POTENTIAL - Dating Series (3)
Notes
Transcript
Hear THIS - The pressure to be with someone can cause you to settle for anything.
We all know someone who throws all logic out the window when dating.
He loves me for me!
I know theyre not perfect, but…
She would never do that to me!
Sometimes, it’s easy for us to throw logic out the window because we want someone.
When it works out - Funny story - Learned lesson
When it doesnt - Its sad, scary, and stressful
We say things like this to our friends:
Why would you do that?
Why would you settle?
Don’t you know how this is going to end?
Don’t you know how it ALWAYS ends?
Dating can be great…
But sometimes the emotional entanglement of a relationship can make it tough to see things clearly.
And what’s interesting is that although we can see it when it’s happening to other people, we often don’t always see it in ourselves.
For example, . . .
Magnify/Mirror - 2 Students - One holds phone zoomed in on the other, you hold mirror behind the person being zoomed.
Bad reputation
Physical boundaries
Cheating
Same general rules around dating - dont date a cheater, bad reputation, someone that comps our values.
But when WE catch the feelings…we say things like:
• “It’s fine. It’s just the way it is.”
• “I can control this. It won’t get out of hand.”
• “I can handle the consequences.”
And these views can bring us to a place where we make less-than-great decisions.
David - Background - Kings Fight - Restfulness leads to lust/sloth/temptation/all kinds of evil
In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.
One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.”
David: “Nah im good…”
David walking the roof - sees woman - bathing on roof - rainwater/cleansing - should've never been there.
The most dangerous place for you to be is any place you should’ve never been in the first place.
Kings in this time get what they want - Abuse of power
The most dangerous person for you to be with is any person you should have never been with in the first place.
Servant mentions by name daughter, wife - Dont do this david
David didn't care
It’s pretty easy to see that David made a few assumptions. . .
1. I’m an exception to the rule.
2. What I want isn’t that bad.
3. I can deal with whatever happens as a result.
David - A man after God’s own heart - Abuses his power, has bathsheba brought to him, and they dont just have a coffee.
From this encounter, bathsheba becomes pregnant.
At every turn, David seems to think he is an exception to the rules. But he isnt - consequences are to come.
Uriah explained
Now we’re getting into reality show territory, right?
David is desperate to cover up.
Uriah back at war - David marries after
We hear the story and what do we think? Horrible david right?
What we need to bring back into focus is the sobering reality that the value and respect and humanity of Bathsheba is diminished
Wants VS Needs - sometimes, when the pressure is on, we lose perspective.
We can convince ourselves that we’re the exception.
We think things will just workout, we will get away with it, we can handle the fallout or regret
And without even realizing it, we do not even think that there is another person paying a very steep price for our selfishness
The truth is this…The pressure to be with someone can cause you to settle for anything.
We end up settling for situations, people, or relationships that aren’t going to be the best for you or the other person.
Especially when the pressure we are under is self-imposed.
And we cannot lose sight of this: settling for anything can mean that, all the while, fading in the background is a person, someone with intrinsic value, on the other side of our misplaced desire, that we may be hurting deeply.
APPLY
So, when it comes to dating, it helps to be honest with yourself and ask the right questions. Questions like . . .
• Is there any area where you feel pressure to get something or do something that you don’t actually need?
• Is there any area where you find yourself thinking, “That may be true for everyone else, but it isn’t true for me or us?”
• Is there anything that makes you think you have things under control, even when everyone else is telling you differently?
In other words, is there an area where you’re settling for something or someone that you know you shouldn’t?
So, you might be wondering, “Is this how his story ended?” No. David recognized that he was wrong, but he didn’t do it alone. It took someone else speaking up, and David being willing to listen.
Sometimes seeing things clearly can take someone being real and honest with us, even when it isn’t easy. But it also takes us being willing to listen. So this week I want to encourage you to do three things…
1. Find someone to speak into your dating life. This could be a wise friend. It could be your small group leader. It could be a trusted adult. Think about the people in your life who you trust, and then identify someone who will be completely real with you.
2. Ask them to help you see areas where you’re not honest with yourself or facing the truth in your life. This part isn’t easy. It might even be scary. It isn’t like you have to share every deepest darkest secret to start, but you do have to start somewhere. Chances are, they’ll be able to see things just by knowing you.
3. Listen to them. Even if you find someone you trust and they have all the wisest things to say, that wisdom is wasted if you won’t listen. So, make a decision to always give this person a chance to say what they see—to always be honest with you, even when (and especially when) it’s something you may not want to hear. Because if you don’t want to hear their thoughts on the situation, there’s a good chance you need to.
So let me ask you a few difficult questions:
Do you have someone to help you gain perspective as it relates to your relationships?
Are you being honest enough with yourself to let someone in who will help you reach the most potential in both your dating life, and your life in general?
Are you perhaps manipulating a relationship for personal gain? Have you convinced yourself that it is no big deal?
And this question is tough: much like David, are you abusing your own power or popularity?
Maybe you really need to let someone in!
Being honest with yourself now will save you a lot of pain later. And I’m not talking like ten years from now (although that’s possible). I’m saying it can save you a lot of regret and baggage just weeks or months from now. The reality is that all of us can end up a million places that we didn’t want to be by accident, all because we never asked tough questions and made difficult decisions.
But to end up where you want to be in dating and relationships and in life, to see potential in the person you date, you need to be honest with yourself and let someone else be honest with you. Remember, the pressure to be with someone can cause you to settle for anything. And God doesn’t want you to settle. He wants you to thrive.
