Why I Can't Forgive

Good morning.

Well i guess winter was not done torturing yet.....and still has plans to continue this week but we just have to keep our eyes on what is coming and be so thankful God loves us and gives us what we need even if that is not what we want sometimes.

I mentioned last week that God had given me a topic and I was wrestling with it and this is it

Forgiveness

We are starting on a 4 week series called The Power of Forgiveness

We are starting our journey this morning with Why Can’t I Forgive

This series will be very encouraging for some.

Those who are mature in Christ and have learned the power of forgiveness

Others will be convicted....some very heavily...Praise God He loves you so much to move in your life like that!!!!!

When that happens....conviction....you have two choices and only two choices...

Repent...confess...ask for forgiveness and be a doer of the Word

or

Reject.....return to darkness and be a hearer only

Let’s pray

C.S. Lewis observed, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word, until you have something to forgive.”

 If you’ve spent any time in church, you realize the importance of forgiveness. You know that it is a biblical concept, you’ve read verses like our text, and you may even have been warned about the physical, emotional and spiritual consequences of un-forgiveness.

 We are so grateful for a God who was willing to take on human form and die an excruciating death so our sins could be forgiven.

 Why then, is there such a discrepancy between our understanding of forgiveness and our willingness to grant it to others?

Counselor and author, David Seamands, observes that most emotional problems among evangelical Christians are caused by the failure to understand, receive and live out God’s unconditional love, forgiveness and grace to other people.

He says, “The good news of the gospel has not penetrated the level of our emotions.”

 The issue of forgiveness touches each of us every day.

Occasionally, it’s a major crisis that forces us to choose between forgiveness and un-forgiveness

An unfaithful spouse,

an unwanted divorce,

an unfair termination from your job,

sexual abuse you experienced as a child,

a slanderous rumor that has cost you your reputation

someone you love and respect leaving the church

just to name a few

But most of the time it is the lesser offenses that we must deal with

Being overlooked by a friend,

a fight with our spouse

an issue with our children

being lied to

again just to name a few

 Regardless of the size of the offense, forgiveness is not usually the preferred response! 

Why do Christians, who have been forgiven so much, have such difficulty forgiving others?

Lets look at our driving scripture for this series

Matthew 6:14–15

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“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Church....very straightforward words from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

He didn’t mince any words here.....nor does God anywhere else in the Bible

If you are forgiven you must forgive

No

ifs

ands

or

buts about it

This is completely opposite of what the world teaches

the world teaches forgiveness must be earned and deserved

the world says you can forgive conditionally and partially

God says you must forgive fully

completely

and freely

So Why Can’t you forgive?

THERE ARE THREE REASONS WHY YOU CAN’T FORGIVE

1. I don’t understand what forgiveness is and what it isn’t

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A barna research group survey illustrates the depth of misunderstanding that surrounds the subject of forgiveness.

How would you respond to the following questions from the survey?

These statements are in your notes. Please rate each statement as an accurate or an inaccurate description of forgiveness.

 You cannot honestly forgive someone unless that person shows some remorse for what they did.  (62% agreed)

 If you really forgive someone, you would want that person to be released from the consequences of their actions.  (60% agreed)

 If you genuinely forgive someone, you should rebuild your relationship with that person.  (73% agreed)

 If you have really forgiven someone, you should be able to forget what they have done to you.  (66% agreed)

The biblical perspective is that each of these statements is wrong!

But only 4% of respondents gave the biblical response to all the questions.

Among evangelical Christians, only 8% gave the biblical response to all the questions.

The four myths identified above confuse the issue of forgiveness for many people.

We’re going to deal with all of these questions in this series, because it is vital that Christians have a biblical viewpoint; especially about an issue as crucial as forgiveness!

A failure to understand the true nature of forgiveness leads to

prolonged bitterness,

illegitimate fears

and unnecessary guilt,

and prevents us from receiving and granting life’s most important gift!

2. You’re riding the “guilt-blame” seesaw.

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Remember riding a seesaw as a child?

What happened when a mischievous playmate suddenly scrambled off the seesaw?

Crash!

The only way you and your partner could ensure a safe landing was to get off the seesaw simultaneously.

In the human mind, there is a seesaw with one side labeled “guilt” and the other side labeled “blame.” The only way to keep the seesaw in balance is to make sure you have enough “blame” to balance your “guilt.”

The more guilt you feel for your own mistakes, the more blame you must pile on to remain in emotional equilibrium.

But what happens if you suddenly get rid of the blame toward others (through forgiveness) without also removing your guilt?

You will emotionally crash!

Our sense of self-preservation keeps us from forgiving – we don’t want to grant forgiveness and be left holding the bag of personal guilt.

So, in reality, it is our guilt for our own personal failures in our relationships that prohibits us from forgiving others.

If we do choose to forgive, we will attach blame to someone else to keep in emotional balance.

One reason we’re hesitant to forgive people is that it is much easier and safer to blame others for our problems than to blame the most logical culprit;

me!

After all, that would put all the weight on my side of the seesaw!

The only way to get off the seesaw safely is to remove your guilt and stop blaming others at the same time.

But how do I remove my guilt?

That’s where #3 comes in.

3. You can’t give away what you don’t possess.

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It is basically impossible to impart something to another person that you have not fully experienced.

If the majority of people on this planet have never experienced the unconditional forgiveness of God, is it any wonder they have difficulty forgiving others?

 You can’t give away what you don’t possess.

Only the forgiven can truly forgive!

 But wait – that should mean that the church should be filled, not only with forgiven people, but also with forgiving people.

Is that the case?

Often church people are the most unforgiving people you’ll ever encounter.

Why?

Because many of them know that God forgives, but haven’t experienced forgiveness.

 Dawn Smith Jordan had to learn about forgiveness the hard way.

Her story became the basis for a CBS television movie, Nightmare in Columbia County.

On May 31, 1985, her seventeen-year-old sister, Sherrie Smith, was abducted while walking from her car to the mailbox.

Five days later, Sherrie’s body was discovered. Soon afterward, the Smith family received a letter in the mail that had been written by Sherrie.

The kidnapper had allowed her to write it before he murdered her, and then had mailed her letter.

Sherrie called her letter “My Last Will and Testament.”

 She wrote,

“I love you all so much. Please don’t let this ruin your lives. Keep living one day at a time for Jesus. Don’t worry about me, because I know I’m going to be with my father.”

Since the time Sherrie and Dawn were little girls, their father had made a practice of taping scripture verses to the bathroom mirror for them to memorize.

Now, in the moment before she was to die, Sherrie recalled one of those verses and wrote,

“Everything works out for the good of those who love the Lord.

All my love, Sherrie.”

 But her family’s nightmare was far from over.

The killer telephoned the Smith family numerous times, cruelly describing the gruesome details of how he had murdered Sherrie.

Ultimately, he was apprehended and received two death sentences for his brutal crime.

Now, Dawn thought, the story was finally finished, and she could try and rebuild her shattered life.

 A few years later, however, she received a letter that would forever change her life.

The killer wrote to Dawn to let her know that he had become a Christian.

“Dawn,” he asked, “will you and your family ever forgive me for what I have done?”

How would you respond?

Dawn said, “I knew as a Christian that when somebody wrongs you, you forgive them. That’s basic knowledge. Yet all of a sudden forgiveness was a lot harder to do.”

Ephesians 4:32

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“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  

Dawn declares, “It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t overnight. But God gave me the answer that I needed. We are to forgive just as Jesus forgave us.

I was finally able to sit down and write a letter to Mr. Bell telling him that only because of the grace that I have received in my life could I let him know that he was forgiven.”

 There is an inseparable link between receiving God’s forgiveness and granting forgiveness to others.

“Even as” God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you; that’s the hinge relating God’s grace to our forgiveness of others.

Can only Christians forgive? Of course not.

But the bible does teach that Christians should find it easier to forgive, based on the grace they have experienced.

Remember Simon the Pharisee?

Luke 7:41–47

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“There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.”

A few years ago, a lady with colon cancer, who had only four months to live, was interviewed about her illness.

“How does it feel to know that you are terminal?” The interviewer asked.

She replied, “the truth is, we are all terminal. The only difference is that some of us realize it and some of us don’t.”

Both Simon and the prostitute suffered from the terminal disease of sin, and both were in need of forgiveness from Jesus.

The only difference was their awareness of their condition.

The prostitute understood her need for forgiveness;

Simon denied his.

The primary reason Christians should be better forgivers than non-Christians is that they’ve been forced to admit their own failures.

When we realize the great gulf that God overcame to forgive us, the gap between us and our offender seems quite insignificant!

In God’s eyes, we all need forgiveness – there is no difference between

the preacher and the prostitute,

the governor and the gunman,

or the sophisticate and the savage.

Compared to the holiness of God, such differences in human behavior are negligible!

When we understand that the same evil that motivated our offender to hurt us resides in our heart as well, we’re in a much better position to forgive!

And remember that it was God (the offended party) who took the initiative to seek reconciliation with us, even though we didn’t deserve it!

Romans 3:23

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“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;”

James Montgomery Boice compares our good works to monopoly money.

As long as you’re playing monopoly, those bills are of tremendous value.

But they’re absolutely worthless in the real world.

Isaiah 64:6

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“But we are all as an unclean thing, And all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; And we all do fade as a leaf; And our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.”

In the same way, our good works are like a “filthy garment” in the sight of God, they’re worthless!

Several decades ago, at a British conference on comparative religions, a group of experts were discussing the uniqueness of Christianity.

What differentiates Christianity from other religions?

When C.S. Lewis entered the room and was told what the group was trying to ascertain, he remarked,

“Oh, that’s easy. It’s grace.”

Every other religion emphasizes man’s responsibility to secure God’s approval. Only Christianity makes God’s love unconditional.

Grace is a deliberate decision to give something good to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

That’s what God did for us.

That’s what he wants us to do for others.

And such an action is never without cost!

2 Corinthians 5:21

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“For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.”

Amazingly, most people reject God’s offer of forgiveness and a home in heaven.

But those who accept God’s invitation are in the best position to understand what grace is all about; granting to others what they do not deserve, earn, or sometimes even request.

Why I can’t forgive?

The good news is that unconditional forgiveness is available today!

But we block God’s forgiveness toward us if we refuse to release our forgiveness toward others.

Matthew 6:12

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“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

Where are you today?

Why Can’t you forgive?

Do you have a situation that requires forgiveness and you are struggling?

Come

Meet Jesus and leave that at the altar this morning

Maybe the Holy Spirit revealed that you are not saved and you need Jesus

Come

Meet Jesus at the altar and leave here saved

forgiven

redeemed

and FREE this morning

Whatever it is come

Invitation