Christ the Head

Prologue: Unfulfilled Longing in Marriage

Start my message this evening a little differently, almost a little prologue

We are continuing in Ephesians 5 and will be looking at marriage

Even as I say that, I am acutely aware that many have never experienced that beauty in marriage and none of us experience it all the time

I was with a guy this week whose first marriage failed on his account - and he knows it - but this week his girlfriend of last year and a half left him

He said to me, “I don’t know how you do it”

Any discussion of marriage is marred by unfulfilled longings

Some have healthy marriages where you do experience the sacrificial love of the other for you some or even much of the time

But it’s never all the time

Some have experienced failed marriages and, like my friend, wonder if joyful marriages only exist in fantasyland

Maybe marriage ended in divorce or is full of discontentment even now

Some have wanted to experience marriage but, at least thus far, God hasn’t granted longing

Messages on marriage can be encouraging for some and challenging or even saddening for others because of unfulfilled longings

But here is the promise of the gospel:

Jesus is the head of the church

Jesus is the groom to whom the church, the people are God, are to be united

Jesus is the one who sacrifices himself all the time, perfectly and completely

Jesus is the one who is faithful all the time

If you are in Christ, you will experience marriage at its most perfect as the church is united to Christ

I pray that is hopeful to you in those moments where you experience unfulfilled longing in this important human relationship

And if you have never experienced that longing filled in this life, I invite you to go to Jesus even now and receive the hope that his promises are for you

Pray

Introduction: The Shifting Portrayal of Men in TV

Many of you know I have a PhD and have a bent toward academic, scholarly research

There is a topic that has been subject to more rigorous academic research than you will probably guess: the portrayal of men on TV through the years

How has the portrayal of TV husbands/dads shifted over the years?

That is some deep cut research there isn’t it?

But stay with me for a minute

Buffoon, goof, object of jokes

Tim the Tool Man Taylor, Home Improvement

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

Al Bundy, Married with Children

Red, That 70s Show

Peter Griffin, Family Guy

But it didn’t used to be that way - think Brady Bunch or Leave it to Beaver

“The portrayal of dads in the media has progressively devolved from a father-knows-best role to the dunder-headed dad who needs constant supervision from his wife (or even kids).” (McGee & Hantla, 2013)

“Wise fathers were exchanged for silly dads. Educated fathers were substituted with bumbling fools.” (McGee & Hantla, 2013)

“the changing portrayal of father figures [went] from positions of wisdom and authority to roles in which their sensibility is called into question or mocked through foolish, humorous portrayals” (Scharrer)

H1: The more recent the program, the more foolish the portrayal of the father character. 

From 1.8 (1950s) to 4.29 (1990) per episode that woman makes fun of husband/father

H2: Family-oriented sitcoms featuring working class families will be more likely to portray the father character foolishly than family-oriented sitcoms featuring middle to upper class families.

Measured with what they called “Foolishness of Portrayal Scale”

One study found that the number of times the husband/dad was the butt of the joke grew over 9x from 1950s sitcoms to 1990s sitcoms (Scharrer)

Another study found that as this trend of increasing making the husband/dad the object of jokes, the more disharmony is present in the family in those shows (Olson and Douglas)

“Buffoonish, ignorant, self-centered, and inept television dads must be shown their proper places in the home. At best, television dads are nominal or figurehead leaders of the home, but at worst, they are relegated to the intellectual level of the family pet.” (McGee & Hantla, 2013)

“Honey, what area am I in charge of in this house?” (Dad on Good Luck Charlie)

Transition

Ok, now I know that besides finding it interesting that there has been that much academic research on the depiction of husbands and dads on TV, you are wondering why this little discourse

The answer is simple: good or bad, right or wrong, we all bring these experiences and exposures to our understanding of the Bible

And for our passage tonight, it is helpful to recognize the way that husbands and dads are depicted culturally

Tonight we come to a passage that talks about the husband being the head of the wife and Christ being the head of the church

If that is true, there must be something more than the “buffoonish, ignorant, self-centered and inept” men as they are frequently depicted

Scripture Reading: Eph 5: 21-33

Ephesians 5:21–33 ESV

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Walk in Love, Light, Wisdom

Earlier in chapter 5 we saw that the word “walk” occured 3 times

Walk in love

Walk in light

Walk in wisdom

Tonight’s passage is not something different

Rather he is zooming in to talk about walking in love, light, and wisdom in the most important of human relationships: our family

Specifically, in our passage here tonight, looking at the God-ordained relationship of marriage

And in looking at marriage, he bounces back and forth between looking at human marriage and using the image of marriage to depict the relationship between Jesus and the church

Headship

First let us look at the idea of headship

Because this is where the images of men - husbands and fathers - in the world around will shape our reading of the Bible if we are not aware

Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”

Defining Head

Let me suggest here that the task is not to defend “head” but to define it

But the imagery of head is used not just here, but earlier in chapter 4 and in Colossians 1

The Bible talks about “head” on a few occasions

The question is not do we believe in “head” but what does the Bible mean by the term

In fact, the idea is so important that the BCO, our denomination’s polity book, begins with a preamble that says that Jesus is “the king and head of the church”

So what does the term “head” mean?

What Head is NOT

Let’s start a definition with what head is not

Nothing: That the Bible describes Jesus as the head of the church means that it can’t mean nothing

It must mean something

If we explain away “husband is the head of the wife” as a cultural construct of Paul’s time and remove any significance, then we are also removing the significance of Jesus as head of the church

So it can’t mean nothing, it must mean something

Figurehead: Per the quote I read before, “At best, television dads are nominal or figurehead leaders of the home, but at worst, they are relegated to the intellectual level of the family pet.”

Being the head can’t be just a figurehead or the bumbling fool to be the object of jokes as is seen in so much media today

Breadwinner: The biblical concept of head is not who earns the most money in the family

We would only have to flip over to Proverbs 31 to see the Bible commend a wife who is a real estate investor, manages a vineyard, and makes products she can sell for a profit

Oppressive: Part of the reason for the backlash against the concept is too many stories of oppressive, domineering men who “lead” with power and a firm hand

Passive: It’s not sitting on the couch demanding another beer

It’s not an abdication of responsibility, pawning everything off on the wife

Abdication of head is as unbiblical as domination is

Caution: Possibility of self-fulfilling cycle

Husband does abdicate some responsibility to his wife

Wife complains

Guy feels like he can’t do anything right so why try?

Leads to even more nonresponsiveness

Which leads to more discontent from the wife…

What Head is

So if that is what head is not: nothing, figurehead, breadwinner, oppressive, passive

What is it?

It is about authority

But, and this is important: One commentary I read said this well

“Paul is not removing authority, but he is redefining it in terms of Christ’s sacrifice” - Bryan Chapell

The framework for headship is sacrificial love in marriage rooted in the sacrificial love of Christ

It’s an authority that works itself out in service to the wife, to the family

“Husbands cannot understand their daily responsibilities in a marriage without understanding that their primary purpose as heads of households is to help all persons in the home fully apprehend the Lord’s grace in their lives.” - Bryan Chapell

The sacrificial love of marriage

With that framework of what the Bible means by “head”, we can now look to see what this passage teaches us about the sacrificial love of marriage

Specifically, submission and sacrifice in marriage both point us to the symbolism in marriage

Submission in Marriage: To Wives

Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

Ephesians 5:24 “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Ephesians 5:33 “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

So wives are to submit, but Paul goes on to say “submit in everything” and “respects her husband”

Pretty broad statements but let me make a couple of important comments

Voluntary: for the wife to submit not the husband to demand submission or demand respect

Use your gifts: The posture of submission and respect does not mean abandoning your gifts and skills

Use them to benefit your family and to honor Christ!

Complete your husband:

Paul here roots the his whole discussion of marriage in Creation

Ephesians 5:31 ““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.””

The wife is a partner, a helpmeet

And here is what is so cool about this picture: that word that is used to describe a wife as helpmeet is mostly applied in the Bible to describe God

So when the wife submits to her husband and respects her, she completes him and reflects the character of God as the great helper

Imaging Christ: as the woman submits to and respects her husband, she points him to Jesus

Sacrifice in Marriage: To Husbands

Ephesians 5:25–28 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Such beautiful sacrificial language here

Gave himself up for her

Sanctify her

Cleanse her

As the husband pursue these ends, he is imaging Christ to his wife, to his family

That is, as a husband leads his wife, he honors her, he points her to Jesus, and he himself is being sanctified

Friend who told me that until he got married, he never realized how selfish he was

Marriage becomes the environment for sanctification

Provide, Protect, Respect

For my boys, it has been important for me teaching them young how to grow as men

In particular, when Jeremiah and Micah each turned 6, I took them on a one-on-one trip

Sure, there was a lot of fun in those trips

But each trip had 3 “man talks”

Talked about what it means to provide, to protect, to respect

And said that right now, that starts with their mom and their sisters

But one day, Lord, willing, is what it means to love and to leave their wives

Motive for both Submission and Sacrifice

Ephesians 5:21 “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

“Out of reverence for Christ”

Wives, loving your husbands and submitting to your husbands is an act of worship to God

Husbands, loving your wives and sacrificing yourself for your wives is an act of worship to God

The sacrificial love of Christ

All this discussion of the sacrificial love of marriage is rooted in the sacrificial love of Christ

That is, there is a symbolism in marriage

Ephesians 5:32 “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

As he weaves back and forth in the discussion of marriage and of Jesus, we see in both submission and sacrifice, symbols of the relationship between Christ and his church

Ephesians 5:25–30 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.”

As the husband gives himself for his wife, as he sanctifies her, as he cleanses her, Christ gave himself for the church, sanctifies the church, cleanses the church

As the husband provides, protects, and respects his wife, Christ provides, protects and respects the church

As the wife completes her husband, Christ completes the church

As the wife cares for the needs of her husband, Christ nourishes and cherishes the church

Marriage is among the most important relationships any of us ever experience

And at its best, marriage points us to the sacrificial love of Christ and is itself empowered by the sacrificial love of Christ

Conclusion

All those images of husbands and dads I shared at the beginning are just silly pictures, even if they tell us something about the way the world sees men

But for us who are in Christ, we can, in this life, pursue a marriage that is marked by sacrificial love for one another

And it is those marriages in this life that give us a picture by which to understand and anticipate the sacrificial love of Christ that will be for us, his church, forever

Pray

Sources

The Portrayal of Fathers in Popular Media, McGee & Hanta, 2013

From Wise to Foolish: The Portrayal of the Sitcom Father, 1950s-1990s, Scharrer, 2001

The Family on Television: Evaluation of Gender Roles in Situation Comedy, Olson & Douglas, 1997