Why I Won't Forgive

Good morning. We are so blessed to have each of you here with us today. I am thankful that even though we had some technical issues last week there were still 7 folks who were able to watch our livestream on our website or app.....another 9 have watched it since we posted the sermon and on our facebook we were able to reach 25 folks. If my math is correct that is 41 folks which is about what we had here in person.....

This past week I had an awesome opportunity to help out some gentlemen with a ride to work and in returning from that ride to work I had the opportunity to have a great talk with a brother that I haven't seen quite some time. It was wonderful and much needed. God is so good to us. During that conversation he mentioned that he struggles with churches, for many reasons, but one is they never preach on repentance and repentance is required for salvation so why would people stay away from it.

I told him I completely agreed with him, while I preach on repentance during my messages I have not preached just on repentance so that is the next place we are headed when we finish the power of forgiveness series.

Another part of our conversation was about the church needing to be the church....not this building here at 301 w walnut but Christ’s bride....all saved Christians. We do meet on Sundays as a local body to be edified, convicted, worship together, fellowship together but we must leave this building and do life together outside of this body.....outside of this building

I would love to see life groups starting up, during our IT potluck those were mentioned. If God has put leading or hosting a life group on your heart please see me and we will get to work on that.

Christians come on Sunday’s for many reasons....checking a box.....just sitting in the pew.....to feel better about themselves......to earn salvation.......to say they go to church so they must be good

no you need to be here to meet Jesus....to be edified...convicted...fellowship....disciple others and be discipled just to name a few

So many people need what we have......You and I as Christians are Christ’s ambassadors......

what do ambassadors do.....they talk about and look out for the interests of the one they represent

in our case Jesus!!!!!

how many of you truly talked about Jesus to someone this week

How many of you invited someone to church this week...not just hey come to church but Our church is focused on Jesus and I would love for you to come service starts at 10:45 am what time should I pick you up?

How many of you focused on God’s kingdom not your kingdom this week

God hit me with a word this week....disengaged

Through an issue at school and other conversations God really convicted me that I was disengaged and that I was playing a part therefore not being His ambassador

I am still wrestling with this and what He wants me to do but He led me to a schedule that will begin next Monday morning that will help me focus on Him and my health and my bride and this body here at CCC

I ask you to pray for me as I change me to match Him and give me the strength and motivation to do what He has asked me to do

Let’s Pray

Why I Won’t Forgive

I pray God through the Holy Spirit has been working in a might way in your hearts and minds during this series

I pray you are grabbing note sheets each week and writing on them

When God moves in your heart and mind during the message write it down

The enemy wants to steal that from you and if you don’t write it down he will steal it by you forgetting what God said

write it down

I pray you are taking your note sheets home and diving into the scriptures during the week

I pray you are seeking God and His Truth and His ways as you look at the scriptures each and every week on your note sheets

I pray you are different as a result of the Word of God!

Two weeks ago we looked at a barna survey

96% of those surveyed agreed with one or more survey statements, which were all wrong form a Biblical perspective

This survey included Christians and non-Christians alike

What one can learn from that survey is that Forgiveness is widely misunderstood

this morning we will revisit those statements to seek Biblical Truth

The questions were covering 4 subjects

Forgiveness and Repentance

“You cannot honestly forgive someone unless that person shows some remorse for what they did.” 62% agreed with this statement

Forgiveness and Consequences

“If you really forgive someone, you would want that person to be released from the consequences of their actions.” 60% agreed with this statement

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

“If you genuinely forgive someone, you should rebuild your relationship with that person.” 73% agreed with this statement

Forgiveness and Forgetting

“If you have really forgiven someone, you should be able to forget what they have done to you.” 66% agreed with this statement

This morning we will look at these questions and seek Biblical truth

You may answered that these are correct, if so I pray the Holy Spirit opens your heart to God this morning and how He sees forgiveness

Maybe as I was reading those statements God brought names and faces to your mind of those struggling here....this is your opportunity to get prepared to be His ambassador and take this to them

Forgiveness and Repentance

“You cannot honestly forgive someone unless that person shows some remorse for what they did”

That brings some questions to my mind

What about people who never ask for forgiveness?

What about those who refuse to acknowledge their wrongs?

Should they receive forgiveness?

Are we required to forgive them?

Is repentance required for forgiveness?

Can you honestly forgive someone who is

Unaware they hurt you?

Unmoved that they offended you?

Unwilling to admit their wrong?

Unable to ask for forgiveness, because of sickness or death?

Many people struggle with these questions.

Maybe you are struggling with one or more or even all of them here this morning

Those struggling with these questions use some of the same faulty arguments to demand repentance before forgiveness may be granted

1. Forgiveness needs to be earned

This argument demands that the offender show genuine sorrow before forgiveness may be granted

Here is the problem....the offended with this thought process believes that somehow the offenders sorrow could cover the offense

no amount of sorrow will bring back a relative killed by a drunk driver

no amount of sorrow can erase the affair that destroyed the marriage and family

no amount of sorrow can reverse the verbal and physical abuse suffered

Sorrow doesn't bring any type of permanent healing.....it only brings a temporary covering of the wound

A band aide where stitches are required

If you are saved here this morning then you are not saved because you told God sorry

Ephesians 2:8–9

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

You are saved because God chose to forgive you!

Many believe

forgiving before the offender shows remorse is just like wearing a kick me sign

others truly believe

forgiving before the offender shows remorse is a disservice to both the offended and the offender

Those who believe this...you may believe this....miss the very nature of grace itself

Grace is a deliberate....intentional decision to give something good to someone who doesn't deserve it

some may say or believe Grace invites abuse

That may be true but God still chose to take that risk with you and me

He gives us free will meaning it is up to you and me to decided if we abuse His gift of forgiveness or not

It, then, is also up to our offender to decide if they will abuse your gift of forgiveness to them

Forgiveness is powerful because it is granted before sorrow is expressed

It demonstrates God’s higher way of living

Romans 5:20

“Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:”

sin separates you from God

the law points out your sin

it can be very overwhelming when you try and fail

when you continue to fall but Jesus through God’s grace takes you above the law to be with God

something you could never do nor deserve on your own....Grace

Romans 6:1–2

“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?”

Many believe....wrongly....if God freely forgives then my behavior doesn't matter

I can live however I want to live and just ask for forgiveness

Wrong

Colossians 3:1–17

King James Version Chapter 3

If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: 6 For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: 7 In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them. 8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. 9 Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: 11 Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all. 12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

We will dive into Colossians at some point in the near future

There are so many truths here but what I wanted you to see was a

Changed life

Once you truly meet Jesus

Once you realize you are a sinner

Once you understand that sin will send you to hell when you die

Once you understand you can do nothing to stop that....you have no way to pay your sin debt on your own

Once you understand that Jesus paid your price with His blood and sacrifice on the cross

You repent

Turn from your evil ways, many listed above in Colossians and put on the new life....again many listed above in Colossians

You accept Jesus’ gift of forgiveness and salvation

Then you walk in the newness of life

You must be different and part of that different is you must forgive as you have been forgiven

You won’t forgive because you have not stood on scripture

it is no longer about you

it is no longer about your wants

it is no longer about your desires

it is no longer about your emotions

it is no longer about your way but God’s way

The second faulty argument is

2. Forgiving an unrepentant person is unscriptural

Here is this argument “The Bible requires repentance. God requires us to repent...acknowledge our sin BEFORE He forgives us, therefore we must require others to repent...apologize...acknowledge their offense BEFORE we forgive them”

This boils down to a lack of knowledge of scripture

a misunderstanding of scripture

a misapplication of scripture

or worse yet an intentional misuse of scripture

Romans 5:8

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

God offered His forgiveness to you long before you asked for it

God is the offended party

You are the offender

You the offender must repent before you can receive God’s forgiveness but it is offered long before you repent

God’s forgiveness.....Biblical forgiveness is unconditional

It is freely offered but to accept it you must count the cost....remember Jesus’ teaching in

Luke 14:28–35

“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple. Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned? It is neither fit for the land, nor yet for the dunghill; but men cast it out. He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.”

Jesus says to count the cost before following Him....In I Peter we are told God’s desire and heart is that all come to repentance and that none should perish

Repentance is required for salvation....true salvation.… again we will dive into repentance in March

There is a cost to accept God’s free gift of forgiveness

The best reason to forgive unconditionally is the emotional and spiritual healing it brings into our lives

So many think that we forgive for the other person......

they think about all it will do in the other person’s life

What you have to realize is forgiveness is really about you

You are doing yourself a favor when you grant forgiveness

How

You cut yourself loose form being an emotional victim of someone else’s wrong

Whether your offender repents or not is between them and God

Don’t let their wrong become an issue between you and God

The next subject is

Forgiveness and Consequences

“If you really forgive someone, you would want that person to be released from the consequences of their actions.”

 One of the greatest barriers to forgiveness is the myth that forgiving someone automatically frees them from any consequences of their actions.

Such a misunderstanding makes many people hesitant to forgive or condemns them to a lifetime of unnecessary bitterness.

 What about the church treasurer who is caught embezzling funds from the weekly offerings?

If he publicly confesses and pays the money back, then shouldn’t the church restore him to his position if they have really forgiven him?

 What about the husband who had an affair and broke up his marriage?

If his wife has really forgiven him, shouldn’t she quit making him pay for his mistake over and over again by demanding child support each month?

 What about the convicted child molester who has paid his debt to society and now wants to work in the Sunday school department?

Is the church really demonstrating forgiveness if they restrict him from working with children for the rest of his life?

 What about the murderer who gets saved on death row?

If the victim’s family has truly forgiven him for his crime, shouldn’t they be petitioning the courts for his release from jail?

Have they really forgiven him if they want his sentence to still be carried out?

 What about the Christian who became involved in an immoral relationship, but has now repented?

If the church leadership demands that they prove themselves before being involved in ministry, isn’t that demonstrating an unforgiving spirit?

 The same dilemma lies behind each of these scenarios:

Does forgiveness automatically erase the consequences of sin?

Have I truly forgiven someone if, at the same time, I insist that they be held accountable for their actions?

The answer to this dilemma is found in the important distinction between two words:

1. Vengeance

is the desire to see another person suffer for the pain they have caused the offended. The Bible consistently warns against harboring this kind of feeling in my heart.

 Romans 12:19

“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”  

2. Justice

is the payment God or society might demand from someone because of a wrong they have committed against us, or against society as a whole. While we are to avoid vengeance, the Bible teaches us to seek justice for those who have been wronged.

 Isaiah 1:17

“Learn to do well; Seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, Judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.”  

 God says that I am to surrender my desire for vengeance, but I can never surrender the responsibility to seek justice.

The Bible teaches us that, in addition to God, the government and the church are to be administrators of justice in our society.

 God deals with us in the same way.

When God forgives us, He removes the eternal consequences of our sin, but not necessarily the temporal consequences of our actions.

Why would a forgiving God (or a forgiving person) still allow someone to suffer such consequences?

 Consequences promote order in society.

What would our world be like if there were no laws, no penalties, no red lights?

Chaos!

 Genesis 9:6

“Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.”  

 Consequences serve as a deterrent to others.

Fear of consequences is perhaps the most powerful incentive for obedience. 

1 Timothy 5:20

“Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.”  

Consequences prevent us from further disobedience.

God regularly uses the consequences of sin to bring us back into a right relationship with Him, and keep us there!

 Psalm 119:67

“Before I was afflicted I went astray: But now have I kept thy word.”  

Chuck Swindoll observes, “If I sin and in the process of sinning break my arm, when I find forgiveness from sin, I still have to deal with a broken bone.”

 If you’re struggling with hurts inflicted by someone else......

release your desire for vengeance and let God pursue justice.

On the other hand, if you desire forgiveness, don’t be discouraged over the lingering consequences of your sin....

instead, view them as a gift designed to keep you close to a God who loves you!

The third subject is

Forgiveness And Reconciliation

 “If you genuinely forgive someone, you should rebuild your relationship with that person.”

 What if someone is hesitant to offer forgiveness to their offender because they have no desire to reestablish a relationship with a spouse who has been unfaithful to them,

a friend who has cheated them,

a coworker who has slandered them,

or a relative who has abused them?

The Bible teaches that reconciliation is important for at least two reasons:  

First, unity among believers testifies to the world of God’s power.

Second, unity among believers empowers us to resist the attacks of Satan, who wants to divide, isolate and conquer us individually.

While we are here this is a reason to be here every time the doors are open.

satan wants to divide you from other Christians

he wants to isolate you in your dark evil thoughts

why so he can conquer you individually

There is spiritual strength in numbers!

You have a responsibility as a Christian if you have offended someone

 Matthew 5:23–24

“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

Psalm 133:1

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity!”

 The Bible teaches that reconciliation is important, but with one major condition:

While I can unilaterally forgive another person, I cannot unilaterally be reconciled to my offender.

Forgiveness depends upon me

reconciliation depends upon us.

We need to understand that, while reconciliation between Christians is always preferable, it isn’t always possible.

Romans 12:18

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”  

as much as lieth in you

you give all that you have to live peaceably with all men but sometimes that is not enough

While I can express my desire for reconciliation in a relationship, I cannot demand it.

Only if both parties agree can it be achieved.

Even if someone has truly forgiven me for hurting them, it still may take a great deal of time and effort to rebuild the fractured relationship.

In some cases reconciliation may never happen, even though real forgiveness has taken place, because one of the parties involved does not agree.

 Amos 3:3

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”   

Agreement

Agreement is not one person forcing a relationship to happen

Points to God’s character

Instead of God forcing you and me to love Him He willingly sent Jesus to die in your place and my place in hopes that you and I will accept His gift of forgiveness

He could have forced us but He wants agreement

Reconciliation usually involves three ingredients: 

Repentance –

admitting that we are responsible for the wrong that has been done to another person.

Restitution –

offering some type of compensation to the person we have wronged for the loss they suffered.

Rehabilitation

demonstrating a change in our behavior over a period of time toward the person we have wronged.

In your notes is a chart comparing and contrasting

Forgiveness vs Reconciliation

I encourage you this week to really dive into that chart and see what God has for you!

Reconciliation doesn’t happen instantaneously.

That is why offenders are wrong to demand immediate restoration, and why the offended are unwise to offer it.

Proper healing in a relationship takes time.

The final subject this morning is

Forgiveness And Forgetting

“If you have really forgiven someone, you should be able to forget what they have done to you.”

 Contrary to what many people believe, forgetting is not a test of genuine forgiveness! 

Attempting to force oneself to forget a hurt simply results in bitterness or guilt, because we continue to remember in spite of ourselves!

 If God has really forgiven me, why do I keep remembering my sin?

Maybe I haven’t genuinely repented!

If I’ve really forgiven my offender, why can’t I forget what they did to me?

Maybe I haven’t genuinely forgiven him!

 But doesn’t God forget our sins?

And isn’t His forgiveness to us a model for our forgiveness to others?

 Jeremiah 31:34

“And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: For they shall all know me, From the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord: For I will forgive their iniquity, And I will remember their sin no more.”  

 2 Corinthians 5:10

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.”  

That means that God will obviously remember our bad deeds in a literal sense, but He will not remember them in a judicial sense.

He has chosen to eternally erase the consequences of actions that we have repented of!

 Romans 4:7–8

“Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.”

 But you are not God!

Your memory fails you often, sometimes by forgetting things you want to remember, and sometimes by remembering things you want to forget!

 Forgetting is a function of the brain;

Forgiving is a function of the spirit.

Our brain is capable of storing at least 600 memories a second (1.5 trillion bits of information in a 75-year lifespan).

Although we may not be able to recall certain events in our life, those experiences are nevertheless permanently recorded in our memory and could resurface at any time.

Thus, any time we encourage someone to “forget” an event, we’re asking them to do the impossible!

In fact, struggling to forget a past event can have just the opposite effect, searing the thought more deeply in our memory.

 Forgetting offenses is not humanly possible and neither is it profitable!

In fact,

remembering our past failures causes us to:  

1. Express gratitude to God.

2. Extinguish pride within ourselves.

3. Exhibit grace to others.

so

 How can I handle memories of a past hurt?

 1. Do not cultivate the memories.

2. Recall your own failures.

3. Remember your decision to forgive.

4. Realize that healing memories takes time.

This is hard because we are human and have human emotions

We are to die to those emotions but they are still there

we have to make a choice

God’s way or our way

I want to close with a powerful story of forgiveness

Corrie Ten Boom, author of “The Hiding Place,” had been unable to forget an atrocity committed against her while she had been a prisoner of the Nazis in a concentration camp during World War II.

For years she was even robbed of sleep, just thinking about the event.

She finally sought counsel from a pastor who said, “Up in that church tower is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope.

But do you know what?

After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging.

First ding, then dong. It gets slower and slower until there’s a final dong and it stops.

The same thing is true of forgiveness.

When we forgive, we take our hand off the rope.

But if we’ve been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn’t be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for a while.

They’re just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down.

But once the force, your will, has gone out of them, the thoughts will diminish in frequency and intensity.” 

Let Go Of The Rope Through Forgiveness!

I don't know where you are this morning but you do and God does

You may be wrestling with this idea of Why I Wont Forgive

God has through His Word this morning brought you a message

He has ministered to you as the message was being delivered

He wants to now minister to you through prayer and repentance if needed

I am here

I would love to talk with you and pray with you just let me know by coming to me before the altar

If you would just like me to pray over you whatever God lays on my heart as you are talking with God at the altar just go straight to the altar

This time is between you and God and if I can help Praise the Lord if not Praise the Lord!!!!

The time is now....Come

Invitation Video