Out of Your Control

Odom, Jonathon

The Good Life • Sermon • Submitted 10 months ago • Presented 10 months ago

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Intro:

Have you ever felt like your word wasn’t good enough? I remember when, (tell story of asking Roy to date V)

I wanted to respond: “I swear”, “I promise to God”, I commit to doing what I had said I would. Now I didn’t say it, but I was tempted to.

all of us have this proclivity to use stronger language when we sense a conversation is not going the direction we had hoped.

But this is not a new phenomenon.

Matthew 5:33–37 NIV

33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

What we notice is that people 2000 years ago, likewise tried to strengthen their claim with a vow.

all of us have this proclivity to use stronger language when we sense a conversation is not going the direction we had hoped.

we all do this whether or not in the form of vows, we all extend our words as offers of commitment

Why? Because often times when people don’t trust us, it makes us feel like we need to find a way to take control of the situation.

We long for control - it’s one of the 16 core desires we all have as humans - and yet so often our life and our relationships feel out of control.

We try really hard to convince others that we are worthy of trust. The problem is we try to do so with our words - and it just gets us into more trouble.

“On my momma”, “on my momma’s grave”, “on God”

Lack of Trust - Lack Control over others receptivity of us

lack of control - lack of trust - our character and integrity feels threatened.

SO we attempt to compensate; by swearing by a authority higher than ourselves.

All of us do this. It’s our attempt to try to take control of a situation we feel like we have no control over. Maybe we don’t swear by the name of God but I remember when I was dating my wife and I hadn’t built up a large resevoir of trust saying:

i pinky promise

I remember when trying to convince my mom I would pay her back

But jesus says we need not do this - we need not make a formal promise to try to gain control of the situation

And in moments where people are hesitant to trust us - we need to trust God.

So what do we do? When people don’t trust our words?

First we don’t swear by God’s name or anything adjacent to God

God’s name is not to be taken lightly - 3rd commandment “Do not take the name of the Lord your God in vain”

This would include OMG

Second, we substantiate our claim not with a vow but with our actions. Our actions will either magnify our claim or betray them.

Want to be found trustworthy? Be careful what you say, that your actions and words might be found congruent.

Matthew 2. Paradigmatic Preaching: The Sermon on the Mount (5:1–7:29)

Jesus’ followers should be people whose words are so characterized by integrity that others need no formal assurance of their truthfulness in order to trust them

But our actions can be difficult to control sometimes.

Story of when Jacob ((LUCOM) slapped me on the bball court

Story of being bullied in middle school (snow hill)

Matthew 5:38–42 NIV

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

When people mistreat us we often feel powerless. We feel like they are in control, we are being mistreated and the only thing we can do is try to get them back.

The world applauses retribution.

Example:

IG Comments section

Lack of Power - Lack Control over how we are treated

But if we behave as the world we will not stand out from amidst the world.

So what does Jesus tell us?

First, what HE is NOT saying: he is not saying permit abusive situations or manipulation.

What He IS Saying: Behave in such a positive manner that people are forced to see you differently.

Don’t return a negative with a negative but rather a negative for a positive - for when you do; you will shine as lights.

Philippians 2:14–15 NIV

14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky

Matt 5:38-42 requires meekness - powerful restraint

But it’s not the withholding of a negative response that makes a positive impact; it’s responding to negativity with positivity.

We can’t control whether others believe us. We can’t control how they treat us. BUT WE CAN CONTROL HOW WE RESPOND.

Matthew 5:43–48 NIV

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Romans 5:8 NIV

8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

The standard for us is not to hate our enemies but to love them.

The only thing powerful enough to overcome hatred is love.

Romans 12:21 NIV

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

TWO REASONS:

Theological

Physiological

Story about my sister and I - hugging.

It is not novel that I love my kids. It’s expected that I love my kids.

It’s novel when the world sees us love those whom we don’t like.

How do we respond?

Surrender our lack of control

Surrendered Living is evidenced by obedience

2. Control what we can control: our actions

Stop swearing/making false vows or promises / Let our yes be yes and no be

Love our enemies

Have you ever had a longing for control? My wife does anytime I’m driving. She will frequently smash the imaginary brake in the passnger seat or give corrective feedback as I drive. All of us long for control.

Intro:

Have you ever felt like your word wasn’t good enough? I remember when, (tell story of asking Roy to date V)

I wanted to respond: “I swear”, “I promise to God”, I commit to doing what I had said I would. Now I didn’t say it, but I was tempted to.

Why? Because often times when people don’t trust us, it makes us feel like we need to find a way to take control of the situation.

We long for control - it’s one of the 16 core desires we all have as humans - and yet so often our life and our relationships feel out of control.

But this is not a new phenomenon.

Matthew 5:33–37 NIV

People in the first century as well as people today feel the need to swear upon another name than themselves, why?

Because our character can feel weightless - as if our word isn’t enough.

Either we recognize that our integrity isn’t deep enough to substantiate our claims.

others doubt the validity of our claims because they’ve experienced so many flawed individuals who fail to keep their word.

SO we attempt to compensate; by swearing by a authority higher than ourselves.

How many of y’all have ever got a phishing email? Have you ever noticed how they try to use the logo, the seal, of the company they’re pretending to be? Why? They’re trying to substantiate their claim by appealing to a brand that has trust and recognition.

All of us do this. It’s our attempt to try to take control of a situation we feel like we have no control over.

So what do we do? When people don’t trust our words?

First we don’t swear by God’s name or anything adjacent to God

God’s name is not to be taken lightly - 3rd commandment “Do not take the name of the Lord your God in vain”

This would include OMG

Second, we substantiate our claim not with a vow but with our actions. Our actions will either magnify our claim or betray them.

Want to be found trustworthy? Be careful what you say, that your actions and words might be found congruent.

But our actions can be difficult to control sometimes.

Story of when Jacob ((LUCOM) slapped me on the bball court

Story of being bullied in middle school (snow hill)

Matthew 5:38–42 NIV

When people mistreat us we often feel powerless. We feel like they are in control, we are being mistreated and the only thing we can do is try to get them back.

The world applauses retribution.

All of us have a desire not only for control but for justice. We want to get even.

Example:

IG Comments section

But if we behave as the world we will not stand out from amidst the world.

So what does Jesus tell us?

First, what HE is NOT saying: he is not saying permit abusive situations or manipulation.

What He IS Saying: Behave in such a positive manner that people are forced to see you differently.

Don’t return a negative with a negative but rather a negative for a positive - for when you do; you will shine as lights.

Philippians 2:14–15 NIV

Matt 5:38-42 requires meekness - powerful restraint

But it’s not the withholding of a negative response that makes a positive impact; it’s responding to negativity with positivity.

Matthew 5:43–48 NIV

Romans 5:8 NIV

8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

The standard for us is not to hate our enemies but to love them.

The only thing powerful enough to overcome hatred is love.

Romans 12:21 NIV

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Story about my sister and I - hugging.

It is not novel that I love my kids. It’s expected that I love my kids.

It’s novel when the world sees us love those whom we don’t like.

Kyle’s Version:

The Good Life: Out of Our Control Matthew 5

In March 1987 a man named Jeffery Young was tragically carjacked and killed in Dallas, Texas. The investigation was mishandled, evidence was not properly collected, and a few witnesses provided false testimony for reward money and to protect the guilty. Consequently, Ben Spencer, a 22-year-old man from a poor neighborhood, who was recently married and whose wife was expecting, was falsely accused of the crime. Eager to close the case, despite the lack of evidence, Ben was quickly arrested, prosecuted, and found guilty. He had done nothing wrong and yet due to the lies of three people, he was in prison. The night he was convicted, he was in deep despair, but one thing got him through. He had just started reading the Bible, and he had come across Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. He determined, while he couldn’t control what happened to him, he could control how he responded. Today, we come to the passage which, for Ben, changed everything.

Open up to Matthew 5 and let’s see what Jesus has to say to us. This is found on page 1475 of the blue Bibles in the pew backs (1503 for Bethany Reformed).

Last week we had Jesus begin a series of heart exams for us, revealing to us the spiritual health of our heart. Today, we conclude with these six exams He provides. The first three were about our own tendency to be self-centered; today these final three are about the desire in our heart to try and control our own lives.

Controlling Oaths: Matthew 5:33-37

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

When we are approaching biblical text we often need to understand the context in which a passage comes to us. This includes both reading the verses within their literary context, but also considering the context of the time and place in which these words were written. Here is a moment when we need to understand a bit about the context of the day.

In the time of Jesus, people in Israel were making all sorts of oaths and pledges. In our day, we do less oaths and more contracts. We sign contracts for all sorts of things, cell phones, gym membership, renting cars, getting a loan, buying a home, if you went to Menard’s and rented a garden tiller, you had to sign a contract.

Not so in Israel 2,000 years ago. If you needed to borrow your neighbor’s donkey to pull a cart and help your brother move, you didn’t sign a contract, but you may have made an oath. “I promise I will have your donkey back by sunset.”

But here is the thing, life happens. You show up with the donkey and cart, but your brother isn’t ready to move, he is still packing! Now it takes twice as long as you planned and you won’t have the donkey back by sunset. But it wasn’t your fault he wasn’t ready, so while you planned to have the donkey back by sunset, it just isn’t going to happen. Plus, you never said by which sunset!

Life happens and it can make it difficult for us to always keep our word. This makes it challenging to trust others. So, to help solve this and make people seem more trustworthy, they embraced oaths, invoking the name of God to show sincerity. “I swear to God, I will have your donkey back by sunset.”

Here is the trouble with this. By saying, “I swear to God…” you are pulling God into your statement and using Him as your witness. You are claiming that God will vouch for and affirm exactly what you are saying. None of us should ever be so arrogant.

One of the Ten Commandments is to not take the LORD’s name in vain, this is one of the reasons we should never say, “Oh my God” or even type OMG, or use God’s Name as a swear word, or say, “I swear to God.”

The Pharisees knew this, so they would never swear by God’s Name. But... if you can’t swear by God’s Name, how are you going to be able to make sure people know they can trust you? The Pharisees came up with an entire system. They would swear by something closely related to themselves or closely related to God, but just not God Himself. So they might say, “I swear by Jerusalem, the Holy City, I will have your donkey back by sunset.”

Why did they do this? For the same reason do we do similar things. We say, “I swear on a stack of Bibles…” or “I promise you on everything holy…”

We do it to try and increase our credibility. We do it to try and control other people and their perceptions about us. We only say these things when someone isn’t believing, or isn’t likely to believe, what we are saying.

Let’s say we are talking fishing and I mention to you that last summer I caught a 15-pound walleye. (I didn’t by the way, this is hypothetical). You are skeptical, you assume I’m either exaggerating or confused, so you say, “You didn’t catch a 15 pound walleye.” Then I feel compelled to double down. “I swear, I caught a 15-pound walleye.”Why am I saying that? I am saying that because I really want you to believe me. Why do I care so much if you believe me? Let’s say it is true. It isn’t that I care so deeply about truth, what I care about is I want you to view me as the type of person who could catch a 15-pound walleye. I am making an oath to try and control your perception of me.

Jesus says not to do it. Jesus is pointing out how silly this is because you didn’t make Jerusalem, God did. You didn’t make the Heavens, God did. He goes on to tell us not to swear by our own head, for we can’t make one hair white or black…or, as I have found out, I can’t even make hair.

Jesus is telling us, don’t make an oath at all. Just speak truthfully. Be honest and direct in your communication with others. Say, “I will have your donkey back by sunset.” And then do it.

Controlling Payback: Matthew 5:38-42

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”

The Old Testament Law provided a system for making retribution for harms caused. This was common in the Ancient Near East and we have similar practices of this in our own modern western system. Reading over the Accidental Death & Dismemberment section of your insurance policy is a bit of a downer, but it follows this logic of assigning a value for a harm experienced.

These systems were created to prevent a cycle of escalating and reciprocal violence which was often found in many Ancient Near East communities. Let’s say your dad lent the donkey to the neighbor because he was helping his brother move. They overloaded the cart and it fell off the side of the road and pulled the donkey off the side and it died. Your dad is angry, this was his only donkey. To get even, and he goes and kills four of the neighbor’s sheep. The neighbor feels that was unjustified so he comes and pulls up all the wheat in your dad’s field. This type of escalation would go on and on until eventually people got really hurt.

Sadly, this is experienced in our world today. Often not with donkeys and sheep, but in a war of words. Just browse the comments sections of a news article. Or maybe you could just look at the text war you and your co-worker had last week.

What Jesus teaches here is radical and it is extreme. I want to be clear on something here, Jesus is not giving us a new Law and He is not suggesting a society’s legal structure should be set-up in this way. Some have misread this and determined we shouldn’t have a police force or that if you are being physically abused, you should stay and keep being abused. No! Instead, what Jesus is inviting us into is a different way of approaching conflict.

Why do we feel the need to get even with someone? We want justice, we want to establish a sense of control. What that person did to me or said to me was wrong and I feel powerless. So, I will respond to try and regain my power or assert my sense of control.

Jesus gives four examples:

§ Slap on the right cheek. This would come from another person’s right hand and would, thus, be the back of their hand. This was a great insult and in an honor/shame culture, that person who was offended would be entitled to compensation. Jesus is saying, don’t make them pay, instead offer up your left cheek, which would have been less insulting than a slap on your right because they would use an open hand, but it would mean further insult.

§ The second is a call to willingly give up your own coat, which would be the only coat a person owned and likely would have been their blanket as well, the only means by which they stayed warm. The law prevented someone from taking a coat as collateral, but Jesus is telling them to willingly give this up.

§ The third was dealing with the realities of Roman occupation. A Roman solider could legally force anyone from Israel to carry his military equipment for him for up to one mile. The mile being a Roman, not Jewish, measurement system. The Jews hated this rule. It was deeply humiliating, you were basically paraded around for up to a mile, regardless of where you were going or what you had to go do. Jesus says, if this happens, go two miles. Give them an extra mile they aren’t entitled to receive.

§ The fourth is more commonplace, but equally as challenging. When someone asks you for something, a loan, a favor, help, money, we should be generous.

Each of these situations is about control.

§ If you insult me, I don’t need to control my public image. Instead, I will quietly stand my ground and not demand you pay me back for the wrong.

§ If you take more from me than what is owed, I won’t fight you. If you feel you need it, have it. Which in this situation a person would have no clothes. But if you really need to take all my clothes, I’m not going to try and control my image.

§ If you want to try and control me by demanding me to carry your stuff, I’ll willingly go an additional mile because I don’t need to try and save face or assert my rights because I don’t need to control my image.

§ If you ask to borrow my donkey, or money, from me, I don’t need to try and control my material possessions, I can choose to be generous.

Think about each situation. The other person is trying to control you, instead of fighting them for control, you seemingly give in to their control, but you do so willingly. So who actually is in control? Imagine the difference in the extra mile situation. The first mile that person might be saying all sorts of horrible things to you because you are forced to comply. But the second mile, what are they saying? What’s the dynamic like? You are helping them, you aren’t obligated to them. Do you see how giving up control is actually a way of us asserting a sense of control?

I love how the preacher Charles Spurgeon comments about this passage:

“We are to be as the anvil when bad men are the hammers.” Charles Spurgeon

I love this image, you can pound all day on an anvil and you won’t make a dent in it, it is unaffected because its strength is greater than the hammer hitting it.

To get real practical, I believe one of the best ways to live out this teaching is when people say things about you which are wrong or misconstrued. Instead of defending yourself, say nothing. I’ve had to do this a few times, people will say things about me or about our church publicly which aren’t true and I want to defend myself. But almost always, the best course of action is to say nothing. Instead of trying to control the situation, I am trusting it to God.

Controlling our Enemies: Matthew 5:43-48

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Jesus picks up on something which had happened within the religious circles of His day. He says, “You have heard it was said…” but they didn’t hear that from God or from God’s Word. At no point in the Law did God say, “Hate your enemy.” God did tell the people to love their neighbor, but the addition of hating their enemy was added by tradition and interpreters. But God never said that. This serves as a caution to us, we need to be clear on what God teaches and be sure we don’t attribute things to God which God never says. The idea Jesus is picking at is then not a challenge of the Old Testament or the Law, rather He is picking at the condition of our heart. Hating our enemy is an attempt at control.

For the people in Jesus’ day, their enemy were the Romans. The Roman Empire was occupying Israel. The Jewish people hated the Romans, they were pagans and they were enemies of God. For us today, it could be that person at school who has spread false gossip about you, a coworker who sabotaged you, or those in our world who are actively trying to destroy the church. Imagine someone who is advocating for a law to make it illegal to worship God. Jesus says, those people, pray for them.

Jesus gives us a logical argument then a spiritual one. Logically, He says, if you only love those who love you, what difference does that make? Everyone does this. Be different. Being like everyone else isn’t going to change the world. We are to be of a different Kingdom.

The spiritual argument is the same principle Jesus has been advocating for all through this Sermon. We are to act like God acts. We are to treat others how God has treated us. God gives sun and rain to both the good and bad, so we are to do the same.

This makes us, as Jesus says, perfect. Let me say something about this phrase. “Be perfect.” In English and in our society we assume this means to never make a mistake or do anything wrong. That’s not the word in Greek Matthew writes. The Greek word means complete. Be whole, be complete. It is a call for us to live into the fullness of our purpose as God is in the fullness of His purpose.

This is the capstone of these heart exams. When we are willing to show love toward our enemy, it is the completion of us living our purpose of reflecting God’s love and kindness to others. To show love to our enemies is to fully put control into God’s hands, not our own. Our fear is if we actually live this way, we won’t be in control of our lives and if we aren’t we will miss out on living The Good Life.

[Show photo of Ben] Ben Spencer faced that same tension. But he was already in prison, for a crime he didn’t commit. Ben spent 34 years in jail. Multiple times his case was appealed, he even was cleared by a judge but later the Texas Department of Correction overturned it. Multiple times Ben was up for parole, but to receive parole he had to admit to the crime. He couldn’t do it because he knew he was innocent and the truth mattered more to him than his freedom. Ben will tell you if you talk with him, he was the “most free person in prison.” He was free because he had no guilt, he knew he didn’t commit any crime, and he wasn’t bitter. The reason? He took seriously the words of Jesus and he prayed for those who falsely accused him. He literally prayed for the people who put him in jail. Eventually, a journalist and attorney brought the issues of this case to light and he was set free, 34 years later. I was in a meeting recently where I heard Ben speak. Someone asked him, how did you avoid becoming angry and bitter? “If we truly believe Jesus we have no choice, we have to love our enemies; it is hard to hate people you pray for.”

When Ben realized what happens to him was out of his control, he trusted control of his life to God. What he found, even in prison, was The Good Life. That is an incredible perspective, but Ben didn’t have that perspective because he is special. He learned this from Jesus. We can too, when we take seriously His Word and allow His Spirit to transform our heart.

We worry that if we give up control, something bad will happen and we will miss out on the Good Life. But giving up our desire to control others and control outcomes brings to us a freedom. A freedom to not try and control what can’t be controlled, instead when we seek to honor God in all we do, it gives us confidence and the assurance of the Good Life.

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