A Study of Matthew: Where Do I Draw the Line?

Matthew 18:21–35 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

How many of you have ever had someone say to you, “Enough is enough!” You were doing something you shouldn’t, and you were told to stop. But you kept on going, didn’t you!

Finally, you hear those magic words. “Enough is enough!” You know you’ve reached the limit.

As kids, it’s part of our growing process to test our limits. There are rules. Rules at home. Rules at school. Rules everywhere. And we want to see just how strict those rules are. So we rebel.

And, of course, every good parent or teacher, or just plain person in authority, knows that there must be consequences for breaking the rules. There must be accountability.

We get satisfaction out of watching a rule-breaker get caught. We love it when they get what’s coming to them. Justice is served!

But Jesus comes along, saying things like:

Matthew 5:7 ESV

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Jesus is reminding everyone what was already said by the prophet Micah:

Micah 6:8 NIV

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Now, the passage we are looking at today is part of the same conversation we were looking at last week between Jesus and his disciples.

They are trying to figure out how to please him so that they can impress him. They are still thinking in human, worldly terms. They want to know who Jesus considers the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, so he shows them a child.

He tells them it is impossible on their own to be able to resist temptation, and that those who have been saved by Jesus should not think of themselves as superior to the lost who still need to be saved.

Jesus tells them that his followers must forgive and seek reconciliation with others.

So now Peter wants to know just how far he has to go with this forgiveness thing.

Matthew 18:21 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

There has to be a limit, right? How often are you going to let someone get away with treating you wrong? When is enough ENOUGH?

Matthew 18:22 ESV

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

You can look at this answer either literally or figuratively, and it amounts to about the same thing. Literally, seventy times seven is 490. You can try to be literal about it when it comes to that one person who is always taking advantage or hurting you, but unless you are an excellent score keeper, you are going to lose count somewhere.

Figuratively, we can look at what Jesus said as a form of exaggeration that was—and is—still used in the middle east. Seven is a Hebraic symbol of perfection. To take the number and multiply it tenfold and then multiply it again is to represent infinity. Peter wants to know, “When do I get to stop forgiving?” Jesus says, “never.”

Jesus goes on to share the parable of the king who was collecting his debts. One of his servants had borrowed a large sum, and he owed the king 10 thousand talents. Scholars think that a talent was worth about 20 years worth of wages.

So, let’s say the guy—let’s call him Bubba— was earning $15 per hour, $20,000 per year, which is way below minimum wage. A talent would be $400,000. Bubba owed 10,000 talents—4 billion dollars! So the king wants to collect, and Bubba doesn’t have 4 billion handy. The king orders that Bubba, his family, and everything he owns, be sold to cover the debt. Bubba cries out, “have patience! I will pay you everything.”

The king knows Bubba is in over his head. He is out 4 billion dollars. What does he do? He FORGIVES the debt completely! Can you imagine having every debt you have—your mortgage, your car loan, all your credit cards—everything forgiven? That’s what happened for Bubba.

On his way out from seeing the king, Bubba runs into a fellow servant—Junior— who owes him 100 denarii. Those scholars I mentioned before say that 1 denarius was a day’s wages. At $15 per hour, 8 hours would be $120, so 100 denarii would be about $12,000 today. That’s a lot of money. Bubba demands repayment of the debt, to which Junior says, “Have patience, and I promise I’ll repay you everything.” Sound familiar?

What is Bubba’s response? NO WAY! He has ol’ Junior sent to debtor’s prison to work off his debt.

Other servants see this and report this to the king. So what does the king do? He summons Bubba back.

Matthew 18:32–34 ESV

Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.

Why does the king call Bubba ‘wicked’? Was Bubba not entitled to the $12,000 that Junior owed him? Sure. But, considering the mercy that the king showed him only moments before, you would think that he would be only too ready to show the same mercy to others.

And that’s the point Jesus is making to Peter and the disciples—and to us. Think of who we were before we met Jesus. Think of all the times we have failed him. Think of the price Jesus paid for us. Think of the great debt we owe him; a debt that he forgave completely, just like the king in the story.

In light of all that Jesushas forgiven us, who in the world are we to withhold forgiveness from someone else? If we refuse to forgive, that means that we are completely misunderstanding who God is. His spirit is not in us.

Now, we humans, we like to find loopholes. That’s why Peter was asking how many times a person can wrong him before he gets to stop forgiving. For some of us, the loophole is claiming to forgive, while all the time holding that offense against them. You can’t forgive someone AND hold a grudge against them. That doesn’t mean that you should not be cautious in the future. You can let them know, “I forgive you. That’s a choice I make. I will not hold the past against you. But that doesn’t mean I can forget what you did. You broke my trust, and it may be awhile before I can trust you again. But I’m willing to try, if you are.”

It may be that the best thing to do is end the relationship, if that relationship is unhealthy and will lead you away from God. Remember last week’s message, when Jesus told the disciples that, if your brother has wronged you but refuses to repent, even if he is clearly in the wrong, you should view him as someone who has not found Jesus. Do what you would do for any other lost person. Pray for them. Witness to them. Teach them the ways of God’s kingdom. They will either turn to Jesus or walk away completely. But it will be their choice to walk away, not yours. You will continue to love them and pray for their restoration.

I fail the Lord every day. I need his mercy every day. But he’s not the only person that I fail. Usually, my sin is against other people as well. I’m callous; dismissive; I get offended unnecessarily. I blame people for things, while at the same time, refusing to accept responsibility for my actions. I get angry and say harsh things. Every offense is a double offense, against the other person, and against God. In light of how quick God is to forgive me EVERY TIME I sin, shouldn’t I be just as ready to forgive others every time they offend me?

When people join clubs, they get something that shows they belong to the club—a special pin or something unique to the group. Athletes get team uniforms and a letter jacket. Gang members get matching tattoos. The Jews used circumcision to set them apart as God’s chosen people. Christians are supposed to be known by their faithfulness to Christ.

What does Jesus value?

Matthew 22:37–40 ESV

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

So a Christian is marked by their love for God and their love demonstrated to others.

What does 1 Corinthians 13 say about love?

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 NIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. We have to be willing to forgive.

Going even further, I want to ask you, when did Jesus forgive you? Was it when you repented? No. He paid your debt long before you were even born, let alone when you sinned. Repentance is simply our realization that we are in the wrong and need forgiveness. We don’t repent so that we can be forgiven. We repent because we have been forgiven.

So when should we forgive others? Do we wait until they say sorry? Do we wait until they demonstrate that they are truly sorry and ready to make things right? No. We forgive like Jesus forgave. Immediately. We forgive, and pray that the one who wronged us will realize what they have done—not for our sakes, but for theirs—so they can be right with God.

Where do I draw the line on when to stop forgiving someone who keeps wronging me? I don’t. I remember how many times I keep wronging Jesus, and how he keeps on extending his forgiveness. I remind myself, how can I ever expect them to believe that Jesus forgives, if I withhold forgiveness?

As followers of Jesus, we have to be different from the world. When someone wrongs us, instead of revenge, we seek reconciliation and restoration. Instead of malice, we show mercy. Instead of condemnation, we show compassion. Instead of tearing them down, we lift them up before the Father.

Let’s pray.