Love by Design - Eros - Romantic Love

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Growing up, the idea of relationships or dating really never crossed my mind. I would say I never really fully understood what it meant to be in love. Now, sure, I saw my parents live out their love for one another and my dad would always say things like “Jake, I hope one day you get to marry someone as amazing as your mom” or I would see them kiss, hug, hold hands and even say “I love you” to one another. Loving another person outside of my family was never on mind! The only things I really loved were Legos, star wars, video games, and sports outside with my friends. Otherwise, relationships? They never crossed my mind! Until…. I started 5th grade and was introduced to this concept of “dating”…. Dating??? I had no idea what it was. All I really knew was it was where 2 people “liked” eachother… not loved…. but LIKED one another. And that they would text (in my case, email because phones just weren't a thing in 5th/6th Grade) and then would sit by eachother in lunch and play together at recess. That was it! Pretty innocent, right??

So, in 5th I asked somebody out for the first time and it went like this. I walked up to the girl I “liked” (I never talked to her once), said “hey! Will you be my girlfriend?” she said yes, I gave her a thumbs up…. turned around and walked away! I had a girlfriend, so I thought… we literally never talked in person, only used the gmail “chat” feature. And we literally planned when our first time HUGGING would be…. it was insane.

Fast forward about 5 years and I was in High School. This concept of dating and of love, I thought, finally made sense to me. But it was twisted. In one ear, I heard that it you only are supposed to date if you want to get married. In the other ear, I heard that dating was just for fun and it was an opportunity to try new physical and emotional things to see if you liked them or not… so, I tried out dating here and there early on in high school and was always left sad and empty, quickly moving on to the next relationship.

I really did not know what I believed. I knew what I was told growing up about abstaining from certain things before I was married but never really know what I fully believed. I never realized that until I learned that I was truly loved, I would never be able to truly show love to someone else.

Need

I tell you this story because in middle school and the years to follow, you may be introduced to a kind of love you are unfamiliar with. A romantic love. As your pastor, I want to prepare you to face this kind of love with a level of confidence and boldness that is first and foremost rooted in Jesus’ love for you and for your love for Jesus. We will never be able to fully show love without acknowledging God’s love for us.

Big Idea

We love because He loved first.

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The passage we are going to be reading today comes from 1st John chapter 4 - take Bibles out

1 John 4:10–12 NLT

10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

Point 1 - God Loved First

What does this mean for us? This means that before we were capable of loving one another, He loved us. His love is a gift that was freely given to us. It was a gift that was given at the very beginning of time when He created Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden to be married together in a romantic marriage. His love is a gift that is freely given to us! His love is patient, His love is kind, his love is selfless! What does that mean? It means that His love does not rush, he does not expect anything in return, and he freely gives, without taking. Not only did He demonstrate his love for us through creation, he demonstrated it for us by sending Jesus to die on the cross for us (JN 3:16). He loved us through our brokenness and rebellion against Him.

So why does this matter?

By doing all of this for us, we are able to experience what it truly feels like to be loved when someone lays their life down for you and loves you regardless of what you have done. He wanted a world with us in it alongside of Him. Not only that, we get to be reunited again with Him when he returns. The Bible often refers to us as the Bride of Christ and he is our groom.

What does that mean?

At a wedding, the groom, waits at the end of the altar as his bride walks down the aisle. The symbol of the white dress not only signifies beauty but also purity and holiness. It is spotless, worn by the bride that is ready to be accepted, loved, and cherished by the groom. The Bible says that we are Christ’s bride that will be reunited with him!

When they meet at the aisle - they make vows to one another. To have and to hold, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health. till DEATH do us part. These are vows that represent christs love for us. Regardless of the hardship or struggle, he is there with us and loves us through it.

Wedding Image

I remember my wedding like it was yesterday. Kate and I got a huge book made with some of the highlights from that day (show book). There is one photo in particular that captured a moment I will never forget - The moment that I saw her walking down the aisle. Now, I’ll admit, I DEFINITELY cried. But, it was such a beautiful moment that is a representation of believers being united as Christs bride. Seeing her walk down in her beautiful dress was perfection right before my eyes.

It was the Gospel on display!

He loved us first so we GET to love others.

But, how do we respond?

Point 2 - Love like He Loved

We need to love like he loved. His love is sacrificial and it loves the broken and the unloveable. Much like how affection loves the unlovable.

NXT J-High, let me tell you this. You are growing up in a time where the world is going to twist the meaning of love. You are going to be fed truths about real love and you are going to hear lies about fake love.

God’s design for love to be in marriage between man and women has been twisted. We are living in a time where there is love and there is lust.

I will be the first to tell you that I have been in situations where I have experienced both of these.

True love is real - it is like a diamond. Diamonds are one of the hardest and strongest rocks in the world - capable of withstanding fire and remaining just as sparkly as before. When true love and romance is honoring and uplifting, like christ loves us, it is beautiful and valuable like a diamond.

Fake love or lust, is like that favorite drink or snack that you consume extremely fast. When you drink or eat a-lot of whatever it is super fast, it tastes awesome but it runs out fast and leaves you feeling sick. So, you take a break from it, then, as soon as you’re feeling better, go right back and eat more, consume more, and continue to feel sick, until it is all gone and there is none left.

Love and lust are commonly mistaken with each other. True romantic love for another person searches to serve someone while lust searches to serve your needs and satisfaction. Lust searches for feelings, appearance, and popularity. It it looks good, its good! It’ll make me popular so I’ll enjoy it!

When love becomes focused on lust and pleasure, it becomes dangerous!

1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

If you are in here and you are just hearing about all of this for the first time, look to follow Jesus’ heart. Learn to be loved before you learn to love others! The best thing you can do at this time of your life is to learn as much as you can about who jesus is how it looks to follow him.

If you are in here and you are someone who has been hurt by love or has been in a relationship that is not rooted in true love but rooted in lust, I want to encourage you. You are not alone. I know what it is like to think that what you are doing with someone is right. The reality is, it can lead to a lot of pain and a lot of hurt. If you are crossing emotional boundaries, let someone know. If you have crossed physical boundaries, let someone know! I would love to talk with you about it.

So what does it look like to love like he loved?

If you are dating someone, I would evaluate if that relationship is honoring to God. If you are in a position where you are not allowed to date yet but are secretly dating someone, honor your parents and probably end that relationship! You guys are in middle school! There is no need to be dating right now. The reality is, if you are 11, 12, 13 years old, dating should not be on your mind. If you are someone who is in here and you are feeling like you are struggling in a relationship that you know you should not be in, I would love to talk to you about it.

Love sacrificially, love with the best interest of others in mind and love in a respectable and honorable way. First and foremost, develop a deep rooted love for your savior.

Close

1 John 4:19 CSB

19 We love because he first loved us.

We love because he first loved us. When you truly live in and experience the love that God has for us, you will be able to properly love others.

If you feel like you have not loved someone well, I want to challenge you to think about God’s love for you. Is that how you are loving? Are you loving regardless of the situation?

He loved first so that we may respond and love like He did.

Lets pray.