Meticulous Dating — Esther 5:9-6:14

Introduction

(sermon is an edited version of my “Meticulous Kindness” sermon for BCM)

I’m not sure anything reveals insecurity quite like dating. I remember my first date in high school. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was a nervous wreck. I was so nervous about not getting her home on time that we went to a movie, and I immediately took her home. When I arrived home from my date after only like two hours, my mom asked if it didn’t go well. I told her, “It went great!” She was confused, and asked me where I took her to eat. I told her we didn’t go to eat, but I stopped by Winn Dixie on the way home for some chips. And, suddenly, it occurred to me that I hadn’t fed her! I was such an idiot! Somehow, that young lady still eventually end up marrying me.

Our expectation is that as we get older that the insecurity would get better. But, my experience in counseling tells me that it actually tends to get worse. The stakes just feel so much higher, and by that time, everyone has their own scars that you’re bringing to the table. In high school, you worry about the shirt that you wear. As an adult, you worry about whether you really know the person or if the person can be trusted or whether you will ever be able to have the family that you’ve prayed for and dreamed of. And, of course, our families don’t usually help, do they?

God’s Word

Esther 5-6 help us to see how the low boil of insecurity operating in the background of our lives can be turned down. If you are familiar with Esther, you’ll know that her cousin Mordecai has just told her that she will have to approach the king at the risk of her own life to attempt to stop the plot of the evil Haman from destroying all of the Jews. Mordecai goes so far as to say that she had endured everything she had endured and was placed where she was placed “for such a time as this.” She agrees to go to the king and ultimately resolves: “If I perish, I perish.” In chapters 5 and 6, the story reaches fever pitch so that we can see how the king responds and the fate of the Jews. And, along the way, it show us Three Pillars to Build Your Life Upon (headline) so that you don’t feel insecure and can face the future with confidence and hope.

“Fools” aren’t “free.”

Esther 5:9–14 “And Haman went out that day joyful and glad of heart. But when Haman saw Mordecai in the king’s gate, that he neither rose nor trembled before him, he was filled with wrath against Mordecai. Nevertheless, Haman restrained himself and went home, and he sent and brought his friends and his wife Zeresh. And Haman recounted to them the splendor of his riches, the number of his sons, all the promotions with which the king had honored him, and how he had advanced him above the officials and the servants of the king. Then Haman said, “Even Queen Esther let no one but me come with the king to the feast she prepared. And tomorrow also I am invited by her together with the king. Yet all this is worth nothing to me, so long as I see Mordecai the Jew sitting at the king’s gate.”

The book of Proverbs is a description of two people that have two completely different outlooks on life leading two completely different outcomes in life. There’s different terms that are used to describe these two people, but they can all be summarized as the “fool” and the “wise.” And, the issue with the fool is that he’s too blind and oblivious to realize that he’s a fool. His primary issue isn’t ignorance. It’s arrogance. He believes that he’s building a great life when he’s actually ruining his life. So, Proverbs 16:18 says: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” So, “prideful” is a synonym for “fool” in the Bible.

We’re seeing a contrast between the wise and foolish at the end of chapter 5, and Haman is pride personified. He’s a picture of self-love unrestrained. Notice the difference between Haman and Mordecai, the fool and the wise here. Haman leaves a party that Queen Esther has thrown, and he’s happy, happy, happy. For a nanosecond at least. He runs into Mordecai who doesn’t bow again, and immediately his happiness dissipates into a rage. Proud people are easily offended, which means they can’t be happy very long. So, he does what proud people do. He gathers an echo chamber around him to show off his wealth and so he can build a posse. Pride and egos need a crowd because they have to be validated by others. And yet, even though his posse was impressed and even though he was living in mansion and even though he had gotten the promotion by the king, Haman says: “Yet all this is worth nothing to me.”

“Prideful” hearts create “bitter” people.

Prideful hearts become bitter souls because they never receive all they believe that they deserve. They’re always slighted and never have enough. Egos are petulant like children. They can’t be happy unless they get their way, and if they don’t get their way, someone has to pay. So, it’s a life of vendetta and misery.

Contrast that with Mordecai. Nothing in Mordecai’s life is easy. He wasn’t promoted; he was overlooked. He isn’t powerful; he’s oppressed. He isn’t at the Queen’s dinner party; he’s working at the king’s gate. Yet, “he neither rose nor trembled” when the powerful man who wants him dead comes into his presence. Mordecai is showing us what Proverbs teaches about the wise and fool: Proverbs 16:19 “It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud.”

“Humble” hearts create “peaceful” people.

Humble hearts become peaceful souls. You see, Haman has all the power, but Mordecai has all the freedom. Haman’s happiness is ruined by a single person, a single detail of his life being different than he pleases. Mordecai’s peace isn’t shaken in the very worst circumstance he could imagine. That’s freedom, isn’t it? And, be sure to remember the anchor point of Mordecai’s happiness. He’s convinced: “relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews.” (4:14) So, Freedom is the ability to be at peace regardless of what’s happening around you because you trust God. It’s the ability to be content when you don’t have what you want or your life doesn’t go your way. So, freedom is the humility to accept God’s plan as good when it doesn’t look good, and misery is the need to have all of life your way so that you can be happy. The wise have a happiness that can’t be shaken, and the fool has a happiness that can’t be attained.

There’s a temptation to believe that if you could just find the right relationship, you’d be happy. If you could just get the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids and rescue a dog for the front porch, that’s all you’d need to be happy. But, here’s the secret. If you aren’t happy without it, you won’t be happy with it. In fact, the more pressure you place on trying to attain the things you have to have to be happy, the more disappointed you become with them when they don’t meet your expectations. That’s the lesson that the foolish, like Haman, never learn. They get everything they want, and still say “Yet all this is worth nothing to me.”

Your youth and your singleness and even your dating is a time that is meant by God for acquiring the type of wisdom that will allow you to flourish. Proverbs is literally written to teach young men how to be prepared to marry and run their own household. And, what’s the chief lesson? Learn how to be happy in God. Learn how to say with Paul in a Roman Prison: “I do not consider myself to be in need.” You see, having everything won’t make the foolish person happy, but missing something important won’t make the wise person miserable. It’ll take two healthy people to have a healthy marriage. If you have one healthy and one unhealthy, the unhealthy is almost sure to drag down the healthy. If you have two unhealthy people, all hell breaks loose. Now is the time to grow into the healthy person God intends.

“You” aren’t “overlooked.”

Esther 5:14–6:4 “Then his wife Zeresh and all his friends said to him, “Let a gallows fifty cubits high be made, and in the morning tell the king to have Mordecai hanged upon it. Then go joyfully with the king to the feast.” This idea pleased Haman, and he had the gallows made. On that night the king could not sleep. And he gave orders to bring the book of memorable deeds, the chronicles, and they were read before the king. And it was found written how Mordecai had told about Bigthana and Teresh, two of the king’s eunuchs, who guarded the threshold, and who had sought to lay hands on King Ahasuerus. And the king said, “What honor or distinction has been bestowed on Mordecai for this?” The king’s young men who attended him said, “Nothing has been done for him.” And the king said, “Who is in the court?” Now Haman had just entered the outer court of the king’s palace to speak to the king about having Mordecai hanged on the gallows that he had prepared for him.”

Proverbs 11:2 says that “when pride comes, then comes disgrace.” So, when Haman builds a 75 foot monument to his pride in his backyard when he builds the gallows for Mordecai, we ought to be expecting that his “disgrace” is on its way. The author intends for the reader to suspect God’s intervention now. He’s beginning to tip his hand more and more. Remember this was written after the fact, and the Jews reading this obviously know Haman’s plan to destroy them doesn’t work. So, the significance isn’t on whether God would save them, but how.

And, the answer is in the most ordinary way possible. The devil isn’t in the details; God is. God wasn’t going to close the Red Sea or send an angel army. He was going to send insomnia. We skipped over it, but Esther throws a party where she’s supposed to ask King A. to spare the Jews, but it seems she loses her nerve or she procrastinates. But, she says, “I’m going to throw y’all another party tomorrow night, and then I’ll ask.” Well, after this delay, both Haman and the King have sleepless nights. Haman spends the entire night building the 75 foot gallows that he’s planning to hang Mordecai on. And, King A. spends the night hearing his diary read out loud so that he might go to sleep.

And so, it’s going to be insomnia that is the turning point in the whole story. Haman is plotting Mordecai’s demise, but God is directing his salvation. You see, while King A. is listening to his diary, the story from 5 years ago comes up when Mordecai had saved his life. And, King A. realizes that he had overlooked Mordecai and had not rewarded him. This would have been a great embarrassment to the king, and he was determined that he would extravagantly make up for lost time. But, what to do, what to do? And, suddenly, at that exact moment, Haman enters the courts so that he can ask the King to allow him to execute Mordecai. And, Haman, assuming the king wants to reward him, downloads his Amazon wishlist, which he personally has to go and give to Mordecai in front of every person that knew how Mordecai how dishonored him.

Coincidence is really “providence.”

Do you see the hand being tipped? Do you see the disgrace coming to the proud? Oh, we might call the delayed question and the sleepless night and the entrance of the wicked man all coincidence, but what we call coincidence, the Bible calls providence. Haman is going down, and Mordecai is going up. Mordecai may have been overlooked for the King’s promotion, but it was only so he would be overwhelmed by God’s provision.

Providence is thoroughly “meticulous.”

(show picture of chair) God’s kindness is so meticulous that not one detail is overlooked. Six years ago, I was helping some friends move. While we were dragging a recliner down a flight of stairs, my buddy asked if I knew of anyone who might be interested in purchasing the chair. When I told him that I'd be interested, he said that I could just have it. didn't think about it long and moved the chair into my living room. The chair did what chairs do. Overall, the chair seemed like a non-event, kind of like a sleepless night. Of course, birds flying across the sky and flowers growing on the side of the road seem like mundane non-events, too. But, in Matthew 6 Jesus says that they give us a glimpse of the kind sovereignty of our heavenly Father. And, just a couple of months after I helped my friends move, I had an emergency surgery that led to a lengthy recovery. For seven weeks, I just sat in a chair — that chair.

After two solid weeks of sitting in the same spot, I realized that it wasn't just my friend that gave me that chair. It was God, too. It was a sweet reminder that He had accounted for every detail of what I was facing. God is meticulous in his kindness that way. And, his meticulous kindness transforms mundane, non-events into moments of deep gratitude and praise. Nothing is unaccounted for. Not a bird in the sky. Not a flower on the side of the interstate. Not even a chair.

Dating has a unique way of making you feel overlooked by God, doesn’t it? Another Friday night comes and goes without someone to share it with. And, the insecurity builds up like a snowball running downhill. You think, what’s wrong with me? Why does no one notice me? Why does no one want me? Why does God seem to want me to be lonely? Or, why did she leave me? Why did he prefer her?

But, here’s what Mordecai teaches us: You aren’t overlooked. Your story just isn’t finished yet. God knows every bird that falls from the sky, and He knows how badly you want someone to desire you. The details of your life aren’t an accident. They’re weaving together a tapestry — a tapestry that might include marriage and kids or might not — that when it’s completed you will call beautiful.

“God” isn’t “late.”

Esther 6:10–14 “Then the king said to Haman, “Hurry; take the robes and the horse, as you have said, and do so to Mordecai the Jew, who sits at the king’s gate. Leave out nothing that you have mentioned.” So Haman took the robes and the horse, and he dressed Mordecai and led him through the square of the city, proclaiming before him, “Thus shall it be done to the man whom the king delights to honor.” Then Mordecai returned to the king’s gate. But Haman hurried to his house, mourning and with his head covered. And Haman told his wife Zeresh and all his friends everything that had happened to him. Then his wise men and his wife Zeresh said to him, “If Mordecai, before whom you have begun to fall, is of the Jewish people, you will not overcome him but will surely fall before him.” While they were yet talking with him, the king’s eunuchs arrived and hurried to bring Haman to the feast that Esther had prepared.”

Can you imagine how delicious the scene must’ve been when Haman had to put the robe on Mordecai and parade him through the streets? Haman had planned to parade Mordecai to the gallows in order to show how powerful he was. Instead, Haman paraded Mordecai as a man of honor so that everyone gave his greatest enemy the praise he wanted. Haman wanted to kill Mordecai for not honoring him, but King A. had compelled him to have him through him a celebration instead.

Why does “God” take so “long?”

The tables have turned on Haman in a moment of poetic justice, and the author is foreshadowing what his future will be. But, I think this gets to two questions that we often struggle with when it comes to God’s will. First, why does it take so long? There’s a great emphasis on the timing of God in Esther 5-6. Five years of waiting for the promotion. Three days of fasting. One night of sleeplessness. Haman entering the courts at just the right time. And, then “hurry, hurry, hurry.” (3x’s in these 5 verses) Man, it’s easier for most Christians to trust God with their sins than it is for them to trust God in his timing.

My goodness, that question your grandmother keeps annoying with is the same one you have too, if you’re honest: Why does it seem to be taking so long? Why does it take me so long to know if he or she is the one I should marry? Why does it seem to take me so long to find anyone I want to date or willing to date me? Why does it seem to take me so long to find someone who actually loves God? Well, God uses waiting rooms to draw out our faith and to prepare us for what He has for us. It’s supposed to be difficult because that’s what requires faith.

Why does “evil” seem to “prosper?”

And, one of the main reasons it is so hard to trust God in his timing is because of the second question that comes up. 1) Why does it take so long? 2) Why does evil prosper while we wait? While the Jews are waiting on God, everything seemed to be really bad for them, but really good for Haman. It seemed like the wicked became rich and powerful while the righteous were oppressed and overlooked. And, that’s the struggle many of you are having with your faith. You’re trying to do all the right things and getting all the wrong results, while others you see are doing all the wrong things and seem to be getting all the right results.

That’s what’s hard, isn’t it? You’re trying to date the right way and find the right person, and yet it seems like you’re the one that’s missing out.

But now, on this side of the poetic justice, after five years of languishing, we’re starting to see what God was up to. You see, God delayed his timing and allowed evil to prosper because it would lead to greater peace for his people and greater glory for his name. Let me explain. What if Mordecai had been promoted when he wanted to be promoted? What if Haman had never shown up with his evil plan? That is, what if the faith of Mordecai and Esther had never been tested? Esther has gone from a morally ambiguous figure to a heroic one. Mordecai went from hiding his identity to standing up to the most powerful man in the nation because of it. Their faith has been drawn out. They’ve been brought to the ends of themselves. And, they have witnessed God rescue them in the most remarkable way possible. That is, God has delayed their deliverance that they could witness him manipulate evil so that they would know they’re safe with him. God’s delayed timing leads to the deeper knowledge of God, and the deeper knowledge of God leads to a deeper peace with God.

And, this is how waiting rooms properly viewed are always used by God — to deepen our dependence and trust. Your singleness is purposeful. Your breakup is purposeful. Your loneliness is purposeful.

(Pic of Muller) God’s timing isn’t always fun, but it is always perfect. It’s always purposeful. He’s never late. It reminds me of a story of George Muller who operated an orphanage during the 1800’s. One morning, the house mother came to him and said that there was no food to prepare for the 300 orphans, and she asked what she should do. Muller said to seat the children at the table. He began to pray a blessing for the food that wasn’t there, and thanked God for his provision. And then, he waited. God looked late. Within minutes, a baker knocked on the door. “Mr. Mueller,” he said, “last night I could not sleep. Somehow I knew that you would need bread this morning. I got up and baked three batches for you. I will bring it in.”  Soon, there was another knock at the door. It was the milkman. His cart had broken down in front of the orphanage. The milk would spoil by the time the wheel was fixed. He asked George if he could use some free milk. George smiled as the milkman brought in ten large cans of milk. It was just enough for the 300 thirsty children."

God wasn’t late. He was on time. Now, do you think that increased their confidence in God or decreased it? Do you think God got less glory or more? God isn’t late for you either. Don’t feel insecure while you wait. Jesus was dead three days before He rose.