Caring for my family

Opening

Good morning

Who comes to mind when you think about the most caring person in your family? Whether that’s a relative or a fellow believer. And what is it about them that makes them so caring?

For me, I think of my wife Carrie who takes great care of my boys and me. I mean she even has “care” in her name.

I’d also say my mom. She is always interested in everything I’m involved in, she worries about me, she likes to help me wherever she can.

Both of them set a good example in this area.

And I know this is sounding like the beginning of a Mother’s Day sermon. I’m a couple months early.

We are continuing our series on belonging to the family. We’ve looked at giving respect, steps to deal with conflict in healthy ways, and even how to reconcile. Today we will look at caring for our family.

Here’s the deal . . . we have an obligation to care for both our relatives and for our church family.

Of course, some in our family are easy to care for because they are wonderful human beings, very lovable, and there is a mutual satisfaction when we take care of them.

But . . . some of our family members are difficult. They’re not nice. Or maybe their health issues are really complicated. I have some friends whose loved one has Alzheimer’s and it’s very hard to deal with. Or maybe you have a family member who has burned too many bridges. How do we care for them?

Well let’s look at some biblical principles together

Bible

We will be in 1 Timothy 5 today

If you need a Bible, please raise your hand and an usher will bring you one.

We will also have the passages on the screen for you

1 Timothy 5 is on page 1025

The Apostle Paul is writing to a young leader named Timothy. Paul is giving him instructions for how to lead the church and specifically in chapter 5, how to care for brothers and sisters in Christ.

So there’s the question I’m hoping to address: how am I supposed to care for my family?

As Paul begins, note some of the family members he mentions . . .

1 Timothy 5:1–2 NIV

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

So Paul is talking about the church, but there is an assumption there . . . that we would without question do these things for our own relatives.

If we’re not, then we better start doing it.

And while we are at it we need to do the same for our church family as well.

Paul says a word in there of how we must treat everyone

If you’re taking notes . . .

The first way I CARE for my family members is when I . . .

1. Commit to Purity

Purity is so much more than avoiding sexual immorality

GotQuestions.org calls purity - ‘freedom from anything that contaminates.” Picture silver or gold refined in the fire. Returned to its near perfect state.

Paul says that we are to treat each other as family with absolute purity.

What does he mean by that? Total purity in every area - in my thoughts (avoiding things like envy, pride, critical thoughts), in my heart, in my words, in my actions, in public, in private, . . . ALL - THE- TIME.

But that’s impossible!

Yes we will fall short, but God is asking us to Commit to it.

When I fail, I apologize and seek reconciliation (listen to last week’s sermon and podcast if you missed it).

Committing to purity means checking our hearts. Am I speaking and acting like Christ in the way I am treating my family?

Well you don’t know what my family member has done to me. . . I don’t. And I hate that they hurt you! But, you are still called to care. And you have an opportunity to speak & act like Christ.

Let me give you some encouragement here - coming from someone who is commited to purity, but like you often falls short - I think and say things that I shouldn’t, I don’t act like Jesus all the time.

But here is a good word - God will help us. Did you catch that? God will help us!

Psalm 119:9 NIV

How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.

God instructs us through His Word. He gives us guidance.

It says a young person . . . how can an old person stay on the path of purity? By living according to His word.

What if you are a middle aged person like me? How can we stay on the path of purity? By living according to His word!

Speaking of His Word . . . Here is pray, right out of Scripture, that I like to pray when I’ve fallen short.

Psalm 51:10 NIV

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

You know what’s beautiful about that prayer? When we pray it sincerely, God will do it. He forgives us every time. He renews us every time. He WILL give us a pure heart.

So what’s this got to do with caring for our family?

It is our starting point. Because if I have sin in my heart, it will cloud my judgement and I am not going to give my family the care they deserve - the care to which God is calling me.

Application

Let me ask you this . . .

Do any of you ever just get in a mood? Where everything is annoying and you just don’t care?

Something happens to me when I’m overly tired and enough stress adds up that I emotionally clock out and start nitpicking things. And I’m not nice and I have an unfriendly sarcasm. Can any of you relate?

How does that go for the people around you? Not good, right?

It’s in these times its really hard to commit to purity

Now think about what THINGS (not the people) that specifically trigger it for YOU. Not enough sleep? Do you get hangry?Could it be substances that you shouldn’t be involved with? Is it the music and content you are consuming that is influencing you?

I get that sometimes the people in our lives put us in bad moods, but are we also feeding it with things that aren’t good?

Some of the things I listed a moment ago have put me in a funk.

What advice would Jesus give? I believe he would say remove anything in your life that is not helpful for your relationships

In Matthew 5:27-30 Jesus talked about not committing adultery and he said . . . (I’m paraphrasing here) If your eye causes you to sin, gauge it out. If your hand causes you to sin, cut if off.

We’re not meant to take this literally, but the idea is that it is better to live without something than to let it contaminate you

In that same chapter, Jesus gives us this great promise for those who commit to purity

Matthew 5:8 NIV

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Look how our impure hearts blind us from seeing our families as God desires. How much more will it also blind us from seeing the head of THIS family, our Heavenly Father.

I care for my family members when I commit to purity

Then Paul goes on and begins to talk about family members in need.

1 Timothy 5:3 NIV

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need.

The second way I CARE for my family is when I . . .

2. Acknowledge their Needs

Paul is talking specifically about widows - some of the most vulnerable members of the family - but the principle applies to all of our family members who are in need.

Acknowledge their needs!

Here we are simply assessing the situation.

Do your best to hold off on judgments. Don’t immediately jump into questions of why they are in that position. And avoid assumptions!

I encourage you to first acknowledging their needs because then we can move forward with compassion.

Maybe they messed things up for themselves, but they are still a person - made in the image of God - who Jesus loves - who Jesus died for - who Jesus has put in your care as a family member

Colossians 3:12 NIV

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Try to imagine if you were in their position.

I know that this can be very difficult, especially with family. Sometimes it is an issue with siblings and you think - we grew up in the same household, how are they so different? How did they go a totally different direction?

Application

Here is something that has helped me - reminding myself that I don’t know their whole situation. I don’t know all that they’ve been exposed to, all that’s been said and done to them. What has happened in secret. What health issues they may have that is making it more difficult for them. So I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they have a more difficult situation than it appears.

This does not justify bad behavior. This does not dismiss sin. This does not mean they should automatically get everything their way. But it means I can show some compassion when they are in a tough spot.

This is the Jesus way!

Mark 6:30-44 records Jesus having compassion when he saw the large crowds “because they were like sheep without a shepherd.”

In other words, one of their needs was that they didn’t have a leader in their life. Jesus acknowledged that.

Then Mark records that Jesus acknowledged their need for food. And he ended up working a miracle to turn 5 loaves of bread and two fish into a meal that would feed thousands.

In another story in the Gospel of Luke 5:17-26 some friends brought a paralyzed man to Jesus. They were so determined to get through the crowds that they ended up opening a hole through a roof and lowering their friend down on a mat right in front of Jesus.

Here Jesus first acknowledged the man’s need for forgiveness from his sins.

Then Jesus acknowledged his need for healing from paralysis and he told the man to get up and walk and the man is healed.

Different people have different needs.

It might be spiritual, it might be physical, it might be emotional.

I care for my family when I acknowledge their needs.

Paul continues . . .

1 Timothy 5:3–8 NIV

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame. Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Here is the takeaway for us,

The third way I CARE for my family is when I . . .

3. Respond with Love and Wisdom

I mentioned earlier that we have a responsibility to take care of our families. Paul says that failure to do so is to deny the faith. Let’s not be what he called “worse than an unbeliever.”

Unbelievers will go with worldly standards. Selfish-thinking. I’ll only help them if it somehow benefits me.

Don’t be like that!

If our family members have real needs and we are able to meet them then we are obligated. It should not be left for others to handle. Why? Because that takes away from others in need who don’t have family support.

Consider this . . . our relief team at Centerpoint has to make decisions on who the church can help as requests come our way. Unfortunately we don’t have enough resources to help every single person in need. However, when families first step up and show care, we are able to say “yes” more often.

There are times when family members cannot properly provide for their family and in those times the church family may be able to step in.

Several of you have modeled this in how you’ve not only cared for your relatives and your church family, but also potential future brothers and sisters in Christ- those yet to say yes to Jesus.

At the beginning of the year, I challenged our small groups to do at least one service project this year and some groups have already delivered.

[PICTURE] Out of Love & Wisdom . . . Daughters in Christ collected items to fulfill some needs for the Life First Pregnancy Center. Diapers, wipes, bibs, and more.

[PICTURE] Another Group, Women of Hope - out of love and wisdom - met in public to hand out bags and invite people to church

PICTURE] The 50-Something Group - in love & wisdom - has been making what they’ve called “bags of hope” for the homeless community. They still have 50 more bags to fill and if you would like to help them with any items, please let me know and I can connect you with Claudia Cooley

[PICTURE] Church in Action - responding in love & wisdom - led a group of people to clean up trash at a homeless encampment and interact with the people there

We also had a group of our pastors and staff members + some others from our church respond in love and wisdom by serving at the San Bernardino City Mission yesterday.

The love part is out of compassionate hearts. We want these people to have their needs met and most importantly come to a saving relationship in Christ.

The wisdom piece is providing for their needs in practical ways - food, hygiene items, safer environments, spiritual support.

Our family members needs may be a little bit different, but the idea of love and wisdom behind this is the same.

Application

For those of you who have some reservations about caring for family because you are worried about enabling them, let me share this . . .

How we support someone may be different than they would like. Comfort and luxury are not needs that we must fulfill. You don’t have to cater to every desire. They can eat what you’ve prepared.

Do we always have to drop everything in a moments notice to take care of them? No

If it is not a life-or-death situation then they can wait for a little bit, if we are occupied by other responsibilities. Now don’t abuse this. Don’t purposely take the long way to help them, but you also don’t have to let them take full advantage of you. Do you understand the tension? There is a healthy balance we need to find.

Here’s what I’m asking of you - check your heart. Let’s treat everyone with dignity.

I CARE for my family when I respond with Love and Wisdom.

Read verses 9-16 this week and you’ll see Paul gives more specific examples for responding in love and wisdom

Now let’s jump ahead a little bit in the chapter to verse 17. This may initially seem off topic, but allow me to draw a connection.

1 Timothy 5:17–21 NIV

The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. For Scripture says, “Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain,” and “The worker deserves his wages.” Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.

This section of Paul’s writing is focused on how to treat the elders or pastors in the church. Paul wants to make sure the leaders are treated with an appropriate degree of honor AND that they are also held accountable with proper boundaries.

Here is the principle for us to apply toward our families

The fourth way I CARE for my family is when I . . .

4. Encourage Healthy Behavior

By healthy I mean holistically - spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.

In Paul’s directive there is incentive for the elders to walk in a way that is healthy.

Let me break down what Paul was specifically talking about and then draw the connection for all of us today

Paul gives incentive for leaders to do good and he encourages the church to create an attraction to the ministry that will draw out the best in leaders.

The phrase is verse 18, “don’t muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain,” means let the animal eat while it is working. Paul is suggesting that Timothy ensure that the leaders are well cared for, even financially. They need to earn a reasonable living, they may have families to take care of just like everyone else.

Verse 19 says not to entertain an accusation against an elder unless there are two to three witnesses. Why? Because there are wolves in sheep’s clothing, even in churches, who will try to disrupt ministry. Paul would say don’t waste your time every time there is a critic. Don’t believe every bad word against someone.

My emphasis today is about families and not pastors, but because church leaders are mentioned here I want to say this . . . On behalf of the pastoral team and staff at Centerpoint, thank you to our church family for treating us with honor. We feel your love and we deeply love you.

Now as we think about our families, the underlying principle here is Encouraging healthy behavior

We should honor our family members. Maybe even give them some space to thrive. As they prove themselves, give increasing support.

There is also a time to discipline and hold them accountable.

I know - as a member of my family - that if I do what is healthy there will be positive consequences and if I do what is unhealthy there will be negative consequences.

We see this all throughout the Bible. God encouraged healthy behavior. Think of Moses’ prophetic words of blessings-for-obedience and curses-for-disobedience in Deuteronomy 28. The same contrast in Psalm 1 where the upright will be “blessed as a tree planted by streams of water” . . . “but not so the wicked who are like chaff.”

Application

You may not have have control over your family members decisions, but how can you encourage healthy behavior through your own actions?

Maybe it is simply with your words . . . that you go out of your way to praise them when they are making good choices

Maybe you have the means to bless them with a gift or help them pay for school or get into a house

Maybe you serve them some way by helping them with a project.

Closing

Our family members need to be cared for and God has positioned us to be able to do that in some capacity.

We didn’t choose our families - well perhaps we did choose the Church, but it is God who brought us here - and it is God who gave us our relatives

If we care about Him, we must care for them

Let’s pray!

Don’t forget that we will continue this conversation in our Behind the Point Podcast. Stay tuned for the next episode tomorrow afternoon.