Forgiving Others On Two Levels
Biblical Peacemaking • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Three-Step Conflict Resolution Model:
Step #1 – Please God
Step #2 – Repent
Step #3 – Love
A. Attitudes of Grace
B. Forgive
C. Confront
D. Serve
Two Biblical Categories of Forgiveness:
Two Biblical Categories of Forgiveness:
· God’s Forgiveness of Us (vertical)
· Our Forgiveness of Others (horizontal)
I. God’s Forgiveness of Us in Christ
I. God’s Forgiveness of Us in Christ
1) God’s forgiveness is his decision, declaration, and promise, on account of Jesus Christ, to not hold our sins against us
12 For I will be merciful toward their iniquities,
and I will remember their sins no more.”
Decision
· Not a feeling but a choice, part of God’s eternal plan
· Active not passive (not “forgive and forget”)
· God does not have amnesia, but He decides to not hold it against us
· In Hebrew, Genesis 8:1 God remembered Noah. The word “remember” is a covenant word.
· I cannot control my memory bank, but I can decide.
Declaration
Promise
13 For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, 14 saying, “Surely I will bless you and multiply you.” 15 And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. 16 For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. 17 So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, 18 so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. 19 We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, 20 where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.
On account of Jesus Christ, and his death and resurrection
· God does not ignore our sins
· God does not forgive us “as we are,” but as Christ is, and as we are in Christ
The gospel is greater than unconditional love. The gospel is counter conditional love.
2) As the One who forgives us, God is our motive and model for forgiving others. Eph 4:32; Col 3:13
Motive = Forgive because he forgave us
Model = Forgive in the way he forgave us
II. Our Forgiveness of Others – On Two Levels
II. Our Forgiveness of Others – On Two Levels
The dilemma: “Do I forgive the person, even if he is not repentant?”
Suggested Solution: Forgive on two levels. Always start with Level 1. Level 1 leads to Level 2; Level 2 requires Level 1.
Level #1 Attitudinal/Heart/Dispositional
Level #1 Attitudinal/Heart/Dispositional
Vertical: Between me and the Lord
In God’s presence; commitments to Him
To release bitterness from my heart
Unconditional – independent of offender’s repentance
25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
Commitments made to God
1. To entrust the offender to God
2. To get rid of bitterness
3. To be willing to reconcile
Level #2 Transacted/Granted/Relational
Level #2 Transacted/Granted/Relational
Horizontal: Between me and the offender
In the offender’s presence; commitments to the offender
To reconcile my relationship
Conditional – dependent on offender’s repentance
3 Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, 4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
37 Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” 38 And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Commitments made to the offender
1. To yourself (not dwell, brood)
2. To others (not gossip)
3. To the person (not use against, raise later)
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
III. Carrying out Attitudinal or Heart Forgiveness (Level 1)
III. Carrying out Attitudinal or Heart Forgiveness (Level 1)
What does it mean to forgive attitudinally, from the heart?
1) To entrust the offender to God and release him from your judgment
12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
19 But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God?
22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.
19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Descend the staircase in your heart, open the prison door, unlock the chains, and let him out of the dungeon of your soul. (D. James Kennedy, paraphra
2) To repent of, and empty your heart of, bitterness
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
“I will allow no man to demean and narrow my soul by causing me to hate him.” Booker T. Washington
3) To be willing to grant transacted forgiveness (Level 2), and reconcile the relationship, if the offender repents (Matt 18:12-14 with 18:15-17; Luke 17:3-4).
IV. Carrying out Transacted or Granted Forgiveness (Level 2)
IV. Carrying out Transacted or Granted Forgiveness (Level 2)
1. Always start with Level 1 Attitudinal/Heart Forgiveness
2. If needed, go directly to the offender to “show him his fault” (Matt 18:15) or “rebuke him” (Luke 17:3b), with the goal of reconciliation (Matt 18:15, to win him) and restoration (Gal 6:1).
3. If the person repents, grant him forgiveness.
Like God, decide, declare, and promise, because of Christ, to not raise the matter again . . .
* To yourself (not dwell, brood)
* To others (not gossip)
* To the person (not use against, raise later, see 1 Cor 13:5)
The Four Promises of Forgiveness
The Four Promises of Forgiveness
· I will not dwell on this incident
· I will not bring up this incident and use it against you
· I will not talk to others about this incident
· I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship
2. Then seek to resolve remaining issues and restore the relationship to its proper level.
Avoid: “I forgive him, but I just don’t want to be around him.”
5. As needed, continually renew your promises and repent of any violations
Conclusion:
The Gospel
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Old Testament Pictures of Forgiveness:
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
19 He will again have compassion on us;
he will tread our iniquities underfoot.
You will cast all our sins
into the depths of the sea.
18 “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
they shall become like wool.
17 Behold, it was for my welfare
that I had great bitterness;
but in love you have delivered my life
from the pit of destruction,
for you have cast all my sins
behind your back.
22 I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud
and your sins like mist;
return to me, for I have redeemed you.
20 In those days and in that time, declares the Lord, iniquity shall be sought in Israel, and there shall be none, and sin in Judah, and none shall be found, for I will pardon those whom I leave as a remnant.
It Takes Two to Tango (And to Grant Forgiveness)
When an offense is too serious to overlook and the offender has not yet repented, you may need to approach forgiveness as a two-stage process. The first stage requires having an attitude of forgiveness, and the second, granting forgiveness. Having an attitude of forgiveness is unconditional and is a commitment you make to God (see Mark 11:25; Luke 6:28; Acts 7:60). By his grace, you seek to maintain a loving and merciful attitude toward someone who has offended you. This requires making and living out the first promise of forgiveness, which means you will not dwell on the hurtful incident or seek vengeance or retribution in thought, word, or action. Instead, you pray for the other person and stand ready at any moment to pursue complete reconciliation as soon as he or she repents. This attitude will protect you from bitterness and resentment, even if the other person takes a long time to repent.
Granting forgiveness is conditional on the repentance of the offender and takes place between you and that person (Luke 17:34). It is a commitment to make the other three promises of forgiveness to the offender. When there has been a serious offense, it would not be appropriate to make these promises until the offender has repented. Until then, you may need to talk with the offender about his sin or seek the involvement of others to resolve the matter (Matt. 18:1620). You could not do this if you had already made the last three promises. But once the other person repents, you can make these promises, closing the matter forever, the same way God forgives you.
