ETB 1 Peter 3:1-12

Session #5 - p.46 - Our Relationships

What are some reasons you get frustrated with people? [ETB:PSG Win'25]

James reminds us that all of our frustrations are because of unmet expectations.

James 4:1–2 “1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.”

Maybe after today’s study we can have more Christ-like expectations of people.

Relationships within the church and with unbelievers shape the way Christ followers go about their lives. With so many touch points to consider, the issue becomes how to reflect the image of Christ in every context. Peter’s answer was simple: act like Jesus. [LifeWay Adults (2025). Explore the Bible: Adult Leader Guide, Winter 2024-’25]

Understand the Context

While there is a chapter break numerically between 2:25 and 3:1, Peter did not make one thematically. The themes of denying sin and conducting oneself in holiness that began in chapter 2 continue into chapter 3. The contexts that Peter described are different, but the basic call to reflect Jesus at every opportunity is not.

In general, common citizens, slaves, and women are all groups of people in a position with limited influence or power in the first century. But God was not concerned about their social status in regard to salvation or kingdom potential. Through Peter, God challenged the Christians in Asia Minor to endure suffering and embrace His purpose for their lives.

Ultimately, Peter urged his readers to develop and maintain an accurate view of eschatology, the study of last things. He reminded them that God would ultimately make all things right in His way and in His timing. He would bless those who endured and punish those who mistreated His people.

That assurance of Jesus’s second coming and its implications should have spurred the Christians of Asia Minor to minister to one another well. It also should have given them the strength and courage they needed to thrive in the midst of ongoing persecution. Peter’s words should also challenge and encourage us today as we evaluate our relationships through God’s lens. [ETB:ALG Win’25]

Explore the Text

1 Peter 3:1–6 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise - The Greek wording (homois) does not suggest that wives submit to husbands as slaves submit to masters or citizens submit to government authorities (see 1 Pet. 2:13-20). Rather, it connects groups (citizens, slaves, and women) who were vulnerable in the culture. As with the earlier examples, Peter was getting ready to share how wives could reflect the glory of Christ. [ETB:ALG Win’25]

Paul makes similar connections in his letter to the Ephesians and connects all the groups back to submission to Christ as the ultimate authority.

Be subject to - This is the same root word used in 2:13,16, and 18. Again, the emphasis is placed on the apparent lack of influence. Common citizens had less power than officials of the Empire. Slaves had less power than their masters. And, in Peter’s day, wives had less power in their relationship with their husbands.

Do you think it would harder for a woman obey this part of the verse in Peter’s day or today?

Because today’s culture expects women to be more assertive and “stand one their own merits,” whenever we recognize our spouse has yielded to Christ and not culture we should acknowledge it. Either by praising and thanking them as well as praising or thanking Jesus.

Life Application Bible Notes Chapter 3

To be submissive to another’s authority means to cooperate voluntarily out of love and respect for God and for that person. Ideally, submission is mutual (“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”—

some do not obey the word

Peter is writing to persecuted believers in Asia. This disobedience may not be about unsaved spouses but those who have fallen into a pattern of sin. Only one translation had the word “believe” and there is a different Greek word for belief or disobedience. He has just finished a discourse on proper conduct and submitting to authorities, especially unjust ones. This is one of the ways that God uses our spouses to show us where we have strayed from God’s expectations of holiness. They submit to us in a way that we are refusing to submit to those over us and it brings Holy Spirit conviction when we eventually see the difference between our attitudes and our wives.

when they see your conduct

Peter contrasted talking with showing. The apostle recognized an opportunity for the wives to validate their faith through their behavior, an opportunity that living together makes particularly effective. This is not to say that they should not speak of the gospel, but they needed to place special emphasis on living it out in close proximity with their husbands. As with every evangelism opportunity believers face, our walk should validate our talk. [ETB:ALG Win’25]

Let them see the Gospel, before they hear it from you.

Do not let your adorning be external

Interestingly the word translated “adorning” is translated elsewhere in Scripture as “world” and we get our word “cosmos” from it. This implies the level of attention given to the list following. Peter is not expecting for women not to do their hair or put on decent clothing, but such pursuits should not be “their whole world.” Our minds and money should “revolve around” outwardly appearances. Although Peter has specifically mentioned wives in this part of the letter, it does not mean the principles of moderation, pure conduct, and respectful attitudes are exclusive to them. “Honor everyone, love the brotherhood” was for everyone, now he gives a few more specifics on how that can be displayed to those watching.

All believers are called to nurture their relationship with Jesus. The key is remembering that God focuses on the heart (1 Sam. 16:7) and expects His people to do the same. This perspective leads to a gentle and quiet spirit, which defines a wife, and His bride the church, following Jesus. [ETB:ALG Win’25]

imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,

The Moody Bible Commentary C. The Christian and Family (3:1–7)

The former qualities fail; the latter never diminish and are precious to God.

There is no word in the Greek for beauty or quality in this phrase. Reads more like, “imperishable gentile and quiet spirit.”

What can a man or woman do to propagate such an internal peace?

Remember this is all under the heading of “submission to God.” As we fully commit to trusting God and serving Him, less of this world’s taint and turmoil can take up residence within us. Helping our wives feel safe and provided allows them to tangibly see God’s provision and care upon and for them through us.

holy women who hoped in God

Isn’t that our goal as well as God’s? That they would fully trust in and depend on God and maybe use us to encourage that trust. Because if they do, then the kids and neighbors will trust Him to.

as Sarah obeyed Abraham

Did Sarah obey Abraham all the time?

We should not expect any different from our wives either. When they do, acknowledge it and praise God for them (even in front of them if possible.) When they don’t, lovingly and tenderly, clean her off like a fine china plate and make her ready for the next trial.

do not fear anything that is frightening

Two different words for fear are used, but they both speak of actual the terror type and not the reverential fear.

Proverbs speak of “adorning” ourselves with wisdom and discretion. Often it is directed toward “my son.” Having these things in our hearts would create that hope and trust in God that leads to that peace beyond understanding, which will drive out fears and terrors of this world.

Proverbs 3:24–26 “24 If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. 25 Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes, 26 for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”

How does a wife’s role in marriage reflect her relationship with God? [ETB:PSG Win’25, p.50]

How is the wife’s role in marriage an example of all believers toward God?

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

live with your wives in an understanding way

What do you understand about your spouse?

Do you know more about them now than you did last year?

There are multiple words for knowledge in Scripture. Some speak of complete knowledge, like the Lord “knows” us better than we do ourselves. This word for “understanding” is not that level, it is the word used to contrast with that knowledge which is “present and fragmentary” and it grows through “enquiry and investigation.”

God is telling us to go through our lives together with our spouse with the purposes of learning more about them and in turn about Him working in them. And since they are “half” of us, we will probably learn about God’s work in us too.

showing honor to the woman

Same honor that was to be given to all men and the emperor.

Weak vessels could refer to physical strength, could be about societal position and authorities, might have been about emotional vulnerabilities, no one seems to be able to say definitively. Something we will have to ask Peter when we see him. For now, we can honor our spouse by learning which one of these weaknesses they are most in need of strengthening or protection and being the husband and protector for them in that area.

I heard an explanation through an analogy of “weaker vessel” once that was the best I have come across and I have not forgotten it.

Men are kids’ plates women are fine China. Both can do the task of holding and carrying your food. But after the Thanksgiving meal you literally throw the kids’ plastic plates and cups into the sink to wash them but when you get to the adults’ plates of fine china you slow down, try not to break or chip them, and do you best to make sure these plates last for many more family meals to come.

Heirs with you

Husbands are commanded to respect their wives because their wives are heirs with you of the grace of life. This expression highlights that believing husbands and wives are equal recipients of God’s saving grace and should be treated accordingly. Gender may make a difference in some things, but it means nothing when it comes to God’s offer of salvation and His transformational work in human lives. From an eschatological perspective, women will share equally with men in the blessings of God’s kingdom. But, even now, they also stand on equal footing in salvation. (See Gal. 3:28.)  [ETB:ALG Win’25]

that your prayers may not be hindered.

There is one commandment with a promise, honoring our parents. This is the promise of resistance for not honoring our wives. It is interesting that when I looked at the way the structure of the sentence in the Greek tools I have, this part of the sentence was actually tied back to the first part of the verse “living in an understanding way.” When we do not seek to “know” our wives better, our prayer life takes a hit. Maybe the reverse could help us too. When our prayer life is waning, what have we not learned about our wives recently? We may need to pray more for them so that our other prayers can be effective.

Peter started chapter 2 speaking to every believer, then went through specific groups - citizens, slaves, wives and husbands. Peter finishes up today’s passage and the chapter addressing all believers again.

1 Peter 3:8–12 ESV

8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 10 For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; 11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Finally

One my friends, said that you could tell Peter was a preacher because he said “finally” but then talked for 2 more chapters.

unity of mind

Unity of mind is not uniformity of mind. We can be like-minded but not think like each other.

What is it that Peter is telling us to think similarly about?

When we agree that pursuit of holiness if more important that personal preferences, Jesus is exalted, and God’s purposes are advanced.

sympathy

Probably closer to our modern word empathy. In some translations have the words sympathy and compassion in this verse.

What would you say is the difference between sympathy and compassion?

One writer stated that “sympathy requires empathy, but compassion prompts action.”

You could describe it in context of this verse as “like-suffering”, coming along side someone in their suffering and participating in their hurts and sorrows.

brotherly love

This is the tender-hearted or brotherly love - philadelphos.

Like-minded, suffering alike, loving mutually. Shared mind, shared heart, shared love.

tender hearted or compassionate.

How would you describe a tender-hearted person?

My favorite translation is “good heartedness.” Probably because it reminds me of the verse of Jesus speaking to the rich man saying, “There is none good but God.” A good-hearted person would be one that had heart like God’s.

Humble of mind.

The book defines humility placing “the needs of others ahead of their own.” If our expectations are for their good, we tend not to get as frustrated.

At first our minds were to agree with one another, now at the end of the list our minds are to think more of others than ourselves. If we keep in our minds the inheritance that Peter mentioned at the beginning of the letter and its cost, it is easier to see our lowly place in eternity.

This humble mindset also makes it easier not to retaliate when we are derided - like in the next verse.

Do not repay evil for evil

Paul states this concept another way in Romans 12.

Romans 12:14 “14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.”

Jesus did all things in these verses perfectly, but I think the last 12-18 hours of His life epitomized this verse 9 the best.

bless, for to this you were called

This is a humbling thought. We are not called to right the wrongs of the world, but to bless those troubled and enslaved by it. If we can do all those commands in these last 2 verses for even the non-believer, it could change their lives and maybe draw them into the kingdom. We are not called to save them, only Jesus can do that, but we are to be such a blessing to them that Jesus gets the credit.

Whoever desires to love life...

Peter brings Psalm 34 into the New Testament by nearly quoting them but personalizing them for his readers.

A series of couplets or chiasm - two things mentioned with different words but meaning the same thing to emphasize a point.

Love of life = good days / evil tongue = speaking deceit / turning from evil = doing good = seeking and pursuing peace / eyes on the righteous = hearing prayers

These are all the things that God through Peter wants to bless us with when we pursue holiness. We do them not because of the blessing but from a grateful heart wanting others to enjoy His Kingdom and Presence also.

Apply the Text

Life Application Bible Notes Chapter 3

a living relationship with God depends on right relationships with others. Jesus said that if you have a problem with a fellow believer, you must make it right with that person before coming to worship (

Life Application Bible Notes Chapter 3

In our fallen world, it is often deemed acceptable by some to tear people down verbally or to get back at them if we feel hurt. Peter, remembering Jesus’ teaching to turn the other cheek (

Pray: Thank Your Lord for creating the family relationships we have. They both bless and challenge us. Lord, we do not deserve our wives’ submission to us, but You do. Help them follow through on your Word to them so that our whole house can live pure and reverent lives. Holy Spirit, teach us how to better love and have more compassionate humility in all our relationships. Show us where we are displaying more of ourselves than Christ to those around us and train us to do better.