Why I Shouldn't Forgive

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This morning is week 2 of our 4 week series on forgiveness

Last week we dealt with truly understanding forgiveness

If you missed that check it out at our website or app under media and the series The power of forgiveness

Why I shouldn't forgive

Some of you have been excited all week for this message

You may have seen our Facebook posts about this week’s message and thought oh yeah this Sunday is for me

pastor Josh is finally going to preach something I can buy into

some saw our Facebook posts and the title of the sermon and thought pastor Josh has finally lost his mind that is nonsense

Either way Praise God you are here this morning

God has a message for you!!!!!

Our main verse for this entire series is

Matthew 6:14–15

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Why I shouldn’t forgive

Many times in Christian circles we pay “lip service” to the idea of forgiveness without honestly dealing with some of the objections that people have

we are prone to tell only one side of the story

talking about the benefits of forgiveness without mentioning how hard it can sometimes be to truly forgive those who have wronged us

have you ever heard a sermon that made a strong case against forgiveness?

Have you ever heard a pastor or Christian counselor counsel a victim by saying “What happened to you is so awful that you would be a fool to forgive.

or

Its alright to hang on to those feelings of bitterness and hurt for the rest of your life”

No pastor or Christian counselor would ever advise someone to do that

And yet that's exactly what most people choose to do to themselves

they choose to hang on to an offense until it adversely affects them

why

because you justify it in your minds

you build this grand illusion that makes a case against forgiveness

and it sounds great to you but you don't dare speak it to anyone else because you know it will sound ridiculous to them

you say and think things like the following to justify your refusal to forgive and justify why you wont speak to anyone about it

they just wont understand

they didn't live it

i have to do me and forget everyone else

those are all justifications hiding the truth

the truth is you feel you cant forgive

but even that is usually a justification because so many times when you say or think I cant forgive you really mean and believe that you shouldn't forgive

you think things and even say things like this

i am the victim and because I am the victim why do I have to do something uncomfortable

the person who hurt me will get off scot free

I want to look at some reasons that many, maybe even you, feel are legitimate reasons for why they shouldn't forgive

1. Forgiveness denies the seriousness of sin

many feel this is true

if I forgive then I reduce the seriousness of what happened

many feel by forgiving the one who hurt you...you are saying what they did doesn't really matter

Proverbs 17:14

“The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: Therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”

Proverbs 19:11

“The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; And it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”

Let it go

with small things you do this all the time

a forgotten birthday

an unreturned phone call

you let that go all the time

now these little things hurt they are like a paper cuts

small but painful but yet you let them go

What about major offenses...or at least major offenses in your mind

the world is evil

horrible things happen every single day

letting go of and forgiving a text left on read or delivered is nothing compared to sexual abuse especially of a child

how can these things even compare?

here is what I want you to understand and hear this morning

forgiveness does not trivialize your pain just as God does not trivialize your sin

let me say that again

forgiveness does not trivialize your pain just as God does not trivialize your sin

so many have been deceived

the enemy..satan...is the father of lies

one lie he sells and society even religions...even Christians have fully believed is

when God forgives our sin he overlooks it.....that is just not true

now the bible does say

Psalm 103:12

“As far as the east is from the west, So far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”

not overlooked but removed

Nahum 1:3

“The Lord is slow to anger, and great in power, And will not at all acquit the wicked: The Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, And the clouds are the dust of his feet.”

please understand God’s mercy doesn't and will never override His holiness

God’s mercy does not and will NEVER override His holiness

God does not casually declare sinners suddenly righteous

God doesn't stay serious offenses are suddenly declared inconsequential

your sinful offenses and my sinful offenses demand payment

that payment was made in Jesus suffering and dying on the cross!!!

God didn’t overlook your sin and my sin

He sent Jesus to die our place for our sin

It was not OVERLOOKED it was PAID for by the blood of Jesus Christ

Forgiveness is not overlooking or trivializing sin and wrongs

so some may be hearing

thinking

still justifying

God doesn't overlook sin against Him so how could He expect me to overlook serious hurts others have done to me?

here is what you need to understand

we all need to understand this

It is not and never has been about overlooking

Sin creates an obligation

someone must pay that obligation

if forgiveness is going to gloss over the serious wrongs that I have endured then I shouldn’t have to forgive or should I?

the second reason people use to justify not forgiving is

2. Forgiveness lets people off the hook easily

many refuse to forgive because they fear further abuse

if I forgive him that gives him permission to hurt me even more

Matthew 18:21

“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?”

Could that fear, if i forgive him that gives him permission to hurt me even more, have been behind Peter’s question?

I don't know the answer to that just something to think about

What I do know is Peter here thought he was going above and beyond in terms of forgiveness and his question

the teaching of that time was to forgive the same offense 3 times

Peter doubled that and raised it one time to the perfect number 7

the problem was Peter...as some of you...believed there was a limit to forgiveness

if forgiveness is just going to casually let people off the hook to sin again, then I shouldn't have to forgive or should I

the 3rd reason some use to justify not forgiving is

3. Forgiveness places too much responsibility on the victim

Many argue by forgiving

letting go of your pain and denying your desire for justice that the victim takes all the responsibility instead of the offender

that thinking is like driving down the road and seeing a hit and run accident happen right in front of you

you go to the person who was hit by the car and tell them to take care of themselves.....help yourself, tend to your own wounds

and then you run to the driver of the vehicle and tell them not to worry about it

it is okay

you would never do that

you would never expect the victim of a hit and run accident to tend to themselves while you let the driver off the hook

no way....that makes no sense yet

many say it is unrealistic to place the forgiveness burden on the victim

or

Is it logical to expect the victim to let go of serious hurts

aren't we asking them to do the impossible

Matthew 5:38–41

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.”

is that reasonable

it doesn't seem right that a victim has to suffer and struggle...sometimes for years ....while an offender goes on about his life

if forgiveness is going to place such a heavy burden on my shoulders then I shouldn't have to forgive or should I

the 4th reason people use to justify not forgiving is

4. Forgiveness is unfair

now we have found it

this is really where the rubber meets the road

it has been here all along

did you see it

forgiveness is unfair

isn't there something fundamentally unfair in letting your offender go free without any consequences

and if forgiveness is unfair then I shouldn't have to forgive or should I

All of the objections

justifications

come from a misunderstanding of forgiveness

before we define forgiveness biblically here is what forgiveness is not

It is not denying the reality of your pain

it is not letting your offender off the hook

it is not blaming you the victim

it is not unfair God cant do anything unfair

Romans 9:14

“What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid.”

if forgiveness is not any of the things we have looked at this far then what is it

Forgive comes from a Greek word that carries the idea of a release from some type of obligation, most commonly financial obligation

it makes sense then that Jesus most often illustrated forgiveness with financial situations

Luke 7:41–42

“There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?”

this is an example

The money lender...

that man who was owed...

the victim...

choose to release both the debtors from their real

legally binding obligation

they owed real money

the lender had every legal right to be paid

he was the innocent party

he could have had them put in debtors prison

the problem was a deficit between the borrower’s debt and their resources

in accounting books must be balanced

the greatest misunderstanding about forgiveness is you simply overlook someone else’s sin

that is not accurate

someone has to pay

any offense committed causes an obligation that has to be paid

hopefully this illustration will help you understand

you are sitting at a stop light and all of a sudden

BOOM

you just got rear-ended

you get out of your car and immediately know it is going to cost some big bucks to fix the car

as you are looking at the damage done to your car the other driver steps out of their car

she is older

she is sobbing

she tells you she is a retired missionary and has very little money and no insurance

you tell her it is okay and that she doesn't need to worry about it you will take care of it

the next day you are handed an estimate

$2000 to fix the car

2 grand...that is a lot of money

that is a real debt

a real obligation and someone has to pay it

that someone is YOU

the accident created a real obligation that had to be met to fix your car

the offender owed that obligation but you chose to pay it

that is forgiveness

when you forgive

You acknowledge a wrong has in fact occured

you recognize there is an obligation for repayment

you chose to release your offender from that obligation and chose to cover the loss yourself

the 3rd is almost always the one that gets almost everyone

you naturally get the 1st two

you and I are really good at keeping score

however 3 gets us

why should I have to suffer the consequences

Jesus’ answer to Peter shows some reasons to completely forgive

Matthew 18:22

“Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

70 x 7

Jesus upped that perfect 7 times 70

to illustrate Jesus tells a dramatic parable

Matthew 18:23–27

“Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.”

Imagine being the servant for a moment

he owed the debt

he knew he owed the debt

he knew he could never pay the debt

now the debt was due and he and his family were going to have to pay with their freedom

what a horrible position to be in

he did the only thing he could begged for mercy

the king had mercy and forgave

lets look at 4 reasons you should forgive

1. forgiveness is often the only way to settle the debt

the king really had no choice

he was never going to be repaid

he was never going to see that money

he could have sold the man and his family

he could have been angry and bitter but the debt still was uncollectable

is the debt that you are holding on to uncollectable

the reality is this

most debts created by your offenders are unpayable

what payment could be offered to compensate you for a child killed by a drunk driver

or

a reputation destroyed by a rumor

or

a marriage destroyed by infidelity

2. forgiveness frees you to get on with your life

the king realized the debt was unpayable

he realized he had many other things that needed his attention

so he moved on to do things he could accomplish

everyone of us

have had

have right now

or will have things happen and we are much more interested and concerned about someone else’s obligation then they are

the problem is when you do that you become an emotional hostage to your offender

one of the biggest and best reasons for forgiveness is what it does for you not them

if you are holding a rattlesnake and you let it go you are helping the snake a little bit but you are saving your life

Hebrews 12:1

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,”

lay aside every weight and sin

3. forgiveness is an antidote to needless suffering

back to the servant

imagine the relief

imagine the burden that was lifted off of him and his family

however he didn't respond to the forgiveness he was granted with forgiveness

Matthew 18:28–35

“But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”

he repaid forgiveness with evil

Jesus had a very serious response to that forgive not and your Father will not forgive you

John McArther says “Unforgiveness is a toxin. IT poisons the heart with bitterness, distorting ones whole perspective on life. Anger, resentment, and sorry begin to overshadow and overwhelm the unforigivng person; a king of soul pollution that inflames evil appetites and evil emotions”

with every offense comes a choice

will you become bitter or better

4 forgiveness is the obligation of the forgiven

you cannot be truly forgiven and refuse to forgive

you have every right to collect the debt you are owed

but

because of God’s forgiveness in Jesus you have an obligation to give up your right to collect and you forgive

the pain you experience is real but negligible to wrongs you have committed against God

do you get it

you

i

everyone who ever lived

is alive

or who will be born

is the reason Jesus died on the cross

you were destined for hell

you were destined to die and live in hell for eternity separated from God

God love you so much He sent Jesus to die in your place

to pay your price

your sin created an obligation that had to be paid and God through Jesus paid that obligation because you never could

I want to go into invitation with a video

this video is a wonderful example of being moved with compassion

acting out of compassion because of what has happened to you

you forgive because you have been forgiven