Comm (Backup)

Connection

Have the clip from Dwight, Jim and Micheal play.

Have you ever felt like Dwight in this scene? Trying to say the right thing only to consistently say the wrong thing in your marriage? Friendships or during an altercation? Come on be honest, we’ve all had moments like that.

Communication is one of the hardest things to do as an adult. There’s a few reasons for that.

The first is many of us do not know how to use our words. I a lot of ways our words are used like blunt instruments, get my point across as quickly as possible, regardless of the casualties. I have communicated like this before.

Tension

Ramos - I just don’t like you. B/c finding and using the right words is hard, especially when you bring emotions into it. The more emotion involved in the relationship the harder it is to communicate. But isn’t it true that those relationships are the ones that you want to communicate the clearest in?

Marriage — friends — coworkers — people you lead

The relationships we care about the most are often the ones where communication is the most challenging.

We’re going to learn today some techniques that will help us communicate more clearly in the relationships that matter most to us.

Truth

But first...

James 4:1 NIV

1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?

Ask the first half of the verse without putting the second up.

Isn’t it true that all conflict can be dwindled down to this simple phrase here - I’m not getting what I want.

Got into a fight about the trash — got into a fight b/c they were spending too much time with another friend — fight about dating that guy

All conflict comes down to that truth — I’m not getting what I want.

In fact, let’s all say that together.

All issues with communication are traced back to this also. You or I aren’t getting what we want.

James addresses what better communication looks like. Not me focused (I’m not getting what I want) to what do you want?

Application

James 1:19–20 NIV

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Stop right here. Isn’t it true that when you’re quick to speak you say things you wish you could take back? James (brother of Jesus) is warning us about something called…

Reactive Communication

This is when someone says something that you disagree with —something that you don’t think is true — something that rattles you up on the inside our immediate response is always to what? Fire back.

That’s reactive — James says no, no, no, you make real bad decisions relationally when you do that.

James 1:26 NIV

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

Dang James. That’s harsh. Another way to say it is — Don’t claim Jesus in one breath and then hurt your brother with your next.

James 3:10 NIV

Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

Our words are designed to praise God and build people up.

James 1:19 NIV

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

This is the expectation as a follower of Jesus. Quick to listen, slow to speak.

Quick to listen — You are listening to understand, not to respond.

Slow to speak — Intentional about your words.

I think this is a process 1 & 2 leads 3.

Inspiration

Take just a moment — would your first marriage have been different if he did this? Would your relationship with your mom or dad be better if they did this? If this started today, do you think your marriage would be better? How would you feel if she did this?

This is how God intended us to communicate.

Quick to listen and slow to speak = slow to become angry.

Lord, help me today be quick to listen and slow to speak.