The ‘S’ Word

Intro

No matter what you are doing, how tired you might be, there is something special about a well told story

It pulls you into the setting and plot as if you were walking alongside the characters themselves, as if you were part of that story as a background character watching it happen

Good stories resonate with us, make our curiosity start salivating, and our imaginations start spinning

It allows us to see the hypothetical ideas that we might be talking about lived out in a way that is shown wisdom

When we hear a good story, and particularly if it is done by a good story teller, we might forget what was said, but we don’t forget how it made us feel

Stories are not just some way for us to escape from reality, but stories are in fact the way we make sense of the reality we live in

We are not simply bone and flesh computers, we are far more complex beings as humans than any made computer could ever be

Stories help us process and understand life in such a way that allows us to process things and work through difficulties

When we go through the crappy side of life, loss, death, sorrow, separation, chronic sickness, etc, it is the stories of others going through them, and coming out of them that are best able to resonate with us, and help us make sense of our upside down world

So is it any wonder that the Bible is about 50% narrative!

There is even a fancy term that we use when discussing what we believe about the world, ‘metanarrative’, and no has nothing to do with the meta of Facebook conglomerate lol

This is the guiding story we use to make sense of all the things in our life, from big to little things

It involves pretty important questions like

Who are you?

Why do you exist?

What is wrong with the world?

Where and what is my hope in this world?

So if you are here to be successful and prove your worth and value through your company or work, you will sacrifice everything else to make that work

Or you might just say there is no meaning, enjoy the ride, YOLO!

So why does this matter?

Whatever your metanarrative is, will determine how you engage with life

How do you deal with suffering?

What drives you to chase after things?

What is success?

How do you view other people?

What do you teach your kids is important?

So when we turn to Scripture, we are in 1 Peter 3, and if you do the math, we are 99% through the Bible at this point!

Scripture is trying to tell us a story of what is wrong with the world, why it is wrong, and how God is trying to make the wrong right in the world he created

It’s why it’s important to grasp the story of Scripture so we can look at it in the whole, rather than these chapters in isolation, we have a whole Biblical narrative of context we need to be aware of!

So we need to ask ourselves, where is our starting point is

There are plenty of life experiences that shape our understanding of life, and the story we tell ourselves

When we are hurt, when we are burned by others, in those traumas, often the enemy, Satan uses them to try and isolate us and make us distrust Jesus, and anything God might call us to

It’s the same thing that’s been going on since the beginning of the garden isn’t it, the call of the enemy is to always make us question if God is good, and if God really said what God said

Thankfully, we live in a time where we have God’s word written down and we are able to read it and understand it, and then compare it to what we are struggling with

Ultimately, the center of our faith is Jesus, and before we hop into this chapter, which is loaded with the ‘s’ word, I want us to remember one key thing from the passage that Jordan talked about last week

In verses 21-23 of chapter 2, Peter reveals that our suffering is not new to Jesus, he went through it too

In fact, what Peter is saying in this entire section of ‘s’ words, is finally rounded up here in chapter 3, so they all revolve the same topic

So here is the key thing to keep in mind with whatever your brain throws at you or whatever traumas might cause you to read these verses in a different way

Jesus is not asking you or I do to anything He has not already done

Wives (v.1-6)

So with these opening words, Peter is building another people group that has to deal with submission: Wives and Husbands

Yet, the ‘s’ word has applied to all the other people going back to earlier in Chapter 2

Everyone under Nero: submit

Everyone who is a slave: submit

Everyone who is a wife: submit

Everyone in the church: submit

This is where things might get difficult for us, we start thinking of examples of people we love, friends who have gone through bad relationships,

People who have used Scripture as a weapon, what can we do?

How can we deal with this offense and difficulty with this ‘s’ word of submit?

Is the Bible simply backwards ancient text? Just patriarchal?

This is why we said earlier about, where is our starting point, are we bringing assumptions into the text and the words and phrases used?

Again, we lead with the idea that Jesus is not asking any of us to do anything he has not done

Secondly, submission is not forced, by it’s very nature submission must be a free choice of the person submitting

Too many have taken this passage to say “If wives don’t submit, husbands force the wives to submit!”, but it doesn’t say that!

In reality, submission is a sign of power, of strength, of resilience!

Perhaps another example would help us grasp the idea, without any baggage attached to the idea

Do you know what Judo is?

It’s a martial art that focuses not on your own power, but redirecting the power to your advantage

In judo, a foundational principle is:

“Maximum efficiency with minimum effort.”

Instead of meeting force with force, you redirect it. You yield, not because you are weak, but because you understand the flow of power

You don’t win by overpowering your opponent—you win by redirecting their force. You yield strategically, using their momentum to your advantage. It’s not passive—it’s wise, intentional, and strong.

To put in understanding, I don’t know of anyone who accidentally judo throws people when in self-defense or in daily life

So when someone comes at you with strength, instead of resisting head on, you step aside, use their momentum, and turn it into something constructive, and sometimes destructive to their way of life to wake them up

That’s what biblical submission is like, it is not passive surrender; it is active trust.

You are not rolling over- you are responding wisely, letting God take the weight instead of carrying it yourself

Just like in Judo, you are not trying to overpower the other person, you are choosing to the greater wisdom and strength of the One actually in control!

So with that in mind, we consider the point, of in the same way, wives submit to your husbands

Not because your husbands force you to, not because you are weak, not because you are anything like that, but showing your trust in Christ by submitting

Wives didn’t have a whole lot of choice of what to do in life, they were second class citizens, and very much were to be seen, and not heard

So the fact that Peter would be writing and calling them out by name is pretty amazing in itself!

These wives were mostly married to pagan non-believers, and with what we know of the 1 Century Roman Empire, what we consider good ethics was not very common at all

So these were probably not good men, and certainly not godly men, but Peter still calls for the act of submission

One of the main reasons is that Peter is wanting them to be effective witnesses of the gospel in their homes

You know what does not help people listen to you? Nagging

If you are married, I bet you’ve had a fight where you felt your spouse was nagging to you, or talking to you like your mom talks to you

Or think about when you were younger, or maybe recently, when your parents talked to you and treated you like you were a child that couldn’t do anything by yourself

If you are like me, that illicit a whole lot of rage and anger and ready to fight you, I will die on that hill!

Peter wants the women, who have never had a voice in society, but suddenly do in the church, to utilize their opportunity well, and don’t nag a pagan husband to death, but if you show up and show what a Christian wife is like, that will cause him pause to reconsider

It reminds us of a greater understanding of what God is doing and working through us:

Who we are, matters far more than what we do

It’s why you can glorify God as a janitor, a pastor, a CEO, a missionary, the matter is of character rather than career or station in life

This is also why Peter brings in the women of the past, in mentioning Sarah, the wife of Abraham, who was the forefather of the Jewish people!

There is a beautiful phrase here in verse 4, that the CSB actually covers up

Other translations say Let your beauty not be external, but from ‘the inner person of the heart’

That is shown by the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit which is precious in God’s sight

This is where they reference the holy women of the past like Sarah, but also we can think of others like Ruth, Esther, Hannah (Mom of Samson), Abigail (wife of David), and even Rahab (Pagan who saved the spies of Joshua by hiding them from the city)!

The idea put here is that women would get into these quibbles and showing off over how pretty they look, who has the best, newest, and shiniest fashion!

Honestly, it would be like watching an episode of “Real Housewives of Rome”, in reality not a lot has changed if we are honest!

This is why today, as it was in Peter’s days of writing, it is counter-cultural and difficult to build you character, rather than materialism

Does this mean that getting dressed up is not ok? No, it is the heart behind things

People come to church dressed in suits and dresses ``because they feel it honors God, and people come to church dressed in shorts and t’s to be closer to God

The problem becomes when the point is to show how holy, how much better you are by what you wear, which brands you buy, what watches you buy, etc

This underlying thing about looks is also not limited to women in Scripture btw, James talks about a similar issue in James 2:2

James 2:2–4 CSB

2 For if someone comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and a poor person dressed in filthy clothes also comes in, 3 if you look with favor on the one wearing the fine clothes and say, “Sit here in a good place,” and yet you say to the poor person, “Stand over there,” or “Sit here on the floor by my footstool,” 4 haven’t you made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

We as humans like to put people in tiers by what material things they have, or don’t have

We do it all the time!

Why do we buy a big house, the luxury brand of cars, the newest Iphone, etc

We don’t need any of those things, but we want them, and we like how they make us feel, and often how they make us feel perceived to others

So why would Peter put these verses for women?

It is both a comfort, and a challenge for wives in marriages that are with non-believers

It is a comfort, since they can see that God sees them, and knows the struggle

It is a comfort since they are given very applicable ways to work with their husbands

It is a challenge because it involves curbing the egos, even more so than I think many want to do

It seems that perhaps the main thing God is telling women in these types of situations is that it is a way that God makes sure that God is your refuge

It is not based in your spouses ability to make money to buy things of glittery gold that people envy and argue over

It is based on your inward character, your relationship with Jesus becomes your most important, and refining thing, and through it, that is what God uses most powerfully to show an unbelieving husband the power of the Gospel

Submission has nothing to do with being a doormat

It is strength that allows submission, it is not weakness, but the profound strength of a robust faith

Submission is courage rooted in a rugged hope, experienced through a rugged cross, of Jesus who reigns in control of all!

Husbands (v.7)

Now, let’s not leave men out of this shall we, Men are you awake?

Look it’s not just the women who have radical God given expectations

Men, we have a lot on our plate as well!

But remember, Jesus is not asking us to do anything he has not done

So women and men are defined here in their relationships

Women are called the weaker partner?

This is basically about physical strength, and particularly in Peter’s day, societal standing

If a women became a widow, she was very likely to be taken advantage of, and struggle for basic sustenance!

However, it also infers that men are equally vessels, it’s why we sang that song today, broken vessels, we are all broken vessels that God uses, regardless of men or women

But what it means is this this for men,

Pay attention, look up, if you are a man being written to, and a husband, you should be using your strength and societal position to protect and honor your wives, daughters and those you care about

If you read this as an excuse to try and subjugate women if not submitting, you need to stop, go back and talk to Jesus some more, and read your Bible more

Second Men are to treat their wives are coheirs of the grace of salvation

Paul says this explicitly in Galatians 3:28

Galatians 3:28 CSB

28 There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male and female; since you are all one in Christ Jesus.

There are no second class citizens in God’s kingdom!

If you want to treat your wife as sub-standard, again, go talk to Jesus, and read your Bible some more

Finally, Peter says you better do this men, of God himself will stop listening to your prayers!

God will not listen to our prayers and supplications if we can’t even treat our wives right!

It will turn God against us, and that is a severe promise to be heeded!

I know Peter has spent a lot of space talking to women, but Men, let’s just remind ourselves of another passage in Ephesians 5, which expands on this idea a little bit, and doesn’t make it any easier!

Ephesians 5:22–31 “22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

So the beginning is very similar, wives have a call to submit, but Husbands, we have a call to die to ourselves in our quest to love our wives as Jesus loves us!

So a few things from comparing these two writings from Paul in Ephesians and Peter here:

Submission is Christlike Trust, not inferiority

Wives are equal with the husbands

This all stems from how Jesus models this with the church and how he died for us

Husbands get ready to die

Prayers will be hindered if we don’t honor our wives

We as men must submit to Christ, in order to die to ourselves and our wives

It all stems from sacrificial, servant hearted love

I find it interesting that I found this a while ago on a devo on marriage, and find it helpful and well put

Wives, submit by yielding way - let him lead. Husbands, love by dying - lead her by sacrificing you.

And don’t underestimate that sacrifice. “Just as Christ gave himself up for the church.”Men, take a good look at Jesus. That’s your role model. Laying your life down is more than just being willing to take a bullet. This is about your whole life. Husbands, put her first. Lay down your life. All your selfish ambition, your self-centered desire and greed, let it die. You live for her first. Watch how Jesus treats His church, and do likewise. 

This is our redemption story. Jesus laid down his life - so that we could have new life. Forgiven. Redeemed. Restored. And that redemption story applies to your marriage too. In fact, it’s the model for marriage. We were all broken. Dead in our sins. But Jesus submitted to the father, and sacrificed himself. That saved us. Now it’s our turn.  

And as the husband sacrifices and the wife submits, there is restoration to God’s original design. And the two can live as one.

Marriage is not about happiness, it is about corporate holiness, and that is far more difficult than happiness, it requires deep change in our being

Scripture dismantles extremes we might have in marriage

Men are never told to make wives submit

So marriage is not patriarchy, nor dominance

It is also not the erasure of gender roles

God made men and women different to show the vastness of who God is

It is about mutual, self-emptying love that is modeling how Jesus died and loves the church

E’erbody (v.8-12)

Now, if you’ve been sleeping if you are a single person or such, now it’s time for you to wake up!

Peter comes back and got some stuff for you here, it’s for errbody!

Yes errbody, as in not just everybody, but errbody

That point Peter wants to remind us of, that submission word thing, that is for errbody, not just wives, slaves, husbands, etc, it is expected of all of God’s people

If we want to be followers of Jesus, then we have to model his example, of humbling out egos!

It means we do the things Jesus commands, submission looks like

Blessing those who do evil or insult us (1 Peter 3:9)

Turn the other cheek when we are struck (Mt. 5:39)

Love our enemies (Mt. 5: 43-44)

Pray for those who persecute us for following Jesus (Mt. 5:43-45)

It also means that we treat those in the church a certain way!

Peter’s been harping on that Holy living thing since Chapter 1, and half of Chpt 2!

We are to be

Harmonious in our thoughts,

not that we don’t disagree, but how we do it!

Sympathetic

The word breaks down in Greek to suffer with each other

The modern ideal would be along the lines of empathy, compassion, and solidarity

Love Each Other

The word used is the philidelphos, or familial love for each other!

Compassionate

This is tender-hearted towards each other

Sin is said to make us hard hearted, so this also means we are not sinning against each other, but soft-hearted to our family in Christ

Humble

This is the basis of submission, we humble ourselves to Christ, and allow him to lead us to difficult places, but trust in his definitive goodness

The funny thing is that in the pagan world at that time, humility was viewed as a vice!

Yet when Christ redeems us it becomes one of the greatest virtues a church, and a person can have

Story of Gerry at Western on Elder Board

Not seek to repay evil for evil, or insult for insult

We are to bless,

Then the last thing Peter brings in is a beautiful quote showing these things from Ps. 34:12-16.

It outlines what a godly person looks like, one who is seeking to submit where applicable, and one who is seeking to live counter-culturally!

We want God’s eyes upon us and open to our prayers don’t we!

Application

1. For Everyone (Metanarrative, Story, and Suffering):

Ask yourself: What story are you living by? Is your life driven by success, comfort, status, or by the Gospel of Jesus?

Re-center your story in God’s story. When you suffer or are confused, go back to the bigger story of Scripture: creation, fall, redemption, restoration.

Let Scripture reshape your assumptions. When Scripture challenges our cultural beliefs, ask: “Am I letting God define reality, or am I trying to make Him fit mine?”

Practice Christlike humility and submission in community. Submission isn’t just for wives—it’s for errbody. This includes how you respond when people wrong you.

Pursue peace, even when it costs something. You may feel justified to clap back or hold a grudge, but Jesus calls us to bless instead of curse.

Be a blessing in a broken world. Your response to evil reveals whose story you’re really living in—the world’s or God’s.

2. For Wives (Submission and Strength):

See submission as a strength, not weakness. Like Judo, submission is strategic—it’s rooted in trust, not passivity.

Cultivate the “inner beauty” of a gentle and quiet spirit. That doesn’t mean silence, it means a calm confidence in God that’s not swayed by chaos or insecurity.

Witness with your life, not just your words. If you’re married to a non-believer or struggling spouse, let your life preach louder than your arguments.

Build character over image. In a culture obsessed with looks and lifestyle, prioritize inner growth and godliness.

3. For Husbands (Honor and Sacrifice):

Husbands, die to yourself daily. Loving your wife means sacrificing your pride, your comfort, your preferences—just like Jesus did for the church.

Use your strength to serve, not control. Leadership in marriage is not dominance—it’s servanthood.

Honor your wife as a co-heir of grace. See her as equal in worth, value, and inheritance in Christ.

Check your prayers. If your marriage is struggling, ask: Am I honoring my wife? Am I leading in humility?

So here’s the heart of it all—the “S” word, submission, isn’t something to cringe at or avoid. It’s not weakness. It’s not oppression. In the way of Jesus, submission is a strength—a willfully chosen posture of trust, humility, and love. And it’s not just for wives. It’s for all of us.

Jesus submitted to the will of the Father. He suffered unjustly. He laid down His rights, His comfort, even His life—and through that ‘S’ word, submission, He brought us another ‘s’ word, salvation.

So whether you’re a wife, a husband, single, married, hurting, or healing—God is calling each of us to live the Gospel through the way we love and the way we yield. The way we treat one another tells a story. So let me ask: What story is your life telling?

Let’s not be afraid of the “S” word. Let’s reclaim it as something powerful. Let your strength be found in surrender, your love rooted in sacrifice, and your hope anchored in the One who submitted first—Jesus.

Let’s be a people marked by that kind of love, and that is the basis of any humble submission Christ might call us to