Kids Bedroom
Behind Closed Doors • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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INTRO:
Things I’ve Learned From My Children
Things I’ve Learned From My Children
(Honest and No Kidding)—an anonymous mother
1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh-oh,” it’s already too late.
12. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
13. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
14. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
15. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
STAPLES OF PARENTING WETHER YOU ARE A COUPLE PARENTING, SINGLE PARENT, OR BLENDED FAMILY PARENTING KIDS:
You must have a plan if you have a desired outcome for your kids. (Work the numbers or plan backwards)
You must be intentional (evaluate and measure, train and learn)
You must establish structure and direction for your kids
STAGES OF PARENTING: (once a parent always a parent)
Caregiver - baby stage
Corrector - No, no
Cheerleader - Jr High Stage
Coach - HS
Consultant - Adult
MESSAGE:
1. MINDSET: BE PREPARED TO MAKE SACRIFICES AS A PARENT
A. TIME SACRIFICES
He who spends the most time wins!
PRACTICAL CHALLENGE: When your kid asks to throw a ball around, always say yes. Chores can wait, work can wait. Those things aren't going anywhere.
But the days your kid will ask you to play will go by so painfully fast.
B. FINANCIAL SACRIFICES
BOOK: “Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters” - Author Dr. Erica Komisar
She is a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst, parent coach, and author. With 40 years of experience in private practice, she works to alleviate pain in individuals who suffer from depression, anxiety, eating, and other compulsive disorders. Dr. Komisar is a graduate of Georgetown and Columbia Universities and The New York Freudian Society, she is a psychological consultant bringing parenting and work/life workshops to clinics, schools, corporations, and childcare settings, including The Garden House School, Goldman Sachs, Shearman, and Sterling and SWFS Early Childhood Center.
My Take Aways From Her Book:
60% of women have indicated that they want to stay home with their kids
Adjust your expectations and live a simpler life to accommodate that… your kids need you!
Daycare is not about benefiting your kid, it’s about the money to the industry
Attachment takes place in 3 months then typically mom “abandons” them to a daycare
Leaving them with Daycare while under the age of 1 year old is terrible for the baby
It takes 3 years for a child to adapt and to feel safe with the care of mom.
Guilt and pain are signaling devices trying to get us to pivot and change directions
“Pushing through” is not good advice
Daycare has led to attachment disorder and mental illness
Those who had secure attachment for the first year of their life now 30 years later, still are experiencing secure attachment, but those who did not have secure attachments for the first year of their life. Now 30 years later still have attachment disorder that affects their mental well-being.
85% of your brain is developed within the first 3 years of life. So the environment they’re raised in is extremely important.
Children are extremely neurologically vulnerable in the first three years of life.
If you had the opportunity to sacrifice for only three years and had a guaranteed return on that sacrificial investment that would make a lifetime impact on your finances, would you do it?
That is what you’re being asked to do with your children. Make a three-year investment where you’re present and you’re available to your children. The benefit will be evident 20 to 30 years from now because they will still have a solid connection and feel secure.
Does that mean every children is going to turn out this way? No there are always survivors of a shipwreck, but the studies do show the majority are affected.
BARNA found that…“Even though both mothers and fathers share an equal desire to use their gifts and talents for the good of others, mothers feel significantly less called to or made for their current work than fathers.” (Barna 9-25-18)
RULES WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP LEAD TO REBELLION
Parents we all want our kids to obey us yet when it comes time to spend time with them or do something fun that they like we say things like that's not my thing.
Take interest in your kids take interest in their activities
Their interests become your thing… (dances, football, band)
2. TAKE ACTION: TRAIN UP YOUR CHILDREN IN THE WAY THEY SHOULD GO
SPIRITUAL MANDATE UPON PARENTS
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Pray with your kids
Teach them the scriptures
Train your kids to fear God and keep His commands.
Your kids should learn more from you than the church.
My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands.
Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding.
Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding.
Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.
Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God.
“So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.
Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.
Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,
so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.
We will not hide these truths from our children; we will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his mighty wonders.
If you want a spiritually delinquent child: Never give them any spiritual training. Wait until they are twenty-one and then let them decide for their self.
A. DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN BIBLICALLY
Soft parenting models remind me of a socialistic model
My observation of soft parenting often gives way to elements of rebellion and disobedience.
Obedience VS. Disobedience (Deut 28-30)
There must be clear consequences for disobedience.
Reward what you want them to repeat
Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.
Convictions, morals, boundaries and beliefs are established at a young age (arguably between 3-5 years old)
To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.
Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.
The word ROD in the above verses has a very negative connotation these days. But, the Hebrew word used for ROD is the same word used in Psalm 23 — one of the most comforting passages in the Bible. (Psalm 23:4, “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”)
My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you.
For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.
And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you.
For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?
If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.
Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever?
For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.
No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
B. TEACH THEM LIFE SKILLS
Teach them about cultural issues from a biblical perspective
Teach them what a good friend is
Teach them PEOPLE SKILLS
Don’t let your kids be isolated,
Make your kids speak up (ordering meals, greeting new people, shaking hands)
Make your kids make decisions VS just telling them what to do or BOSSING them around
WE NEED LEADERS NOT JUST RULE FOLLOWERS
They need to be able to think for themselves
Teach them to fear God not man
I pray for strong willed children. Strong willed children stand when others bow.
ILLUSTRATION: Florida with the tarzan rope. He told the man trying to tell what to do. “I am not doing that!” “I am doing it my way!”
When peers have dialogue primarily with peers, they fail to be exposed to those with more advanced insights and more highly developed faculties….Our children, who are constantly engrossed in peer-centered activities, interact minimally with those more mature than themselves. - Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelsen, Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World
C. TEACH THEM TO BE RESPONSIBLE
Dealing with consequences for their actions
Allow your children to make decisions with your oversight
Coach them through dangerous or unwise decisions
If you want a delinquent child: take their side against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. Embrace their belief that they’re all against them.
If you want a delinquent child: Avoid using the word “wrong.” It may give your child a guilt complex. You can condition them to believe later, when they’re arrested for stealing a car, that society is against them and they are being persecuted.
If you want a delinquent child: Pick up after them— books, shoes, clothing. Do everything for them so they will be experienced at throwing all their responsibility onto others.
D. TEACH THEM ABOUT MONEY
Management
If you want a delinquent child: When your kid is still an infant, give him everything he wants. This way he’ll think the world owes him a living when he grows up.
If you want a delinquent child: Give your child all the spending money they want. Don’t make them earn their own. Why should they have things as tough as you did?
Business / School
Generosity
E. DON’T BE A DREAM DESTROYER
Parents sometimes limit their kids more than the kids own insecurities.
Behind our closed doors should be filled with playing, laughter and fun.
A place of sweet dreams and safety is what it should be.
If your kids are experiencing night terrors, sleepless nights, bad dreams. Pray in the room, Worship, and Word.
Qualities Needed to Succeed In a Chosen Career
A constant striving for perfection
Mobility
A need to be free from time constraints to focus
Impatience
A goal-oriented attitude toward the project at hand
A total commitment to yourself
A stubborn self-will
Efficiency
A belief that succeeding must always be the top priority
A controlling nature that enjoys directing others
A concern about image
Firmness
A feeling that nobody is as smart as you
A preference for concise information
An exploitation of others
Qualities Needed to Meet the Needs of a Growing Child
A tolerance for repeated errors
Stability
Plenty of time for family activities on work
Patience
Emphasis on process, surprises and change as the child matures
A total commitment to others
A softness and willingness to bend
A tolerance for chaos
An understanding that failure promotes growth
A desire to promote independence in others even if their ways are not your ways
A relaxed acceptance of embarrassment
Gentleness
A true respect for your child’s abilities free from comparison with your own
Able to listen patiently while children talk
Able to put another’s needs ahead of one’s own
CALL TO ACTION:
A parent that needs to ask forgiveness from their kids
A child that needs to ask forgiveness from their parents
