God’s Normal For Marriage | Genesis 2:18-25 (2)

God’s Normal For Marriage | Genesis 2:18-25

Opening Remarks

Grateful to be a part of this

Bro. Denson - Invitation

Bro. Stephen - Organizing

Thankful to be here with my good friend, Bro. Pyle

We were supposed to do this together a few years ago but he wasn’t able to make it last minute, so I’m glad it worked out.

We served together Stillwater, and one thing is certain, our wives deserve special crowns in Heaven. I feel bad about all the stress we put on them.

Let’s be honest, guys. We all married up. I don’t deserve my wife, and I’m even more convinced that Bro. Pyle doesn’t deserve Mrs. Andrea.

It reminds me of a story I heard about a group of tourists who visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place gave them a risky proposal;

“Whoever dares to jump in and swim back to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.”

Nobody moved for a minute, then suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore being chased by crocodiles.

Fortunately he made it and everyone was impressed by his bravery and stupidity. So the owner said, “We have a winner!” and gave him his money.

So he collected the reward and the man and his wife got back to the hotel, where the manager had heard about the incident and said, “That was brave to jump, to say the least.” But the man said, “I didn't jump, someone pushed me!”

This his wife smiled and said, “Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him.”

Whether that’s being pushed to be better or pushed into oncoming traffic, it’s still true.

Okay, before I give our wives any ideas, let’s turn to Genesis 2.

This is the first passage in the Bible that talks about marriage. I think that’s probably a good place to begin the weekend.

Genesis 2:18-25.

Introduction:

It’s amazing how quickly things that were once considered so revolutionary become commonplace.

Internet - Telling my kids the first time I got online was as a junior in college

Cell Phones - Went all the way through college without one

What once seemed revolutionary now feels normal. Like AI, although that one scares me.

It happens in lots of ways. Moved to Sioux Falls and bought a new house.

Master closet in Stillwater, light switch on the left

Master closet in Sioux Falls, light switch on the right

“I’ll never get used to this!”

About a week in, I was used to it

Our brains are incredibly adaptable organs

Sometimes we don’t notice the changes until we look back

With my kids, sometimes I look back at a photo from 6 months ago and think, “How have they changed so much! I hadn’t even noticed!”

It’s a fascinating process how things can so quickly become a NEW NORMAL.

In most cases, it’s not a big deal. But there are a lot of things we should never get used to.

The push for a NEW NORMAL in marriage is one example.

Our culture is telling us that marriage can be anything you want it to be. No rules. Anybody with anybody.

That’s becoming the NEW NORMAL, which means GOD’S NORMAL needs representation now more than ever.

What is GOD’S NORMAL? What does God expect in the marriage relationship?

Probably a good place to turn to is the first mention of marriage in the Bible. So let’s turn to Genesis 2.

Three Words To Describe GOD’S NORMAL for marriage.

I. Fellowship

The foundation for marriage is the relationship.

Vs. 18 - “It is not good that man should be alone”

This is the first “not good” of creation

Everything else God saw as good. But Adam being alone was not good.

Adam was made in God’s image and God is a God of fellowship. Relationships matter to Him.

Because fellowship is important to God, then He knew Adam needed it, being made in God’s image.

God’s normal for marriage is companionship.

1. Illustration: When my wife and I were beginning our relationship we had known each other for about 5 years already. When we were seeking God’s will, both of us determined that we had the foundation for a good marriage because we were friends.

We have companionship. We love to be around each other. We talk. We interact. We have a relationship

That’s normal for marriage. People ought to look at a husband and wife and think, “I think they like each other.”

Illustration: Wife smacking me on the backside in the church kitchen. One of the ladies reprimanded her later for it. But you know how much it bothered me? About this much.

Okay, maybe don’t do it front of certain people, but you know why it happened? Because we like each other.

Unfortunately, in our culture, fellowship is less important than it’s ever been.

In 2003, the average person spent in-person time socially with friends about 60 minutes a day. In 2020 that number was 20 minutes a day. In 2003, that was 30 hours a month. In 2020, that equals 10 hours a month.

The biggest decline of in-person interaction has been in those aged 15-24, which was reduced by 70% from 2003 to 2020.

Almost half of Americans in 2021 reported having three or few close friends, down from almost 12 in 1990.

https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

But it’s not just happening socially, it’s also happening in families.

The same studies show decreasing time in daily interaction of those under the same roof.

There are a lot of reasons for it - Work, busyness, activities.

They used to predict that technology and convenience would reduce work weeks and raise times for leisure, but the opposite has happened. We’re busier than ever.

And now people think that technology is how you have relationships with others. But those aren’t real relationships.

I don’t mean don’t get on Facebook, but the most important relationships are the ones in front of you.

Too many marriages include one or both spouses who come home at the end of the day and unwind in front of a screen with very little fellowship.

Here’s the message that gets sent: “I value technology more than I value you.”

That hurts. We think technology is connecting us but it’s isolating us.

When my wife and I first got married I had a cell phone but it only made calls. So when we were together. We were together.

And you say, “I need to be available.” If it’s that important, they’ll figure out a way.

It’s crazy to me to see couples on dates at a table and both spend the whole time on their phone.

God’s normal for marriage is fellowship with the person in front of you.

Culture’s norm for marriage may be fellowship with everyone except the person in front of you, but that’s not God’s Normal. This is all stuff we have to fight against too.

I think it’s good to build a technology free zone or have technology free days.

Fellowship without TV. Sit down and talk. Eat together. Play a board game. Go outside.

We do puzzles in the winter because it’s too cold in SD to do anything else. Find something that doesn’t include technology and enjoy it.

Relearn to have fun without electricity.

Live life together. Not separate lives. It’s BETTER TOGETHER.

Fellowship does not automatically happen just because you share a home and pay bills and transport kids.

In fact, the greatest fellowship takes place when we’re both right with God. 1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.”

That’s fellowship at its core. Both right with God, sins confessed, time with Jesus Christ, and then fellowship with each other is natural and sweet.

On a spiritual level, start with the Lord, but on a practical level, make it happen.

Schedule it. Just the two of you. Do things deliberately together. Talk. Men, open up. Wives. Listen.

Relate, communicate, be close, don’t isolate.

By the way, intimacy is a big part of this. Schedule that too.

I said this last time I was here, but Bruce Lee said, “Love is friendship on fire.”

When it comes to intimacy, men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots. Either way, heat it up.

That’s part of the relationship. Cleave. Enjoy each other. Few things help a couple reconnect like the physical part of marriage.

If you say, “But we have kids. ” Get a lock on the door and put up a “No Vacancy” sign.

Put the kids in bed, turn off the phones, lock the doors, make it happen. If you need to, get away.

It’s amazing how many counseling sessions could be avoided if married couples would buy in to the importance of the fact that God commands us to be one flesh.

God’s Normal For Marriage Is Built On Fellowship

Second word that describes God’s Normal for Marriage

II. Function

God’s normal for marriage is strengthened by us embracing our function.

Vs. 18 says, “I will make him an help meet for him.”

Two words, not one. Help & meet.

God sent “help” that was “suitable” to complete Adam.

Someone the opposite of Adam who helped complete him.

Help does not mean less than. “She’s just a helper.”

The word for help is “Ezer” as in “Ebenezer” which means the Lord is my help.

The Bible says often the Lord is our help. He embraces the role of help. To do for us what we can’t do alone.

The role of help is not less than. It’s essential. Adam’s solitude was “not good.” He was incomplete.

The man is half of what he should be without his wife. How is that demeaning?

He needed someone like him enough to fellowship with him but different enough to complete him.

Without Eve, Adam would be incomplete. God’s plan could not be fulfilled without her.

So Adam had a role and Eve had a role. Each person in a marriage has a function.

The husband is the head of the house. That’s his role.

The wife submits to the husband. That’s her role.

No one is more or less important, they are just different.

If that’s offensive, 1 Cor. 11:3 states, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

Even Jesus Christ is submissive in His role to the Father. That certainly doesn’t mean He’s unimportant. He’s the most important.

Cultural Norm is to discard traditional roles. Man, woman, it’s all up for grabs. So tell me how that’s working out?

There needs to be a representation of God’s Normal for Marriage in terms of function.

Men that love their wives unconditionally and passionately and sacrificially like Christ loved the church. That’s what Eph. 5 says.

And in the same passage, wives ought to submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord.

He’s not the Lord. He’s not perfect. But the mindset should be to submit. That’s the role. That’s the function. It’s not less than. It’s different than.

God took a rib out of Adam to form Eve.

Matthew Henry said this, “Not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved."

Equal but different. Oneness yet distinction.

Culture says the roles are interchangeable, and look at the confusion.

Husbands, lead the home without trampling your wife.

Love and honor her and treat her as an equal. But lead. God help us have men that lead. Make spiritual decisions. Seek God’s Word for counsel. Be in control of your emotions. Stop flying off the handle and in a controlled manner, like Jesus, lead your home. Too many homes are in chaos because a man won’t lead.

Wives, submit as to the Lord.

Your husband is incomplete if you don’t fulfill your role. He needs you. Too many homes are in chaos because a man tries to lead but his wife won’t accept her role.

Where is the world going to see God’s Normal For Marital Function if not God’s people?

Nowhere.

Most societies are imbalanced. Whether it be a matriarchal society where the wife leads and the man is like a whipped puppy, or a culture where the men do what they want and the women can’t look you in the eye.

You can say the Bible is outdated, but it’s the only balanced approach to marriage you’re going to find.

Part of role and function is the more embrace it, the more we help our spouse to reach their potential in Christ.

Adam was never going to be what he was supposed to be without Eve.

Your spouse is depending on you fulfilling your role so they can most completely fulfill theirs.

To resists our role is to sell our spouse short.

God’s Normal For Marriage is Established on Fellowship

God’s Normal For Marriage Is Strengthened By Function

Word #3 - God’s Normal For Marriage

III. Faithfulness

God’s Normal For Marriage Is Commitment To Faithfulness

Adam’s statement in vs. 23 is one of permanence.

In his mind, the woman was a part of Him. She came from him. They were one and the same.

He wasn’t thinking, “Oh she’s less.” He was thinking, “That came from me? God is a God of miracles!”

And then we have verse 24. Leave means forsake.

Before marriage a man’s obligation is to his parents. After marriage his obligation is to his wife. That isn’t negotiable.

When Moses wrote this, the Jews were coming out of Egypt with a twisted view of marriage.

In their minds, marriage wasn’t the sacred institution God made it to be. Divorce was optional, primarily because of the hardness of their hearts. They bought into the culture’s norm for marriage.

They had embraced the NEW NORMAL.

But God’s normal is that marriage is an unbreakable bond. A man leaves his parents, cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh. That’s not a temporary relationship.

I. Two applications about faithfulness:

A. God’s Normal for marriage is faithfulness to the institution of marriage.

One man, one woman in a permanent covenant relationship for life. That’s God’s normal.

This is a covenant. God’s Normal for marriage is permanent.

Faithfulness to the institution of marriage should be our Normal.

B. The second application is faithfulness to your spouse.

If two become “One flesh,” any other relationship is sin.

About 20% of marriages experience some level of infidelity. That’s 1 in 5. That’s alarming.

God makes it clear that sexual activity outside of the union of marriage is sin.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

When a man and a woman consummate a marriage, they become one in the eyes of God.

But even more, Jesus Christ said that lust outside of the marriage relationship is also a sin.

The NEW NORMAL in our culture treats marriage as neither significant, permanent or sacred.

But God’s Normal says that we ought to be faithful to the institution and to the other person.

Flesh and Bone. That’s more than a fling. That’s not just reproduction. And it’s not just an emotional connection.

In God’s eyes, there’s a joining of two people. And in marriage it’s beautiful. It’s wonderful.

Choose faithfulness. To Marriage and To Your Spouse.

Infidelity begins in the heart.

Proverbs 4:23 “Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.”

These days, the attacks on the heart are relentless.

Men, with pornography. It’s everywhere. Even in our hands on our phones. And you may not see that as unfaithfulness, but your wife does.

When Jesus said that looking with lust was adultery, He was saying the same thing. Keep your heart toward your wife and your body will follow.

Ladies, same thing. Don’t let your heart be captured by someone other than your husband.

“But he’s not this. He’s not romantic. He doesn’t pay attention to me. He’s never home. When he is he’s on the phone.”

I know he’s not perfect, none of us are. But you certainly won’t win him back if your heart is toward someone else.

The culture says, “Faithfulness doesn’t matter.” Or “Looking isn’t unfaithfulness.” Or “Communicating online isn’t being unfaithful.”

All of those involve the heart, and Jesus says that’s adultery.

It’s so much better to prevent unfaithfulness than to try put the pieces back together afterward.

I know God forgives. And He helps us forgive.

But we must decide today to be committed to God’s Normal For Marriage. Which means faithfulness.

So let’s do a comparison:

Let’s lay God’s Normal like a template over your marriage.

How does your marriage hold up?

How’s your Fellowship?

How well have you embrace your Function?

How committed to Faithfulness are you?

First - God’s way is the only way to have a successful marriage.

Second - The world needs to see a representation.