Intimacy

Introduction

Everyone has an algorithm

Google, youtube, instagram, facebook, tik tok, and every other program with a search feature is studying you. It is working toward the goal of giving you exactly want you want or exactly what they want you to want.

Our lives are continuously narrowed down to produce exactly what we want. How much work do we want to do? How much money do we want to make? Who do we want to be seen as? What classes, clubs, teams and more do we want to be on? If we don’t want it, it isn’t happening. We are being raised and molded to be self-absorbed.

We only want to see and hear from others who perfectly reinforce our choices, preferences, schedules and personalities.

I watch this happen all the time everywhere i go: if the connection is not easy and convenient it is immediately rejected - often by both parties.

What we have lost in the mix is the very thing we we were created for - intimacy. The most important thing that nobody is talking about.

Over the next four weeks we will be looking at the topic of intimacy - we will talk about sex, our bodies, the people that we love, technology and consequences, but all of that is meant to fill out this one important idea: we are made for intimacy.

We lost in in purity culture of the 90s and 2000's

We have lost in in our over-sexed, over informed and over-technologized culture

We have lost it because we are going too fast.

I don’t want you to have better, more holy sex or to avoid the consequences of a few specific sins, major though they are. I don’t want you to live under the weight of more Biblical laws. I want you to be known and loved.

the title of this series is also the goal - intimacy with God and intimacy with others.

Point 1 - We have lost intimacy.

As a culture and you guys are the worst at it. I would argue that every generation of the last several has gotten worse at this.

What is intimacy?

Intimacy is knowing and being known intimacy is a feeling of closeness and emotional connection.

Intimacy was what we are made for.

Intimacy is a product of time, presence and trust

Time

People cannot be consumed in short form

People cannot be experienced over text or through curated snaps and posts.

Presence

People - including you are real, messy, wonderful, incomplete and made in the image of God.

Being with someone, physically as well as emotionally and mentally develops intimacy.

Trust

You cannot be intimate with another person if you are unwilling to be hurt, take risks and and be honest. If you cannot do these things you will be alone even if you are married.

Point 2 - Intimacy is not information

Imagine I know a lot about Shaboozy

Collins Obinna Chibueze (born May 9, 1995),

From Woodbridge, Virginia of Nigerian descent

His stage name originated from the mispronunciation of his last name, Chibueze – an Igbo word meaning "God is king" – by his high school football coach

If i saw him on the street they would not light up and be excited to see me. In fact he would probably be weirded out by me.

An exchange of selves - not facts.

Real thoughts, honest, shared interest.

Relationships are way scarier than facts - but way way better.

True of intimacy with God

Would God be impressed if you showed up to His throne room and you knew every one of His names from scripture?

“You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.” (John 5:39–40)

the Bible is not the destination - it is an access point to a relationship with God. It is not a self-help book it is a guidebook on the journey of knowing God where He reveals himself clearly to us.

Point 3 - Sex is a part of that intimacy

Marriage and sex have a purpose in the grand scheme of life - they point us to God as all good things do.

Marriage is good in and of itself but pointing to a higher good.

Sex is good but it is not the point of marriage any more than reading the Bible is the point of the Christian life.

The point of it all is to experience intimacy with God and with another person

Because we, like God are not meant to be alone. (Genesis 2:18)

Genesis 2:25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Naked before each other in every way

Naked before God in every way.

Later in chapter 3 when they sin they don’t cover themselves to hide from each other, they hide together and cover themselves to hide from God.

Because it helps us to understand intimacy with God.

Sexual intimacy in the Bible is a part of the intimacy that we experience specifically in marriage.

Genesis 4:1 - Hebrew word “yada” for sex - to know.

I hate that the NIV changes this to a different Euphemism - made love.

Marriage is meant to be the total, intimate knowing of another person. The closest we can get to God’s love for us.

The uniqueness of our marriage relationship is meant to picture the uniqueness of our relationship with God

Why did God command in Leviticus to not mix two kinds of fabric? It was not for fashion reasons, it was to demonstrate their purity of worship of YHWH.

Why one wife/sexual partner - we are to have one God. Fidelity and purity are a fundamental part of the both relationship. We are not meant to “know” a body that is not our husband or wife.

A single, lifelong covenant promise not grounded in feelings but rather in ironclad faith and intimate knowledge.

Garden - naked before God and each other and not ashamed.

You cannot use sex, or kissing or touching as a shortcut to intimacy - in fact these things will stunt your growth.

Point 4 - Non-romantic intimacy is also important

We need to learn how to be in community with others.

Non-romantic intimacy leads to accountability, encouragement, community and a sense of fulfillment.

Before any of us are married we first learn how to be a friend

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

We need to learn we need to learn to be unselfish.

Point 5 - Human intimacy points us to God

Most good things are meant to point our hearts to God.

The exercise of knowing and being known by others teaches us about knowing God.

Marriage itself is a metaphor for God’s covenant love for us.

Chesed

Point 6 - It is intimacy, not salvation that defines the Christian life

When we are known by God and know him we experience peace

We will not have peace without intimacy with God. We are not where we belong

When you travel for a time then come home

Psalm 62:1-2 - Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. 2 Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

You will never fully embrace or understand the Christian life (not salvation, the Christian life) without understanding intimacy with God.

You will miss out on the best part. You heard me, salvation is not the best part. HE is.

Application

Extend this out with others. You want to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend leading to marriage - you need to know how to be intimate. You want to have dear friendships - you need to know how to be intimate

Be interested in others - sincerely. Give attention and care and remember

Give time to others - they have to have real space in your life and in your mind

Trust wisely - Be aware of who you trust - especially if they are not a follower of Jesus

Memes are not a friendship. Texts are not a friendship. Knowing ABOUT is not a relationship.

Time. Presence. Trust.