LET IT GO : THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

PART 1

Matthew 18:21-35

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[b] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

FIRST PART :  DEALING WITH UNFORGIVENESS

Unforgiveness is when you are unwilling or unable to forgive someone for hurting, betraying, breaking your trust or causing you intense emotional pain. 

Unforgiveness has load of negative effects on our health daily:

Cancer - 61% of cancer patients have forgiveness issues

Suppressed anger - people often get angry for any reason have issues associated with forgiveness

Low self-esteem - lack of self-love stem from not forgiving your self or self-acceptance

Bitterness - increases the risk of depression

Constant worrying increases of the risk sleep deprivation and anxiety

Blood pressure

Heart disease

When someone has hurt or disappointed you, the logical response would be to think that you’re hurting them by not forgiving them and holding a grudge. The harsh truth is that you’re actually causing yourself more pain by holding on to the anger and you are actualy giving control to the other person over us.

Loren Toussaint, PhD, professor of psychology at Luther College in Iowa,

“With unforgiveness, you’ve actually cooked up a brew of bitterness, hostility, and revenge, a unique combination of emotions that surround your experience of being wronged, and that are virtually indistinguishable from stress,” he says. “And anything that triggers the stress response isn’t good for you.”

Fight-or-flight mode is an evolutionarily adaptive response to stress, meant for our survival, but we’re not meant to remain in it long-term. Staying in a state of chronic stress can result in anxiety, depression, digestive issues, trouble sleeping, weight gain, a weakened immune response, and even heart problems. “As you get stressed, you not only begin to feel mentally poor. Your physical health also takes a hit, largely because you elicit physiological responses you can’t maintain in a healthy way for a long period of time,” Toussaint says.

MAIN  POINTS ABOUT UNFORGIVNESS

1-Unforgiveness Binds You to the Past

When you refuse to forgive you are bound to the past. The things that happened to you are always there. They are sometimes in the forefront of your mind. Sometimes they are stuffed in the deep recesses of your heart. One way or another they are always there waiting to be brought to the surface.

Many people live their lives and gain their identity from things that took place in the past. They see themselves differently because of what happened.

A rape victim sees herself as damaged goods, dirty, and undesirable.

A man’s wife leaves him for another man and he vows never let anyone hurt him again or to trust another woman.

A parent says you will never amount to anything and you continue to strive to prove them wrong even when they died years ago.

You grew up in poverty and no matter how much money you make you never feel secure or that you have enough.

There is a sense that things won’t change. The damage has been done and it’s irreparable.

2-Unforgiveness Ties You to the Person Who Hurt You

The strange things about unforgiveness is that it keeps the person who hurt you with you at all times. It is like an invisible chain that connect the two of you. You become a prisoner with a ball and chain around your heart instead of your leg.

It doesn’t take much for the the thoughts to start running in your head. You hear a song, catch a scent, or someone says a certain word and you are instantly in the situation again.

Over and over, like a dvd set to repeat, the situation comes to mind. The person who hurt you is front and center. No matter what you try to do the memory will not stop. It is everpresent.

Sometimes you may think about things you’d wish you had said or done. But there they are still present in your life even though the event took place years ago.

You wish you the memory of this person would stop haunting your thoughts, but they can’t leave. They’re chained to you. Your unwillingness to forgive chains them to you.

3-Unforgiveness Keeps Your Pain Fresh and Active

When the dvd player in your head starts running you not only see the pictures in your mind , you feel the pain in your emotions. The pain is as real as the day it happened. You wonder if you can ever get free from it. Why can't I just get over this?

One day I was sitting with Barb (not real name). She began telling me a story of what happened to her. She was weeping and trying to tell the story in between sobs.

I wondered when this took place. I asked her after she finished telling the story. She told me over twenty years ago.

I was shocked for a moment. This event took place over twenty years ago and she was acting like it was a week or two ago. I asked her if she’d forgiven the people for what took place. She said no.

When I asked if she was willing to forgive she said no. “Everyone is telling me to just get over it. I can’t just get over it. It takes time to heal.”

Barb’s unwillingness to forgive kept the wounds in heart alive and fresh. Twenty years hadn’t eased the pain. She said that healing takes time. I wonder how many more years it will take to heal?

Healing can begin immediately with forgiveness. Forgiveness allows God to touch your heart and restore it. Unforgiveness blocks His hand from bringing the relief you long for.

4-Unforgiveness Is a trap

Scriptures:

Proverbs 10:12 ESV

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 28:13 ESV

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

RESSOURCES

https://elemental.medium.com/holding-a-grudge-can-make-you-sick-5179ed066e11

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/unforgiveness-and-your-health#:~:text=Unforgiveness%20is%20when%20you%20are,causing%20you%20intense%20emotional%20pain.&text=Cancer%20%2D%2061%25%20of%20cancer%20patients,have%20issues%20associated%20with%20forgiveness

PART 2

SERMON : LET IT GO (PART 2: FORGIVENESS)

Matthew 18:21-35

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[b] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

RECAP:

UNFORGIVENESS IS LIKE A  DRINKING A POISON AND EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE TO DIE

UNFORGIVENSS IS GIVING THE OFFENDER CONTROL OVER MY OWN JOY,  HAPPINESS AND PEACE OF MIND

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT?

1-FORGINESS IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF PAIN..IT DOENST TAKE AWAY THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HURT.

2-FORGIVENESS IS NOT RECONCILIATION : YOU ARE NOT FORCE TO GET BACK INTO RELATIONSIHP WITH THE OFFENDER UNLESS IT IS A COVENANT.

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WHAT IS FORGIVENESS

1-FORGIVENESS IS LETTING GO OF THE THOUGH OF REVENGE, ANGER AND BITTERNESS FELT AFTER BEING HEART

2- FORGIVENESS IS  AN ACT OF FAITH

It is trusting God to deal with those who offend us in His wisdom

It is releasing our control to God

Romans 12:17

17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have[a] regard for good things in the sight of all men.

THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS:

FORGIVENESS HAS ONLY BENEFITS AND NO DISADVANTAGES

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1-Blessings

He replied, “blessed, rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” Luke 11:28

 Choose the blessings – not only a promise, but a benefit of forgiveness.

2-Freedom

IT RELEASES FROM THE BURDEN

- HELP THE OTHER NOT TO REPEAT THE SAME OFFENCE

  most of our offenders do not realize how much they hurt us in the first place

When the kids were little, we had Disneyland passes. Upon graduating from strollers, I became a pack mule. I carried a backpack full of snacks, water bottles, sweatshirts and so much more, as we blazed a trail through the happiest place on earth. It wasn’t until I set the bag down to climb onto a ride that I realized just how heavy the weight had become.

Unforgiveness is a heavy burden, too. It stays with us and wears us down, affecting many facets of our life. Unforgiveness erodes our wellness and grows bitterness and resentment. The weight of unforgiveness will continue to grow – hurting ourselves more than anyone else.

3-Improved Health

Research shows forgiving others actually leads to better physical health! What?! It’s true… better heart health is among the top physical benefits of forgiveness. Apparently, studies are showing a lower risk of heart attack, reduced blood pressure and better cholesterol levels when we choose forgiveness. People also experience better sleep and reduced pain levels.

4-Better Mental Health

Those same studies also indicate better mental health is a benefit of forgiveness. People are experiencing reduced anxiety and depression when they forgive others. Also, stress levels tend to be lower. The most interesting part of the research was the increased likelihood of post traumatic stress disorder when hanging on to grudges.

5- Improved Relationships

FORGIVING PEOPLE ARE MORE POSSITIVE AND SOCIABLE, HAVE MORE HOPE AND LESS LONELINESS

FORFIVNESS BRINGS LESS DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God, in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is a crucial skill set in a broken world. As a result, the better we are at forgiving others, the better our relationships become. Improved relationships are a big benefit of forgiveness.

I make mistakes every single day. The people with whom I’m closest, likely experience my shortcomings the most. If I and they, are not quick to forgive, the offenses would build up like a losing game of Tetris. Grace and forgiveness are a couple of the key ingredients in any relationship that thrives.

6-Healing

The choice to forgive someone who has hurt you is the first step toward healing. Healing will not come without forgiveness first. It’s impossible to heal while holding on to bitterness and resentment.

7-Living in the Present

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:18

 Unforgiveness is keeping our mind set on the past. Living in the past robs us of the joy in the present. We will miss the blessings each day if  the eyes of our heart are fixed on past offenses.

8- IT OPENS UPUTHE DOOR FOR RECONCILIATION

STEPS TO FORGIVENESS:

1-IT HELPS YOU TO  PRAY FOR YOUR OFFENDER

Matthew 5:44

44 [a]But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,

2- HELPS YOU CELEBRATE YOUR THE GOOD THINGS IN THE LIFE OF THE OFFENDER

PROVERBS 24:17

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,

And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;

3- STOP TALKING NEGATIVE ABOUT THEM

JAMES 4:11

11 Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. 

SUMMARY:

FORGIVENSS IS NOT FOR THE OTHER PERSONE, IT IS FOR YOU

Matthew 5:39

39 But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.

PART 3

SERMON : LET IT GO (PART 3)

RECONCILIATION

This is forgiveness based on your relationship with God, not your offender. It is a way of recognizing God as the final judge. ... Differing from forgiveness, however, reconciliation is a process conditioned on the attitudes and actions of an offender. The goal of reconciliation is restoring a broken relationship.

Forgiveness is based on our relationship with God, not the offender. In other words, when we forgive, we make ourself right with God. It doesnt involve the offender.

Reconciliation however is the process of restoration with the offender.It restores relationship.

The Bible says forgiveness is a choice one individual came make without the consent of another. The Bible also says, however, that reconciliation needs two parties to both agree on forgiveness and the restoration of the relationship. According to the Bible, you can have forgiveness without reconciliation.

Forgiveness is one Way

Reconciliation is a 2 way

Matthew 5:24

24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Romans 5:10

10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!

Speak the truth, but always in love (Eph. 4:15). 

GOD HAS FORGIVEN HUMANITY SIN, BUT WE HAVE BEEN RECONCILED BY THE BLOOD.

FORGIVENESS IS HARD , BUT RECONCILIATION DEMAND COVENANT OF RESTORATION.

5 FACTS ON RECONCILIATION

1- GOD WAS THE FIRST TO RECONCILE

HEBREWS 10:4

  It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.

2- SEEK RECONCILIATION WHEN POSSIBLE

Romans 12:18 

3-RECONCILIATION EMPOWERS YOUR SACRIFICE

  When you know that you have offended, it is important for you to seek reconciliation.

  if we claim that we love God who we do not see, we need to honour and love people that we see.

Matthew 5:23-24

24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

4-RECONCILIATION IS NEEDED FOR VISION

In order to continue the mission that God has given us, it is important for us to reconcile with others ,

we are in a journey togetter and so we are call to reconcile

5-WE HAVE RECEIVE THE MINISTRY OF RECONCILIATION

God has called us to speak to the world about the ultimate price that Jesus paid on the cross. The world need to know that we have been reconciled through the blood  of Jesus. as witness of that covenant, we are also assigned to minister the same to people around us , thourgh the spreading of the word, and evangelism.

WHAT IF I CANNOT FORGIVE?

There is a need to seek for help from a spiritual leaders to help you heal , pray for you  and destroy the bondage of unforgiveness before it becomes a stronghold in our lives.