainment are fake and unrealistic - they can still feel like these cultural expectations all designed to make you feel like you can’t measure up to an impossible standard. Like you are at least one step behind everyone else, and probably more than one step behind.

If that wasn’t bad enough, the same thing can happen in our Christian lives.

That’s one of the reasons why Proverbs 31 can get a bad rap. You’re probably familiar with it, especially if you were raised in a Christian environment, and if you are there are typically kind of two different ways that it is used. First, it has often used as kind of a “checklist” for what it looks like to be a godly woman and/or wife. Like - this is the standard. This is what a godly, complete woman is. So - be that. Especially if you want a man. 

Another way it is used is as a way for men to have a checklist for what to look for in a woman. Strangely, we don’t often pull the same kind of list for men in Scripture, but that’s another message for another time. Men can use Proverbs 31 as a picture of what they’re looking for - the ideal wife/woman. So if she doesn’t check off all the boxes, or can’t check off most of them, she must not be the one, and if at any point she seems to stop checking those boxes, she must have stopped being the one.

Regardless, this passage can be wielded in a way that makes you feel less-than, framed as this impossibly high standard that you can never really hope to achieve. And although women may sometimes bear the brunt of the fallout from this reading of Proverbs 31, none of us are immune from the feeling that everyone else has it all together, their lives are complete and perfect and for some reason we’re the odd ones out. Of course there might be moments when you really think you’re doing great, but that creeping doubt is kind of always there, making you second guess yourself and whether not you’re succeeding or failing in life.

Whether its social media, friends, acquaintances, or just being around other people, it is easy to feel as if the standard for success for you has been set impossibly high. Everyone else seems to be succeeding, or coming close to succeeding, but for whatever reason the way you really want your life to look is just out of reach. And this can leave you feeling less-than, perhaps even like a failure. Maybe not every day, but some of the time.

And again, if you’re not careful, even Scripture can do this to us at times. There are parts of the Bible that we will read that can kind of just heap some guilt and shame on us - making us feel like we don’t measure up and we can never be “good enough.” For women in general, Proverbs 31 can easily become one of those passages. And, if that is the rubric by which you view Scripture in general, there are so many passages that will lead you down that same road whether you are a man or a woman.

I would argue that an interpretation of Proverbs 31 that lends itself to guilt and shame leaves a little bit to be desired. Today we’re going to try to take a close, detailed look at Proverbs 31 to see if there might not be something else we could get from Proverbs 31, perhaps something a bit more hopeful and redemptive. 

Proverbs 31:10–31 CSB

Who can find a wife of noble character? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and portions for her female servants. She evaluates a field and buys it; she plants a vineyard with her earnings. She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong. She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night. She extends her hands to the spinning staff, and her hands hold the spindle. Her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy. She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed. She makes her own bed coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known at the city gates, where he sits among the elders of the land. She makes and sells linen garments; she delivers belts to the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her: “Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates.

Outline

Observations about Proverbs 31

Author

King Lemuel

We don’t know who he is

Doesn’t appear anywhere else in Scripture

Probably not an Israelite king

Some have made the argument this is another name for Solomon, but there is not much evidence to support that idea

Lemuel means - “devoted to God”

So King Lemuel was probably some non-Israelite king or ruler in biblical times who feared YHWH the God of Israel

King Lemuel is not the author of Proverbs 31

This is an oracle or pronouncement that his mother taught him (v. 1)

So, Proverbs 31 was originally written by a woman! 

This might change a little bit of how we think about Proverbs 31 knowing that it originally was something that a mother taught her son

Organization

Verses 1-9

We did not read these verses, they are an introduction that appear to be some practical advice before the real meat of the proverb begins

Verses 10-31

This section is a poem - a Hebrew poem 

I don’t want to assume knowledge on your part - the Bible was not originally written in English

The Old Testament was written in Hebrew (with some Aramaic), and the NT was written in Greek 

What you are holding in your hands is the result of years of work and scholarly study, translating and comparing with original sources, so that we can hold a Bible written in our language that is trustworthy to reveal God to us

BUT - because it was not originally written in English, some we can’t expect Hebrew poetry to be like English poetry! 

In English poetry typically we think of rhyming sounds - “Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick I’d throw it at you.”

But in Hebrew poetry is marked by the rhyming of ideas 

That’s why we can call Proverbs 31:10-31 a poem even if it doesn’t sound like it rhymes in English and wouldn’t sound like it rhymes in the original Hebrew language 

Verses 10-31 is a poem centered around the idea of a virtuous wife

This poem is beautiful in its descriptions of this virtuous wife, but it also an artistic masterpiece

I’m going to show it written out on the screen behind me

Each line of the poem starts with a succeeding letter of the Hebrew alphabet

For instance, the first line “A virtuous wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” begins with the Hebrew letter aleph. The second line begins with the next Hebrew letter, bet, and on it goes until the the last line which begins with the last letter of the Hebrew alphabet, tav

It would be like you challenging yourself to write a poem whose first line begins with A, the second with B, the third with C, and so on and so forth until you reach Z. 

It is clear that is this supposed to be a distinct, beautiful poem devoted to praise of this “virtuous wife”

Usage

This poem has been used within Jewish life for many years

Interestingly enough - it is not usually used to instruct young women in the kind of woman they should be, or even to give young men a picture of the kind of wife to look for

Traditionally, Proverbs 31:10-31 was memorized by Jewish men, who would recite or sing the poem on a weekly basis, giving thanks for the women in their lives.

This may have fallen out practice, but there are still some Jewish people that keep up the tradition even today

They take v. 31 (“give her the fruit of her hands, let her works praise her in the gates” literally to mean that the purpose of this poem was a way for men to give thanks for the virtuous women in their lives - and they did not limit it to just their wives! 

They saw the only instructive part of the poem as directed toward men - to give thanks for the women in their life

One final observation

There is a word, a phrase really, that occurs in verse 10 of Proverbs 31. It looks like this, and in Hebrew it is pronounced (with my SWVA flair) - eshet chayil

This is the phrase translated in your Bible as “excellent wife,” “wife of noble character,” or “virtuous woman,” or sometimes, my personal favorite “a woman of valor” - the word for woman and wife is the same word in Hebrew

In fact, in Jewish tradition, this phrase became the name of the poem. They call Proverbs 31:10-31 the “eshet chayil” and this is the poem that the men recite to give thanks for the eshet chayils in their life, the “virtuous women” in their life

However, there is an interesting fact about this Hebrew phrase. Outside of the book of Proverbs, it only shows up in one place in the entire Old Testament. I don’t know if you’ve seen the Old Testament, but there are a lot of words in there. So, there is probably some significance that this word only shows up one other place

And that place is…the book of Ruth! 

The Book of Ruth

Most of you are probably already familiar with the book of Ruth, but in case you aren’t, let’s look at the story for a few minutes together and see if there is some reason why this phrase from Proverbs 31 shows up in Ruth’s story.

The story of Ruth happens in the “time of the judges” in the Old Testament.

During this time period, a Jewish couple named Elimelech and his wife Naomi were living near Bethlehem in Judah, the southern region of the land. There was a great famine in the land during this time period so Elimelech and Naomi decided to take their two sons and move to the neighboring land of Moab to find food - a non-Israelite nation.

As they are living in Moab, Elimelech tragically dies. Naomi continues to live in Moab, and her two sons both get married to Moabite women, one of the wives is named Orpah, and the other one is…Ruth.

Oprah Winfrey fun fact

They live in Moab for 10 years, and then both of Naomi’s sons die. So now, there are three widows living together in Moab, Naomi and her daughters-in-law Orpah and Ruth.

Naomi then decides to go back to the land of Judah because she has heard that the famine is over. At first, both Orpah and Ruth go with her, but on their journey Naomi tells them that they should go back to their homeland, find new husbands, and start a new life. Finally, Orpah agrees and leaves, but Ruth stays with Naomi. 

Naomi urges Ruth to leave, but Ruth refuses. Listen to how this is recounted in Ruth 1:15-18: 

And she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.

So Ruth and Naomi go and settle back where Naomi was from, near Bethlehem. 

So let’s describe what is happening really quickly: here are two widows, one and Israelite and one a foreigner. They have no children. They appear to be destitute, with no money to speak of. They are in a very vulnerable place, at the bottom tier of the social system. 

During this time of the year, workers were harvesting barley. As they would harvest, they would usually leave behind some grain on the ground and other people (usually poor people) could come and pick up that grain to use for food. This was called “gleaning.” Due to their desperate plight, Ruth takes the initiative to go and pick up after the harvesters in hopes to find food for her and Naomi.

Ruth so happens to come to a field owned by a man named Boaz, who was a relative of Naomi’s husband Elimelech. Boaz notices Ruth, like notices notices her, and treats her kindly, providing her with water and food and telling his harvesters to leave a little extra for her to pick up.

Ruth asks Boaz why she he is being so kind to her, and he tells her that it is because he has heard about her commitment to Naomi, her mother-in-law, even to the point of leaving her own land and settling in Bethlehem. Between you and me, it seems like Boaz might also have been smitten.

When Naomi hears that Ruth has been gleaning in the field of Boaz, she begins to think of a plan. In OT law, there was a concept referred to as the “kinsman-redeemer.” If someone was in trouble, a male relative of the family would have the privilege or responsibility to act in order to deliver the family from their need. Since Boaz was related to Naomi’s late husband, he could be their “kinsman-redeemer.”

So, Naomi asks Ruth to go to Boaz and ask him to assume the role of kinsman-redeemer. I’m not going to go over the whole story, but it is kind of crazy. In the end, however, Boaz says yes, that he will redeem their family, and not only that, he marries Ruth. 

So, they all live happily ever after. 

Ruth as the Proverbs 31 Woman

For a moment, let’s focus on chapter 3, specifically verse 11

This is the moment right after Ruth has asked Boaz to redeem their family, fulfilling his role of the “kinsman-redeemer”

You can imagine what is going through Ruth’s mind right now. This is the their last hope, their escape from a life of poverty and destitution, barely surviving. Beyond that she is putting herself in an uncomfortable situation, not just for herself, but for her mother-in-law, a woman that she has no duty or responsibility to protect. 

Listen to how Boaz responds in Ruth 3:10-11 - And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.”

The important part of this for us is verse 11, where Boaz refers to Ruth as a “worthy woman.” This can also be translated as a “woman of excellence,” a “woman of noble character,” or again my personal favorite, a “woman of valor.” 

You guessed it - this is our Hebrew phrase from Proverbs 31, eshet chayil

Here in Ruth 3:11, Ruth is referred to by the exact same phrase as the virtuous wife/woman described in Proverbs 31! And again, here in Ruth is the only place outside of Proverbs where this phrase occurs.

You might be thinking, okay, so what? Unless you are a Bible nerd, this probably doesn’t really matter to you.

But here is why this is important: Scripture appears to be pointing to Ruth as the real-life picture of the woman described in Proverbs 31

This connection has been noticed and studied by people much smarter than me

The Jewish people did not organize their Old Testament the same way we do. The books were the same but often the order was different. Our Bibles have it where it fits chronologically, right after the book of Judges. But many times, this groups would actually put RUTH after the book of Proverbs

For these groups, it was like they saw Proverbs 31 as an introduction to Ruth, as in, Proverbs 31 was describing a virtuous woman and Ruth was saying - “look, here she is! This is what she looks like!”

Application

Ruth: a Proverbs 31 woman?

So if that is the case, that Ruth is an example of what it means to be an eshet chayil, a “Proverbs 31 woman,” let’s compare Ruth and this picture of woman that we get from Proverbs 31

If we were to make a scorecard, pitting Ruth and this description from Proverbs 31, it would look something like this:

Proverbs 31 - married, apparently to an influential man

Ruth, widowed

Proverbs 31 - wealthy, has servants, able to buy and make expensive things for her family

Ruth, destitute, forced to scrounge for scraps from the field

Proverbs 31 - has children who “call her blessed” (wouldn’t some of you like it if your kids did that)

Ruth - no children 

Proverbs 31 - a woman whose life is together, a household running flawlessly, a family that is picture perfect

Ruth - a widowed, childless, impoverished foreigner in a strange land. 

There doesn’t seem to be much in common between Ruth and this woman from Proverbs 31

Ruth: A Proverbs 31 woman!

This is a moment where sometimes knowing the end of the story can cause us to miss things 

We know that Boaz and Ruth get married and live happily ever after

We know that Ruth was welcomed into a wealthy home

We know that Ruth had children

We even know that one of Ruth’s descendants would be named David, as in King David, the most famous king in Israel’s history

But try to remove all that knowledge from your head for a moment

Because here is the thing: Boaz calls Ruth an “eshet chayil” a “woman of valor,” BEFORE all of this happens

When she was widowed, childless, destitute, Boaz still looks at Ruth and says YOU are an eshet chayil, YOU are woman of valor.

You can be a Proverbs 31 - person

I’ll go ahead and give you the spoiler:

This is the same thing that your Lord says over you

When your life is in disarray

When you feel like you are failing

When you just don’t think that you’re measuring up

Or when you really think that everything is going great and you might be killing it

Boaz saw something in Ruth that caused him to identify her and make this remarkable statement about her identity

It may have been the fact that she was a hard worker, that she was loyal, she was selfless, all of those things, but I think it is a little deeper than that

It seems as if those things are all symptoms of what Proverbs 31 says is the most important thing - to be a woman that fears the Lord (v. 30)

Ruth was woman that feared the Lord. How do we know this?

Think back to her confession in chapter 1

Naomi pleads with Ruth to go back to her land. She explicitly says for her to go back to her people and her gods, the false gods that the Moabites worshipped 

What does Ruth say?

“Where you go, I will go. Where you live, I will live. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”

THIS is what sets Ruth apart. THIS is what makes Ruth special. THIS is the root of what Boaz sees when he identifies her as an eshet chayil 

There are many things listed in Proverbs 31 that can make it seem like the expectations of being a godly woman are impossible

You can look at this like a checklist and be like - my life looks nothing like this! If this is what it means to be a godly woman, I must be the worst ever

But what we see from this comparison between Proverbs 31 and Ruth is that the message of Proverbs 31 is less about what you do and more about who you are 

Are you a woman who fears the Lord? - this is the root of being an eshet chayil

Do you know God? Do you believe in God? Are you walking with God?

Have you made the same declaration of faith that Ruth did - turning her back on her old life with its sin and instead embracing a relationship with the one true God? If so - you are a woman that fears the Lord. This is the identity you have been given by God himself.

The core message here is not just for women. This is a common human experience that I know you struggle with. The expectations that you put on yourself and the expectations put on you by others, the comparisons that you make between yourself and others, this is something that each person has to work through. And the worst thing that can happen is that you would begin to think because your life doesn’t look like everyone else’s life, you are a failure, you’re stuck, you’ve been left behind as everyone else has moved on to their happy and fulfilling lives. Because God has you in a specific place, maybe a different place than other people, you are of less value, or maybe you’re doing something wrong.

But here, in this common human experience, is where the good news of the gospel comes to bear. The gospel isn’t just good news when it saves you, it continues to be good news as it sustains you. Here are three things I want to remind you based in this message from Proverbs 31:

God gives you your identity.

In the gospel of Jesus Christ, God speaks an identity over you that no one and no thing can take away. The gospel declares that you are a child of the Most High, Creator God, the one who spoke the universe into existence and yet knows you by your name. The one who counted every hair on your head as he formed you in your mother’s womb, and still counts them as they fall off your head when you grow old. This God who is love, and who is not ashamed of you for he has drawn you into relationship with himself in repentance and faith.

Your identity is not grounded in your circumstance.

Men, women, people in all stages of life experience feelings like this, at times. Maybe some of you aren’t in a relationship, but you want to be, and you can’t figure out why that hasn’t happened for you yet. Perhaps you don’t have your career laid out, your life planned, or maybe your college experience just hasn’t been the way you thought it would be and you can’t figure out why. Everyone else seems to be moving ahead with their lives and you just kind of feel…stuck. Or maybe your life just isn’t exactly how you expected it to be. It isn’t bad but it is…different. Maybe a little, or a lot, messy. Even apart from relationships, school, career, anything like that, your life just might feel like it isn’t as “put-together” as you might like. And maybe that makes you question whether you really are able to live a life that’s pleasing to God, a fulfilling life.

Nothing can take away the identity God has given you.

Regardless of what your life looks like at the moment, or what it will look like in the future, and whether that matches what you think a successful person or a super-Christian looks like, you need to know that if you have put your faith in Jesus and made that same declaration of faith that Ruth did - then you have had an identity given to you that nothing and no one can take away.

Conclusion

But you forget that, don’t you? You and I will probably be tempted to forget it on the way out of the door. We all need to be reminded of our identity in Christ. Without a constant, firm reminders and grounding in that identity we will be lost. 

We believe that all of Scripture points to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and Ruth and Proverbs 31 are no exception. We see either explicit or implicit references to Christ and his work all over the Old Testament.

Clearly here in Ruth we see at least one picture of Christ. When Ruth is in a desperate state, in need of saving, with no power or ability to save herself a redeemer - the text says - steps in to save her. Boaz takes on the role of the kinsman-redeemer in order to save Ruth and Naomi - and in a similar way Jesus Christ can redeem you - save your life.

Of course, like I mentioned earlier, one of Ruth’s descendants was King David, which of course means that she had another descendant who came much later than David, who was born in Bethlehem, and his name was Jesus. This impoverished, destitute, hopeless foreign woman not only had her life saved and transformed, but is now even included in the lineage of the Messiah.

So what about you?

Are you exhausted by always trying to measure up, trying to make your life look a certain way? Do you always feel like you are falling short, that everyone around you has it together but you just can’t?

Let me encourage you to remember and dwell on the identity that your Lord has given you - his beloved, redeemed son or daughter. Or maybe you have yet to make a confession like Ruth did, turning from her former life and instead serving the one true God. If that’s you, this new life - new identity - in Christ is not far from you, and today can be the day you give your life to him in faith. And, once your Lord has spoken this new identity over you, it cannot be taken away.

So did Ruth’s life look like the one from Proverbs 31? Not at all. But was she a Proverbs 31 woman? Definitely. Why? Because she was a woman who feared the Lord. And if you fear and serve the Lord, you can be too. Well, maybe a Proverbs 31 man.