Come Together Again!
Marriage Check in • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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Handout
Song of Solomon Role Play
Song of Solomon Role Play
Personal Testimony Cori and Larry
Marriage Conference Discussion about Sex Pastor Hankins
Intro:
Intro:
1 Now in response to the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband.
3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Now in response to the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I do give an opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is faithful.
1 Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that “we all have knowledge.” Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.
1 Now concerning spiritual gifts: brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be unaware.
1 Now about the collection for the saints: Do the same as I instructed the Galatian churches.
Paul must have personal sources in this church that has informed of the issues that need to be dealt with. In 1 Corinthians 1:11
11 For it has been reported to me about you, my brothers and sisters, by members of Chloe’s people, that there is rivalry among you.
In this letter, Paul gave up the snitch. His source is from “Chloe’s House.” It is important that when you study letters or epistles, you understand they are not arbitrary nor nebulous. There was an intent, and it was meant to encourage, teach, or rebuke actual, real issues.
So, when Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7, he is addressing issues that are damaging to the church. The whole chapter deals with Sex outside of marriage, Sex in marriage, Singleness, Marriage, Divorce, and Family. These are real issues the Corinthians are dealing with. Paul is not writing about his favorite topic; he is writing about the sins that are putrifying this church.
Dualism in the life of the Corinthians
Dualism in the life of the Corinthians
Asceticism- The word in Greek means “exercise”; the term is a philosophical term used to describe people who live super restrictive lives in the area of food, sex, entertainment, and worldly comforts. They do this because they believe it draws them closer to the God. This lifestyle is what undergirds the catholic priest.
Hedonism(licentiousness)-is a philosophical belief that pleasure or happiness is the highest good and the primary aim of human life. This life emphasizes the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain.
So you see in this context Paul is dealing with two diametrically different philosophical understandings of the world. The Corinthians were trying to fuse these two unbiblical Greek philosophies into Christianity. Notice the previous chapter in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
18 Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body.
19 Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,
20 for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body.
You can see this in 1 Corinthians 6, where Paul deals with Hedonism. Helping the believers in Corinth to understand that wanton sexual immorality is a sin against the body because “One’s body is united” with another in a spiritual way that dishonors God, because it brings the spirit into an unholy act.
Then he moves to 1 Corinthians 7 to bring some teaching to the ascetic lifestyle creeping into marriages.
For the sake of clarity, we will name each of these groups
The Ascetic-SuperSpiritual
The Hedonist-The Rachet
I. What’s the condition
I. What’s the condition
1 Now in response to the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
(EXP)(1) Paul says, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” This is a very odd statement by Paul. The word for woman in this text is “gyne” which usually means wife. Notice (2) in this verse, “wife” is the same exact word from (1). It is Paul saying “it is good for man to not have sexual relations with his wife,” then in (2) he says “each man should have sexual relations with his own wife.” This seems like a blatant contradiction from (1) to (2)
(1) I want you to notice something. The “Niv, Esv, CSB” catch the nuance of this verse. They put quotation marks around this statement. This tells us that Paul is not dealing with something he said, but a common slogan tossed around in this church. There were people in the church teaching “it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with his wife”
and guess who these people are?
The Super Spiritual. Those who believe the sensual pleasure that is experienced between husband and wife is sinful and draws us away from holiness.
Paul uses the following several verses to address this “Slogan or Cliques” circulating in the church.
Bottom line, there are groups of folks in the church who are married but largely celibate.
II. What’s the Solution
II. What’s the Solution
2 But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband.
3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
(EXP)(2) Paul swings from the Superspiritual in (1) to the (2) The Hedonist. Look at what the text says. But because sexual immorality is so common. Paul says sexual immorality is the dominant way of life. For the believers of Corinth and the culture itself. It was a very sexual city. The city of Corinth was a very rich Port city that had to be crossed to reach Rome. For modern teaching, it was a high-class truck stop. A place where a man could get his needs met and then go home.
(2) Paul provides a biblical refutation of “The rachet” and “the superspiritual” in this verse. He gives us the proper understanding of Sexual Intimacy. This is an affirmation of the original command in Genesis that a man is to leave and cleave unto his wife alone.
(2) “Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband. Paul affirms monogamous sexual activity as the only form of Biblical Sex that is authorized by God. The writer of Hebrews picks up on this in Hebrews 13:4
4 Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.
What’s the proper balance between “rachet & Superspiritual?
Monogamous Marriage sexual intimacy.
Egalitarian Commands
Egalitarian Commands
3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
(EXP)(3) Paul makes three chiastic statements in a row. Notice in starts in (2)
1 Corinthians Explanation of the Text
(2b) let each man have his own wife
B (2c) and each woman her own husband
A (3a) let the husband give to his wife
B (3b) likewise the wife to the husband
B (4a) the wife does not rule over her body (the husband does; 4b)
A (4c) the husband does not rule over his own body (the wife does; 4d
I believe the primary reason Paul uses the chiastic structure is to emphasize the egalitarian nature of our duties to each other in marriage.
Now why would he do that?
Let's not forget Corinth is a Roman province.
Romans to Philemon: Zondervan Illustrated Bible Backgrounds Commentary, Volume 3 Sexual Abstinence, Singleness, and Marriage (7:1–16)
This teaching is radical for a Roman audience. Men felt free to have sexual intercourse with slaves or other women. Sexual fulfillment was seen as an end in itself. According to ancient marriage contracts, of which a number have survived on papyri from Egypt, male promiscuity was acceptable. Paul is reminding husbands and wives of the exclusivity of their relationship. Extramarital activity is not acceptable for Christians.
Ladies and Gentlemen, marriage was skewed towards the man during this epoch or era. This teaching by Paul is countercultural. I can imagine the faces of the men when they read this letter from Paul!!!!!
What does he tell the men in this series of text?
Men you are to be monogamous(No porn, no prostitutes, no side chicks, no work wives)
Men, you are to be sexually engaged with your wife in the marriage; it is a part of your duty in the same vein as providing.
Men, your body is not your own. Your wife owns it
What does he tell the women in this series of texts?
Women your are to be monogamous(no porn, no smut books, no dm friends)
Women, you are to be sexually engaged with your husband in the marriage; it is a part of your duties in marriage, like caring for the children
Women, your body is not your own, it is owned by your husband
In this context, this teaching would have humbled the man but brought honor to the women. The women already understood their bodies to be the property of the man, but in a sick, twisted, slavery sense. Not in a biblical sense of honor and love. Paul is assuming the people in marriage truly love each other and God.
Are we in the same context now?
How should these verses be applied in our context now? with hyper or toxic masculinity and hyper-feminism
III. The Warning
III. The Warning
5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(EXP)(5) “Do not deprive another.” It is essential for us to truly understand this construction. The same construction is used in Romans 6:15
15 What then? Should we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? Absolutely Not!
(15) At the end of this verse, Paul says emphatically, “Absolutely not!” He is yelling, he is angry. He is Spiritually Parenting us now.
When momma or daddy sees you across the room, fooling you, you must read their eyes when they make eye contact. Tell the story of wanting to move Brian in right after getting married
(5) The “Do not” is “MA” in Greek, one word, it is an adverb. Adverbs modify or describe verbs. Let's look at the verb “deprive” or “defraud”-It means to rob or commit fraud. The same word is used in mark 10:19
19 You know the commandments: Do not murder; do not commit adultery; do not steal; do not bear false witness; do not defraud; honor your father and mother.”
This is the same word Paul uses in 1 Corinthians 7:5. Jesus uses this word when talking to the Rich Young Ruler about the commandments.
We need to look at the verb's tense. It is in the present tense, which describes not one-time finished acts but continual acts of obedience. This is a lifestyle tense. This verb is also in the imperative “mood.” The imperative mood is a command mood.
Conclusion: Paul is calling married folks to “STOP!!!!!” continually stealing from one another by withholding, rationing, or avoiding sex, which is a violation of the commandments of God equal to stealing or cheating someone out of their money.
To Defraud your husband or wife the equivalent of going down into the basement when the stewards are counting money and grabbing a couple of hundred dollars from the plate then walking out.
Are you comfortable with this analogy as it relates to sex within a marriage?
Exception Clause
Exception Clause
5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(EXP)(5) “except when you agree for a time,” we need to work on this dependent clause a little. The better translation of this clause is “except maybe, if you have to,” and then by mutual consent only for a limited time. The NLT translates 1 Corinthians 7:5
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Now let's put this together in its literal sense. “Do not defraud each other of sexual relations, except maybe if you have to by agreement and for a very limited time.”
Paul envision refraining from sex when there is something so pressing in yall life that you need to dedicate some undistracted time of prayer and even in those situation Paul’s says “make it quick!” Don’t be doing any three-month fasts!!!
Then Paul gives the reason:
5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(EXP)(5) Paul calls for an immediate reconnection; he connects this with “otherwise”
"Otherwise" can function as a conjunctive adverb, meaning "or else" or "if not," connecting two related clauses and indicating that the consequence of the first clause is different if the condition isn't met.
(5) “Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Paul tells the believers at Corinth that a lack of sexual activity will undoubtedly invite Satan into your marriage with the intent of drawing you away from one another and destroying your union, by either causing a divorce or giving a picture to your children of a relationship where two people are just tolerating each other rather than celebrating each other.
Is your marriage surviving or just thriving?
Why was sexual activity or the temptation for sexual activity so easy before marriage?
Because your flesh, the world, and Satan were all on the same page. They were unified against the Spirit.
Satan had a vested interest in your compromise before marriage. One of Satan’s most effective strategies to corrupt the gospel portraying the union of marriage is to attack couples before they say “I do” through sexual sin. So all your walls were down, you were naked and unashamed, you were unaware of red flags, you couldn’t see yellow lights or red lights.
No one could tell you that this person was not your soulmate and one with whom you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
Why is sexual activity so hard after marriage?
Satan, your flesh and the world now join hands against your union. Your flesh is selfish(the antithesis to agape love), the world is evil(all of the ideologies of the world are set against a biblical worldview), and Satan(he is still trying to hurt Jesus), we are enemies of him because we are children of God.
So what was once easy is not hard.
When you dated your man, his constant chasing and feeling for you felt good and made you feel wanted. After marriage, some of the same stuff gets on your nerves because it feels like that’s all he wants.
Men in dating, you thought things out, got flowers, courted, called, and listened to her for hours, then said, "Love you babe," after a three-hour conversation about her feelings. After marriage, you can’t last three minutes, let alone three hours, listening to her vent about her feelings.
When children come, they become the focus of the house. Momma gets jealous because Daddy treats his girls like he used to treat her. Daddy gets mad because every time they are alone and want to get frisky, one of the kids makes a peep, and Momma can’t get comfortable.
All the traumas we ignored during dating, which did not hinder us, came roaring back in marriage and stared us in the face, causing separation.
Men go to porn to relieve the discontentment with the relationship and women watch lifetime, read romance novels or begin to hang out with a lot of their single friends.
A couple sleeps in the same bed without touching; Couples sleep in separate rooms, just trying to make it to the finish line. They are just surviving, not thriving. No one at church knows they have gone 3 months, 6 months, or a year without intercourse with their husband or wife.
In the Spirit World, Satan loves these scenarios. He smiles. These things did not happen organically; they happened because one person or both decided to disobey God by defrauding each other.
When you defraud each other, you have set the necessary condition of a satanic visitation.
Spirit-Based Intimacy vs Flesh-Based Intimacy
Spirit-Based Intimacy vs Flesh-Based Intimacy
Spirit-based intimacy is rooted in agape love
Flesh-based intimacy is rooted in transaction(I do for you only as you do for me)
Spirit-based intimacy is rooted in truth
Flesh-based intimacy is rooted in feelings
Spirit-based intimacy has an eternal objective(As I love my spouse, I am loving my Savior. Honoring my spouse gives glory to God)
Flesh-based intimacy is rooted in temporal or worldly (I can quit this relationship if it does not suit my needs because I am trying to live my best life now)
Spirit-based “eros” is a healthy erotic love for one woman
Flesh-based “eros” is an unhealthy erotic attraction to many.
I made this list because most of us came into our marriage with a flesh-based understanding of relationships. After all, that’s all we knew.
Let’s God deconstruct and rebuild you to view Intimacy, Sex, Relationship from a Spiritual lens rather than a fleshly lens.
Otherwise, or Else-Satan will systematically destroy your marriage.
Challenge:
Challenge:
Saints commit to obey the Lord in this area, not because they feel like it, but because they want to be obedient to the Lord.
