Life Skills to Live By!

Learn to Choose Your Friends Wisely!

Proverbs 18-24 so

The last Conservative Government raised an International stir when it introduced a Minister for Loneliness in 2018,

Time Magazine hailed it as a welcome initiative and the first of its kind in the World to tackle “the sad reality of modern life…countries around the world are increasingly examining loneliness - typically defined as the feeling of lacking or losing companionship - as a public health concern.”

The Mental Health Foundation estimates that “one in four adults feel lonely some, or all of the time.”

And Government Research shows that “16-24 year olds are the loneliest age group and are also the least likely to take action to help themselves. Figures show that nearly half of students admit that they have hidden their feelings of loneliness for fear of being judged.”(www.gov.uk: Celebrities and Influences joing forces to tackle loneliness).

The Bible declared only one thing “not good” in the original creation - “it is not good for man to be alone”(Gen 2:28).

People need companions and they need close companions at that! “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”(Gen 2:23).

The writer to Ecclesiastes says: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”(Eccles 4:9-12).

Proverbs 18:1 “An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgement.” People who have no friends; no companions are not being wise because it is “not good for man to be alone.”

FRIENDS - the TV series for those who have never heard of it! - is a global phenomenon. Season 1 was watched by 30.2 million viewers and the finale, which aired on September 22, 1994, by 52 million. 

Forbes estimated the total revenue of "Friends" since its debut in 1994 at $1.4 billion and the six stars - Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Monica and Phoebe - received nearly $816 million in pre-tax earnings, or roughly $136 million each. 

The show continues to be popular, with episodes still being watched across various platforms. and still brings in $1 billion annually for Warner Brothers, with the six stars still receiving 2 percent of syndication income, or $20 million each per year. 

Why so popular? - it presents a kind of ideal friendship that people can relate to and aspire to.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Your job's a joke, you're broke Your love life's DOA

It's like you're always stuck in second gear

When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month

Or even your year, but I'll be there for you (When the rain starts to pour)

I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before)

I'll be there for you ('Cause you're there for me too)

Song by: The Rembrandts

FRIENDS - You can help out and mess up all in one show’ You can fall out but make up again and laugh about it. You can trust and rely on one another; you can fall in love with your friends and sometimes realise it was not meant to be or maybe it really was more than just friendship after all as in the case of Ross and Rachel! But the most important thing about FRIENDS, as cheesy as it sounds is “I’ll be there for you!”

The book of Proverbs in the Bible emphasises the importance of loyal and supportive friendships, highlighting both the positive aspects of true friendship and the dangers of bad company. 

I. The Value of True Friendship

Proverbs 18:24 NIV84

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 27:6 NIV84

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Proverbs 27:9 NIV84

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.

II. The Importance of Choosing your Friends Wisely:

Rick Warren in a talk entitled, “Forming Healthy Friendships” distinguishes between 3 categories of friendships that we may find helpful in understanding the nature of friendships. You may have:

CASUAL friends - lots of them! You spend some time with them but not huge amounts and they have limited influence on you.

CLOSE friends - Fewer of these; you spend more time with them and they have an increased influence on you.

CORE friends - Only a small number; spend lots of time with them and they have a huge amount of influence on you.

When it comes to friends, unlike family - we have a choice. 

The choice in friendship that we make is of the utmost importance, for your choice may very well determine the direction of your life.

Why? Because our friends rub off on us, because we become like those we love and sometimes we can easily choose the wrong friends, who attach themselves to us for the wrong reasons….

Proverbs 19:4, “Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man’s friend deserts him.”

Proverbs 19:6-7, “Many curry favour with a ruler, and everyone is the friend of a man who gives gifts. A poor man is shunned by all his relatives— how much more do his friends avoid him! Though he pursues them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found.”

Proverbs 12:26, says: “A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” So, when choosing friends be careful to choose wisely!

and Proverbs will give you advice about the type of person to avoid making friendship with certain people who you would be better off not having as your closest friends:

People who love to argue! - Proverbs 20:3 - “It is to a man’s honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

People who can’t control their Temper - Proverbs 20:19, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

People who love to Gossip! - Proverbs 20:19, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.” - “Gossip is sharing information when you are neither part of the problem not part of the solution”(Rick Warren)

People who like to manipulate people through the use of flattery - Proverbs 29:5, “Whoever flatters his neighbour is spreading a net for his feet.”

People who willingly engage in illegal and immoral activities and encourage you to do the same - Proverbs 4:14-17 “Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. For they cannot sleep till they do evil; they are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.” - Now on the immoral, we need the caveat of 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 “I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.”

People who are ignorant and unteachable - Proverbs 14:7, “Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips.

IN SUMMARY, Paul reminds us that “Bad company corrupts good character.”(1 Cor 15:33) - the context Paul is referring to those who BELEIVE THE WRONG THING about the resurrection of Christ and in terms of teh saying, he was possibly drawing upon the well-known saying current at the time that “bad company corrupts good morals”. His point is that you should not let your freifns lead you astray from the Gospel truth about Jesus or influence and corrupt your moral standards, and so ruin your witness for Jesus! CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY!

So, who should be our CLOSEST (“CORE”) friends?

Those who bring you JOY! - Proverbs 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.

Those who SUPPORT YOU EMOTIONALLY - Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” - A good friend is not just here for you but with you! Its not just talk; its encouragment; serving them and being with them in their trials. c/f “I’ll be there for you!”(Friends theme tune).

Those who CHALLENGE OUR THINKING! - Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” - We tend to gravitate toward people who think like us; cross our I’s and dot our T’s and that’s ok as long as we should not exclude people who have different perspectives from us - P. “My best friends should bring out the best in me”(Rick Warren). - Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:6, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

Those who ENCOURAGE YOU SPIRITUALLY - Proverbs 11:25 “"Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered."(ESV). We need to bear in mind our Motto Text, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” We need to offer encouragment to support, give confidence and bring hope. Let’s be than kind of friend! Let’s choose those kinds of friends! “Encouraging friends fill your heart with good things!”

III. Learning to Be A Good Friend! 

Proverbs 18:24 NIV84

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Be Good to be Around! - Be cheerful and learn to greet people with a smile! It takes roughly 17 muscles to smile; 43 to frown depending on the intensity of the smile or frown, so make life easy for yourself and remember Proverbs 15:30 “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.”

Be a GIVER and not just a TAKER! - Philippians 2:4 “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” When you meet and converse and spend time with your friends don’t make it all about you! Be a listener - James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” and be considerate with your time and attention! - Proverbs 20:25, “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” and Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” showing sympathy, having empathy and feeling compassion!

Be AUTHENTIC - Be who you are! Don’t pretend to be someone who you are not just to fit in to a friendship group. And remember that you cannot “love your neighbour as yourself” unless you love yourself first! “Hurt people, hurt people.” Insecure people constantly nitpick and bring you down.

Be LOYAL - Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Job puts it like this in Job 6:14. “A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.”

Be TRUSTWORTHY! - Keep the confidence of your friendship - they trust you so don’t let them down as Proverbs 11:13 says, “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” but do remember that a good friend will not keep a secret if it puts you at risk. A trustworthy friend may wound you because “the wounds of a friend bring healing” but always speak the truth in love for as Proverbs 24:26 says, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”

Be CHRISTLIKE - Love your friends unconditionally - Romans 15:7, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” The key to healthy friendships is modelled by Jesus becoming a person who fill the hearts of others!

APPLICATION:

We want you to find a friend in Jesus! - “a friend who sticks closer than a brother”(Proverbs 11:25).

In John 15:13, we read: “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

Jesus, can become our best friend! He demonstrated such love for us in laying down His life. 

Joseph Scriven who wrote the Hymn “What a Friend we have in Jesus”, wrote it from a place of personal hardship and immense grief

Born and raised in Northern Ireland, he was engaged to be married to his childhood sweetheart when tragedy shattered their happiness, on the day before their wedding, when his fiancee was drowned in an accident on the River Bann. Scriven arrived at the river a short time after the accident occurred, and watched helplessly as others who had gathered carried her body away. He said, in regard to that day, “The bottom of my world seemed to disappear.”

It was a few years later that he wrote a poem entitled “Pray without Ceasing” the very first line of which read “What a Friend we have in Jesus” Then after journeying to the Middle East, he found himself in Canada and their became engaged to Eliza Roche. In April of 1860, she was baptised in the partially ice-covered water of Rice Lake and sadly caught pneumonia and though she was nursed for several weeks, she never fully recovered, dying on August 6th.

This experience left him devastated. Yet he kept his eyes and heart on Jesus:

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer! Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer!

He was sacrificially generous in his love and kindness towards the poor and he served as an evangelist to railway men and preached on street corners to passing crowds, though not everyone appreciated his preaching with some locals throwing mud and rotten fruit at him. He was even arrested and commanded to cease preaching.

It helps us understand the depths of the words he penned so much better:

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care? Precious Saviour, still our refuge-- take it to the Lord in prayer! Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In his arms he'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Scriven died without ever knowing the impact his life had on the world. His life was lived with incredible sorrows and afflictions. Even his death was brought about in a very tragic manner — all alone with no one but Jesus to see him Home. But what he didn’t see and had no way of knowing was that his life would echo through the generations after him. His poem and hymn, born out of immense pain, would comfort thousands of people around the world.

It is a song that has brought peace in the midst of heartache and loss. It has comforted soldiers amid the horrors of war. It has found its way into communist prisons. It has been an encouragement to countless lives, and is known world-wide, reminding them, of “What a friend we have in Jesus”

2. We want you to feel that you have friends here in Church!

Jesus can be your best friend! But also, Jesus not only invites us to know and be known by Him, He also extends that invitation of friendship to the world and invite people into the family of believers so that you can get to know Him and get to know us!

Come and be a part of out Community. Your’e welcome!

Join Alpha; Join a Life Group, get to know people!

We as Christians are called to “love one another” and this is offered unconditionally, just like Jesus we want to accept you just as you are.

We want our Church to be a place of  healing, where you can find acceptance, love and friendship.

May Jesus’ promise in John 13:35 be true for us today, ​“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”, as together we make Jesus known.