Built for Friendship: The Call to Unity

Introduction

The Monkees

Relationships with people are weird. When I was a kid, I watched a few episodes of a tv show called “The Monkeys.” It was a show from the 60s. It was about a fictional pop band that kind of sounded like The Beatles. They lived in this house together, they were best friends, and would have like cartoons and giant puppet costumes and stuff they would present as different segments of the show. They would always perform some new song, included the theme song.

The show was dated when I saw it for the first time. I didn’t care for much of it other than the idea of the band seemingly being best friends, almost like family, forever.

Behind the scenes you realize that they never started as a band. They were each cast from a total of 437 applicants for the combined four roles of drummer, bassist, guitar and keys. They never knew each other until they were hired.

Not only that, but there were tensions in the band/cast. In 1967 it came out that they didn’t even play their own instruments most of the time for their recordings based on the show, and it was that year that they finally played their own instruments on their records.

The band would have multiple changes in a short amount of time. They had two members resign in 1969 and finally broke up completely in 1970.

By the time I watched the show in the 90s for the first time, the Monkees were just getting back together for some reunion performances. This would happen on and off over the years as many of the original members passed away.

Why bring this up? I think the idea of this fake turned real band shows a few things.

The Monkees were never unified as a group. From the casting call to the conflicts, they really struggled to keep it together, and never really did.

Their unity on the show and their records was totally fake. It was perceived as something magical, aspirational, and long-lasting, but it lasted like maybe a few years tops with lots of conflict behind the scenes.

It’s hard to reach people with your music when you’re so uncommitted to your band mates.

Unity in the Church/Youth Group

The church needs unity, but rightly ordered unity.

It’s hard to be united when our relationships are grounded on how people make me feel or what they do for me rather than the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Our relationships as Christians sometimes look fake. We don’t swear around our Christian friends, but we turn right around and cuss it up around our unbelieving friends. Or, we don’t talk about the gospel with people in our church or youth group because we’re scared that they’ll actually join! We’re selective in our evangelism which is totally sinful.

It’s hard to reach people for Christ when you don’t seek unity as a church. The gospel starts at home.

Tonight we’re going to talk about the unity of the church in Ephesians 4. But first let’s set some context.

Transition

Paul’s letter to the Ephesians can be roughly divided in half. In the first three chapters, Paul emphasizes the doctrine, or teaching that he will give application for beginning in the second half of the book. Here’s some main teaching Paul gives in Ephesians.

Christology

Paul teaches about the pivotal role of Christ. The blessings and believers possess are rooted in the work of Christ. Sometimes we focus so much on the death of Christ and the work done through His death on the cross that we can forget the work he has done through His resurrection, exaltation, and enthronement. All of our spiritual blessings are found in Christ. Everything in heaven and on earth are united because of Christ and put under his authority. Christ is the head over all things. Through the blood of Christ we re reconciled to God the Father resulting in peace. Christ is the cornerstone of the church and has given leadership in the church. The church is both the bride of Christ and the body of Christ. These benefits aren’t merely future benefits. When you are in Christ, you are an adopted son or daughter of God. Today! You are adopted into a family of brothers and sisters of Christ. Today!

Ecclesiology

The second doctrine Paul emphasizes is the role of the church. In many of his other letters, Paul talks a lot about the local church. In Ephesians, Paul is talking about something we call the “universal church”– the church across the world which is made up of faithful local churches. Those redeemed by Christ are “fellow citizens” of the Kingdom” and “members of the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19). We are a unique building, a dwelling for God (Ephesians 2:21-22). Christ rules over the church as the “head of the church.”

Sanctification

Finally, Paul stresses the need to live godly lives as believers. If believers are united with Christ, and are His bride, then it’s imperative that they live consistently with that reality. He reminds them of what it was like to be apart from Christ. How they can’t live with darkened minds anymore. He tells them to take off the old self, put on the new self, watch how they live while making wise decisions according to the scriptures. Later he’ll apply this to husbands and wives, children and parents, slaves and masters. Living a holy life isn’t just about making war on our sinful nature. It’s a supernatural battle.

Tonight I want us to look at Ephesians 4. We’re going to talk about Paul’s call for the church to be unified, and I want us to look at some specific applications that are relevant to you.

1. Cultivating Christlike Connections

What makes Unity? – Ephesians 4:1-3

Ephesians 4:1–3 ESV

1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

First off, Paul is writing this as an actual prisoner under house arrest. He’s not with all of his friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and fellow apostles. He’s alone. I mean, he’s a prisoner. The “therefore” he says right up front reflects on everything he’s just described in the previous three chapters: the blessings and work of Christ, the church, and sanctification. Because of everything he’s just described he’s urging his readers to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.”

Humbly and gently. Patientiy and bearing with one another in love. Eager to maintain, not passive to maintain. the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Application

It’s just so easy to neglect these verses. We are so quick to want others to walk in this way toward us, but we drag our feet when it comes to someone else don’t we? How often do we wade into someone else’s pain? How often do we graciously and patiently resolve conflict to “maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace?

Foundation of Unity – Ephesians 4:4-6

Ephesians 4:4–6 ESV

4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

Paul uses the word, “one” here 7 times. It’s a number that means “completeness” in the bible. Why? It goes back to Genesis 1 actually, where God completed His creation in 7 days.

List the 7 “ones”

Writing this, Paul is declaring God’s supreme sovereignty or rule over everything, His power, and His presence in His creation. The Trinity is also here. The Spirit is linked with the church (one body), the Lord is linked with the faith the church professes its one baptism, and the Father is the one who rules over His creation, and is working in and through all things. He is intimately involved.

Application

The Need for Unity

Unity isn’t an option for believers. It’s assumed. In Ephesians 4:3, our responsibility isn’t to create unity. It’s to maintain unity! Unity is based on the work of God, not us. But when we don’t display the peace that God brings, our message is compromised. It impacts our testimony to the world,. That’s why the Apostle Paul tells us to “walk in a manner worthy” of our calling. Unity isn’t an add on, it’s the heart of our faith.

The Virtues of Unity

We’re told to talk with humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance (that doesn’t mean everything gets a pass by the way), love, and peace.

Ephesians–Philemon The Virtues of Unity

Humility is needed because pride insists on getting its own way. Gentleness is needed because anger offends and harms others. Patience is needed because we cannot control the actions of others, including God. Tolerance is needed because everyone has weaknesses. Love is needed because it is the oil that lubricates all the other virtues. And peace is needed because unity cannot truly exist without God’s people being united by the peace that surpasses all understanding (

The Basis of Unity

Finally, Paul is hoping to base our reality as believers on the Triune God and His gospel. That’s how you survive attacks and influence from people outside the faith and how we handle pressure from people within the faith.

This is the model for our relationships. Your relationship with God and people takes so much more than just liking the same things, ideas, or people. It can’t just be how you dress or look. It can’t just be the music you listen to. It can’t just be your projects. Your unity IS the triune God. Practice the humility, patience, and love not as foundational, but as fruit of your unity. Be unified!

2. Fostering Faithful Friends – Diversity in Unity

There’s a difference though between uniformity and unity. Uniformity is where everyone looks, acts, and operates the same. If everyone in the Monkees played guitar and the same guitar part with the same outfit and vocal range, that would be uniformity. It’s boring and ineffective musically.

Good music requires a diversity in parts. You need harmony, other instrumentation.

Good buildings need diversity. Every room can’t be a bathroom or there’s no where to sleep. Unless it’s the bathtub.

Here’s what Paul says:

Diversity in gifts

Ephesians 4:7–10 ESV

7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8 Therefore it says, “When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.” 9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? 10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.)

Christ gives gifts to believers for the greater good of the church! Christ saves from sin and hell by His grace, by unmerited favor, but this kind of grace is ministry grace. It shows that each member of the church is both a contributer and a participant in the unity of the church. Don’t undermine someone’s participation or contribution just because it’s different than yours. Don’t fear the change that someone’s gift brings. Christ gave them that gift. Use your gift for the unity of the church.

Christ can give that gift because he’s the victorious conqueror who reigns on the throne. Christ, in His power and authority over all creation, sovereignly gives gifts to his followers.

Ephesians 4:9-10 is a commentary from Psalm 68:18:

Psalm 68:18 ESV

18 You ascended on high, leading a host of captives in your train and receiving gifts among men, even among the rebellious, that the Lord God may dwell there.

The lower regions here are the earth as opposed to the heavens. Jesus’s descent to the earth is referring to the incarnation. Paul brings this out not to emphasize Christ’s descent, but His ascension. Christ is the lord over all things. His ascension is foundational for our unity as the Church. Our gifts

Diversity for Unity and Maturity

Ephesians 4:11 ESV

11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers,

Paul keeps talking about the gifts. What’s so cool is that the gifts listed here aren’t spiritual gifts, but people. Apostles, prophets, evangelists, shepherds and teachers are all people given for the unity and maturity of the church.

The reason for these people in their various roles and functions is:

Ephesians 4:12–13 ESV

12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ,

Ephesians–Philemon Comment

The ministry is not just for a select few who are paid to work by and for everyone else. Instead, God gifts leaders for the task of equipping all the saints to do the work of service. Next, Paul adds that the goal of the saints’ being equipped for service is for “building up the body of Christ.” Because “building up” refers figuratively to the spiritual strengthening of believers, and also because of the following context of spiritual maturity, this term is best understood primarily in a qualitative (growth in maturity) and not quantitative (growth in numbers) sense. The ultimate goal of Christ’s gifting the church with leaders is for his body, the church, to become spiritually mature.

You are responsible for listening to and obeying faithful leaders who adhere to the Apostles teaching revealed in the Word of God. Biblical unity is based on the truth claims of Jesus Christ.

We’re all being driven forward to something in our unity. Paul isn’t telling the Ephesians to remain the same, he’s telling them something that no one else wants to tell people your age. He’s telling them that they need to, and should want to, grow up.

Spiritual Maturity – Application

Ephesians 4:14–16 ESV

14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

When he calls the Ephesians children, he’s talking about their spiritual immaturity. We get so captivated by every new idea in Christian circles.

Last year our church had an entire sermon series based on the false teaching found in the beliefs of Christian songwriters, pastors, false prophets, false apostles, false doctrines, and the myriad of people who want your ears to capture your hearts.

Songs have a way of bypassing the brain to manifest themselves in our hearts. So many false ministries that want to draw you to be delivered from demon possession, want you to see sleeping angels around you, want to give false prophecies over your life and take your wallets use beautiful music to captivate your heart so you can’t live without that music only to hold your heart captive while your mind forgets the Word of God that speaks against that kind of bondage to the world.

How do people get away with it?

They get away with it because we’re spiritual children.

God gifts believers so that they may use their gifts for the benefit of others and the common good. The result is that the body will grow, not just in numbers, but in maturity. Mature Christian growth is the lifeblood of the body.

We don’t choose our gifts. They’re given by God. Don’t despise your gifting or envy someone else's gift or gifts. I’m not talking about speaking in tongues here. I’m not talking about a Word of Knowledge or something out of 1 Corinthians 12-14. I’m talking about how God made you to serve His bride, the church, to grow it’s maturity.

Not all of you will have a gift of leadership. Praise God for that. It’s hard and the criticism is harder. One day every leader over you, including me, will have to answer to God for our character, how faithful we were to teach according to God’s Word, and an account for your lives.

However, you are all gifted. Ministry isn’t for professionals.

When I was first interviewed for being a pastor, before I ever was a pastor, the senior pastor interviewing me asked, “why haven’t you been in ministry?” I had been serving churches with mission organizations, counseling people, serving on worship teams, serving on short-term missions, and leading a small group. I answered, “I’ve been in ministry. Just because I haven’t been paid for it doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing it.” Ministry isn’t just for pastors. Actually, it’s mostly not for pastors since there are fewer pastors than overall Christians. It’s for the whole church!

When only a few gifted leaders do the work of the ministry, churches and youth groups might grow in numbers, but not in depth of maturity. We need to work together, in unity, to build up the body of Christ so that we all attain the “measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (v. 13). Our goal is Christlikeness. When only a few of you serve one another, that goal is impossible. When you are equipped to serve, the goal is in reach.

We’re not supposed to live contrary to the Scriptures as unbelievers, and we’re not supposed to live in disunity. We’re supposed to live according to what we have been taught.

3. Transformative Togetherness

Don’t live like unbelievers

Ephesians 4:17 ESV

17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds.

Paul tells the Ephesians that they have to abandon their lifestyle as unbelievers; as converted gentiles living in a Gentile context. Life apart from the fear of God is futile. Paul in Romans writes about those who knew God but didn’t honor God.

Romans 1:21 ESV

21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.

Ephesians 4:18–19 ESV

18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.

Unbelievers are characterized by their darkened hearts. Their motives are evil. Their understanding of the world is opposite. Destruction is called creation. God is called the devil. Good is evil. Men are women. God’s foundational principles of His created world are reversed, twisted, and twistedly preached to others as good news.

They are alienated from God.

Ephesians 2:12 ESV

12 remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.

Their hearts are so hardened not because they never had an opportunity to hear the gospel, but because of a willful, culpable, ignorance of God (Romans 1:19-21). Their hard heart is really the progressive inability of their conscience to convict them of doing something wrong. They lack self-constraint, a fruit of the spirit, which helps them push their evil beyond what is socially acceptable. You know who I’m talking about because they are in your family, friends, influences, school, and internet feed. We usually laugh at what we don’t understand, which is why our comedians love to push this stuff. Christians, avoid this lifestyle.

This lifestyle is characteristic of those apart from Christ who remain under the wrath of God.

That means, if you live like this kind of lifestyle, and call yourself a Christian, you need to be afraid! God’s wrath is real, and Christ’s mercy is real, but if you don’t turn from the wickedness of the world and turn to what Christ has taught you in faithful believers and His Word then don’t expect Christ to call you His friend!

Matthew 7:21–23 ESV

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Paul continues:

Ephesians 4:20–21 ESV

20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus,

This idea of learning Christ is more than just what’s in your mind. Or what’s in your heart. What it means is being shaped as a whole person by His teaching. It looks like submitting your life and all areas of it unreservedly under Him as your Lord. Your standards and values are completely different from what they were.

Ephesians 4:22–24 ESV

22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Here’s some of what the believers in Ephesus have been taught of Christ.

Believers were taught to “put off your old self.”

Romans 13:12 ESV

12 The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.

Colossians 3:8 ESV

8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

This is language for putting away all of your sins and your sinful life before Christ. You aren’t to be ruled by the person you once were, but you’re to become who you already are in Jesus Christ

We’re to be renewed in the spirit of our minds.

The Holy Spirit is responsible for our inner renewal and transformation as believers, but we need to give ourselves to God so He renews us.

Romans 12:2 ESV

2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Let’s submit ourselves to God for our change.

We’re also supposed to put on the new self. This isn’t like changing our clothes or something. We put on the virtues of Christ because we so closely identify with Him that we wear our virtues as if they were our clothes. Our new nature is our life.

True righteousness and holiness is what it’s like to be like God. So we put on the new self, never seeking to take it off. We live this way because we were created by God to display the type of righteousness and holiness that belongs to Him.

Application

There’s a twofold response here.

Leave your non-Christian life behind. Whatever you thought was more important or moral than what God has taught you through Jesus Christ needs to go. He will have no place for it in His kingdom.

Put on the new self and renew your mind. This isn’t a contradiction. We are already Christs, but have not received the fullness of the new creation God has promised. Since both are true, we must renew our thinking which leads to godly living. If your thinking keeps you from pursuing God, you’re thinking wrong. We must forsake sin and seek holiness.

Challenge

It would be really easy for me to assume that I’m talking to only Christians this weekend, but it’s far from the truth. I think humans by nature want to assume the best of others in spite of their sinful lives. It’s easier! We don’t have to have any conflict or disagreements that complicate the ease we want in life.

I’m not going to let you do that tonight.

I want to exhort you tonight, to challenge you.

Tonight I have some hard questions.

Do you look like the Christians you’re with because you want to fit in?

Christ is the only one who can make you “fit in” with true believers. Have you turned to Him first? Have you confessed your unbelieving heart to Him?

Turn to the Christians around you to help guide you.

Do you care about the unity of your church?

How many people do you avoid because they seem like outsiders to you? I’m talking about both believers and unbelieving people. Is it possible that you’re weakening the church because of that mindset? What if you shared the gospel only for God to use that and mature that person in Christ? What if that person is a stronger believer than you, and you may need to rely on that person’s insight one day when you encounter a trial?

Don’t be dismissive of the people God brings into your life.

Close Eyes

Do you know Jesus, and does Jesus know you?

We asked this last night. If you find yourself asking this question regularly, it’s ok. You need to know Jesus and you need to let Him know you.

If you say you know Jesus, that you know His Word, repent when you sin, regularly seek out others, I want you to know I’m watching you and so are your leaders. We don’t want to condemn you, but we will hold you accountable to what you say you do. Just like when a husband and a wife make their wedding vows. Accountability is good. We’re all held accountable for what we say we believe and how our actions prove that profession.

If you don’t know Jesus, but you want to know Him, I want to talk with you after this. The Christian life is hard because it’s rooted in the conviction of the soul. Our souls are rooted in the true vine Jesus Christ.

If you’ve been a Christian living like an unbeliever, I want to talk to you too. It’s time to come back.

Pray Evangelistically

Questions

How can you actively support a friend who is struggling with peer pressure?

How can you embody the values of kindness and compassion in your daily interactions with friends?

How can reflecting on Ephesians 4 help you choose friends who support your faith journey?

What challenges do you face in maintaining godly friendships, and how can you overcome them?

How can you be a source of encouragement to friends who are struggling with their faith?