Summer Camp Testomony

expose/growing up in church

As I said previously I was first exposed to pornography at the age of 5. This was in 2005 It would not be to much longer that I would be exposed again. I did not go looking for it. I had my classes mates to thank for it. The iPhone came out in 2007 witch was two year after my first exposer. So my class mates at age 7,8,9,10 started to get iPhone or other simaler devises and would bring them to school and on the playground or when the teacher was not looking show everyone else pornography. That is when i learned what It was and that i could acses it thew the internet.

I did not personly look it up myself till i was 12 years old when i got an ipod touch. And as long as i had a wifi signal I had aceses to pornogafy. and emidatly got adictted to it watching it every day. And I knew it was wrong. I was borin and raised church. I knew what Jesus toght in mattew 5 on the sermon on the mount. That its a sin to look with lust. (raha)look with intent. activly and willfuly looking. I knew my eyes and hands were casuing me to sin but did nothing about it unlike jesus tells us to do.

So I justified what i was doing. I would tell myself, Its not a big deal, yah ok maybe it not good for me to do it but people are doing way worse sin then i am this is my little thing, And the #1 lie i would tell myself Did God realy say it was wrong. did he realy say that.

So continuing on with the timeline when i got into middle school my emidiate family stop attending the church i grew up in. My extended family had been attending this church for over 50 years at this point. And there was a lot things that happened there. My big extended family wanted to sever and so they were in every ministry you can think of. and there were indifivals behinf the seanse who did not like that and solwly squized all my family out and what casued my eminted family to leave was them dropping my moms church membership. The reason why was my mom was helping my grandma at other churches nursery on Sundays and they did not like that. So the pastor over a voicemail they said they dropped her membership because she was not attending the requierd amount of sundays and also did not tithe. Well they were shocked when my Dad said we were all leaving the church but before we did my dad meet with the pastor. And My Dad told may pastor a couple things one what they gave to the church was between them and God but they did tithe and aculy gave more but it was in cash so there was no record of it. but my dad brought up that there was someone in the church who did not show up to the required Sundays as well but he was the bigist conributer to the church so they did nothing about it. and our paster did not have a answer.

There was more things that happened with my whole family but this should give you an idea of everything that was going on. There was also a female youth leader who took advantage of some of the boys in the youth group one being the pastors sons and the church tried sweeping it uncer the rug they just kicked her out did not address it, did not get law enforcement involved, and actteded like nothing happend. wich caused more harm to her victoms wich I knew and grew up with.

So with all of this Church hurt as its call. and with what i was tought in school I real started to question what i believed. I had sience teachers in class say there is no God. And on tests have to give aswers that said “this proves theres no creator.” I rember tring to harmonize what i was taught in school with what the bible teaches in Genesis. The theory of evolution says land creatures came first and then birds came later evolving from reptilze. The bible teaches That birds came first on day 5 and reptilze came later on day 6 with the cration of land animals. Evolution says that death broght man into the world. The Bible teachers that man broght death into the world.

So starting in middle school and contining into high school. I started a quest to find out what religion was true. Christianity, Islam Mormonism, Bumptious, Norse Peganisum and Athisum because Athisum is a belef system wich is the definition on religon. My thought prosses. whatever is true it can be tested and proven to be true. So I looked at all the evedence presented by theses reliogons, I looked at ubjestions to these religons but also look at the response to these ubjections that these reliogs can answer.

And I came to the consultation that Christianity cant not be true. What i mean by that is the amount of evedance for Christianity is so overwhelming that it has to be true. There were a lot of apologetic people and groups that helped me come to that conclution like answers in genisis but the main one was Mike winger whos evedance for the bible sereice shows that the readability of the bible, the arciolical evedace and proficey all prove Christianity is true. But here is the thing I had the head knowlge but i did not have the haert knowllege.

I knew the truths of christ but James writes That even the demons Know who Christ is. that dose not mean they are saved. I was the rich young ruler I was not willing to denie myself and pick up my cross and follow Jesus. And My sin keeped growing and escalating. twords the end of high school I got a girlfrend and we did everything but actual sex. And just like the pornogfay i keeped making exuses. It was not a big deal, if it was bible times we would be considerd married wich is not ture and Did got realy say its wrong.

And continuing on past high school girlfreand and I broke up, I joinded the Army with the natianl gurd and we depolyed overseas to poland in 2021. And my adition to pronogfay got worse and worse and worse. And it was over in poland I watched a vidio by mike winger(add the info) and That was the first time i had realy herd the consept of being adictied to pornogafy so i thoght i should try and quit and i would go at most 24 hours before watching it again.

And my actions and sin escalated even more drasticly on the depolyment. Pornogafy, starting to go to strip clubs and evecaly had sex. One of my exuses for watching pronogfy was i was not having sex but now i did and i just made up exuses for that as well it was a mess up, it wont happen again.I wont do it again. But them i did do it again and then again and again. And I felt hollow inside. even thogh the world around me was telling me that this is what life was all about and should be fullfillng. but i felt the oposite of full filled i felt empty. and i ended up in a really low and dark place. and i started to cut myself and i dont know if i had more then a week or two to live. and one night I drank so much alchoal i could have died.

I woke up the next day hung over and i was alying in my rack and was looking at were i had been cutting myself and toght what am i doing I never had a problom with alchol and now im also cutting myself. lieing in my rack and watching youtube videos and watched a video by Melissa Doughtery tittle If a 1st Century Christian Had a Conversation with Your Average 2021 Christian. Its a skit video were she plays both christans and in the video the 1st centry christan says to the moden christan. “You have acsess to the whole counsele of god. I cant even read you must read it every day.” and i thoght to myself I dont know the last time i read my bible so i grabbed my bible i had at the night stand and did not know were to start so i just opened to genesis and started in 1:1 and started reading and got to chapter 3 were the enemy temps eve. and the enemy says to eve “Did God actually say” and i stopped and i was reading the lie i had been telling myself. That lie was so effective back then that it had worked on me for more then a decade.

I decide I got to change what im doing becuse how i was living was not working. so I startded to resurch how to quite pornogfay as a christan and wtched multiple youtube videos about it. I started prossesing all of what the videos said while i headed into the shower. and in the shower i keeped going over everytying and all of them said the number one thing was to have true repentense. and what true repentace was. True repentance is a change of heart acknowledging sin as falling short of Gods standerds, turning away from it, and committing to a new way of life and turning to God. Not Just being feeing guilty Judas was felt guilty for betraing jesus but he did not repents and turn to God.

And in that shower I realized I had never repented of anything in my life