Relationship Goals: Who's Your Best Friend?

Summary: The passages chronicle the deep, sacrificial friendship of David and Jonathan, illustrating the characteristics of true friends, such as loyalty, trustworthiness, and unconditional love. These qualities not only position friendships as sanctified relationships but also serve as a guide in dating, urging individuals to pursue connections that mirror this biblical model.

Application: This sermon encourages teens to aspire for friendships built on biblical principles of love, loyalty, and respect, which are essential when considering any romantic relationship. It teaches that strong relationships emphasize mutual growth in faith and character, guiding them in their choices in friends and partners.

Big Idea: Friendships formed on the foundation of faith and sacrificial love enable individuals to build strong romantic relationships rooted in Christ-like principles, creating partnerships that honor God and support each other’s spiritual journeys.

Well we finally have hit the month of February, and you know what that means?

Valentines Day right? Wrong. Its the national holiday of Super Bowl Sunday!

But really when anyone really thinks of February, they think of Valentines Day and relationships. So in keeping with the spirit of the month, I thought why not get into what we should be looking for when it comes to relationships. But the thing is it does not immediately start with a dating relationship, first we need to look at the relationship you have even with your friends. This is because who ever you may end up dating they should ultimately become one of your best friends.

This idea of friends can even be shown in the phrase “leave no man behind”. When I say this first thought would to the American Military and even some movies really showing this idea. But we were not the first to come up with this ideal. We can actually see that this comes into play during the Roman Empire as well.

In the historical accounts of the Roman Empire, soldiers would go to great lengths to rescue their comrades on the battlefield. It’s a reminder of how deep friendships can lead us to brave challenges for each other, much like the courage shown in the stories of David and Jonathan, who we will be looking into tonight. They formed a bond that transcended risks and conflicts, showing us how true friends will stand by each other no matter the cost.

1. Shared Spiritual Fellowship

1 Samuel 18:1–4

Before we even get into the story of the friendship of David and Jonathan, I first want to make sure we know who both of them are.

David - The man who took down Goliath, but even more than that he was also brought to King Saul because at the time Saul was being tormented and when David played the harp it soothed him.

Jonathan - Son of the king and next inline for the throne. He was a great commander who with only help from his shield bearer was able to wipe out an entire camp of Philistines, because he trusted God. He was also highly respected among the soldiers as well.

As we get into the passage this follows up immediately after David had killed Goliath and brought his head to King Saul.

So we will be in 1 Samuel 18:1-4

1 Samuel 18:1–4 NLT

1 After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. 2 From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn’t let him return home. 3 And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. 4 Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.

David and Jonathan have met for the first time, yet the moment they saw each other they knew there was a bond there. They both cared for each other and this is the start of how they would do anything for the other. Jonathan show cased this by give David his possessions that he had on him to symbolize the bond. But see it was more than just a physical bond of friendship, but one that was spiritual as well.

While this may be the first time they met face to face, David was one to be in and out of the kings presence because he played the harp to help Saul relax. This would even show Jonathan the kind of spiritual person that David was. It is this idea that I want you guys to look at. As we go through this message we are going to be looking at 5 characteristics that you should be looking for when it comes to having and building friendships with those around you and finding who are your best friends. The first thing to look for is: Share Spiritual Fellowship.

When you are looking people you want to hang around on a daily basis and those you want to get close to, whether a friend or someone you want to date, you want to find someone who you can have spiritual fellowship with. This is a bond that you can share when it comes to your walk with Jesus. This also shows someone that can walk beside you or you can walk beside them as you get closer to God.

2. Steadfast Sacrificial Loyalty

1 Samuel 20:30–34

Now we are going to do a little time jump in the life of David and Jonathan, but the biggest thing that you need to know is that David was incredibly successful in everything that he did, so much so that Saul was jealous of David and saw him as a threat to the throne and a threat to Jonathan becoming the next king of Israel. Because of this Saul has made multiple attempts on David’s life.

It had gotten so bad that Jonathan is going to try and intervene on David’s behalf, but also find out how much David’s life was really in danger. So part of the plan was for David to not show up at dinner and Jonathan would make an excuse as to why he couldn’t make it to figure out what Saul’s response would be.

We get Saul’s response and Jonathan’s rebuttal to his father in 1 Samuel 20:30-34

1 Samuel 20:30–34 NLT

30 Saul boiled with rage at Jonathan. “You stupid son of a whore!” he swore at him. “Do you think I don’t know that you want him to be king in your place, shaming yourself and your mother? 31 As long as that son of Jesse is alive, you’ll never be king. Now go and get him so I can kill him!” 32 “But why should he be put to death?” Jonathan asked his father. “What has he done?” 33 Then Saul hurled his spear at Jonathan, intending to kill him. So at last Jonathan realized that his father was really determined to kill David. 34 Jonathan left the table in fierce anger and refused to eat on that second day of the festival, for he was crushed by his father’s shameful behavior toward David.

Saul hated David so much that he even tried to kill his own son, the one he claims to be so worried about taking the throne, just because he was loyal to David and loved him like a brother. Talk about family drama, am I right? Also anyone looking for some new insults just ask Saul for some ideas.

Now there is something I would like to point out about Jonathan, just because he loved David, it did not mean he also did not love his father. This is shown by how he felt because of his fathers own actions, yet no where does he do anything that would be considered disrespectful or dishonoring to his father. This is because of the type of man that Jonathan was, he was a Godly man and he knew what God’s Word said and honoring your father and mother. But characteristic that I want to take from Jonathan here when it comes to friendship is this: Steadfast Sacrificial Loyalty.

See Jonathan could have taken the easy road right here, bring David to his father, let his father kill him and then the throne is his. But Jonathan doesn’t do that, he remembers the promise that he made to David. He knows the kind of man that David is and what calling he has on his life, so while he could have taken the easy road, he instead chose to stay loyal to his friend and take the hard road.

When looking at your friends you want someone that you can trust, someone who will have your back. What I am not saying is if your parents say you can’t do something or go somewhere to do it anyways because you want to be loyal to your friend. You still need to honor your parents and respect them. Now if your parents are asking you to bring your friend to them so they can kill them, then that is a different story. And if that is happening please let us know and of course call 911. But beyond that you can still be a loyal friend and honor your parents.

But even more than being loyal Jonathan at his own risk did what he could to protect his friend. This too is apart of being a loyal friend. If you are loyal to someone, that means that you will protect that person to the best of your abilities.

3. Eternal Supportive Encouragement

1 Samuel 20:41-42, 1 Samuel 23:15-18

Now let us take a glimpse into the farewell between Jonathan and David, for this will be the next to last time that they will see one another. 1 Samuel 20:41-42

1 Samuel 20:41–42 NLT

41 As soon as the boy was gone, David came out from where he had been hiding near the stone pile. Then David bowed three times to Jonathan with his face to the ground. Both of them were in tears as they embraced each other and said good-bye, especially David. 42 At last Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn loyalty to each other in the Lord’s name. The Lord is the witness of a bond between us and our children forever.” Then David left, and Jonathan returned to the town.

While they were unsure of whether or not they would see each other again, one thing was for certain, the amount of respect that they had for one another. This is shown by David bowing 3 times to Jonathan a sign of respect, but also placating to the office that Jonathan held as a royal prince. But this was not the final time in which they would see each other. That can be found just a few chapters later when David is on the run from Saul. 1 Sam 23:15-18

1 Samuel 23:15–18 NLT

15 One day near Horesh, David received the news that Saul was on the way to Ziph to search for him and kill him. 16 Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God. 17 “Don’t be afraid,” Jonathan reassured him. “My father will never find you! You are going to be the king of Israel, and I will be next to you, as my father, Saul, is well aware.” 18 So the two of them renewed their solemn pact before the Lord. Then Jonathan returned home, while David stayed at Horesh.

This would be the last time that they would see each other alive, and look at why Jonathan went to seek David out, to encourage him. If Jonathan had been caught who knows what would have happened to him, but he didn’t care. Jonathan wanted to make sure David was OK and to remind him of the calling on his life and encourage him with that promise. This idea is the 3rd characteristic that you should look at when it comes to friends: Eternal Supportive Encouragement.

A friend is someone who has your back someone who speaks life into your life and wants you to succeed. Looking at Jonathan, he wanted what was best for David and went out of his way to encourage him in a time when David was at a low point in his life. David was running for his life from a king he had served faithfully, yet Saul still wanted him dead because he was jealous of him. So when you are looking for a friend look for one who is there to encourage you even on your worst day.

4. Sincere Emotional Connection

2 Samuel 1:25–27

Now following that final encounter between David and Jonathan Israel again had gone to war, but this would be the last time Israel would be led by Saul. Both Saul and his son Jonathan would fall in battle leading to David becoming the next king of Israel, but before that can happen David gets the news about the fall of Saul and Jonathan. Even though Saul tried to kill David multiple times David still held him in respect and wrong a song to lament his death as well as Jonathan’s, it can be found in 2 Samuel 1:25-27

2 Samuel 1:25–27 NLT

25 Oh, how the mighty heroes have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies dead on the hills. 26 How I weep for you, my brother Jonathan! Oh, how much I loved you! And your love for me was deep, deeper than the love of women! 27 Oh, how the mighty heroes have fallen! Stripped of their weapons, they lie dead.

This here shows the depth of the friendship held between Jonathan and David. We see it in how David morns the death of his best friend, his brother. This shows the depth of the emotional connection between the two of them that I am positive that if the roles were reversed then Jonathan would respond to the death of David in a similar fashion. This leads us to our 4th characteristic of a friend that we should look for: Sincere Emotional Connection.

Now this idea of having this deep of an emotional connection does not just mean how sad and broken you would be if they died, but even more so when are grieving, you have your friend right there beside you in grief for your loss. This friend is there when you are in pain and hurting comforting you through whatever hardship that you are facing. Now we don’t see this happen, but based on the love they had for each other if either Jessie David’s father or Saul Jonathan’s father had passed away your telling the other wouldn’t be right there next to them helping them through that loss and grieving with them. The response that David showed to the death of Jonathan is an example of how deep and sincere and emotional connection that one should have for a friend.

5. Sustained Faithful Commitment

2 Samuel 9:1–7

Now Jonathan has been long dead and you might think the friendship and loyalty to him might have died with him, yet if you think that you would be dead wrong. Just because Jonathan was dead the friendship was still alive to David and with that David wanted to do something to honor his friendship and brotherhood with Jonathan so he does this in 2 Samuel 9:1-7

2 Samuel 9:1–7 NLT

1 One day David asked, “Is anyone in Saul’s family still alive—anyone to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” 2 He summoned a man named Ziba, who had been one of Saul’s servants. “Are you Ziba?” the king asked. “Yes sir, I am,” Ziba replied. 3 The king then asked him, “Is anyone still alive from Saul’s family? If so, I want to show God’s kindness to them.” Ziba replied, “Yes, one of Jonathan’s sons is still alive. He is crippled in both feet.” 4 “Where is he?” the king asked. “In Lo-debar,” Ziba told him, “at the home of Makir son of Ammiel.” 5 So David sent for him and brought him from Makir’s home. 6 His name was Mephibosheth; he was Jonathan’s son and Saul’s grandson. When he came to David, he bowed low to the ground in deep respect. David said, “Greetings, Mephibosheth.” Mephibosheth replied, “I am your servant.” 7 “Don’t be afraid!” David said. “I intend to show kindness to you because of my promise to your father, Jonathan. I will give you all the property that once belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will eat here with me at the king’s table!”

Even though Jonathan was dead David was still being faithful to the friend that he had lost. Now lets be honest if you were Mephibosheth, I would be freaking out the current king is calling on of the last surviving men in Saul’s kingly lineage. He probably thought that David was calling him in to kill him or send him away so there was no one from the line of Saul to lay claim to the throne, yet David did the exact opposite. He wanted him found so he could honor him and love on him the way he had loved and honored his father Jonathan. This is act of David is the last characteristic of a friend that I want to look at tonight: Sustained Faithful Commitment.

David’s act of kindness towards Mephibosheth shows us the commitment that David had towards the promise and oath he had made to Jonathan. He was going to do the right thing even though Jonathan was no longer alive. When looking for a friend this act of faithfulness is one to look for, because this shows the honesty of the person and if they will own up to their word.

What Kind of Friend Are You?

Honestly we got some great characteristics to look for in not only a friend, but in someone you want to date. And I bet there were at least some of you looking through your friendships and seeing if they have these characteristics in their lives, but here is the thing a friendship is a give and take. If you look at how we looked at David and Jonathan, there were times we were looking at characteristics of David and other times of Jonathan, You can not just be giving, giving giving, or you can not just be taking, taking, taking, taking. If you are the person constantly giving then I’m just going to be blunt here, but there is a chance that your friend is abusing your good nature and friendship. Then on the flip side if you are the friend that is just taking all the time, then you are the one abusing the good nature of your friendship. Now I am not saying this is happening on purpose, sometimes people don’t even realize they are doing it. But here is the thing I am asking you to do now, take a hard look not just at your friendships, but at yourself and ask yourself this question: What Kind of Friend Are You?

As we get ready to break into small group I want you guys to really think on this question, but also your friends that you surround yourself with. There is a saying that show me your 3 closest friend and I can tell you who you will become, so think about that. Also there might be people who know who your friends are and they might be in the room with you, so please be respectful of those around you and show respect to those who might not be here. If you really need to talk about one of your friendships and we would love to talk with you.

Let’s Pray.

Questions

What characteristics do you think are most important when choosing your closest friends?

How can understanding the sacrifices Jonathan made for David shape your view of friendship?

How can the loyalty demonstrated by Jonathan influence how you support your friends during difficult times?

What steps can you take to ensure your friendships are based on loyalty and trust?

How can you be a source of encouragement to your friends in times of trouble?

How can you actively seek to encourage your friends in their faith journeys?

How does the example of David and Jonathan inspire you to pursue deeper spiritual connections with your friends?

What characteristics do you think are most important when choosing your closest friends?

How can you ensure that you are not only a good friend but also cultivating friendships that reflect Christ's love?

In what situations have you experienced a lack of emotional connection with a friend, and how can you address this?

What can you do to show kindness to someone who may feel alone or left out?

So when looking back to the final point what kind of friend would you say that you are

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