Equipping Your Children For God Honoring Friendships
The Disciple-Making Parent • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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***BEGIN BY READING INTRODUCTION ON PG. 228.
A variation of the study found something else very interesting: just one other confederate giving the correct answer broke the groups power. The affect of peer pressure dropped dramatically.
One person stating the truth was all that was needed for some to make voice the right answer.
Disciple-making parents will equip their children to form biblical friendships.
The Power of Friends
The Power of Friends
“Friends influence our hearts and friends reveal our hearts.”
There’s an old saying, so me your friends and i’ll show you your future.
For us as parents… this saying rings true in that we want to help our children build this understanding building our friendships around the GOSPEL.
In the younger years… the influence that our children’s friends have on them is very little. (they mostly focus on play: girls focus on playing house, who’s the mommy, who’s the child,)
But as they get older, our children are rightly given more freedom, we must begin to show them while young that choosing our friendships should be done around the Lordship of Christ.
God gives us all sorts of chances to teach our children when they are younger about friends. Lessons to learn about dealing with friends who are close, who are on the outside of our circle and who are acquaintances.
We get to teach them how to love others (even when they aren’t loving you at the time), handle conflict (times of forbearance), how to stand up to friends, how to say good bye to friends.
WE MAY WANT TO MAKE SURE WE KNOW WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT SOME OF THESE AREAS THAT REVOLVE AROUND FRIENDSHIP.
What Friendship Is
What Friendship Is
For us living in this social media life, since 2007 when the iphone came out… the definition of friend had been so distorted for reasons we all know and have experienced.
For our children… where this is all they will know… it will be so much more distorted for them than it has for us… especially as AI and alternate reality become more of a thing… which i think it will.
The word friend… when asking the culture: they will say that a friend is a mutually supportive affectionate relationship.
But as C.S. Lewis refers to… a friendship should always be built around something. There should always be an enthusiasm that the friendship at least begins around.
Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travelers.
What we see here is that friendship exist when there is something that the friendship can be about.
This is why… the kid who comes and complains because they have no friends… and you say to them… well, what have you done about that? Go and play on the play ground… go and get into the basketball game with them. Don’t just stand here and tell me you don’t have any friends not doing anything about it.
Can be the same for grownups. “I don’t have friends.” “No one has come to check on me.” No one has ask how i’m doing?” Are you a part of a church? A Sunday School class, are you apart of a home-group? Do you go and hang out with people after church or on other days… do you have play dates with the kiddos…
FRIENDSHIPS MUST BE ABOUT SOMETHING.
WHAT we must be teaching our children in this is… we all need GOSPEL FRIENDSHIPS supportive friendships BUILT AROUND CHRIST, HIS KINGDOM, AND HOLINESS.
What we want to make sure that we have are affectionate relationships that are built around seeking the Lord together and as scripture says
17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
There are a ton of other friendships we have… and rightfully so with others born out of a love for sports, music, school, work… I call these the fringe friends. They are really additional or secondary friends to the friends who we have that are closer within our circle.
But our closest friends should be those who LOVE JESUS. AND LOVE HIS BRIDE.
Why must we know redemptive history in order to define Christian friendship? Because God’s initiation and demonstration of friendship are the foundation of brotherly and sisterly love: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Without this knowledge, or sometimes even in spite of it, we exchange God’s love for people’s love and look to them for what only God can give—unconditional love, all-knowing intimacy, perfect provision, and soul security.
We (and our children) Need Friends
We (and our children) Need Friends
We are in need of friendships just like these.
The Bible assumes that we will have friends, and social interaction is a result of being made in the likeness of the Triune God.
Jesus had many friends...
He chose the 12 to be with Him whom later He called friends along with many others who chose to follow Him and hear His teachings….
14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
We know that in His final moments here on earth He really leaned on three of those Disciples in Peter, James and John.
And Jesus shares with us that we as followers are His friends…
Jesus is in fact OUR TRUEST AND BEST FRIEND. He is the friend that truly knows you, who judges your heart, your motives and know your intentions. He is the friend who never leaves you nor forsakes you… who never gets up one day and just decided from emotion… I don’t want to be your friend any more…
We must understand these things about friendship. We must understand what truly defines friendship and know that we ALL NEED FRIENDS.
Let’s consider some principles that we want our children to know about friendships…
1. Choose Your Close Friends Intentionally
1. Choose Your Close Friends Intentionally
Whether we admit it or not… our close friends… the friends in the inner circle will have great influence in our lives.
They can spur us on or tear us away of what’s most important in our lives.
Depend upon it, a great deal depends upon whom we choose for our companions when we begin life.
Charles Spurgeon
When we have real Godly friendships, God is able to
encourage,
challenge,
and rebuke us
through our friends.
God commands us to closely walk with the godly for the purpose of stimulation in Christ…
26 One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
13 But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,
In his discourse about the resurrection Paul stops and mentions friendships…
33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 34 Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.
Their friendships were hindering their understanding of the resurrection of Christ.
We must teach our children as they grow older that friendships should be chosen intentionally and prayerfully.
2. Be friendly to all and a friend to some
2. Be friendly to all and a friend to some
We choose our close, inner friends carefully
We are open to loving any and all.
“Be friendly to all, but make none your friends until they know you and you know them.”
Spurgeon
Jerry and Mary White in Friends and Friendships make a few observation here.
There are different levels of friendships: acquaintances, casual friends, associate friends, and intimate friends.
Friendships change. They grow, increase, decrease, go stale. There is ebb and flow in relationships.
Everyone has a limited capacity for friendships. Different for every person.
Every friendship we will attempt to initiate will not develop.
As Christians, we are obligated to extend to every person unlimited acceptance but not unlimited close friendship.
Friendships are often something that we should hold with a loose hand. While being friendly to all. (There is beauty of the Gospel shown here)
And in this… encourage our children that the looseness is ok while taking the initiative.
7 Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.
16 Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you.
3. Grow in being a Godly friend.
3. Grow in being a Godly friend.
In our sanctification… one of the things Jesus wants us to grow in our pursuit of holiness is in our friendships and being a good friend.
A good friend is essential to wise living.
Some characteristics we see…
To be a good friend you must be one (reflected in the love of Christ and His initiating love)
A friend spends time with another but does not smother. (Prov. 27:10, 25:17)
A friend is sensitive and considerate (Prov. 25:20, 27:14)
A friends likes and accepts his friend, loving at all times (Prov. 17:17)
A friend listens (Prov. 18:13)
A friend gives good counsel and even wounds at times. (Prov. 27:6,9)
A friend challenges us to be better (Prov. 27:17)
A friend encourages us to be more like Christ (Prov. 27:17, Heb. 3:13, 2 Tim. 2:22)
A friend helps out in trouble (Prov. 17:17, Eccl. 4:9-12)
A friend doesn’t boast or brag (Prov. 27:2)
A friend covers over an offense and doesn’t gossip (Prov. 17:9)
A friend forgives (Prov. 17:9)
All of us can grow in multiple areas of friendship.
4. We need to beware of friendship temptations
4. We need to beware of friendship temptations
We need to be aware of heart temptations that follow interactions with our friends.
Like every good gift of God, friendships can be distorted.
The way that our modern language would characterize this is
peer pressure
Insecurity
Trust issues
All of this is a modern label of what the Bible calls FEAR OF MAN or THE LOVE FOR PRAISE OF MAN.
These are not just teen issues. This is a UNIVERSAL ISSUE between children, teens and adults.
We must realize this before we begin teaching our children about it.
WHAT SHOULD WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN?
You will be tempted to isolate yourself or saturate yourself.
Neither is God’s way. We all need to push back on the over extreme of either… we all solitude and rest, we all need friends.
You will be tempted to love popularity more than you love Jesus.
He fears the displeasure of man more than the displeasure of God.
He desires the praise of man above the praise of God.,
He studies what it takes to please man as much as (if not more than) what it takes to please God.
You will be tempted to fear other people’s disapproval more than that of God’s.
4. His speech is designed to entice and flatter others into thinking well of him.
5. He is a respecter of persons.
6. He is oversensitive to correction, reproof, and other allusions of dissatisfaction or disapproval on the part of others.
7. He outwardly renders eye service to man rather than inwardly rendering (from the heart) ministry to the Lord.
This comes from Eph. 6:6
Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man,
The word here speaking of this idea of this compound term is a service that is provided only while under scrutiny, or only for the sake of appearance.
The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
Jesus teaches us that
And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
We must operate out of a love and fear of God and nobody else.
Peer pressure will be strong where family identity is weak.
5. Friendships are not ultimate. Only Jesus is!
5. Friendships are not ultimate. Only Jesus is!
There will be times when we feel like our friendships are hindering our walk with Christ… which in those seasons we will be called to break off the friendship.
Times when friends who’s profess to be His don’t act like they are in Him and abiding in Him. Which we are commanded not to associate with such people.
There will be times when we are just unpopular people at the time, for whatever reason… our friendships will be few. In which those seasons we will even more learn that our friendships with Jesus is the most important.
Friendships should be held loosely. With our closest friendships being held a little more tighter… BUT NOT AS TIGHT AS OUR FRIENDSHIP WITH CHRIST.
Here are a few thoughts to JESUS BEING OUR ULTIMATE FRIEND while understanding that every other friendship is not ultimate.
We are commanded not to be intimate friends with non-Christians.
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?
Now, we cannot take the other extremes either of isolating our children so much so where they have very little no no interaction at all with people outside of the church.
As Bettis says,
The issue is not geographical proximity but heart proximity.
Jesus was a friend of sinners. (But He was there to minister to them. He loved them without being drawn into their sin.)
We are commanded not to be in fellowship with those who call themselves Christians but don’t act like it.
There are people who are a part of Christian organizations… who will profess Christianity. It’s even within these places where we should be in discernment on who to be in close friendship with.
Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us.
This echoes the wisdom seen in Proverbs.
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,
but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
As a teen, one of my sons came to a point where he had a step away from some Christian friends. individually, these guys seemed to love the Lord. But when they were together, they became a mocking mess (2 Kings 2:23). Eventually, he chose to deal with it by pulling back from that group of friends for a while. It was a difficult decision. Later, one of those same young men wrote him an email commending his integrity.
Lastly, our children will need to talk to their friends about issues of conscience.
We need to encourage our children not to lead others astray or to violate their conscience when it comes to matters where Christians disagree.
In these times, standing for what is right and honoring to the Lord will be hard but necessary.
The Ending of a Friendship
The Ending of a Friendship
Friendships grow, change, decrease, and get stake… We must allow the ebb and flow of relationships.
Jerry White
WE HOLD OUR FRIENDSHIPS WITH AN OPEN HAND.
We must understand that even Jesus had one of His close friendships in Judas end.
On his final night, Jesus quoted from a Psalm that speaks of betrayal by a close friend.
Even my close friend in whom I trusted,
who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.
Jesus said to him, “Friend, do what you came to do.” Then they came up and laid hands on Jesus and seized him.
I am not speaking of all of you; I know whom I have chosen. But the Scripture will be fulfilled, ‘He who ate my bread has lifted his heel against me.’
Conclusion
Conclusion
Sin demands, to have a man by himself.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
God however brings grace through fellowship with other Christians.
For Thought, Discussion, Action
For Thought, Discussion, Action
Which of tonight’s points can you teach your children in age appropriate ways now?
Do you see your own temptation to seek the approval of others and fear of disapproval of others? How does that affect parenting? How does that affect your children?
How can you help prepare your children for friendship?
