The Mystery Of Marriage | Genesis 24 (Branson 25)

The Mystery Of Marriage | Genesis 24

Opening Remarks:

Good morning, hope you got some good rest last night.

I know it’s early, so I hope you got your coffee and are ready to go this morning.

Let’s start with a little exercise. I call it the Sit Down If game:

You and your spouse have had an argument during Couple’s Retreat.

One of you didn’t want to come to the Couple’s Retreat and the other had to talk him into it.

You or your spouse have ever missed a big day like your birthday or anniversary.

You’ve ever gotten a room with two beds so you can sleep separately and spread out.

Sit down if your spouse does something you thought was cute when you were engaged, but now it’s not so endearing.

Sit down if you want your marriage to be the best it can be.

We’ll be in Genesis 24 this morning. This chapter is the account of Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for Isaac and he ends up finding Rebekah.

God’s hand is all over the story because he leads the servant to the land where Abraham’s family lives and he just “happens” to meet Rebekah when he stops at a well.

There are so many great aspects to this account, but the piece that we’ll be looking at this morning is how it reflects the differences between Isaac and Rebekah.

Isn’t that how it works in a marriage? Opposites attract.

We know that’s true, but have you ever seen the couple and you’re thinking, “I would never put those two together.”

I’ve met couples and, in my mind, I’m like, “I wouldn’t have put them in the same county, much less living under the same roof.” It’s a Mystery.

Our title this morning is “The Mystery Of Marriage.” How God can bring two people together that couldn’t possibly be more different and somehow it works.

It’s a MYSTERY…

That this one, who’s always cold, could marry this one, who is a furnace.

That this one, who is always late, could marry this one, who breaks out in hives if they don’t arrive at least 15 minutes early.

That this one, who never worries about anything, could marry this one, who is so high strung they bounce when they walk.

That this one, who rarely says anything, could marry this one, who never stops talking.

It’s true that opposites attract, but it’s a Mystery. Still, the contrast is part of God’s plan. It’s the way He wanted it.

Like I said last night, Eve was enough like Adam to be his companion but different enough to complete him.

It’s mysterious how it works. And some spouses live their whole lives frustrated either at themselves or at their spouse because of the differences.

They wholly buy into the idea that Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Our mindset needs to change about the differences. The differences aren’t mistakes. The differences are the Master’s plan.

I. Isaac and Rebekah Were Opposites – Genesis 24

Abraham’s servant has travelled a long way to find a wife for Isaac.

He stops at a well and prays a very specific prayer in Genesis 24:14.

That’s pretty specific. Some of you prayed that way for your spouse or for something about your spouse. I did. I was spiritual. I prayed for a beautiful wife and He gave me one. Can I get a witness, men!

Abraham’s servant must have been a little more spiritual than me because he prayed for someone that was a hard working, servant-minded woman with incredible initiative that could give water to ten thirsty camels. We all have our priorities.

And sure enough, here comes Rebekah – vs. 15-16.

You talk about checking every box. Rebekah did. Like a Bible College student checklist: Plays the piano, Soul winner, Model. Where do we sign?

So when Abraham’s servant asks her for a drink, she gives him a drink, then gets water for his camels too. Which would have likely taken hours, by the way.

And notice some things about Rebekah:

Vs. 18 - She hasted

Vs. 19 - She offers to give water to his 10 camels without being asked

Vs. 20 - She hasted…and ran again

After he tells her that he was sent by Abraham, look at Vs. 28 - And the damsel ran

Rebekah is apparently in excellent shape.

She’s running here. Hasting there. She has initiative. She’s adventurous. She’s bold. She’s a go-getter. When her parents give her the option to go and marry Isaac, who she’s never met, she says, “I will go.”

So that’s Rebekah’s personality. But what about Isaac?

The first time we hear about Isaac is in Genesis 21 and his older brother, Ishmael, is making fun of him. That upsets Sarah, who kicks Hagar and Ishmael out of the house. So he was raised by a helicopter mom. I mean, who can blame her? She waited on him for 90 years.

The next time we hear about him, he was laying down on an altar to be sacrificed by his father, Abraham. I’m not saying that’s a weakness, because was willing to submit to his father in a huge act of faith.

But I also know a bunch of teenage boys that would have run down the mountain well before that.

Then we come here to Genesis 24 and his father’s servant is finding him a wife.

Look at vs. 62-63. Isaac’s role in finding a wife was t o patiently wait and meditate.

In the next chapter we find out he loves Esau because Esau brought him good meat. Can’t blame him there. Men are simple creatures.

In the next chapter we see him fleeing a famine and then lying about Rebekah being his sister to protect himself.

In Genesis 27 he’s old and blind and wants some meat, but Rebekah comes up with a plan to dress Jacob in goat skins and steal the blessing.

It’s not that Isaac is a bad guy. We’re told he worked hard and God blessed him immensely.

But if we’re comparing the two personalities, Isaac seems nothing like Rebekah.

He’s patient. Maybe a little slow moving. He’s the guy you speed around because he’s going five under. He’s the guy that takes a little too long to tell a story and you just want to finish it for him.

Rebekah is Barney Fife. Always worked up about something.

Isaac is Andy Griffith. Patient, doesn’t get too riled up.

And we might say, “They’re too opposite. There’s no way this is going to work.”

But it was God’s sovereign hand that brought them together. This marriage was part of His perfect plan.

Here’s where we can get a little sideways: We tend to get annoyed by the differences.

I imagine Rebekah spent plenty of her life thinking, “Isaac, do something. What are you waiting for?”

I imagine Isaac often thought, “Honey, why are you so worked up. There’s no rush.”

Someone said, “Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, ‘Do you have to do that right now?’

We may look at the differences in our marriages and think, “Incompatible!”

Dating mode glosses over all the differences. When you’re dating, the way she slurps her coffee is cute. But after a couple of years…

When you’re dating it’s funny that his car’s back seat is full of trash, but after you’ve been married for a while…

The list can go on and on. Think about the things about your spouse that have grown in annoyance over time.

And rather than get mad, remember this - when it comes to marriage, remember that bringing opposites together is not a mistake, it’s the Master’s plan.

The differences balance us and thus make our marriages stronger.

Illustration: Walking a tight rope, you need the balance on both sides or you’ll fall off the rope.

That’s marriage. Two opposite keeping each other on a straight path.

One spouse’s weakness is complemented by the other’s strength and vice versa.

II.  A Difference In Personality Is God’s Design

Maybe you’re a Rebekah personality.

I’m not trying to blur any lines today, but I know a lot of guy Rebekahs too.

Rebekahs are strong-willed. Usually in a hurry. Never slow down.

You’re the kind that will just do it yourself because you don’t have time to wait or train someone else to do it when you can do it better anyway.

You’re a strong, adventurous, bold, personality. And it may even get you into a bit of trouble sometimes.

Sometimes you say things you shouldn’t. Or at all times.

You might rush into things without thinking.

Maybe you’re the Isaac.

You’re more laid back.

You don’t get too worried about anything.

You’re not in a hurry. You have one speed.

But it could be that your lack of gumption causes you to be passive.

Sometimes you lack some initiative or fire.

Or sometimes you don’t take care of things early enough and it costs you.

Truth is, most marriages are made of opposites. And there are some areas of marriage that opposite personalities will have to work through:

1.    Timeliness

Rebekahs are always on time because there’s a clock etched into the consciousness of their brain.

Isaacs seem to never be aware what time it is. They always think they have more time than they actually do.

Rebekahs are sitting in the car seething and Isaacs are taking their time to finish up.

2.    Finances

Rebekah knows where every penny is spent and there needs to be a family meeting if something got spent that wasn’t budgeted.

Isaac’s like, “I touch an item and if the vibe is right, I know it’s a good buy.”

Your marriage needs a budget that both spouses agree to and submit to. But money also makes a terrible master that has driven a wedge between married people far too often.

There’s a balance to be found. It’s okay if you have a plan and work the plan, but it’s also okay to have a slush fund and spend a little fun money every once in a while. It’s okay. Don’t hyperventilate.

3.    Parenting

The Isaac personality may think, “Our children are free range. Let them homeschool in the forest.”

The Rebekah’s thinking, “If we let one thing slide our children will end up in prison.”

One parental misstep isn’t going to ruin your children, Rebekah. Your consistency on a daily basis is bigger than one mistake. But on the other hand, Isaac, they need consistent training and discipline.

There are plenty of ways our differences show up: Problem Solving, Decision Making, House Keeping, Driving, etc.

Here’s the point: Rather than let the differences frustrate you, embrace the contrasts. They’re part of God’s design.

Enjoy the fact that the differences are what keeps us balanced.

Don’t excuse the differences if they’re sinful, but also don’t turn something that’s simply annoying into some spiritual failing just because it bothers you.

Illustration: Husband and wife married 40 years, he would always give her the heel of the bread loaf. She eventually blew up and got angry…He said, “The heel is my favorite part. I gave it to you because I love you.”

There’s one more angle to this I’d like to mention today.

III.  A Difference In Personality Doesn’t Change The Roles – Eph. 5:22-31

Just because you have a certain personality, that doesn’t mean you’re absolved from your God-given responsibilities.

A. God didn’t give Isaac a pass on leadership just because he married a strong-willed woman.

Rebekah wasn’t absolved of submission because Isaac wasn’t a strong personality.

Biblical roles are to be embraced no matter what comes naturally to you.

B. Wives are also to submit to their own husbands. (vs. 22-23)

Wives, be careful of submitting to your boss at work and your pastor at church, but not being willing to submit to your husband.

Vs. 24 says “In every thing.” Not just spiritual matters. Practical every-day matters. Someone has to break the tie.

It’s possible to be a Rebekah and still be a godly, submissive wife. I know plenty of fierce women that are biblical wives.

Like the guy that said, “When I say I want a biblical wife, people think I mean passive and subservient. What I really mean is I want a wife who is willing to drive a tent spike into a bad guy’s head should the opportunity arise.”

Amen. Being submissive doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself. The two work hand in hand.

C. Husbands are responsible to:

Love as Christ loved. Which means you initiate (vs. 25).

And when I say “initiate,” I don’t just mean physically, which men tend to be better at.

Men, it is our job to love first. Love is an act of selfless service. It’s acting in regard to the welfare of another without any ulterior motives.

Love is giving (John 3:16) before the person receiving even knows they need the gift.

Men, we are not only to love in response. Love with initiative.

Say, “I love you” first, not just in response to her.

Buy her flowers or chocolate without being prompted. That’s our role. In spite of your personality or you’re not romantic or you’re not gushy - doesn’t matter. That’s the role. Role trumps personality.

Vs. 28-30 – The church is depicted as both the bride and the body of Christ. And while it might be hard to understand how to love a bride, it’s easy to understand how to love our own bodies.

You should love your wife like you love yourself. Pretty simple.

D.  So wives are to respect and submit to their husbands. And husbands are to lead and love their wives.

Embrace your personality, embrace your spouse’s personality. Enjoy the differences.

But where your Personality and your Role conflict, Role trumps Personality.

E.   “You don’t understand…”

“I’m the husband, but I don’t naturally lead. My wife is a strong personality so I back off and let her do her thing.”

It doesn’t work that way. A marriage embraces the differences in personality, but not at the expense of roles.

“I’m the wife, but submitting’s not my personality. I’m a type A.”

This is not about personality. It’s about roles.

IV. There’s Purpose In The Contrasts Besides Balance

A.  There’s one more point I want to show you about why God would have us embrace the contrasts.

Vs. 32-33 – Paul uses the marriage relationship as a picture of something that’s a mystery – the relationship between Christ and the church.

Christ paid for our salvation with his own blood. He redeemed sinners and reconciled them to Himself. You talk about differences. 

Here’s the Mystery – Christ is God. He is high and holy. Yet He redeemed us to Himself and allows us to be members of His body, according to vs. 30

If you think there are differences between you and your spouse, it’s nothing compared to the differences between Christ and us.

And yet, He overcame those differences so that we could be redeemed.

B.   If Ephesians 5 teaches us anything, it’s that marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ.

1.    Vs. 32 says “This is a great mystery.” And it is.

2.    And when two people come together and are able to overcome serious differences and still fulfill their roles in marriage, it gives the world a glimpse into what Jesus Christ has done with us.

3.    Your marriage is not just about your fulfillment and balance. You are presenting a picture of the Gospel to the world.

4.    Is it a Mystery that you and you can dwell together under the same roof in unity? Yes. But the fact that Christ can enable you to overcome the differences and still fulfill your roles gives the world a picture of the kinds of things Jesus Christ makes possible.

5.    The world needs to see a husband love his wife and a wife submit to her husband in spite of their personalities because it points to the work that only Jesus can do.

6.    It’s head-scratching. But when others start watching and asking about the Mystery and how it’s even possible, it will lead them to the Gospel. 

7.    Your marriage is a Witness to One of Life’s Great Mysteries.

8.    How can she be married to him? How can he get along with her? But more importantly, “How can they both, as different as they are, happily just embrace their roles? That’s a mystery. I need to ask them how they do it..”

9.    And when they do, guess where you can point people? To the Gospel.

10. And if we’ll catch this truth, instead of complaining about the differences, we’’ll say, “Yes we are opposite in these areas, but Christ brought us together and it’s beautiful. And He can do the same for you if you’ll let Him.”

11.  If Christ can overcome the differences between Him and us, He can help us overcome the differences between you and your spouse. And we can then use it that Mystery to point people to the Gospel.

Closing Illustration: Building a house.

Process:   Difference of Opinion… Frustration Over The Differences… Humility and Compromise

Product:   A Beautiful House That Reflected Our Differences...

In the end, embracing our differences allowed us to a enjoy a house with more variety and interest. Was it a mystery that we survived it? Absolutely. But in the end we had a beautiful example of what can happen when you embrace the differences.

That’s a lot like marriage. If each couple will humbly embrace their identity, both in personality and role, as well as the other spouses identity and role, you’ll end up with a marriage that others will look at and say, “That’s a mystery. I have no idea how that works. But I kind of want to know more. I wouldn’t mind taking a walk through that house and seeing how it all came together.”

Marriage is a Mystery that only Jesus Christ makes possible.

Conclusion:

1.    Be merciful.

Embrace the differences. Instead of being frustrated, be thankful for the things that make your spouse unique. I can tell you this, I’ve known people that have lost a spouse and the things that used to bother them are the things they now miss the most.

Show mercy. Embrace the differences instead of being frustrated by them. God may change your heart and make you thankful for them.

2. Be adaptable.

On the flip side, if you know there are things that frustrate your spouse, genuine love says, “I’d be willing to change it because I love them.”

Embrace their differences, not yours. We ought to be willing to adjust for the sake of our spouse.

Some people buckle down and say, “This is who I am. Deal with it.” That’s not allowing the work of Christ to overcome our differences. That’s allowing the flesh to lead.

3.    Be faithful to your role.

Your personality is who you are. But your role in marriage trumps personality.

You don’t get to wave off the Master’s plan just because of your personality.

Your marriage can only be successful as each spouse embraces their role.

And that Mystery of a successful marriage in spite of two complete opposites will point the lost to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

So the Master can turn a Mystery into something Meaningful. If you’ll let Him.