The Messiness of Marriage

INTRODUCTION

Well, this is the weekend of celebrating marriage here at Taylor Road. We’ve got two couples—Jerry & Vicki Kyser and Cliff & Sharon Slaten—who are celebrating 50 years of marriage this weekend. And, tonight, I’m driving to Georgia to do the wedding of John David Bonner and his fiance, Ella Kate, tomorrow morning. And, so, we just want to celebrate these couples, don’t we?

One of the first “disagreements” Kristy and I had as a married couple was over steak. Yeah…you heard that right. We had gotten a grill at one of our wedding showers and, just a couple of weeks into our marriage, I decided to impress my new bride by grilling steaks for dinner. Well, I like my steaks a little more on the medium side and Kristy likes hers…well…like leather. So, I cook our steaks—probably really small ones because we were broker than broke—and I’m so proud of them…and I start going in on mine and my sweet new bride starts cutting into hers. Well, hers was, apparently, a little more pinkish in the middle than she preferred so she quietly gets up and sticks hers in microwave. I’ll be honest—I came unglued. I said “What the heck are you doing?!?!” She said, “Well, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I just figured I would finish cooking it.” The fact that she put a perfectly good steak in the microwave hurt my feelings even more! Things were said, forks were probably slammed down, and apologies were definitely said.

The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.

Anonymous

>>TRANSITION<<

All of you married couples probably have stories like that.

Marriage is messy…but marriage isn’t messy because we like our steaks cooked differently.

MAIN IDEA

Marriage is messy because sin has corrupted God's good design.

God’s design for marriage is best. I mean, He invented the idea! But, because of our sin, we don’t always live within His good design.

If you’ll take your Bible and open to Genesis chapter 2, we’re going to look at 3 things this morning—1) God’s good design for marriage, 2) how sin has corrupted God’s good design, and, then, 3) gospel hope for messy marriages.

SUB—POINTS

(10 minutes) 1) What God designed marriage to be...

Genesis 2:18–25 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

God designed marriage with…

A. Complimentary Roles (vs. 18—21)

God created man and woman to be equal in value and worth and importance but different in the roles they would play in the marriage relationship.

So, how are man and woman—husband and wife—complimentary of each other?

Completion

God created all things—every genus and species of animals and plants—and He created them in a way that they could reproduce and make more of their own kind. And in that act of creation, God looked at all of this and declared that it was “good.”

But, when God created Adam, and gave him the purpose of having dominion over the earth and being fruitful and multiplying, God says this is “not good.” Adam didn’t have a counterpart. Adam was incomplete.

He could not live out his created purpose alone. He couldn’t procreate and be fruitful and multiply. He couldn’t steward the garden…

He had an entire garden and all of God’s creation—gold, precious gems, etc.—but was not complete without woman.

The second aspect of the complimentary roles God designed for marriage is…

Headship

God designed marriage in such a way that he has mandated and entrusted the man with the role of being the “head.”

Doesn’t mean that he is domineering or dominating.

It means, primarily, that God holds the man responsible for the home’s obedience to the Word of God and its well-being.

God gave Adam the mandate.

God gave Adam the instructions about the two trees (2:16-17).

God went looking FOR ADAM (3:9).

The third aspect of the complimentary relationship is that God created the woman to be man’s…

Helpmate 

This is not a “negative.”

Taken from his side—made of the “same stuff”—yet different/unique purpose.

In OT, “helper” is a term used to describe God aiding his people in the face of their enemies. It’s often associated with “shield” in describing God’s protective care of his people.

Genesis 1–11:26 (3) The Man’s Companion, the First Woman (2:18–25)

“Helper” means the woman will play an integral part in human survival and success. What the man lacks, the woman accomplishes.

A second aspect of God’s design for marriage is that it is His…

B. God's Gift (vs. 22—23a)

God created your spouse for Joy and Delight

Pay attention to what Adam says when he sees his bride for the first time. Verse 23 is actually, in Hebrew, a poem. Every woman in here should be elbowing her husband!

Adam says, “This at last…” It’s an exclamation. This, in Hebrew, is a phrase of joy and delight.

It reminds me of that old Etta James song…At last, my love has come along, My lonely days are over, And life is like a song.

God created your spouse for you to Treasure

God “brought her to the man.”

He shall hold fast to his wife…

God designed marriage for…

C. Unity (vs.23b—24)

Permanence 

Taken “from his side”—

“The two shall become one”

Togetherness…one heart, one mind, heading in the same direction. Growing together.

God designed marriage for…

D. Intimacy (vs. 25)

No shame and no secrets

“The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

This nakedness and shamelessness is intimacy. We can’t think of intimacy as just being sexual. It’s more than that. It’s a closeness with one another. It’s transparency/honesty/no hiddenness.

And, at the core of the intimacy between husband and wife is intimacy with God.

So, this is God’s design for marriage—Complimentary Roles, God’s Gift, Unity, and Intimacy.

But, then we see…

2) Sin's corruption of God's design...(10 Minutes)

Where does marriage break down? Where does the messiness start? It starts with a departure from God’s design.

It is not marriage that fails, it is people that fail.

Harry Emerson Fosdick

Genesis 3:6–13 ESV

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

FILL IN THE GAPS

Genesis 3:16 ESV

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

Sin corrupts God’s good design and leaves brokenness/messiness/dysfunction in its wake.

1. Shame and Hiding (3-4 minutes) First, sin brings shame and hiding, destroying innocence and intimacy. In Genesis 2:25, Adam and Eve were “naked and not ashamed”—totally open, no walls. But after they eat the fruit, shame floods in. Verse 7: they sew fig leaves. Verse 8: they hide from God. What’s lost? Intimacy—that deep, trusting connection. Secrets take root. They withdraw. Communication shuts down.

Think about a couple I know—let’s call them Mike and Sarah. Mike started hiding a growing credit card debt, ashamed to admit he’d overspent. Sarah sensed something was off but didn’t ask. They stopped talking, each retreating behind their own fig leaves. Intimacy? Gone. Sin thrives when we hide. Maybe you’ve done this—kept a struggle quiet, avoided a tough talk. It’s like putting a wall up in your marriage.

Practical Application: This week, pick one thing you’ve been hiding—maybe a worry, a sin, or even a hurt—and share it with your spouse. Start small if you need to. Say, “Hey, I’ve been carrying this, and I want us to face it together.” It’s scary, but it tears down those fig leaves and rebuilds intimacy. Sin damages it, but honesty heals it.

2. Self-Preservation (3-4 minutes) Next, sin fuels self-preservation, wrecking unity and the way we treasure each other. Look at verses 11-12: God asks Adam about the fruit, and he says, “The woman you gave me, she gave it to me, and I ate.” Then Eve blames the serpent. They’re not protecting each other—they’re protecting themselves. Genesis 2 had Adam calling Eve “bone of my bones”—a gift to treasure. Now? She’s the fall guy. Unity’s toast.

Verse 16 shows the ripple effect: “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” That’s tension, not teamwork. Selfish, self-serving—sound familiar? When we stop treasuring our spouse as God’s gift and start defending our own egos, unity crumbles.

Practical Application: Try this: tomorrow, catch yourself when you’re tempted to “win” an argument or dodge blame. Instead, ask, “How can I value you right now?” Maybe it’s saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong,” or “Let’s figure this out together.” It’s hard, but it shifts you from self-preservation to treasuring each other again, like God intended.

3. Role Dysfunction (2-3 minutes) Finally, sin causes role dysfunction, throwing off God’s complementary design. God set up marriage with roles: Adam to lead, Eve to help—equal in value, different in purpose. Adam got the command about the tree in Genesis 2:16-17, but in 3:6, he’s just “with her” when she eats—no leadership, just silence. Eve steps into a role she wasn’t meant to take. Then verse 16 predicts the struggle: desire versus ruling. It’s a mess.

I knew a couple where the husband, Jake, wouldn’t make decisions—bills, kids, anything. His wife, Emily, took over, but she resented it. “I feel like his mom, not his wife,” she said. Jake abdicated leadership; Emily couldn’t lean on him. Sin flipped their roles upside down. Maybe you’ve seen this—husbands checking out, wives fighting for control. It’s not the dance God choreographed.

Practical Application: This week, talk with your spouse about your roles. Husbands, step up in one area—plan a family night or lead a prayer. Wives, encourage his leadership—say, “I’d love your input here.” It’s not about power; it’s about partnering as God designed. Sin scrambles it, but you can start realigning it.

3) Gospel healing for messy marriages...(5 Minutes)

Here’s the reality—I realize that there are many of you here today that are standing in the ruins of a messy marriage. It didn’t work out. There’s grace and there’s forgiveness.

Some of you are on the brink of disaster and divorce. There’s grace, there’s mercy, there’s forgiveness.

So, shame and hiding kill intimacy. Self-preservation trashes unity and treasuring. Role dysfunction breaks God’s design. It’s messy, right? But Genesis 3 doesn’t end in despair. Verse 15 promises a Savior to crush sin, and verse 21 shows God covering their shame with garments—grace in action. That’s Jesus. He steps into our marriages and says, “I can fix this.”

Genesis 3:21 ESV

And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.

God's Son redeems us from our brokenness (3:15).

God's grace and mercy cover our messiness.