Gentleness: Freedom in Strength

Intro

Happy Sunday! It is good to see you all. Welcome to those joining us online. We’re glad you’re with us. We are in the midst of a series on the fruit of the Spirit. We’ve called it the fruit of freedom. And we’ve done that because the qualities listed are to be the result the freedom we have received through Jesus. They are by product of the redemption that have because we placed our faith in Christ.  

Today, we are talking about gentleness. 

I don’t think I’m a gentle person. We often associate gentleness with quietness. If someone is quiet, we would say they are gentle; if someone is talkative, we might say they are not gentle. But how are we to understand biblical gentleness? In our perception of gentleness, we’ve already acknowledged that gentleness is connected to speech. The bible also connects gentleness to speech almost every time it talks about gentleness.  

Gentleness refers to our general demeanor, but it is a demeanor that is often reflected in the way we talk.  

How are you doing in how you speak? How would the people in your life who know you best describe how you speak to them? People like your wife, husband, friends, kids, siblings, maybe even colleagues.  

For our time today, I’ll define gentleness and say a few things about how it shows up in our speech.  

Whether you’re talkative or quiet, Jesus wants us to be gentle in our speech.  

Open your bible to Galatians 5. We won’t read our usual verses just the last few. We’ll read Galatians 5:22-25 and ask for God’s blessing on the preaching of his word.  

Gentleness Defined 

Gentleness is often defined as strength or power under control. It is having the ability to do something and yet having the awareness to control when it’s done. Specifically, it is the ability to control our speech. There is strength in being able to speak but that strength must be used judiciously.  

The most powerful ability we all have is the ability to speak when, what, and how we want. The easiest way to oppress and weaken people is to take away their speech; to control what and how they can communicate.  

Can you imagine if you were not allowed to say certain words or phrase? Or express certain ideas?  We take for granted the power of our speech.  

It is via speech that God created the heavens and the earth. He spoke and it was so.  

The very first right written in the United States bill of rights is the right of free expression in speech.  

But as powerful as that ability is, the flip side of that coin is that we must have it under control.  

Gentleness is knowing you have the strength to say certain things, but you choose not to. It is knowing that you have the power to speak so you choose to speak what is instructive and not destructive. It is knowing you have the ability to use words, and you choose to use it to diffuse rather than ignite conflict. It is knowing you have this awesome power in your tongue, so you choose to use it to comfort instead of to burden. 

Gentleness is sometimes seen as weakness. So, we come ready to show we are not weak. We raise our voice, stomp our feet, emphasize our point so that our strength is communicated. But gentleness is the opposite of weakness. It is showing we have control over our strength. 

One of the areas I am most sensitive to as your pastor is how I speak to you. I recognize that my words might carry more weight because of my position. I’ve seen pastors abuse the power of their words by not caring about how their words are perceived or intentionally using it to abuse and control.  

I have no problem apologizing to you if my words were not gentle but hurtful. I want you to let me know. One of the most common reasons people get hurt in church is because of the way they were spoken to. And I would hate for that to be your experience here at Restoration Church.  

One the most common examples we see in the scripture about gentleness is Paul writing to the church about how he has been gentle with them because knows his lack of gentleness can have serious consequences.  

Pastors aren’t the only one who need to pay special attention to their gentle speech, if you’re in a leadership position of any kind, you need to as well. If you’re a parent, an older sibling, a team lead, a supervisor you need to. 

Gentleness in Action 

How do we put gentleness in action? There are three categories we find in scripture where gentleness of speech needs to be at work.  

The first is that our speech is gentle when diffuses rather than ignite a conflict. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” 

I’ve never seen two people in an argument saying mean things to each other because they are trying to diffuse the argument.  

But what I have seen effective in diffusing as argument is my wife robbing my back and saying the words “Honey, I’m sorry.” What I have seen is me holding my wife’s hands and saying the words “Babe, I apologize.”  

We often know when our words would ignite a conflict rather than diffuse. Gentleness is choosing the words that diffuse. It is choosing to control unleashing your power in a way that makes your feel justified.  

It is being aware of you tone and your delivery. The gentle answer that turns away wrath is the answer that is receptive to the one it is given to. It is not being flippant in how you speak because you can.  

I know it is easy to do. I’m guilty of it. But Jesus wants you to speak in a way that diffuses a conflict instead of ignites it. 

How will your arguments be different if you were focused on diffusing rather than igniting? 

The second category is that our speech is gentle when it is comforting rather than burdensome. Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 2:7 “Although we could have been a burden as Christ’s apostles, instead we were gentle among you, as a nurse nurtures her own children.” 

Although we could have commanded you left and right, although we could have told you to do x, and to do y, we chose instead to use our words to comfort you as a mother comforts her children. They chose to work to supply their basic needs rather than request the church do it for them.  

Your words can either make others feel comforted or make them carry the burden of feeling like they don’t measure up, or they’re not good enough.  

Imagine being a child and what you hear more from your parents is how much you fall short of their expectations. Imagine being a wife and what you hear more from your husband are the things you do wrong.  

Using our words to constant complain and point things out is not a gentle speech. Jesus doesn’t do that to us, and he called himself lowly and gently.  

Gentleness is using our words to comfort rather than be a burden. 

The third category is that our speech is gentle when it is instructive and not destructive.  

Dreams have died because of words that were spoken. Faith has been deserted because of words that were spoken. Communities have been abandoned because of words that were spoken.  

Proverbs says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Your speech has the power to kill things inside of others. It is why Moses wrote in Deuteronomy 32:2 “Let my teaching fall like rain and my word settle like dew, like gentle rain on new grass and showers on tender plants.” If his words do not fall like gentle rain on new grass and showers on tender plants, what will happen to the new grass and tender plants? They’ll die.  

Moses wanted his words to be instructive to the people of Israel and not destructive.  

In our correction and rebuke of others, our words should be constructive and instructive rather than destructive. 

Conclusion 

All of these means we have to pay attention to how we speak. It is a great power. But we have the freedom to control that power. We are not enslaved to our mouth.  

As we wrap up, an appropriate question to be thinking about or to ask is how do I find the balance between gentle speech and the need to be firm, angry, or just say how I feel? 

Gentleness does not mean we only say nice things. I can say hard things but do so in a way that is instructive and not destructive. I can say how I feel in a way that diffuses and not ignite a conflict.  

Are we going to do it perfectly? Not at all. Just as we won’t love perfectly, or show kindness perfectly, or show patience perfectly. However, we have a spiritual responsibility to make it our pursuit. We have a spiritual responsibility to ask the Holy Spirit to help us be more gentle in our speech.  

Gentleness is strength under control. It is choosing to be comforting with our words instead of being a burden. It is choosing to diffuse with our words instead of igniting a conflict. It is choosing to be instructive and constructive with our words instead of destructive.  

Where in your speech do you need to do better? Who do you need to be more gentle with in your speech? 

Jesus wants to help. Let us ask him for help.