The Formational Home, Part 1

A “Formational Home” is one in which a Biblical vision for who a child will be is achieved through Spirit-filled routines, Gospel-focused dialogue, and intentional community connections.

Vision

When you want to help your child in various ways, you take them to different kinds of professionals.

Shout out the professional you would use if you needed any of these services:

Your child is sick.

Your child wants to learn karate.

Your child needs new shoes.

Your child needs to learn algebra.

Your child wants to get better in sports.

Your child needs to learn about Jesus.

There is a tendency in our culture to “trust the professionals.”

“The Church” is not the primary discipleship setting for your child. The home is.

“The Pastor” is not the professional who will disciple your child. You are.

You are the expert of your children that God has called to disciple your children and love them as no one else can.

God has sovereignly placed you and your children together into a family so that you can help them know Him.

Our home passage this morning will be Deut 6, so you can open your Bibles there.

Verses 1-2 will set us up to discuss a Vision for our children and out home.

Deuteronomy 6:1–2““Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.

This chapter serves as the cornerstone of Jewish faith. Verse 4 is recited multiple times a day by faithful Jews all over the world.

The John 3:16 of Orthodox Judaism.

In the lead-up to that moment, God casts a vision for discipleship among his people, and central to that vision is the raising of Children.

Generational faith is God’s goal for His people, and it ought to be our goal as well.

God’s covenant age with his people opens with a vision for generational faith, and the OT closes with a hope for the renewal of that same generational faith.

The final words in the OT are recorded in Malachi 4.

Much has gone wrong in the 1,000 years between these two passages.

In the midst of the failure that characterizes the end of the OT, God promises to renew his people through Messiah.

He promises to send Elijah as Messiah’s forerunner, and part of his job will be to renew the father-son transmission of faith that has been so eroded in the intervening millennia.

Malachi 4:4–6 ““Remember the law of my servant Moses, the statutes and rules that I commanded him at Horeb for all Israel. “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.””

In the 2,000 years since the ministry of Messiah began, how has the vision of the home as the principle discipleship venue fared?

How has it fared in your home?

Those of us with children or young people under our influence all desire to be the best we can at parenting our children.

Even if you’ve already raised a child or children, there are ways we can improve in our ability to disciple the next generation.

For those of you currently raising children or participating in some way in the raising of a child, we are going to do a few exercises in our time this morning.

Just one child.

Your spouse can think of a different child, if there are multiple.

Again, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, you may have to pick a child that is not yours but over whom you have some influence.

let’s start with where you are in that process.

What has your child already accomplished?

Think of milestones achieved.

Developmental, social, emotional, and spiritual factors all matter.

What is your vision for your children?

Imagine your child at 40 years old.

Many parents have hopes and dreams for their children.

In what categories do you dream for them?

Career?

Skills?

Family?

“When you think about your child’s future, does your picture of success look more like that of a man who built a big barn or the disciples who followed Jesus at great cost?” 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home Josh and Jen Mulvihill

Who has your child become?

What does your heart long for as you think of them?

How are they impacting their community for Christ?

How are they discipling their children?

How are they impacting their workplace?

We considered where your child already is and where you hope they will be when they’re 40.

What steps do you see are necessary between here and there?

What do you need to do now to help your child achieve these goals?

Routine

What was the most exciting and the most boring things you did this past week?

Expectations:

In order to be healthy, you should:

sleep 8 hours/day

exercise 30 minutes/day

Spend 20 minutes/day in self-care mental health activities.

Eat three good meals a day, that you cooked at home with natural ingredients, and chew every bite at least five times… 2 hours.

Take a cold shower every morning (10 minutes)

Brush your teeth twice a day for 2 minutes each.

Spend 15 minutes a day picking up your house.

A “good Christian”: spends 30 minutes in Bible reading and 20 minutes in prayer every day.

A good spouse takes 30 minutes a day to connect with their partner.

A “good parent” spends 30 minutes of quality time with each child.

A “good citizen” spends 1 hour/week volunteering in their community.

The average american spends:

1 hour on the road every day

8 hours working every day

1 hour/day on extracurricular activities for their children.

2.5 hours watching TV or streaming media every day

2.5 hours/day on social media.

1 hour/day shopping.

In conclusion, a good healthy Christian American parent needs 30 hours/day!

“Hard work is good. The same can be said of love, family, fitness, sports, church, and so many other things we idolize. In their place and in proportion, they are all good—but not one of them is God.” Beautiful Resistance by Jon Tyson

Many things are good, but when we say “yes” to one thing, we are also saying “no” to everything else.

We can’t just add more good things to an already full schedule.

Talk about it:

How do you decide what to say “yes” to as a family?

If you were to reset your family calendar to prioritize discipleship in your home, what would have to change?

The goal is not to frustrate or discourage you. I want to encourage you to make the best use of the time God has given you.

Routines:

All families have rhythms. Some are daily. Some are weekly. Some are monthly. Some are annually.

If we create rhythms, they can help us be more effective.

If rhythms create themselves, they can frustrate our goals.

Deut 6:4-7 speaks to God’s intention for spiritually formative routines in the home.

Deuteronomy 6:4–7 ““Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Our lifestyles are different, but the principles are timeless.

Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley

Habits: little daily activities that help you achieve your vision.

Habits—>Liturgies.

Habits are “grooves of grace.” (Earley)

Leveraging routine moments in the normal family rhythm to create moments of discipleship.

“The most significant thing about a household is what is considered normal. Normal moments aggregate into memories and traditions. Our routines become our story, our legacy, and ultimately who we are.”

Waking

Short kneeling prayer by your bedside before your day begins.

Scripture before phone.

Discipline

Establish a foundation of loving authority.

Hit pause and pray.

Insist on apologies and confession.

Always end with reconciliation.

Screen time

Set and abide by limits.

Set expectations when away.

Curate a list of acceptable media.

Consume and Converse in Community.

Family Devotions

Choose times when you’re already gathered.

Pass around the prayers.

Process together.

Bedtime

Bedtime blessings

Praying for your children.

Every habit is an opportunity for discipleship.

Habits worksheet

Rites of Passage

Moments celebrated as children reach certain milestones.

Which rites of passage were observed when you were growing up?

Which rites of passage are already celebrated in your home?

Consider discipleship-oriented rites of passage:

Giving a Children’s Bible when your kids start to read.

Getting a cross necklace when baptized.

Celebrating the entrance into teenage years with a purity ring.

The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance by John Trent, Gary Smalley, and Kari Trent Stageberg.

Biblical Examples:

The Sabbaths and Festivals of Israel were constant reminders of what God had done for his people.

Deuteronomy 6:20–25 ““When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. And the Lord showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household, before our eyes. And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers. And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day. And it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the Lord our God, as he has commanded us.’”

Physical monuments can also serve this purpose for the community.

Joshua 4:1–9, next book in our study.

Joshua instructed to build a monument out of stones from the middle of the Jordan river.

Lasting reminder of what God has done.

As the sabbaths and festivals rolled past, or as the lives of people brought them past that point in the Jordan, families and their children were reminded of what God had done for His people.

Their lives and circumstances might be constantly changing, but these unchanging monuments stood as testimony to the unchanging love and intention of God for His people.

As we close, I’ve given you a lot to think about this morning.

Here’s a recap of your homework:

Develop a vision, specific to each child, of who you hope they will be as adults.

Identify spiritual formation steps that you need to plan for between now and then to help facilitate that vision.

Work through the Habits of the Household worksheet to consider what family routines you might vector into moments of discipleship.

If you don’t have a rite of passage or milestone celebrate in your family culture yet, prayerfully consider what you might add to fulfill this very real need in your child’s heritage.

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