Testimony (2)

Intro:

While the plan was for Denise Nelson to share her testimony tonight, she is out sick with the flu, so In place of Denise i’ll give my testimony tonight.

Mark 2:15–17 “While he was reclining at the table in Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who were following him. When the scribes who were Pharisees saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” When Jesus heard this, he told them, “It is not those who are well who need a doctor, but those who are sick. I didn’t come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

My hope for this testimony tonight is for those of you who A. feel as if you are alone, and B. Those of you who feel as if you are too broken for God. Can see that 1. God desires and loves you more than you can possibly fathom, and 2. That you are never too broken to be used by God, in fact, if you feel as if you have nothing to possibly offer God, you are an ideal candidate to be used by God.

Story

Here’s my story, I was raised in church and by 2 loving, Christian Parents, but I had a bowl cut so immediately my parents realized that the spirit wasn’t in me, so one week after seeing one of my buddies being dunked, my parents began to ask me if I wanted to be saved, I thought “This cool, I say a prayer and in return I get dunked in a pool in front of hundreds of people and a free ticket to heaven” so the next week I was baptized by my grandad and I thought I was saved, but I had no real understanding of the Gospel, and there was no life change or repentance in me.

So I “checked” that box and moved on with my life, growing up, like every boy my age I wanted to play as many sports as possible, problem was, I was just horrendously bad at any sport I played, I wondered why this was until my Dad watched me run one day and was like “that ain’t right”. We go to the doctor and they say that there these muscles in my hips that are significantly less developed then what they should be. This took a decade of physical therapy to overcome but I overcame it eventually. But as y’all know, as a boy in elementary school, you’re status isn’t in money or girls, it’s how fast you can run, and i was at the very bottom of the food chain. This led to me being picked on because elementary school kids have no filter, and I struggled to make friends and was pretty lonely because of it.

When I was 8, however, I found a cure to my loneliness, one day, someone I knew who I was close with said “hey seth check out this website” and looking at the website it was pornography, and as I curious but also lonely kid, I was instantly hooked.

Fast forward to middle school I began on a downward spiral, in my mind I thought to myself, I was bullied in Elementary school, to avoid that Im gonna bully everyone else in middle school. This led to become a very mean spirited, hateful kid. And Hated by others, my loneliness grew because of it and so did my Pornography addiction. 6th Grade I punched another kid and got suspended.

7th Grade rolls along and I made a couple of friends who were also pretty mean kids and we just got on a roll. We found this one kid, weak looking kid, didn’t have many friends, and we picked on him, never physically bullying him, but made middle school just that much worse for him. Until one day, my teacher came into class that morning, very distraught look on her face, told us that kid had died the night before. At that moment, all that hatred I had for everybody else, shifted inwards, and I went into a dark spiral of loneliness, shame, and depression.

After this I tried everything I possibly could to fix my loneliness, an got to a point where i had no concern for anything except feeding my own pleasures and desires. I began to be distant from my family, I hung out with the absolute most foolish kids in my grade, my pornography habits were at an all time extreme, and to top it off I began to really struggle with gluttony and overeating, to the point where I even became obese.

End of 8th Grade this was around covid time, there came a point, idk if I heard this in a sermon or what, but I came to realization that I couldn’t claim to be a christian and know God, while at the same time uphold my lifestyle. That I either had to abandon my lifestyle and pursue the faith or pursure my lifestyle and abandon the faith. And so I abandoned my faith, literally started listening to a bunch of atheist scholars and convinced myself that God wasn’t real so that, I could keep my sin.