The Ultimate Guide To Love | Ephesians 5:22–33
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Introduction: Thank you Leighton and team for leading us in worship this morning. If you have your Bibles this morning we are going to be looking at Ephesians 5:22-33. Matthew is out of town this weekend celebrating both his and Kristen’s 20th wedding anniversary and Kristen’s birthday. When he told me it was the Lord’s Supper I checked the calendar and also realized we were right after Valentine’s Day. I wondered how we could we kind of make it about valentine’s day and also lead up to the Lord’s Supper. Then, when Matthew was preaching last week, I saw today’s text. And I realized that it was perfect. You may wonder, what does Valentine’s Day have to do with Remembering The Death of Christ. According to Paul, everything. Marriage, the current state or end goal of all Godly romantic relationships, is better understood when we understand the cross of Christ. We will see Paul’s call for wives to model the church, for husband’s to model Christ, and the sacredness of marriage. As always at Maynard, can you please stand as we honor the reading of God’s Word.
What is Submission (Verses 22-24)
Exposition:So we start with Paul’s command for wives. Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit writes in verse 22, Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Exposition:Right away we this entire morning takes a turn to be a little awkward. We are all probably uncomfortable with this command for wives to submit to their husbands. But we need to look at this verse in the context to understand what Paul is saying. First off, he is not saying for women to submit to all men as the CSB study bible points out. It says for wives to submit to husbands. It is not creating some patriarchal society where women are subjugated to men. This relationship only exists in marriage. It also does not tell women to mindlessly obey their husbands. We know this for two reasons. Paul uses the same word in verse 21 when he writes that all believers should submit to one another. Obviously, Paul is not saying that every believers should obey every believer. He also actually uses the word obey when he says in chapter 6 verse 1 that children should obey their parents. This is clearly something different. It’s chosen humility. It is a decision to respect the husband’s leadership in the home, not out of coercion, but out of choice. But why, why should a woman do this, as unto the lord as Paul writes in verse 22. It’s because there is an order, not in significance or importance, but in roles, that for a reason only known to God husbands and wives have. And this order is seen not just in marriage, but in the relationship Christ has with the church. Verses 23 and 24 read Ephesians 5:23-24
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Exposition: Now Paul is not saying that man is woman’s savior. Humans have one savior and that is Christ. But because Christ is savior, the church submits to him. And in a similar fashion, though not identical, a wife submits to her husband.
Application: How does this play out in real life. It is not saying that a woman is to just follow the leadership of a man that is adulterous, abandons his family or is abusive. Scripture is clear on these things that they are permissible reasons for divorce. If any woman in here finds herself in an abusive relationship, she should get out. Seek help. It is not saying that your opinion is not heard. Richard Coekin points out thatJesus submitted to the will of the Father by going to the cross. But he still prayed that The Father find another way if possible. You have a right to have your voice heard and your opinion known. You do not have to follow into disobedience to God. But let’s take the big hypothetical situations out of the way. Wives, do you submit in the little things? Do you trust his leadership in the day to day. I think if this is something that is hard, start there, and allow God to do big things in the big situations. What about if your husband isn’t a believer? 1 Peter 3:1-2 reads 1 Peter 3:1-2
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Illustration: Peter, echoing what Paul writes in Ephesians, says that wives should submit even to nonbelieving husbands. Here is why. Imagine there is a couple where the woman is a believer and the husband is not. The wife goes to church and sees how the husbands there treat their wives. She comes home and it is not the same in her household. One day she has had enough. She finally gets the nerve to say it. “I wish you treated me like the husbands at church treat their wives.” What is more likely?? The husband feel convicted and comes to know Jesus and changes his ways. That, or him getting even more bitter and deciding he dislikes that place even more. Wives in this situation, let your conduct win him to Christ.
Application: Lastly, young ladies who are unmarried. This can seem a little scary. You cannot control how the person you marry acts. But you can control who you marry. Who you marry matters. Marry a man whose leadership you will trust. Do not date men who you do not think you will trust in this way. Dating leads to marriage. Do not settle for boys who will not lead you and one day your children well. Young men, do not marry somebody that will not allow you to lead your family closer to Christ.
Application: For those that are married and not married, are you submitting to Christ? Are you, in the small things of life, living a life that shows you trust the leadership of Christ. Is Christ, as verse 23 reads, your savior? Do you believe that he came to save sinners, and have you placed your trust in Him?
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Transition: Paul starts this passage by telling wives to submit to their husbands. Now, listen, I don’t want to see any husbands with their feet propped up. I don’t if we have any guests or newer attenders where the husband is thinking, man I like this church. Paul then turns his attention to the husband, and uses a lot more space to address the husbands responsibility.
How A husband is to love (Verses 25-30)
Exposition: Turning his attention to husbands, Paul writes, Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Exposition: Coekin points out, that the command for husbands is to love their wives, not to lead them. He also points out that the tense for love is an active tense. This is important for two reasons. The first, this love is not a feeling. It is not based on what has been going on in one’s marriage or how he feels like he is being treated. Love is used as a verb, meaning that a husband’s conduct towards his wife should always be that of love. It also is not the husband’s job to give his wife report cards on how well she is submitting and base his love on that. Husbands, whether our wives submit or not, it is your job to love. This love is not shallow it is not based on a feeling. Paul says it follows the example of how Christ loves the church. How did Christ love the church, he died on the cross. Regardless of one’s marital status. If somebody is married, single, widowed, divorced or just a child, we all need to know that Christ loves us deeply. How much does Christ love us, he left the glory of heaven, and though he was without sin, died on a cross for our sins. Knowing what was coming he endured a brutal painful death. Why? Paul tells us why in verses 26-27. Ephesians 5:26-27
that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
Exposition: I’ve thought a lot about the a verse in the battle hymn of the republic since Leighton spoke about it a few weeks ago. I had never listened to it closely enough before to understand what it was saying. As the Union soliders fought in The Civil War, many for the sole reason of seeing slavery ended, they would often march singing this song, which in one of the verses reads,
“In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in his bosom that transfigures you and me;
As he died to make men holy, let us die to make men free;”
Exposition: Christ did not just come and die a brutal death for no reason. He came and died a brutal death because we were sinners. Our sin separated us from God, and there was nothing we could do about it. The wages of sin is death, as Paul writes in Romans. Somebody has to die for our sins. So Christ came and he died the death we deserved so we could have eternal life. That is love. We were without hope, and Christ came and took on our sin, so that we could take on his righteousness. All who believe and confess him Savior and Lord can have the hope of eternity with Christ because of this act. That is how much Christ loves the church. He died for its life. And this is the example we as husbands should follow in how we live our lives.
Exposition: Paul then goes on to once again showing how this is the example husbands are to follow. He writes in verses 28-30, Ephesians 5:28-30
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Exposition: That phrase, in the same way has deep implications for a husband’s life. In the same way, husbands should love their own lives.
Application: There is first the example to lead our wives to holiness. Husbands, your wife should not be the spiritual leader in the family. Your wife should not be the one that makes sure her kids get to church, that prays with the children and leads the family closer to Christ. If a wife is going to submit to her husband, she needs to be submitting to somebody that she trusts is going to lead the family closer to Christ. Maybe right now the faith of your wife is deeper than yours. Your not going to change that overnight. But that doesn’t stop you from growing your relationship with Christ. It doesn’t stop you from centering your family around the Word of God. We should also have this sacrificial love for our wives. Paul says that husbands should love our wives to the point of being willing to die for her. I imagine that most husbands if not all husbands in here have no problem saying they would die for their wives, but let me ask you this, do you live for her? I pray the idea of loving your wife to the point of death is a hypothetical that you never have to prove. But your conduct towards your wife on a daily basis is not a hypothetical. Does your conduct in public and private look as somebody who loves his wife. That means how we treat her in person, what we look at on our phones and computers, and how we talk about her and other women when she is not around. Do you live for your wives. We see this as the standard when Paul writes, Ephesians 5:28–30 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” We should treat our wives as we treat ourselves.
Illustration: To treat your wife as your own body is not to just try to make her own wants and desires yours. It’s not to say, I enjoy hunting and fishing, and since I’m suppose to treat her as I would treat my own body, I’m going to start bringing her hunting and fishing. No it is giving her what she needs and wants first and foremost before ourselves because we treat it as if it is our own wants and desires. That doesn’t mean that if that if it is not obedient to scripture we still provide. That wouldn’t be love because it leads away from holiness. But we should view it like this. If wives have been told by scripture to submit to their husbands, a husband should make that easy. Wives should not have to worry about following the leadership of her husband because she should know that without any question, her husband has two main desires, to follow Christ and to love his wife. The command to submit to one’s husband is only controversial, if a husband is not being obedient to love his life.
Transition: So we see Paul give instructions to the wife and we see him give instructions to the husband, and both point to the relationship Jesus bought on the cross. But what does this mean for the married unit.
Verses (31-33)
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Marriage is special because the relationship Christ has with his church is special.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Conclusion: The story of the actual St. Valentine is a pretty interesting story. King Of Kings Church in Omaha Nebraska had a pretty good write on its website about Valentines Day. The day remembers the martyr of a Christian bishop during the 3rd Century. The Roman emperor had banned all young people from marrying. He did this because he believed that unmarried men fought better in battle than married men. But Valentine understood this was a great evil. He understood for one, let me think how to put this delicately, life must go on, and he didn’t want young people to be bound to sin because of what the emperor had ordered. So Valentine performed marriage ceremonies in private for young people. He was eventually arrested and martyred. Catholic tradition says it was on February 14th, and that he sent letters in the days before asking for prayer. He signed them all with, Your Valentine. This man died not just because he wanted to keep young people from sinning. But because he saw Marriage as God ordained. He undoubtedly knew what it represented. If you are here today and see ways where you could serve your spouse better, praise the Lord. But the most important thing to understand is that we see healthy marriages as beautiful, because we have seen what it models. It models what Christ has done for all of us. Married or unmarried. No matter what stage of life you are in, Christ died for your sins. He died so that we wouldn’t have to. And he rose again so that we could be forgiven of our sins. May we not leave today focused just on marriage. But now as we prepare for the Lord’s Supper, may we be focused on the price that Christ paid for our salvation.
