Heartbroken

Prayer

Failure of a Coup - Absalom’s Defeat & Death

The turmoil in the nation of Israel continues. This morning we’re going to pick back up in 2 Samuel where we left off last Sunday, where the crown prince, Absalom, has stolen the kingdom from his father, David. Absalom is in Jerusalem, in the palace. At the advice of his counselor, Ahithophel, he slept with a number of David’s concubines (in a very public way - in a tent set up on the roof of the palace) in order to make clear that he is now king.

David meanwhile, together with his household and those still loyal to him, has fled Jerusalem and made his way to the very edge of the kingdom, near the banks of the Jordan River. If you remember, we left off with Ahithophel having given advice to Absalom to go after David immediately. Gather some troops and go attack him while he’s on the run, weak and weary.

And everyone agrees that this is sound counsel, and it appears this will be the end for David. But David left behind a counselor loyal to him - Hushai, hoping that he might be able to thwart Absalom from the inside. And this is where we pick the story back up, in 2 Samuel 17.

Absalom wants to hear from several of his advisors so he asks Hushai what he thinks he should do - does he agree with Ahithophel or does he think there’s a better way to go about defeating his father, David. Hushai counters Ahithophel - plays off of David’s reputation as a fighter, a fierce fighter. And David’s smart - he won’t be out in the open, he’ll be in hiding, he’s probably hanging out in a cave right now.

And here’s the danger according to Hushai - if Absalom goes after David now, and it doesn’t go well, that will sink his attempt to take the kingdom before it even gets started. No, the better course of action is to take some time to gather troops from all over Israel. Put a huge army together and then go after David. Leave nothing to chance, this way you’ll destroy him completely.

Hushai plays off of Absalom’s pride, painting a picture of him leading a massive army while all of Israel watches him obtain this great victory. Hushai’s advice wins the day, vv. 14, Absalom and all the men of Israel said, “The advice of Hushai the Arkite is better than that of Ahithophel.” For the Lord had determined to frustrate the good advice of Ahithophel in order to bring disaster on Absalom.

David’s spies get word to him what’s happening, and David and his household and troops make their way across the Jordan River to recoup and prepare themselves for the coming battle. And Ahithophel is so distraught about the turn of events that he goes and hangs himself.

So in 2 Samuel 18 we come to the battle between Absalom and David. Or at least Absalom and his troops versus David’s troops, as David’s men persuade him to remain behind, knowing that this fight is all about him - if he is killed then Absalom wins the kingdom outright. So David’s men march out without him.

But before they go, David has one very specific command for them, 2 Samuel 18:5, The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, “Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.” And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders.

David’s commanders show wisdom in their battle strategy, they fight Absalom’s army in the forest of Ephraim - the terrain benefits their smaller numbers. In spite of being outnumbered, they route Israel’s troops, killing 20,000 of Absalom’s men.

As it turns out, fighting the battle in the forest ends up helping them in another very unexpected way - I few weeks ago I mentioned this brief description that the writer of 2 Samuel offers about Absalom, in particular his hair, that Absalom has long and thick hair. This hair, the envy of the folicly challenged, actually leads to Absalom’s death: 2 Samuel 18:9, Now Absalom happened to meet David’s men. He was riding his mule, and as the mule went under the thick branches of a large oak, Absalom’s hair got caught in the tree. He was left hanging in midair, while the mule he was riding kept on going.

So here’s Absalom hanging in midair by his hair, and he’s helpless. Word reaches Joab through one of the men who saw it happen. Joab immediately asks why he didn’t kill Absalom right then and there. But the man, he heard the command David issued, there was no way he was going to go against the word of the king. Joab, however, has no such qualms - he immediately goes, knocking Absalom out of the tree whereupon ten of his armor-bearers strike and kill him. The trumpet is sounded, the battle is over, David has won.

Here’s the kicker, the way David responds to the news. There’s a bit of debate at the end of this chapter about who will run in order to deliver the news to David, but what’s really important here is David’s response when he finally learns about the death of Absalom, 2 Samuel 18:33, The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you - O Absalom, my son, my son!”

So David is distraught over the death of his son - the one who, you know, had just betrayed him, taking over his kingdom, slept with his concubines, and then brought an army to try to kill him. Not to mention had murdered his firstborn son, Amnon. Here’s where it goes from bad to worse - David is consumed with so much grief that he ignores the his returning troops - the men who had just risked their lives fighting for David and his household.

2 Samuel 19:1-4, Joab was told, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” 2 And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, “The king is grieving for his son.” 3 The men stole into the city that day as men steal in who are ashamed when they flee from battle. 4 The king covered his face and cried aloud, “O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!” So David’s men, who’d just won a great victory, in which they were vastly outnumbered, for the sake of David. They have to sneak back into the city in order not to further upset David. They’re on pins and needles.

Joab, rightly, is incensed. So he lets David have it, 2 Samuel 19:5-7, Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. 6 You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. 7 Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come on you from your youth till now.”

Wow. “You love those who hate you and hate those who love you.” Joab does not hold back in rebuking David. Thankfully David gets the message, puts aside his mourning and goes out to address the men. Story plays out as David and his household return to Jerusalem and he assumes the throne again and works to reunite the nation, no small task at this point. We’re not going to say any more about that, but as always, I encourage you to read these chapters for yourself (there’s a lot I left out).

Loving well requires that we be emotionally healthy

I want to key in on David here because it’s been his behavior, his actions - or lack thereof, that has in large measure fueled all of this. There was his passivity in regards to Amnon raping his sister, Tamar, and Absalom’s subsequent murder of his brother, Amnon. After he finally allows Absalom return to Jerusalem David lets him sit there for two years before he’s willing to see him face-to-face. David doesn’t do anything for four years while Absalom goes out every day to the city gates undermining David’s role as king. When Absalom declares himself king, David just flees, he doesn’t even try to put up a fight. And to top it all off, his unmitigated, really, over-the-top mourning for his son, Absalom - where was all this concern for him before, while he was still living?

Brings to mind a profound truth - which has been very helpful in my own spiritual growth - came from Peter Scazzero, the author of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality - you can not grow in spiritual maturity if you are not emotionally healthy. Here’s why he says this - this is huge - you can not grow in spiritual maturity if you are emotionally unhealthy because the sign of spiritual maturity is ONE thing - LOVE. That is the whole of it, of what it means to be a follower of Jesus, it is to love the Lord our God with all of our heart and all of our soul and all of our mind and all of our strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

This is Scazzero’s point - if we haven’t dealt with the emotional unhealthiness in our lives - those wounds that still haunt us, the false thinking, the anger...the bitterness...the fears...the unresolved grief...the guilt - all these things that burden our hearts. - if we haven’t dealt with them, we will not be free to love others, to be for this good. To the degree that we are emotionally unhealthy is the degree to which we will be inhibited from truly loving the Lord and others.

Now this was not always true of David, but it’s blatantly obvious in this time in his life. He is so emotionally conflicted in his roles as a father and as king - so that when his sons did the atrocious things they did, he does nothing. He avoids it all. He doesn’t do the good, the right, he should have done - and then of course it all snowballs.

And mixed in there is his own conflictedness due to his own atrocious sins - his adultery, his deceit, his abuse of power, his murder. On one level he recognizes that he has been forgiven by the Lord (see that reflected in Psalm 51), but throughout this narrative he doesn’t act because he just passively assumes that this is the Lord’s punishment on him. It is what it is.

Final scene is the one that’s particularly telling - now, I’m not suggesting that David shouldn’t mourn, this is his son, after all, the whole event is a tragedy. But his grief consumes him, loses all perspective. That’s what Joab calls him out on - “you love those who hate you and hate those who love you.” It seems to me that David carries this guilt over how he has failed his son, failed Absalom in so many ways. Failed to enact justice for Absalom’s sister, Tamar. Failed to punish Absalom over his wicked acts. Failed to truly reconcile with him, letting him sit in limbo for years. I would think there’s anger in David over Absalom’s actions, his betrayal. And because he is emotionally broken, he couldn’t love well the people who’ve been loyal to him, who loved him. Nor could he love Absalom well.

We see it in Absalom - who sat in bitterness and anger for two years before he murdered his brother, Amnon. That bitterness and anger continued to stew against his father, David - who didn’t do anything about Amnon. And then after David finally brought him back to Jerusalem he ignored him for two years. Absalom was a mess, no wonder his heart was so hardened that he was willing to betray and then attempt to kill his own father.

Now I’m hoping that our hearts are nowhere near that broken. But we’d be foolish to think that there isn’t brokenness in us, emotional unhealthiness. After all, it’s why we need Jesus, why we need his rescue, his salvation - healing. We don’t love well - at least not to the fullness to which God created us to love. And that in itself is an indicator of our brokenness.

Now I can’t presume that in one message I can give you everything to move into becoming emotionally healthy, into learning to love well. This is a lifelong process, growing to be like Jesus. But my hope this morning is to at least make us mindful of this dynamic - and not just mindful, but have a conviction that in order for us to become like Jesus (which I hope is a desire for all of us), I must pursue emotional health.

So in these final minutes, I want to offer a general framework of how to do just that. So much more to be said, but just to give you an idea of how we pursue growth here, really to learn to love well, to love as Jesus does.

Spiritual Disciplines - Three “W’s” to pursue emotional health, to become like Jesus

The first is Wonder. By wonder I mean to have a posture of openness, honesty about what’s going on inside of us, our hearts. I wonder what that’s all about. The other week, as I was spending time with someone I know well, I realized that something felt off, it just didn’t feel as comfortable as it normally does. Rather than forge through, “it’s nothing”, I took a moment to wonder, to reflect, what’s going on. I realized that I was feeling more guarded, little defensive.

Here’s the thing, that kind of behavior is always rooted in our past. It may come from false thinking, beliefs (I have to perform well to be acceptable, or I have to look good to be loved, or having enough is going to make me feel secure, important). Or because of past wounds. Ways that we were mistreated by others. Family sins that have been passed down through the generations. Ways of dealing with conflict. We all have that junk, that brokenness.

And it comes out in us - in that moment, it was coming out in my being guarded, feeling defensive. This is where the wonder comes in. If you find yourself irritated with someone, rather than just blame their behavior, wonder about your heart. Why does this bother you so much? Why am I being so impatient? Often there’s an underlying fear going on. Example of getting worked up about being late - what might happen if I show up late? Fear of what others will think.

Our wondering comes through the Holy Spirit. This is what we want to invite the Lord to do in us, through the Holy Spirit. Listen to Psalm 139:23-24, Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. We invite the Lord to help us see ourselves as we truly are.

Second aspect is “Waiting”. What I mean by that is a willingness to sit in the midst of our brokenness. That there is anger here, pain, grief, not knowing. And this may be the hardest part, because these are the type of feelings we want to move out of, move out of quickly. Bury them. Pretend we’re Ok. Distract ourselves with busyness. The problem is that if we do that, our hearts have to do something with that pain - so they harden. Become embittered. Or guarded. Angry.

What would it be like to simply recognize, I’m hurting right now. Lord, this situation makes me angry. I’m so angry. What they did was wrong. Just let our hearts ache for a while. And wait on the Lord. Because our strong tendency, our desire will be to fix it, get out of it (after all, who wants to hurt?). Rather to find that place where we’re not denying what we’re feeling - we feel it. And then hold it before the Lord.

And this brings us to the last piece of becoming people who love well, who are emotionally healthy - Pursue wholeheartedness. That’s our last “W” - we wonder, we wait, we pursue wholeheartedness. We do that by bringing our hearts, our very selves to Jesus for healing, the one who binds up the brokenhearted. This is who Jesus is, Isaiah 61:1, The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...

And this is why it’s so essential, why we encourage spiritual disciplines. Because these are the habits we form in life, our “rules” for life, that bring us in the presence of Jesus every day. How else will we be healed? How else will our hearts be made whole, other than through the one who came to do just that? The one who’s love can transform us so that we too can become people who love, love truly, deeply.

These stories today - I mean, David is such a mess. But so are we. We are broken people. But it’s in Jesus Christ that we can be made whole.