The Messiness of Death & Grief

Introduction

C.S. Lewis is best known by most people for his legendary fictional series, The Chronicles of Narnia. But, Lewis was one of the most influential Christian philosophers of the 20th century and his books and writings have shaped Christian thought for the last century. One of his most poignant works was written out of the grief he struggled with after losing his wife, Joy, to cancer. In his book, A Grief Observed, Lewis writes this…

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” (C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed)

Maybe you can relate to what C.S. Lewis wrote about. Death is something we all deal with and the byproduct of death is grief. Grief comes in waves and those waved, oftentimes, drown us.

Main Point

For Christians…much of the messiness of death and grief is in trusting the goodness and sovereignty of God.

This morning, I want us to look at what is probably a familiar story in the New Testament to many of us. It’s a story that, I believe, really puts on display both the full humanity and full deity of Jesus as the God-Man. Take your Bible and join me in John chapter 11.

Jesus is God coming near and entering the messiness with us.

Jesus is proof that God doesn’t distance Himself from suffering and grief.

So, let’s begin in verse one…

John 11:1–6 ESV

Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

So, here in John 11, we are introduced to this family that are close friends with Jesus. We don’t know how they met him but John lets us know that Jesus’s relationship with this family is much deeper than just casual acquaintances. This is a relationship of DEEP love and affection. Mary—anointed Jesus’ feet with oil and wiped it with her hair…John records three different times that Jesus loved this family.

John tells us that Lazarus becomes seriously ill…we don’t know with what but it was bad enough for his sisters to send for Jesus. They fully believe that if Jesus will come, he can—and he will—heal their brother.

Now, if you’re not familiar with this story, you’re probably assuming that Jesus is going to drop everything and, like a good friend, rush to be at his friend’s side…that he’s going to do everything he can to help him.

But Jesus does something a little confounding. He doesn’t go. It’s like he’s letting Lazarus die. And, he says something that, if you know the story, might leave you scratching your head…he says, in verse 4, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

Now, as we’re going to see in a second, Lazarus DOES wind up dying…but, what no one knows yet…something only Jesus sees…is that Lazarus’s death won’t be the end of the story…and what Jesus is going to do will bring glory to God in ways none of them have yet experienced.

And, so, on the one hand, you’ve got Jesus doing all things for the glory of God and for His own glory as the Son of God…and on the other hand you’ve got, in verse 5, this deep love Jesus has for Lazarus and his sisters who have cried out to him to do what only He can do.

Much of the messiness of death and grief is in trusting the LOVE/goodness and sovereignty of God. We want to believe that God is good. We want to believe that God loves us and hears our prayer but what happens when He doesn’t answer in the way we’re asking? We cry out to him for the healing of someone we love…and what happens when heaven is silent? How do we reconcile this? Jesus LOVES them and has the power to heal Lazarus…and, yet, he chooses not to.

So, we find out in verse 14, that Lazarus has died. Let’s keep reading…

John 11:17–37 ESV

Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

For Christians…much of the messiness of death and grief is in trusting the goodness and sovereignty of God.

Jesus is God coming near and entering the messiness with us…entering into the pain and the hurt and the grief with us.

So, how do we walk and grow by faith through grief?

First, we’ve got to believe that…

Jesus loves us through our grief.

I want to go back to something I talked about a few minutes ago…this text is full of affection and love.

And, here, we have this tension…coming to this breaking point—If Jesus loved them, how could he allow this to happen? He is allowing a tremendous amount of pain into their lives and he could have stopped it! Is this love?

Verse 36 & 37—the tension between God’s love and God’s sovereignty. This is the hardest to reconcile!

All throughout this story, Jesus’s ultimate aim is for Mary and Martha and Lazarus and everyone around them to see and experience and enjoy the glory of God. And this ultimate aim is driven by his love for them. What if the most loving thing Jesus can do for us is give us a taste/a glimpse of the glory of God?

What if, in your own grief, the most loving thing Jesus does is not stop the pain but allow it so that you can enjoy his glory that you otherwise might not experience?

You need to understand, too, that in your grief…Not held up so much by your love for God but by His love for you.

Psalm 59:10 ESV

My God in his steadfast love will meet me;

Second, we need to see that…

Jesus is patient with us in our grief.

I want you to notice how these two sisters react to Jesus finally showing up in Bethany.

Verse 20—Martha heard that Jesus was coming and she went to meet him…but Mary remained seated in the house.

Martha is hurt. Mary is mad.

A) Jesus is patient with them in their QUESTIONING.

Both of them, essentially, say the same thing—“Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Where were you? What took you so long?

Jesus can handle your questions.

B) Jesus is patient with their STRUGGLING FAITH.

Martha—if you had been here…but even now…

Maybe that’s where you’ve found yourself in your grief. God…if you had just answered my prayer. If you had just healed that loved one and hadn’t allowed them to die…given me just a little more time…but even now.

And, what Jesus says next is seemingly impossible…he’s going to test her faith even more.

Do you believe that I will raise him NOW? This is not even on her radar! She believes in the resurrection of the dead—this was a core Jewish belief—but Jesus says, “do you believe that your brother will live NOW?

Do you believe that I have a plan NOW? Do you believe that I am working NOW?

C) Jesus is patient with their HURT and ANGER.

Jesus doesn’t rebuke Mary. He doesn’t say, “Get up, woman. Who do you think you are? Don’t you know who I am? How dare you speak to me like that?!?”

No. Jesus can handle our hurt. He can handle our anger.

Jesus empathizes with us in our grief.

Jesus is God coming near and entering the messiness with us.

Two important things that Jesus does:

Verse 33—deeply moved and greatly troubled

Verse 35—Jesus wept

Isaiah 53:3—a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

Much of the messiness of death and grief is in trusting the goodness and sovereignty of God.

Gospel hope in death and grief: Even though we might not see it now, God works all things for His glory and our good.

(Romans 8:28)

Somehow, some way, in the midst of our grief, we can know and savor and delight in the glory of God.

John 11:38–45 ESV

Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” Many of the Jews therefore, who had come with Mary and had seen what he did, believed in him…

Could God use my grief to bring others to salvation?

Our hope is set on the resurrection of the dead.

GOSPEL

This points us to a “bigger story.” We’re all Lazarus.

Verse 25-26—the resurrection and the life