Wives and Husbands
Notes
Transcript
Intro
Intro
Last week I know Jeremy mentioned at the beginning of his sermon that he was going to discuss a topic that would likely step on some toes; I am glad to tell you tonight that I am preaching on a text which I am sure steps on no toes. There’s nothing more American than submission to authority, right?
And when we encounter texts in God’s Word that cause us to become uncomfortable, that’s ok, and it can be a good thing to acknowledge when the Word of God makes you uncomfortable; and yet we must also take this as a reminder that we are to approach God’s Word in a position of humility, seeking to be transformed by its power and not to alter it to fit our own preferences.
What we have in front of us is God’s Word concerning the marriage relationship. While there are principles within this text that apply to single people as well, this will be a sermon that is weighted heavily towards married couples. Here we have God’s own words, full of his wisdom, speaking to wives and husbands about how they are to behave towards one another in a healthy marriage context.
In a world where marriage relationships have become so often so messy, we would be foolish to write this passage off as irrelevant to our lives today. Rather, I intend for us to study this text with the goal of seeking to have our marriages transformed by the power of God speaking through his Word.
The outline for the sermon will be very simple and I have only two points, each with a few sub points. The first is that wives are meant to fill God’s design for them in marriage. The second is that husbands are meant to fill God’s design for them in marriage. Because God has not made us to be exactly the same, these roles within God’s design will look different; and when they come together, we will see that the marriage relationship as designed by God is the most beautiful human relationship we can encounter in this life.
Wives are meant to fill God’s design in marriage
Wives are meant to fill God’s design in marriage
Wives are called to submit to their husbands in love
Wives are called to submit to their husbands in love
State: This is not the only place in Scripture that does this. The command is repeated in verse 5, and the Apostle Paul called Christian wives to do the same in Ephesians 5.
This is a somewhat unique passage, because the context helps us to see that Peter is considering specifically the instance of women who are married to unbelieving men. This can be seen from the hope to win some of them to the faith that we will examine in a few minutes.
That Peter calls these wives to submit to such husbands shouldn’t be surprising, for 1 Corinthians 7 also helps us to see that a married person who converts to Christianity should remain married to their unconverted spouse if possible.
But as we could expect, a pagan or Jewish woman who is married and then converts to Christianity can put a tension on a marriage relationship. In such a situation, the wife has been called by Christ to die to her former self and to live in new obedience to God. In the gospel, she has learned her true worth in Christ. In her new Christian life, there would be much that has changed about her.
In this scenario, the husband would suddenly find that he is married to quite a different person than before.
And this isn’t simply a scenario; this is real life. This was happening, and it was happening a lot. Christianity was often called “the religion of women, children, and slaves” early on because these groups often found themselves marginalized by society, and Christians often preached to marginalized groups.
So what Peter says here is not merely theoretical, it is deeply practical and was addressing a prevalent issue for the early church.
This helps us to understand one of the hopes of this marital submission:
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
In this case, Peter says the conduct of the wife can have a pre-evangelistic effect on her husband. I say pre-evangelistic effect here on purpose, but that is not to diminish the role of action in evangelism.
Peter here says that the husbands may be “won without a word.” This is not to say that the husbands will be converted apart from the hearing of the gospel. Romans 1:16 and 10:14 make it abundantly clear that nobody can expect to be saved apart from hearing the gospel preached to them.
However, the point Peter is making here is that the conduct of a believing wife will play a major factor in the conversion of her unbelieving husband. In the way that she acts, and in submitting to his leadership, she will begin to lay the foundation for his introduction to Christianity.
Apply: This question of how the Bible treats marriage can sometimes be very quickly written off as being purely cultural and contextual; this language seems so archaic compared to our modern American values. I would beg you to please consider how God’s teaching on marriage could continue to hold value and authority today before tossing this away.
The truth is that, while our culture does look significantly different than the culture that this was originally written to, our culture has gotten marriage dead wrong in so many ways. I don’t need to quote the divorce statistics to you, we are all aware of the reality and have probably each been directly affected by it in some way. Our modern and progressive culture badly needs godly wisdom spoken into our marriages.
And as we come to this theme of marital roles, we see that this is God’s design for beautiful and thriving marriages. Loving submission to leadership is something that is core to every Christian, and it applies here specifically to the wife’s role in her marriage. Just as every Christian is called to submit to governing authorities, so wives are called to submit to their husbands.
In calling wives to submit to their husbands, God is designing marriages in ways that reflect his own character and purposes. This makes submission in marriage not oppressive, but beautiful. It isn’t enslavement, it is liberation. It doesn’t lead to strife, but peace and a thriving marriage.
And as one last point on this topic, I feel the need to clarify something that is very important here. When we talk about submission, we are talking about a general disposition and not a hard-and-fast rule which demands obedience in every instance. Last week, Jeremy talked about how we are called to submit to governing authorities, but this does not mean that we obey them when they would force us to live in sin or harm someone.
The marriage relationship magnifies this concept. While wives are called to submit to their husbands, they are not called to obey his sinful desires. I want this to be incredibly clear: wives are not required to obey their husbands if it would lead them to be in physical danger or in sin. In these circumstances, the wife should diligently seek help from trusted sources.
With that important point being made, let us move on to Peter’s next point to wives: they are being called to adorn their souls, not just their bodies.
Wives are to adorn their souls, not just their bodies
Wives are to adorn their souls, not just their bodies
State: 1 Peter 3:3
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
Here we encounter another verse that at times has been misunderstood and used for irresponsible application. Some have taken this verse to prescribe a wholistic ban on braided hair, gold jewelry, and nice clothes — that is not what Peter is doing here. Rather, Peter is making a bigger point which these things can sometimes come to symbolize.
It is true that all people, and in this case wives, can be tempted to prioritize their physical appearance over their inner-self. This is incredibly common, which is why Peter addresses it here. But this is a dangerous thing when left unchecked for several reasons.
First of all, the cliche is true that this kind of seeking for physical beauty is only skin deep. While it is only natural for man to look on appearances, God is not fooled by these things and he looks upon the heart of a person. God cares far more about the matters of the heart and soul, and far less about what you look like. In seeking to live for God, we must prioritize what God himself prioritizes. A gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in God’s sight.
Secondly, It is also true that this kind of beauty inevitably fades away for every single person. When physical beauty comes to define you, it will also destroy you when you lose control over your physical appearance. On the other hand, inner beauty is “imperishable”
Thirdly, this obsession with the physical can lead you to prioritize the same in other people. When we come to value the material aspects of ourselves greater than the spiritual, we will inevitably do the same in our judgments of other people.
Apply: As we consider how to apply this teaching, we can’t take it to mean that the physical is of no value at all. We certainly still need to care for bodies and practice hygiene, but let us be diligent to prioritize the beautification of our souls.
What do you prioritize? What do your practices say about your priorities? What does your money say about it? Your time? Your concerns? Your words?
God has given us his Word, his church, his own Holy Spirit to dwell in our hearts through faith. He has given us prayer, the sacraments, and in other words, ordinary means of grace for our spiritual nourishment. Do we value these things? Let us consider our spiritual beautification and nourishment of far more value than our physical appearances, and let our lives show this to be true.
And this leads us to our last thought concerning wives: they are called to follow the godly examples set before them.
Wives are to follow the godly examples that have been set for them
Wives are to follow the godly examples that have been set for them
State: 1 Peter 3:5-6
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
State: Here Peter sets a godly example before his readers in the form of Sarah, Abraham’s wife. He uses her as an example because of her submission to her husband, which is incredibly helpful in understanding this whole concept.
Sarah was shown to submit to Abraham because she called him “lord,” lower case “l.” This is not a direct command that all wives address their husbands as lord, but it is showing us the general disposition of respect and submission that wives ought to have for their husbands.
We also know that Sarah, being a shining example of a wife, was not a blindly obedient wife who stayed silent until spoken to. Again, that isn’t the biblical model of submission. Sarah often spoke her mind to her husband, and Abraham often listened. When Sarah had enough of Hagar, she strongly pleaded with her husband to send the servant away, and Abraham listened.
The point is that Sarah was valued, and she submitted to her husband. She is a shining example for wives to continue to cherish and follow.
By the way, this section is a fascinating thing when considering the “cultural” argument. The time gap between Sarah and 1 Peter is roughly the same time gap between 1 Peter and today, about 2000 years. When Peter desired to give wives an example to follow, he reached back 2000 years to Sarah.
This is because marriage is not a cultural construct, but a design from God; and since this is the case, it should not morph with our cultural preferences.
Apply: By way of quick application, wives today should continue to look to the women of the Scriptures as godly examples. Additionally, younger women need to value and learn from older, godly women in the church. This applies to the men as well.
Older women, you need to know your value to the church and to the younger generation and commit yourself to making disciples here. Just by being around, plugging yourself into community, and rubbing shoulders with the younger generations, you are an asset to the health of the church. The example that you set matters, and the investment you pour into this congregation is incredibly valuable.
Enough about wives; the text now moves to address the husbands. While there is only one verse for husbands compared to 6 verses for wives, let me tell you as a husband that this is a profoundly convicting verse.
Husbands are meant to fill God’s design in marriage
Husbands are meant to fill God’s design in marriage
Husbands are to live with insightful knowledge of their wives
Husbands are to live with insightful knowledge of their wives
State:
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
The Greek here literally means, “live with your wives according to knowledge.” The call here is to live with your wives in such a way where you know them. He doesn’t simply mean that you must know who they are, but you must study your wife and know your intimately. The call here is to love her and live with her with a proactive kind of love.
This is a direct shot against passive husbands in the home. This makes sense, because the call for a wife to live in submission to her husband’s leadership only makes sense if there is leadership to submit to in the first place. And I will say this; for as destructive and explosive as an abusive husband is in a home, a passive husband wreaks a different kind of problem in the home. It seems to me as well that this is the far more common issue that men are struggling with today.
The biblical role for husbands in marriage requires that they actually lead their families. Not every husband is the same, and so not every husband’s leadership will look exactly the same, but the principle applies across the board: husbands are called to know their wives and to live with them according to that knowledge.
This is a wonderful picture of Christ’s love for the church. In Christ’s love for his people there is no passivity or “going through the motions.” There is no element where he seeks to do enough to get by. Christ loves his people according to knowledge. In other words, he knows us intimately and loves us exactly as we need to be loved.
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
God does not lose sight of who we are, but he truly knows us. Not only that, but then he loves us according to his knowledge of us. God leads us according to knowledge, his love for us is perfect and personal.
Husbands are being called to love their wives in this way.
Apply: Husbands of the church — passivity in the home is not the love you have been called to. I recognize that we are living in a culture that has been actively eroding the importance of male leadership in the home, but let this Scripture remind us that we have not been relieved of our duties to live with, love, and lead our wives according to knowledge. Study your wife, learn your wife, and love her according to what you find. This will require a proactive love, the kind which God in Christ has shown to you.
It will also require you to use your position of leadership for her good, as we see in this next section.
Husbands are to honor their wives
Husbands are to honor their wives
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Peter here commands husbands to honor their wives as the weaker vessel. Many theologians have debated to what degree Peter intended to mean that wives were the weaker vessel, and I am not seeking to end the debate on the matter. It is certainly true that men tend to be physically stronger than women, and in some cases they can also be emotionally stronger, though this is certainly not always the case.
I tend to believe that what Peter means here is that women have been given the weaker position in the relationship. This is not derogatory in any way, it is simply acknowledging that within this biblical design for marriage, husbands have been given the leadership role and therefore the position of strength.
Yet husbands are being called here not to use their positional advantage to crush their wives, but to honor them.
Isn’t this the kind of love God has shown to his people? There is no question that we are the weaker vessel on many levels in our relationship with God, and yet he has honored us instead of crushing us.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Surely Christ has shown us what it means to honor one as the weaker vessel!
Apply: Husbands, do not throw away your God-given role as leader of your home. Do not use it to crush your wives (or your children, for that matter). But just as Christ humbled himself to know you and to sacrificially love you, honoring you as the weaker vessel, you also show this same kind of honor to your wives.
As we recall Christ’s own love and humility towards us, let us love our wives in this way; remembering also Christ’s own love for them.
This leads us to the next section of this text
Husbands are to rightly recognize the status God has given their wives
Husbands are to rightly recognize the status God has given their wives
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
State: Here we see that while God has ordered husbands and wives to fill different roles, he has not assigned different values to them. While they are different by design, God has assigned equal value to all kinds of people by making us each heirs of life.
This is a specific reminder to husbands to consider your wives, who they are, and whose they are. This is a reminder to husbands that your wives are dear and very precious to the Father, for he gave even his own Son to adopt them. Your wives are very precious to Christ, for he willingly laid down his life and shed his blood to cleanse them. Your wives are very precious to the Holy Spirit, for he has made them his dwelling place.
It is no light thing in the sight of God to entrust one that he loves so dearly to your care. Remember the price that was paid to accomplish her redemption as well as your own, and consider how this shows that God has placed the same value upon her life as your own.
Christ laid down his life that he might save your wife, and he is calling you to remember and emulate that love for her.
Apply: Husbands, resolve today that you will not let this be forgotten in your home. Resolve yourself today to commit yourself to these truths, to this gospel, to this kind of love. Where you have failed to lead well up until now, cast yourself upon the grace and mercy found in Christ; there is plenty there for you. As you drink from his wellspring of life, lead your family there — lead your wife there. Remind her of her worth as determined by Christ’s shed blood for her sake, and commit to leading her to Christ with a proactive love.
I will be the first to admit that I have not always done this well as a husband. There have been times where I have been lazy, where I have prioritized other things, and where I simply have not treated my wife with the worth that God has placed upon her.
I will also be the first to admit that when I have failed to lead in these ways well, my prayer life has failed in a similar way.
This is what Peter means as he reminds the husbands:
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Men, when our leadership as husbands begins to fail, our prayers begin to fail alongside it. The spiritual state of our own souls, as well as that of our families, depends much on our willingness to lead as God has called and empowered us to.
Conclusion
Conclusion
I recognize that this passage is a challenging one. It will force many of us to question our lives and our philosophies. The things we are being called to, both husbands and wives, will be incredibly difficult at times; we will all fail at times!
But let us remember that God has designed our marriages to be beautiful microcosms of his love for us, where his love will flourish in our lives. Let us commit our marriages to God in Christ. Let us remember the love that God has for us in Christ. Amen.
