Friendship and Renovation

Our time has come to an end.

So before we head back home let me pray for us.

Introduction

Recap

We have talked about a lot this weekend. When we first met we talked about God’s design for friendship being rooted in marriage.

We talked about abiding with Christ and being rooted in Him. We took some time to define our relationship with God.

We examined our influences and looked at Ephesians 4 for what a united life in Christ looks like with other believers.

That’s a lot.

Plus, we had a lot of fun.

I’m going to leave you this morning with some thoughts on Friendship that I hope are a blessing to you. We’ll look at 3 different proverbs, Proverbs 17:17, Proverbs 18:24, and Proverbs 27:17.

First, let’s pray.

Pray

Friendship is something that changes all of the time. Imagine being in a car on the highway. A friend is someone who is driving either in front of you, behind you, or next to you on the highway. Sometimes you are closer to one friend or another. Acquaintances are like the cars further ahead of you, behind you or to the side of you. You don’t see them as closely but you know they’re there. There’s no road rage or anything.

It’s hard when a friend takes an exit ramp. They decide to go in a different direction than you, either from moving, joining a new sport, or just being with a different group of friends. Sometimes they shouldn’t be going in the direction you are, but sometimes you’re misguided too.

Sometimes you are alone on the highway. There aren’t any friends at all.

Sometimes an acquaintance behind you will race up to you and be your friend, and sometimes you’ll race to other acquaintances just for them to speed away from you.

The point I’m making is that friendships are always desired but are also in flux. People are transient and so are relationships. They change and they move.

My favorite part of an analogy like this is that a Christian realizes he’s not driving the car at all, but God is. We’re just in the passenger’s seat.

We should pursue friendships, but recognize that they can change. People are more transient than we think, but what never changes is God’s love for you.

Here are just a few thoughts on friendship and companionship I wanted to share with you before we depart later today.

1. Constant Companionship in Christ

Proverbs 17:17 ESV

17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

There is a kind of constant and unwavering love that mirrors God’s commitment to us. We’re extremely cynical people, and not without cause. Everything we watch has some kind of cultural knives attached to it. When we think about loyalty, our culture is quick to remind us of betrayal. When we think of love and friendship, our culture makes us question our sexuality. When we think about helping someone through a rough time our culture tells us it’s easier to just leave that person to their own judgment and failures.

But, this passage represents the work of Christ.

John 15:13 ESV

13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Jesus loves you as His friend at all times. He is the brother born for the adversity of the cross that we deserved. When you make a friend, a true friend, rooted in Christ, don’t forget the foundation of friendship. Remember how Christ was steadfast in His love in our relationships too. We should never celebrate the sin of a friend, and we should grieve when we’re taken advantage of, but this verse recalls to us a friend is supportive in joy and adversity.

The Apostle Paul sees our brother and sisterhood under the banner of being a true Christian.

Romans 12:9–21 ESV

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

A friend is a constant companion. Don’t be cynical about a friendship. Cynicism’s goal is to replace the beauty of any good quality with its flaws. Don’t give into it. It’s not true. There is real beauty in the love of a friend.

2. Christ-like Commitment

Proverbs 18:24 ESV

24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Misnomers

There are some wonderful misnomers in the world. A misnomer is just something that is named wrong. For example, a Koala bear (which isn’t a bear at all but a marsupial), white chocolate (which has no cocoa beans but cocoa butter that’s pressed out of the beans), buffalo wings (which are made out of chicken parts), cat burglars (who unlike the kidnappers who kidnap kids don’t steal cats), lady bugs (which have both males and females in the species, online church (which will never be the church because communion can only be taken in real physical community, and pastors can’t bury you virtually), and online friends (who are as concerned about their number of followers just as much as you are about yours).

Online relationships are an illusion that tries to solve a deeper problem. We are in ruin. We’re anxious, lonely, and manipulated into believing we’re being social when we’re really stuck behind a dystopian phone or computer screen.

When I plant a tree, I dig a hole equal to the bowl of the tree. As the tree takes root, the roots go deeper into the ground. When a tree is young, it’s easy to uproot. When it grows old, it can be impossible to remove all of the roots of the tree after cutting it down.

Friendships are like trees with deep roots. When you are wronged by a friend, it should hurt. The roots of that friendship won’t always leave, and that becomes a part of who God shapes you to be.

Our problem is that we want many companions on a superficial level because we don’t want to get hurt. When we’re hurt, we can just move on easily to another friend. It makes hearing a loving rebuke easier to dismiss and actually stunts our growth as Christians.

A friend who sticks closer than a brother is one who cares selflessly! Their friendships are rooted in loyalty. Even when they call you out, you listen to them! When you call them out, they listen to you! Just like Christ perseveres with you with all of your baggage, persevere with your friends and their baggage.

You need to evaluate your friendships and foster them to grow. It’s good to have acquaintances! But when we call our acquaintances friends we are missing out by holding the opportunity for real Christian growth at bay.

Sometimes that requires some conflict though doesn’t it?

3. Cultivating Christ-centered Character – Conflict

Proverbs 27:17 ESV

17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Iron sharpening iron means there are going to be sparks. I like to think about the iron being like iron swords. When you’re sharpening a sword, you’re removing the rough parts so the sword is more effective. It’s what conflict does among friends, it makes you a more effective Christian and friend. It takes courage and humility to spar with a friend for the glory of God and your growth as a Christian.

If you aren’t willing to get into a conflict with your friend, then you don’t really love them enough to help them see their wrongdoing. Courage. If you aren’t willing to get into a conflict with a friend then you aren’t willing to be wrong. Humility. You need to be willing to be courageous and humble to be a friend.

True friendship encourages growth in Christ-likeness and maturity in faith. You need friendships with people that are more or less mature than you!

You need people to speak into your life, and help correct you when you’re wrong. Lovingly by the way, not ripping you to shreds.

You need people to speak into their lives! Lovingly and not to rip them to shreds.

Conclusion

When I survey the landscape of the next generation, I see the wasteland of the internet and the way people try to play king of the hill with it. The internet wins and everyone else loses. They lose opportunities for real friendships. They lose the desire to go outside and serve their local church. They lose connection with the flesh and blood of humanity that God gave them.

Here’s an admonition: leave it all behind for the sake of Christ and His commission to make disciples. Just as Jesus laid down His life for His friends, he calls you to do the same.

Read and make comments on Matthew 7.

Matthew 7 ESV

1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. 6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. 7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! 12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. 13 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. 15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. 21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ 24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” 28 And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, 29 for he was teaching them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes.

Jesus has authority over everything. Abide in Him and receive His friendship above all others as the balm of your wounds.

John 15:12–17 ESV

12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

Pray

Questions

How can true friendship with God enhance your relationships with others?

What steps can you take to build deeper, Christ-centered friendships?

How can you identify superficial friendships in your life and seek more meaningful connections?

In what practical ways can you encourage your friends to grow in their faith?

What do you think it means to 'sharpen' each other's character in your friendships?