The Vow of Partnership

Partnership by general terms

Couple of weeks ago I had the honor to marry under God this sweet husband and wife. I was honored to even be asked. It was my first time so i really didn't want to mess it up. But i needed some time with them to learn about them and to get to know how they came to be. And that was so cool to witness. I LOVED IT. I sat with them and i got to watch two people on their way to becoming ONE, just stare into each others eyes and marital bliss. It so cool. Im smiling as hard right now as i was just watching these two people. it was fantastic. So much so that I got home and I told my wife “ I can do that EVERY DAY” I think i need a new job. While we were sitting down I had an opportunity to ask them some questions like; “ What are your expectations of a Wife? and likewise what are your expectations of a Husband? What does marriage look like to you? How will you both continue to grow in faith together? Those were some tough questions especially not having days to study for lol. They were honest and mature. and i was so impressed by their answers. . and the word that kept coming up was covenant. The word that kept coming up was covenant. not marriage license or marriage contract. It was Covenant.

Many of you know my brother is an lawyer in NY, my grandfather, my uncle, I AM NOT lol. but I’ve heard them talk so much about how words mean things, and the placement of words mean things and the placement of grammer is important. You guys ever heard of the oxford comma? did you know that was a thing lol.

Oxford Comma, separates something from the word AND to prevent ambiguity. So like This, that, and the third. it’s so stupid but that comma has cost people Millions and millions of dollars. It’s becasue when contracts are built contracts are based on mutual distrust. Each party is trying to protect themselves from the other party. and its a lawyers job to either prepare or review the contract out of their interest to a given party. So the contract is built on mutual distrust. One side fears the other side will try and get over on them.

But a Covenant is based on commitment. When we think of the word Covenant what comes to mind is a rainbow - God’s covenant to Noah that we he wouldn’t destroy the earth by way of a flood again. we think of Abraham, Moses, David, we think of Jesus, we just did communion last week, we think of the blood of jesus. The New Covenant. But let us not forget the covenant of Marriage built on Mutual Commitment.

A Partnership

When people think partnership a few things probably come to mind; a relationship of some capacity (Marriage, boyfriend girlfriend, partners in crime, 2 police officers) or Business.

In Business we know that even Equal partners of share that there has to be someone who is a managing partner, someone to make the call.

It does’t lessen the responsibility or devalue the other partner. so even when the managing partner says Blue, and blue can turn into success or failure, everyone in the partnership is responsible and shares it’s implications. So wise word to the managing partners don’t make a decision without proper counsel from the partner.

Our marriages are the same - God put things in order as Ed described a few weeks ago: Christ, Husband, Wife, Children - and when you assume one of these roles you are effectively removed from the list. So from there it goes God, Spouses, Children. - You are removed from the list. God doesn’t say to worry about self - it’s not Self-God-Spouse-Children NO he doesn’t say- God-Self-spouse children- AND he also doesnt save - God-Spouse-Children - Self. You are removed from the list.

So the question you are probably asking is “who takes care of me” - and the answer is your partner. We are to serve each other.

1 Corinthians 7:3–4 “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

Generally when we see 1 Corinthians 7:3 we want to use this as a hammer for our spouses to say be physically intimate with me its in the bible. The large principle here is serve your spouse and don’t let their needs not be met, physically, emotionally, or mentally. Mutual care and mutual respect because they are supposed to be focus on you so you should be focusing on them.

We are to take care of partner because our partner takes care of us. We are to serve each other.

Have you guys know the adage “my better half” - it’s something many men say in fact i don’t think women refer to us as their better half - we might just get - my “other” half or “pain in the butt” half . See women we love yall. When we are apart we are not all that we can be, when we are apart it’s only temporary so thatGod and put you in the places he needs you to to learn what he needs you to learn in order to be able to be the “other half or someones other half” Without our partner we are alone. And we are not meant to be alone -

Genesis Creation - During the creation God says

From the very beginning, God created with purpose. And after each day of creation, He looked at His work and declared it good."

He said that is was Good (SLIDE)

Day 1 – God separated the light from the darkness, and He saw that it was good. Day 2 – God established the sky, separating the waters, creating the heavens. Day 3 – God gathered the waters, formed the dry land, and covered the earth with vegetation. And He saw that it was good. Day 4 – God set the sun, moon, and stars in place to mark time, seasons, and days. And He saw that it was good. Day 5 – God filled the seas with creatures and the sky with birds. And He saw that it was good.

But when he saw man by himself

Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.””

The martial partnership is made strong when husbands and wives compliment each others strengths and weakness’s. The martial partnership is made strong when husbands and wives pour into each other, serve each other. When we help each other. This is how the covenant was established in Genesis 2:24. But before that covenant was established God first gave us a glimpse at why MEN you should love your wives.

Genesis 2:21–23 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.””

When Adam was alone and by himself he had a lot to do. He only had birds, animals, nothing was sufficient to help. nothing was sufficient to compliment him, nothing was sufficient to pour into him. He says “This at Last is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, It’s as if he is saying finally i have an equal, I have someone like me, who understands me, who I can be grow with.

Here men why you should love your wives and why you should love your wives FIRST Because only out of you, only out of what comes from you does your wife receive LIFE.

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

This is the biblical covenant - This is the Biblical Covenant Established.

And God looked at all he had done and said “this is Very Good”. The partnership that is reflected here introduces us into why we need to pour into each other. Why we need to serve each other.

Naturally I hope your thinking “How do I do that, how do I serve them, How do I pour into them?”

Ephesians 5:33 “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” -

So Paul is saying Men Love your wives and Wives Respect your Husbands

Now it’s easy for us to hear Love and think we know that is, but let me tell you what Scripture says:

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” It means Husbands Love is sacrificial, it’s Selfless, it’s enduring. and when in doubt ASK YOUR WIFE - in fact ASK HER ANYWAY.

Now women it’s not so easy to know what Respect is and how to give it biblically. Honoring, Supporting, and Trusting the Leadership of the Husband.

Respect and Love Go hand in Hand - Literally. Husband and wife , Respect and Love.

Respect and Love are the pillars of a Healthy Marriage, of a Healthy Partnership

Now Love and Respect can manifest itself in different ways-

Is everyone familiar with the 5 Love Languages?

Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Gifts, Quality Time, and Acts of Service.

How many people here know their own Love Language?

How many people here know their partners Love Language?

This will be funny, how many people who know their spouses Love Language still try and pour into their partner with their own love language? Mine is Words of Affirmation - Jackie isn’t going to respond the same way that I do when she receives words of affirmation. The Love Tank does’t fill up the same. It will only fill up when she receives her Love Language - Acts of Service.

It’s our responsibility to pour into our spouses; Here’s why we don’t

and it may sting a bit but hold tight -

We don’t pour into our spouses often or at all because we feel like they are up at bat. Ive been doing stuff for so long its time for them to do something.

My husband doesn’t do anything I ask and I have to ask it 100 times to do something, I have all these other things to do.

My wife asks me 100 times to do stuff, I’ll do it when i can, she doesn't see everything else I do.

It’s almost like we feel our spouses aren’t deserving of the Love or Respect. Regardless of what they may have done or did not do. We begin to make excuses for not pouring into them as we want them to pour into us. We react from hurt. But We must remember we are in a covenant - and it’s been established already so we must apply effort.

Lamentations 3:22–23 “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning…

Every morning you wake up the mercies should be refreshed and regenerated, and I promise you that doesn't mean it’s going to be easy- No way. Scripture tells us how to Love it doesn’t say anything about it being easy. so those new mercies may be quickly drained but tomorrow they are a new. God demonstrates this for us. He serves as our example.

because without new mercies - both sides operate from hurt.

And when we operate from hurt we get caught in this prisoners Dilemma, where both sides are holding knives out and can’t put it down because of fear of being hurt again so you guard your love, you guard your heart, and you harden it. So who will be the first to put the knife down? Who will be the first to Love and show kindness, respect and honor. Who will be the first? Who will be the first to show renewed mercies? Truthfully it should be anyone of us and any given time. Because our focus should the covenant, our focus should be the partnership, our focus needs to be our spouses Hearts. Here’s what I say, when I started I said “Men Love your wives first because they receive Life from us”. Personally I standby that.

Now I want to address something who’s familiar with

Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

Oh boy look at all the men sit up HAHAHA!!! I got you Men let’s talk about it! Let’s dig a little deeper.

Ephesians 5:23–24 “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

Ephesians 5:28 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Jesus displayed sacrificial love. He literally gave himself up for us. He loved us, He loved the church. He died for the church. He poured into the church. He put his spirit into the church, into you and I. Just as our wives are given life from our love, Christ gives us life so much so that all of us to include women must be reborn thru him, where we receive life. Thats how much Christ loved the church. Look at us in here, look at the life of a believer, look what we do and how we live, we do it because if what Christ has already done for us, we do it because of the love that we have come to know from Jesus. The church submits in all ways to Jesus because thru him we receive life. So men - Love your wives as Christ loves the church. Because You lead your household with the love that christ displayed, that Christ lived. Oh then Give me Ephesians 5:24 “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” because the husband is loving as Christ loved!!!!

AND WHEN your spouse falls or slips in duty and responsibilities of pouring into you and loving you in your own way of how you receive it. YOU REMEMBER TO HONOR THE COVENANT AND HONOR THE PARTNERSHIP, YOU SHOW STEADFAST LOVE, YOU LOVE WITHOUT CEASING, AS GOD LOVES US WITH NEW MERCIES EVERYDAY.

Sustain Covenant and protect it.

I want you to reflect on this for just a moment “What if today you made the choice to love or respect first, without waiting for them to ‘deserve’ it?" How would your Partnership change?

The Partnership is where we are made whole. The partnership is where we are made ONE. The partnership, the marriage, it honors God. So everything we do within the covenant should be in honor to the LORD. When we love our Wives as Christ loves the church - we honor God, When you respect, when you submit to the leadership of your husband, you are honoring God! You are proclaiming that God is the head of your marriage, that the vow of your partnership, changes the structure we laid out earlier so now its God - The marriage - Children and within the marriage you take oine of those positions so it still remain God- Spouse- Children. The pouring into each other drives the love from one and another.

Applications for a Strong marriage - So now we are ready to build a strong marriage, one that stands the test of trials.

Pray together: A marriage built on prayer is a marriage built on God’s foundation

Prioritize time together: We all know Life is going to get busy, and your job, your kids, your hobbies, your friends, none of it should be placed above the priority of your spouse. It must be intentional. It must be a priority, it must be otherwise it wont be.

Encourage and Affirm each other- Words have power, words mean things, we can’t expect our spouse to be all we want them to be if we are breaking them down. We have a role in helping them be the person God made them to be, “better half” If we tear them down, and break them down, and talk down, don’t show kindness, and don’t show appreciation, and make them feel not wanted or not considered or not respected, we will get a shell of a partner. Only the outside will be present. The heart will be HARD and broken. Here is a tip - ask yourself do i build them up or do i tear them down. Do I say “ Jackie your happiness is not my responsibility, do you Ed “your feeling valued is not my problem,” “your healing is your own issues” How do you think your spouse would feel if thats what they are receiving from you? Are you tearing them down or are you building them up. “I know you’re tired i just want to say you motivate me, I’m so proud of you” “I know that was a lot of work, Thank you for being present when I know you could be sleeping or resting or taking care of something else, Im happy you’re here”. “You look great today” “What can I do for you right now?” “How can I love you right now?”

Serve one another selflessly: Marriage thrives when both partners prioritize serving one another - use those Love Languages.

Seek Wise Counsel: LET ME SAY THIS LOUD AND CLEAR- IT IS NOT A SHAMEFUL ACT to seek marriage counseling. Its an act of HONOR and COMMITMENT to the Covenant. To the Marriage. It’s how you strengthen you marriage. Surrounding your marriage with Godly mentors is a precious jewel. People to say “Jay, I hear your heart and thank you for letting that out, but you’re wrong here. What you wife has been trying to say is…”

“Niki I understand, I’ve been where you are before, but what do you think your spouse feels when you respond that way.

“Ed I’m happy to see how far you’ve come and Susan have come”

We get accountability and Encouragement from Godly counsel

A Biblical Marriage is a Vow of Partnership - A covenant. Jesus and the Church- his Bride. A covenant. Man is to leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh- The Martial Covenant.

Jesus gave his life for his bride. and I hope every man in here would do the same for his bride, and I hope every woman would do the same for her husband. But i want to invite you, if you don’t know that type of Love. married or not. Jesus is missing from your heart. We are all sinners and in need of salvation. Jesus gave himself up for the church, for you and I. and that love displayed empowers and encourages us. If you don’t know that love, if you are wondering if you can ever be loved, if you’re wondering if you sin is too much “man you don’t know what I’ve done” Trust me, his Love and in turn his blood says what you think is too much, he says I’ve already conquered this world so theres nothing too much that you can do to tur his love away from you. So if you don’t know him I encourage you to not go to bed tonight without at least considering that his love is there for you, you just have to recive it. and if you want to know more, and if you need help, there are some members of our prayer team here in the back so feel free to see any of them or any pf the pastors and we would love to sit with you and pray with you