The Mystery of Marriage: Christ And The Church

Introduction

We have dedicated this month to talking about relationships. Godly relationships. In the first week we talked about the value God has placed in human life by stamping His own imprint on it. Made in the image of God is not something that is given to anything else under the sun.

Having that as our foundation is critical if we are to relate to each other. We must constantly be reminded that in addressing, working, living, coexisting with each other, you are doing so with another image bearer which explains the commandment to love one another the way I have loved you.

Last week, Javi took us through the season or even permanent state of singleness which is often treated as some kind of anomaly. Singleness is not a rear condition, a decease, or a virus that needs inoculation. Single people are not lepers… As we learned last week. singleness is a gift. There are people among us that are not overly pestered with burning sexual desires and they are able to live a godly, productive, single life. Even choosing this lifestyle is preferable to avoid all of the issues associated with marriage. (Bonny Cepeda, an internationally renowned recording artist for his contribution to merengue… in 80’s put out a track entitled “mundo raro” strange world.”

in one line he says el pobre quiere ser rico, el rico mas rico, “the poor want to be rich the rich want to be richer, and couple lines later he says, el grande quiere ser chico, el chico quiere ser grande, el soltero estar casado, y el casado muerto. “the big want to be small, the small want to be big, the single want to be married, and the married wants to be dead.

Paul, wanting to spare you the pain and frustrations associated with marriage recommends that you remain single. However, since most people do not have the gift of singleness, meaning you can’t seem to be able to keep your clothes on, mentally or physically your best bet is to find a wife or husband and in so doing reflect the image of Christ and the church. Which is what we will be talking about today.

In Eph 5. Paul quotes Gen 2:24. Namely that when a man marries he leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife. We must consider this sentiment within its historical and social context. Ancient cultures put enormous emphasis on the parent child relationship. But not just the cultures. Biblically our foremost example of God’s relationship to His people is a parental one. This is deeply engrained in the cultures of the Bible

Pleasing parents and grandparents was paramount. Even in many traditional cultures today that is the case. I just came for Cote d’Ivoire where this is absolutely true. I saw how children, even grown ones relate to their parents and I saw this sentiment in living color.

So even in this hemisphere you have to admit that as a young adult, that the single relationship that has shaped who your are, good and/or bad is your relationship with your parents. You wouldn’t be alive without them, and all but a few parents have made enormous sacrifices for the well-being of their children. And yet right in the midst of these patriarchal cultures, and in the face of these realities, God says, ‘I didn’t put a parent and a child in the Garden, I put a husband and a wife. When you marry your spouse, that must supersede all other relationships, even the parental relationship.’ It is within this context that Paul writes to the Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:22–33 LSB

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Contrary to popular beliefs, marriage is not merely a social contract. It is not a human of governmental institution, so it is not to be regulated as such. What it is, is a divine mystery that reflects Christ’s relationship with the church. Even non-christian marriages reflect the mystery of Christ and the church the same way that non-Christian humans reflect the image of God…

In these passages, Paul lays out the roles of husbands and wives in a way that directly connects to Christ’s love for His Bride, the church. The world often distorts marriage into a battle for dominance, but Scripture calls believers to something radically different. we see here submission and sacrificial love. Lets start with the idea of submission.

I. Wives: Submission as to the Lord (vv. 22-24)

Lets take those first 2 verses which are probably the most hated verses in Scripture within the context of marriage. Even in Christian weddings, these verses more and more are being omitted from the verbiage of the vows. Let us clear-up some misunderstandings here:

1. Submission is not inferiority.

The Greek word hypotasso (submit) means to voluntarily place oneself under the leadership of another, not to be dominated. You cannot be dominated when you have agreed voluntarily to fulfil that role. Christ submitted to the father’s will without being less than the Father.

Philippians 2:5–8 LSB

5 Have this way of thinking in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although existing in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a slave, by being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

He is all God in form, in essence, but humbled himself… no one humbled him. This is the reason why the command is given to the wife, submit yourself and not to the husband to make sure his wife in under subjection. (no body puts baby in a corner).

Submission does not make you less than. In fact, to submit yourself voluntarily requires more strength, more will power, more discipline, more fortitude of character, more spiritual power, more self control than to bully someone into submission. Which is why Jesus said, “no one takes my life, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and I have authority to take it up again.

So the woman has the authority and the ability to submit to her husband out of her own accord.

2. Submission reflects the Church’s relationship to Christ

Just as the Church follows Christ’s loving leadership, a wife is called to follow her husband’s godly leadership.

This submission is as to the Lord—it is ultimately about faithfulness to Christ, not faithfulness to the husband. It is easy to lose sight of this ladies. You owe your husbands nothing. They did not make you, or sustain you, they are equal heirs of salvation like you.

Colossians 3:18 LSB

18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

This echoes Ephesians 5:22, reinforcing the idea that a wife's submission is rooted in her relationship with Christ.

1 Peter 3:1–2 LSB

1 In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 as they observe your pure conduct with fear.

The phrase "likewise" connects this to Christ’s own submission to the Father (1 Peter 2:21–25), strengthening the parallel between a wife’s role and the Church’s obedience to Christ.

3. Submission is conditional on obedience to Christ

A wife is not called to submit to sinful leadership (Ananias and Saphira)

This does not mean blind obedience but a willing support of her husband's Christlike leadership.

Acts 5:29 LSB

29 But Peter and the apostles answered and said, “We must obey God rather than men.”

II. Husbands: Love as Christ Loves the Church (vv.25-30)

In these verses we see that the husband is to love his wife but not by his own definition of what love is. Also not by the world’s definition of what love is. But it is by a biblical meaning of love, a Christlike type of love.

1. Christlike love is sacrificial

Love here is from the Greek word agapaō which is a sacrificial type of love. The comparison that is drawn includes both the measure and the manner of Christ’s love for the church. Paul holds up the conduct of the Redeemer towards his church as the model for a husband to follow as regards his wife. This is the highest possible example of self-sacrificing love that Paul can point to.

Christ gave Himself up for the Church—husbands must also die to self for the good of their wives.

This means prioritizing her spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. It is a willingness to die so to speak. The phrase "he gave himself up for her" (ἑαυτὸν παρέδωκεν ὑπὲρ αὐτῆς)in Ephesians 5:25 parallels the wording in Ephesians 5:2 and highlights Christ’s supreme act of love—his sacrificial death to redeem the church. This self-giving love demonstrates Christ’s willingness to die for the church, and the verb suggests that his sacrifice was voluntary.

This is a model of imitation but with limits. Husbands, should love their wives with the same spirit of self-sacrifice as Christ does for the church. While husbands cannot replicate Christ’s redeeming and cleansing work, they can express self-giving love by bearing life's burdens for their wives. Paul is not suggesting husbands act as "saviors" to their wives. Unlike Christ, a husband cannot redeem or sanctify his wife, and Paul does not require husbands to see themselves as their wives’ saviors.

Philippians 2:3–4 LSB

3 doing nothing from selfish ambition or vain glory, but with humility of mind regarding one another as more important than yourselves, 4 not merely looking out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

It is not a want I want or a me first type of relationship. But just like wife, a husband has some choices to make here where the wife cannot make him love her that way. That is why the command is not given to woman “make sure he loves you right” you cannot make him love you anymore than he can make you submit to him

Any attempts to trying to make the other do what is mandated in Scripture they ought to will end up in absolute disaster. This is absolutely the man’s duty unto God.

2. Christlike love is purifying

Ephesians 5:26 LSB

26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

A husband leads his wife spiritually by pointing her to the Word of God and encouraging holiness

1 Peter 3:7 LSB

7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Submission is the responsibility of a Christian husband as well (cf. Eph 5:21). Though not submitting to his wife as a leader, a believing husband must submit to the loving duty of being sensitive to the needs, fears, and feelings of his wife. In other words, a Christian husband needs to subordinate his needs to hers, whether she is a Christian or not.

Peter specifically notes consideration, chivalry, and companionship. someone weaker. While she is fully equal in Christ and not inferior spiritually because she is a woman (see Gal 3:28), she is physically weaker, and in need of protection, provision, and strength from her husband. fellow heir of the grace of life. Here the “grace of life” is not salvation, but marriage—the best relationship earthly life has to offer. The husband must cultivate companionship and fellowship with his wife, Christian or not (cf. Ecc 9:9).

Considering the hindering of prayers. This could very well refer to the husband’s prayer for the salvation of his wife if she is not saved. Such a prayer would be hindered if he were not respectful of her needs and fellowship. But if she is, consider and compare what Jesus said concerning the Father not forgiving you if you do not forgive your brother. Your concerns could very well be ignored if you are not being considered with your wife.

3. Christlike love is caring and nurturing

Ephesians 5:29 LSB

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

Just as Christ cares for the Church, a husband must cherish and protect his wife.

III. The Mystery of Marriage: Christ and the Church (vv. 31-33)

Paul was giving instructions concerning what marriage is suppose to look like and the reason it must look like what he is commanding is because of what marriage is, a profound mystery.

1. Marriage is a divine illustration

Paul quotes Genesis 2:24 to show that marriage was always meant to reflect Christ’s covenant with His people.

The oneness of husband and wife mirrors the unity between Christ and His Church

John 17:21–23 LSB

21 that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22 “The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; 23 I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.

2. Marriage is gospel-centered

The way a husband and a wife love each other should preach the gospel to the church. A husband and wife relationship is the most divine of all other human relationships. It is the relationship that produces off spring which is an extension of the creative order.

If the world is to know that we are His disciples in the the way we love one another, there is no higher mode of expressing that love than the love between husband and wives.

A godly marriage testifies to Christ’s self-giving and the Church’s joyful response.

2 Corinthians 11:1–2 LSB

1 I wish that you would bear with me in a little foolishness, but indeed you are bearing with me. 2 For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy, for I betrothed you to one husband, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to Christ.

3. Marriage is about service, not control.

So in the last verse the apostle admonishes husbands to love their wives as an extension of themselves. And he admonishes the wives to respect their husbands as a service to Christ.

It is a call to mutual responsibly. And each responsibility carries its own burden. One is no easier than the other. Here is the application.

Application

Husbands: Lead with sacrificial, Christlike love. Your role is not to dominate but to serve (Mark 10:45).

Wives: Support your husband’s leadership as unto the Lord. Submission is an act of faith, not weakness (Colossians 3:18).

Both: See marriage as a means of sanctification, growing in holiness together (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Marriage is a profound mystery that reflects the gospel. When we live out God’s design, we display Christ’s love to a watching world. Let us commit to honoring Christ in our marriages by serving one another in love.