The Power of Authentic Spiritual Friendships

Acts 20:36–21:8 (ESV)

36 And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. 37 And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, 38 being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship. 1 And when we had parted from them and set sail, we came by a straight course to Cos, and the next day to Rhodes, and from there to Patara. 2 And having found a ship crossing to Phoenicia, we went aboard and set sail. 3 When we had come in sight of Cyprus, leaving it on the left we sailed to Syria and landed at Tyre, for there the ship was to unload its cargo. 4 And having sought out the disciples, we stayed there for seven days. And through the Spirit they were telling Paul not to go on to Jerusalem. 5 When our days there were ended, we departed and went on our journey, and they all, with wives and children, accompanied us until we were outside the city. And kneeling down on the beach, we prayed 6 and said farewell to one another. Then we went on board the ship, and they returned home. 7 When we had finished the voyage from Tyre, we arrived at Ptolemais, and we greeted the brothers and stayed with them for one day. 8 On the next day we departed and came to Caesarea, and we entered the house of Philip the evangelist, who was one of the seven, and stayed with him.

Introduction

Every week we are looking a different aspect of the church as Jesus Christ designed us to be.

We need this for two main reasons.

First of all, for those who are not believing, a primary reason you are not believing Christ is Christians. And so the only way to really deal with the claims Jesus makes about himself is to look at who he designed the church to be.

Second, we as Christians need to understand who Jesus designed us to be, and what he has sent us to do. Because, a primary reason people don’t believe Christ is us.

Paul suggests in 1 Corinthians that our lives can be so unattractive that people cannot hear the good news from us, no matter how good the news is.

The text today is about Christian fellowship.

But right off we have a problem.

The problem is with the word fellowship.

See, if you grew up around church, the word may not be as powerful to you as it should be.

The truth is, over time words can be so cheapened and trivialized so that they are almost unrecognizable.

That’s why for many of us, fellowship is often seen as one in the same as a covered dish, or hanging out with friends, and having great fellowship.

But none of those things are fellowship.

Here’s what fellowship is.

Fellowship is a supernaturally formed spiritual friendship, nothing more and nothing less.

Fellowship literally means a share. So if we have fellowship we have a share in each other, we are part of each other.

For us as a Church, authentic spiritual friendship is a value, It’s a non-negotiable.

So four things that are shared in spiritual friendship, and then four applications that you need to do before you leave this room today.

Spiritual Friends have A Shared Beginning

What does it say?

Acts 2:42 ESV

42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.

Acts 20:22–23 ESV

22 And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, 23 except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me.

Let me show you three things.

First- spiritual friendship is an objective reality.

You notice it says- The Fellowship. That means fellowship is something that objectively exists because of the life of God has come into you through the incision made by the word of God. You’ve been cut to the heart, the life of God has come in, you’ve become more alive, and with your vitality has come fellowship. Authentic Spiritual Friendship exists because it emanates from the life of God.

Second, the Bible shows that God is the ultimate friend maker.

Exodus 33 God calls Moses his friend.

John 15- Jesus calls his disciples his friends.

Romans 5, God says- Christ died to reconcile enemies to himself- aka make friends with his enemies.

James 2, says Abraham was a friend of God.

Jesus is the perfect human, and he had 12 friends.

12 friends= he knew they wouldn’t understand him, would let him down, would hurt him, and in the end would betray him, everyone of them. Yet in spite of that, he’s constantly seen pouring himself out for them, and pouring his heart out to them.

Third, the need for friendship is a sign of health.

In Genesis 2, verse 18, Adam’s life is missing one thing. There’s no sin yet, but Adam has a need. God looks at Adam and says- Adam’s loneliness is not good.

Now, that’s very interesting, because at this point, Adam is perfect. He’s not a sinner. And yet he still has an ache for friendship.

That’s because the desire for authentic friendship is not a sign of disorder, but order.

This means two things for us.

First, God made you for friendship.

If you are lonely and desire friends...

If you have friends, but want a closer relationship with your friends...

You are not dysfunctional, you are not needy, you are fine, because you are built for friendship.

The friendship ache is real, but different than every other ache. If you ache for food, or for physical health, if you ache because of guilt, or regret- all of those aches are brought on because the world is broken by sin. But the ache for friendship exists before sin, and suggests to us that we cannot enjoy the joy of God without friendships.

Second, Jesus Christ is the ultimate friend maker, so that means the more you become like Jesus Christ, the more you will want friends.

Friendship existed within the Godhead before humanity existed. Friendship is born out of the character of God. God is a friend, and he makes friend. Every single thing he’s ever done in creation and redemption is to make us friends with him and each other.

That means, if we say- I don’t need friends, we are becoming less and less like God.

The beginning of Friendship is the life of God. It’s an objectively reality that becomes real in our lives when the life of God comes into us.

Spiritual friends share a passion for God.

Acts 21:4 ESV

4 And having sought out the disciples, we stayed there for seven days. And through the Spirit they were telling Paul not to go on to Jerusalem.

Let’s note five things.

First of all, realize Paul did not start this church. He’s meeting with Christians he’s probably never met.

Second, they say, Paul is planning to go on to Jerusalem, and they say you’re wrong. They get involved instantly in his life. They actually press him.

Third, he lets them press him and he doesn’t bite back.

Fourth, he’s so open to them that he kneels and prays not once, but twice.

Acts 21:5 ESV

5 When our days there were ended, we departed and went on our journey, and they all, with wives and children, accompanied us until we were outside the city. And kneeling down on the beach, we prayed

Fifth, spiritual friendship is maintained, not attained.

Paul talking to the Ephesians Christians, he encourages them to be…

Ephesians 4:3 ESV

3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

The gospel is the power which creates possibilities for friendships that are not possible anywhere else.

What does it mean for us?

Here’s what has to happen-

First- spiritual friendships exist, but you and I have work at it.

You can’t create them, but you have to maintain them. You have to invest in them.

Second, gospel strength allows you to kneel with others.

You need to kneel on the beach with your friends, that means you need to open up with your friends about your deepest heart.

See, some have friends, but they aren’t particularly close. And they aren’t close, because you aren’t kneeling with them. Your friends don’t really know the deepest part of your hearts. You don’t really let them in.

Think about why you don’t let them in- Let me offer a critique- You don’t let them in because you’re afraid. Your afraid they’ll see your flaws. Men are afraid to lose honor and respect. Women may be afraid to be seen as a bad mom, bad wife, bad Christian. We’re all afraid to lose face, to be looked down on, to be criticized.

But listen- If you are unable or unwilling to open up with people, that’s not a strength at all. It’s a serious demonstration of tremendous insecurity and weakness.

But the gospel is power. It’s strength. Here’s how- The gospel humbles you. The gospel says you are more sinful than you realize. So you can hear critiques, because a lot of times, they are right. And the gospel says- you are more loved in Christ than you will ever dare hope, so that you are so secure in his love that you don’t have to hide your flaws.

Example- Think about how many times Jesus’ friends were critical of him. Consider the kind of things they said to him, and not one time did he drop them. Not one time did he withdraw from them due to criticism.

The only way to true spiritual friendship is to kneel with your friends.

Third- You have to invite your friends to be involved in your life, and push back on you, and you can’t lash out at them.

Fourth, passion for God leads to passion for our friends.

If we want more passionate friendships, we have to be more passionate about our friendship with God. The Life of God in you will stir up more passionate friendships. You’ll become very passionate about your spiritual friendships.

Spiritual friends share a passion for Jesus, and for each other.

Spiritual friends have A Shared Life

Acts 20:36–38 ESV

36 And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. 37 And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, 38 being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship.

What did it mean, what does it mean?

Note- Fellowship means shared life or common life. We share our lives with each other.

First, sharing your life requires effort.

On the one hand, the gospel gives you the raw material for spiritual friendships.

On the other hand, you have to do something with the raw materials.

You have to work at it.

Second, sharing life requires sharing your heart.

They wept. They embraced. That’s heart sharing. You have to do t hat.

Third, sharing life requires sharing your stuff.

Acts 21:7 says Paul stayed with them, ate with them, etc. That’s hospitality.

You have to share your resources with your friends. Share space, share food, etc.

Fourth, sharing life requires sharing the gospel.

They are always talking about Jesus. They are always praying together. Likewise, we have to preach the gospel to our friends.

Hebrews 3:13 ESV

13 But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

God is telling us to exhort, or preach, to one another every day that means regularly and informally.

The most basic example- Let’s say you’ve got a friend who hates his or her job- You can say- You can trust that God has you hear for his mission.

Maybe a friend has some issue with getting respect, or some issue with self worth- You say- Look at the gospel. Look at what he’s invested in you. Look at how valuable you are to God.

That’s just really practical preaching the gospel to your friends.

He says, if you don’t do that, your heart will harden, because you’ll be deceived by sin.

Listen, anytime someone is caught in sin, you can be absolutely certain that sister or brother has no real friends with whom they are opening up to, and who is pressing on him. You may have recreational friends, but you have no spiritual friends.

Everyone on the planet has inner battles with sin-= Worry, anxiety, worthlessness, hopelessness, lack of peace, regret, guilt, etc. That’s everyone. But if you don’t spiritual friends where the gospel is being preached back and forth, your heart will harden. You will turn to sin to deal with your brokenness. You will be deceived.

Preach the gospel to your friends all the time. Deal with every problem with the gospel.

Fifth, sharing life requires sharing plans.

You may have noticed that Paul, led by the Spirit was headed to Jerusalem.

Then it says, his friends, led by the Spirit, said don’t go.

But then i t says, Paul, constrained by the Spirit went to Jerusalem.

So on the one hand, God had given his friends insight as to what’s going on.

And at the same time, the Spirit compelled Paul to go.

Now, that may seem like a contradiction, but it’s not. It’s a tension.

Acts 21:13–14 ESV

13 Then Paul answered, “What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be imprisoned but even to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.” 14 And since he would not be persuaded, we ceased and said, “Let the will of the Lord be done.”

So here’s what is going on.

The Holy Spirit works through the power of spiritual friendships. God leaves room for the process of friendship. They dont’ accuse him of sinning against God. And also, he doesn’t belittle their spiritual insight.

No, the Holy Spirit works through friendships, as iron sharpens iron.

Listen, you should never make any major decisions on your own.

If you have real spiritual friends, you have to let them into your business, and let them push back on you.

But also, if you are that friend, you should never be saying- The Lord has told me, and you have to do what I’m saying.

Here’s how it shakes out with them- They talk. They argue. And he says- the will of God be done.

And we should all say to that- Amen.

Sixth- sharing life requires sharing time.

You have to prioritize friendships or they will not happen.

Seventh, sharing life requires sharing commitment.

Long story short, but Paul goes on to Jerusalem knowing full well what was going to happen, and sure enough it happens.

Now, what’s interesting is, he doesn’t go alone. Luke goes with him inspite of knowing what was going to happen. Now, why would he do that? Commitment. They were committed, not only to God, but to each other. We will win together, and we may lose together. But either way, I’m commited. That’s authentic spiritual friendship.

And that’s not found anywhere else accept among Christians.

Spiritual friends have A Shared Destiny

What did it mean?

Listen, every other world view says friendships don’t last.

For example- Buddhism says- when you die you cease to be a person. So no personal relationships.

Secularism says- When you die, you rot. No existence.

Islam and Judaism say- God is merely one God, one person, not Trinity, so there are no relationships in eternity.

But Christianity says, no.

First, When you die in Christ, you go on to glory, and you not only continue to be a person, you become a perfect person, so that you still have personal relationships.

Second, Christianity says God is not just one, but one God in three persons. God is personal. God is interpersonal. He’s trinitarian. Friendships in the Godhead existed before humans existed. That’s why friendships will exist long after this planet shaken to its foundations and remade.

That means- Long after we die, we will be friends.

No matter how you shake it, creation, and recreation is all about making friends, and remaking friends, therefore Christianity says- life is about friendship with God, and each other.

Let me finish with four things you need to do right now.

First, wrap your mind around the fact that friendship is forever.

Spiritual friendships are eternal. Your marriage is not. Your friendships are. There is no marriage in Heaven, but there is friendship.

Second, repair any friendship that needs repairing.

Some of you just need to let it go. The hurt feelings, the fussiness, just let it go. You’re fussy because you are looking at the wrong thing. You are staring at that person, or what that person has done to you.

Focus on Jesus Christ. Friendship is not about, do you like me. That’s an irrelevant question. The question is- Are you about Jesus? There is no self-consciousness in the gospel.

We look at Christ.

Third, grab a friend and come kneel together.

Here’s what will happen- You’ll be saying to your friend, and to your heart= I am open to this person, or these people. I am going to be open to them. I am going to let my heart go out to them, and I’m going to let their heart come into me.

Right now, you need to look at them and give them the head nod, or elbow them, or even send them a quick text.

Let’s kneel on the beach together. Pour your hearts out to God with each other.

Fourth, and final- if you are married, you need to put your marriage on a friendship basis.

Maybe you don’t know how- Well a great start would be to grab a hand, and come to the altar, and knee together towards the same God. Maybe even ask God- Show me how to my wife, my husband my best friend. Maybe make it that way again, or maybe make her that way for the first time.

This is authentic spiritual friendship. You need it. How are you doing with this?

Respond

Christian

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