The Messiness of Parenting

INTRODUCTION

If there is one thing we can agree on—parenting is hard. It’s messy.

In 2015, the Houston Police Department released a list entitled “Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children.”

Exalting Jesus in Proverbs Is “Train up a Child” a Promise? (Proverbs 22:6)

1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow to believe the world owes him a living.

2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It will also encourage him to pick up “cuter phrases” that will blow off the top of your head later.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him “decide for himself.”

4. Avoid the use of the word “wrong.” It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around—books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.

6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but don’t worry about his mind feasting on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.

8. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his. Why should he have things as tough as you did?

9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.

11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize to yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him!”

12. Prepare yourself for a life of grief. You’ll surely have it.

Many of you are in the stage of life in which you’re parenting small children…maybe your kids are teenagers (where it gets really interesting)…maybe your kids are in college or they’re adults. Maybe you’re raising your grandkids…or maybe you’ve found yourself helping raise step children…or…maybe you aren’t a parent…but there are kids in your life that you’re investing into and helping raise…or maybe you’re a kid living at home.

This morning, I believe that—no matter what stage of life you’re in—God has a word for you.

DISCLAIMER: I DON’T HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT NOR AM I A PERFECT PARENT. KRISTY AND I GET A LOT OF THINGS WRONG AND WE, TOO, ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MESSINESS.

One of the most well known verses in the Bible—and, honestly—one of the most challenging verses in the Bible is Proverbs 22:6…and that’s the verse I want us to unpack this morning.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Parenting is messy—because we are sinners and our children are sinners. We both need the gospel.

Let me say this another way. Parenting is messy because we are messy.

Maybe you grew up in a broken home—without godly (or even good) parents (expound)

But…I’m willing to bet that since you’re here this morning, if you’re a parent, then you at least have a desire to raise your kids in a godly way.

Now, in full transparency, Proverbs 22:6 is a “messy” verse. It has brought a lot of doubt and confusion to a lot of believers. Some of you really struggle with this verse. You say, “I thought I did it right! I raised them in church. I raised them in the knowledge of the Lord…I mean…I wasn’t perfect but I did my best to raise them to know and love Jesus…but..

They’ve turned away from the faith you raised them in…they’ve turned to alternative lifestyles.

And you’re going, “We did all that!”

God is not a God of confusion and he’s not a God of ambiguity. My prayer for you today is that you come to know the grace and love of Jesus today.

1) Parenting is messy because of FOLLY.

Your child is a sinner.

Your child is sinful and their heart is bent toward folly.

Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.”

Psalm 51:5 “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.”

Now, when we come to Proverbs 22:6, we’re told that, as parents, we are to “train a child up in the way they should go.” So, how do take this verse that, apparently, gives us this guarantee of everything turning out the right way if we parent our children the right way?

Dr. Danny Akin provides really good insight into understanding this verse.

Exalting Jesus in Proverbs Is “Train up a Child” a Promise? (Proverbs 22:6)

Almost every English translation of this verse adds a word to the text that is not in the Hebrew. The English says something along the lines of “train a child in the right way” or the “way he should go.” The word “right” or “should” is not in the Hebrew. Literally the verse should be rendered, “Train a child in his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Murphy and Huwiler, Proverbs, 109). In the Hebrew, there is no descriptor or qualifier on “way,” so English translations add one like “right” or “should.” They do this to aid in the translation by making an interpretation of the verse, but we think it is better to take the text as is. After all, the translation that puts the blame on the parents does not fit with the rest of Proverbs, where a son makes his own wise or foolish choices and is held accountable for them. (Waltke, Proverbs, Chapters 15–31, 206).

Exalting Jesus in Proverbs Is “Train up a Child” a Promise? (Proverbs 22:6)

the best interpretation of

You are a sinner.

We have short tempers. We have low patience. We need Jesus every single day of our lives.

“This means that my biggest, ongoing problem as a dad is not my children, it’s me. My children don’t cause me to do and say what I do and say. No, the cause of my actions is found inside my own heart. My children are simply the occasion where my heart reveals itself in words and actions. So I need much more than just rescue and relief from my children; I need rescue from me. This is why Jesus came, to provide us with the rescue that we all need but that we cannot provide for ourselves.” (Paul David Tripp, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family)

2) Parenting is messy because it’s a constant FIGHT.

We get caught up fighting with our kids when we should be fighting for our kids.

Listen, if our kids are sinners and their hearts are—naturally—bent towards folly, we are in the fight of our lives. Fight for their hearts.

Whoever wants our children the most will get them.

We have no idea what kind of world…

With technology and the internet as a crucial and necessary part of life, pornography has never been more easily accessible to children: 93% of boys and 63% of girls report being exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18, with the average age of first exposure being 12 years old. Today’s children are growing up in a sexualized cultural environment.

According to many researchers, early exposure to pornography is connected to negative developmental outcomes, including a greater acceptance of sexual harassment, sexual activity at an early age,acceptance of negative attitudes to women, unrealistic expectations, skewed attitudes of gender roles, greater levels of body dissatisfaction, rape myths (responsibility for sexual assault to a female victim), and sexual aggression. Children’s brains are not equipped to process the adult experiences depicted. Early exposure to pornography also increases the likelihood that depression and relationship problems develop.

(https://ifstudies.org/blog/what-happens-when-children-are-exposed-to-pornography)

Paul—I have fought the good fight.

Some of you are exhausted. You’re exhausted from fighting for your kids.

3) Parenting is messy because of the fear and guilt of FAILURE.

Let’s be honest—Nobody wants to be a failure at parenting.

Becoming a parent is one of the most joyful times in a person’s life. You know the joy of everything leading up to the birth of a child.

Gender reveal parties—nobody ever says, “It’s a boy! It’s a girl! It’s going to live a life of rebellion and destruction!”

We baby proof our houses. We take safety measures…we test the tap water…we make sure they don’t have any unnatural dyes in their food…because we fear the harm that might come to them!

There is grace for sinners. There is grace in parenting.

Some of you are beating yourself up.

Parents nowadays eaten up with fear and anxiety.

You want to protect your child from every harm and every threat out there. We

4) Parenting is messy and it requires FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel…GRACE, MERCY, LOVE

Your child needs forgiveness.

You need forgiveness.

I need so much forgiveness for the failures in my own parenting…they need forgiveness.

You’re not going to get everything “right.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we turn a blind eye to sin. It doesn’t mean that we laugh it off and act like it didn’t happen. It means that we address the issues—whatever it is that we’re dealing with—at its core—at the heart. We confront it, we’re honest about it, we’re serious about it and we work toward grace and restoration.

There’s no more humbling experience in life than asking your kids to forgive you. They need to hear/see you confess and repent of sin. They need to see you broken over your own sin.

They need to see the transforming power of the gospel at work in our lives and in our marriages. Your kids need to see mom and dad forgiving one another.

5) Parenting is messy and, above all, requires FAITH.

Parenting is full of making mistakes. God doesn’t make mistakes. God takes our imperfections and our failures and He redeems them. Listen…God will work in our children’s lives IN SPITE of our failures.

Ultimately, it all boils down to trust and obedience. Are you going to take God at his word?

Wayward and unbelieving children—If you child isn’t dead there’s still hope. Are you going to trust the God who gave you your children?

God loves your child infinitely more than you ever could.

CONCLUSION

In every moment as you are parenting your children, the heavenly Father is parenting you.

Paul Tripp

And so, here we stand, in the messiness of it all—folly pulling at our kids’ hearts, the fight wearing us down, the fear whispering lies of failure in our ears. Parenting feels like a battlefield some days, doesn’t it? A place where every misstep stings, every rebellion cuts deep, and every unanswered prayer leaves us wondering if we’re enough. But let me tell you something, church—Jesus didn’t step into this broken world to leave us stranded in the chaos. He didn’t hang on that cross so we’d drown in guilt or collapse under the weight of our kids’ choices. No, He came to bring hope—real, unshakable hope—that anchors us when the storms rage.

Parents, hear this: your failures don’t get the final word. Your kids’ folly doesn’t get the final word. Jesus does. Proverbs 22:6 isn’t a formula for perfection—it’s a call to fight for their hearts, to point them to the One who never gives up on them, even when they wander. You’re not in this alone. The God who knit your child together in the womb, who knows every hair on their head, who sees every tear you’ve cried over them—He’s not finished yet. If your child’s heart still beats, there’s still hope. If they’ve walked away, there’s still a Savior pursuing them. If you’ve messed up—and we all have—there’s still grace to cover it.

So lift your eyes, weary mom. Stand tall in the strength of Jesus, exhausted dad. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be faithful. Trust Him with the kids He entrusted to you. Fight for them on your knees in prayer. Show them a gospel that forgives, restores, and redeems—starting with you. Because here’s the truth: God loves your children more than you ever could, and He’s weaving a story of redemption through every mess, every mistake, every moment you thought was lost. Parenting is hard, yes—but Jesus is stronger. And in Him, there is hope—hope that doesn’t fade, hope that doesn’t fail, hope that says the best is yet to come. Will you trust Him with your kids today? Will you rest in the One who holds them—and you—in the palm of His hand? Let’s cling to that hope together, because with Jesus, the story isn’t over—it’s just beginning.