Pain

Build Connection

Have you ever had an accident or injury that caused a great deal of pain? I am told that having a child is the most painful event imaginable, luckily I will never have to experience that, although I had a friend who had several children who said childbearing was nothing compared to her kidney stones???

When I was in middle school or so I was playing with my friends on a snow-covered car I slopped and fell on my front tooth. It broke off exposing a nerve, that was painful…

When I was woking construction I had a finger get slammed by a concrete truck shoot.

I have twisted my ankle, cracked my skull, broke my bones, ripped open my skin, and even experienced the all powerful brain-freeze.

Create Tension

Physical pain is something that we all often endure and can be quite excruciating. But it has nothing on heart pain.

Heart pain is not what we feel from physical wounds but the pain that comes from emotional hurt.

Believe it or not the Bible is filled with stories of emotional hurt.

Sarah and Abraham being promised a child in their old age by God but having none.

Maybe they felt abandoned by God.

Naomi Losing her husband and sons was filled with sorrow.

Maybe she felt lost and without hope

David loosing his first child with Bathsheba.

Maybe he felt helpless in his situation and questioned God why.

Job loosing eveything…he probably felt all kinds of emotions.

Jacob being tricked into marrying Leah when his heart longed for Rachel.

Maybe he felt betrayed by his relative.

or Leah feeling unloved after her husband married her sister.

Maybe she felt worthless and unloved by her husband

Joseph being betrayed by his brothers in the OT

Maybe he felt deceived by God

or Joseph’s brothers feeling unloved by their father compared to Joseph.

Joseph in the NT feeling betrayed by his wife Mary .

Maybe he felt deceived by his soon to be wife

The Bible is full of stories about emotional pain and hurt and in may cases these hurts left lasting scars, emotional scars.

Emotional scars are a lot harder to see than physical ones and can affect us much more deeply.

A physical hurt can paralyze you and keep you from walking but a emotional scar like physical abuse can keep you from leaving your home.

A physical hurt can blind you but an emotional scar like sexual abuse can keep you from truly experiencing love, and intimacy correctly.

A physical hurt can remove your ability to hear, but an emotional scar like verbal abuse can keep you from knowing the truth about yourself.

A physical hurt can leave you without any arms, but an emotional scar like authoritative abuse can leave you unable to think independently.

A physical hurt can leave you without speech, but an emotional scar like isolation can keep you from experiencing meaningful friendships.

If we are living with an emotional hurt, is there anything we can do or are we doomed to live life this way?

Provide Solution

John 11:1–44 NLT

1 A man named Lazarus was sick. He lived in Bethany with his sisters, Mary and Martha. 2 This is the Mary who later poured the expensive perfume on the Lord’s feet and wiped them with her hair. Her brother, Lazarus, was sick. 3 So the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, “Lord, your dear friend is very sick.” 4 But when Jesus heard about it he said, “Lazarus’s sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this.” 5 So although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, 6 he stayed where he was for the next two days. 7 Finally, he said to his disciples, “Let’s go back to Judea.” 8 But his disciples objected. “Rabbi,” they said, “only a few days ago the people in Judea were trying to stone you. Are you going there again?” 9 Jesus replied, “There are twelve hours of daylight every day. During the day people can walk safely. They can see because they have the light of this world. 10 But at night there is danger of stumbling because they have no light.” 11 Then he said, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but now I will go and wake him up.” 12 The disciples said, “Lord, if he is sleeping, he will soon get better!” 13 They thought Jesus meant Lazarus was simply sleeping, but Jesus meant Lazarus had died. 14 So he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead. 15 And for your sakes, I’m glad I wasn’t there, for now you will really believe. Come, let’s go see him.” 16 Thomas, nicknamed the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let’s go, too—and die with Jesus.” 17 When Jesus arrived at Bethany, he was told that Lazarus had already been in his grave for four days. 18 Bethany was only a few miles down the road from Jerusalem, 19 and many of the people had come to console Martha and Mary in their loss. 20 When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary stayed in the house. 21 Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask.” 23 Jesus told her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 “Yes,” Martha said, “he will rise when everyone else rises, at the last day.” 25 Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. 26 Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. Do you believe this, Martha?” 27 “Yes, Lord,” she told him. “I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who has come into the world from God.” 28 Then she returned to Mary. She called Mary aside from the mourners and told her, “The Teacher is here and wants to see you.” 29 So Mary immediately went to him. 30 Jesus had stayed outside the village, at the place where Martha met him. 31 When the people who were at the house consoling Mary saw her leave so hastily, they assumed she was going to Lazarus’s grave to weep. So they followed her there. 32 When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. 34 “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” 35 Then Jesus wept. 36 The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” 37 But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?” 38 Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance. 39 “Roll the stone aside,” Jesus told them. But Martha, the dead man’s sister, protested, “Lord, he has been dead for four days. The smell will be terrible.” 40 Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?” 41 So they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, thank you for hearing me. 42 You always hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.” 43 Then Jesus shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 And the dead man came out, his hands and feet bound in graveclothes, his face wrapped in a head cloth. Jesus told them, “Unwrap him and let him go!”

In this story we read of several different types of emotions.

Vs 3 - we see concern, the sisters of Lazarus we concerned for his wellbeing.

Vs 4 - we see confidence that Lazarus’ situation will not end in death.

Vs 8 - we see the disciples showing fear

Vs 12 - we see confusion from the disciples

Vs 16 - we see hopelessness from Thomas

Vs 24 - we see hope in the future for a future resurrection

Vs 32 - we see sadness in Mary because Jesus didn’t heal him

Vs 35 - we see great sorrow from Jesus

Vs 37 - we see doubt by those around saying Jesus couldn’t heal him.

While all of these emotions are present, I want to look at a few specific that will help illustrate some of the emotional hurt we feel and how we can deal with them.

It is important to understand that every negative thing we face, everything that happens to us we view as negative is an emotional hurt and leaves an emotional scar.

Some of those emotional hurts are minor and like minor physical hurts leaves a minor scar that eventually disappears and we forget all about them.

Have you ever had a physical scar that you don’t remember getting…usually those scars are gone in a few days and they are wiped from your memory. This happens not only with physical hurts but also with emotional ones, they affect us temporarily but are soon gone from our memory.

Some emotional hurts from others and are accidental…

I have a scar on my eyebrow from an elbow to the head while playing basketball.

I also remember a time when a friend chose not to invite me to a party he was having, I was hurt, emotionally. He thought I didn’t want to come because of what they were doing so he didn’t invite me. He didn’t mean to hurt me, it was accidental, a misunderstanding. We talked about it, worked it out and it made our relationship stronger.

Emotional hurt/scars that last a long time are one’s that keep getting ripped open.

When the people who hurt us emotionally are no longer in our lives we can still feel the pain they left.

This isn’t because they reopen the wound, we do!

First there is Lazarus.

While there is no mention of Lazarus and how he feels, lets put ourselves in his situation.

You have a friend who you know has a cure for your sickness. Word has been sent to your friend but he never comes.

How would you feel, unloved, disappointed, angry, sad, betrayed?

In vs 4 Jesus says “Lazarus’s sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this.”

What Jesus says concerning Lazarus is amazing His sickness will not end in death…But that wasn’t because he wasn’t going to die!

We all want to have that amazing story of how God miraculously supplied your need, We want the Son of God to receive glory through a miracle in our lives, but we want it without being in need!!!

Needless to say, it would not be a stretch to assume Lazarus had some pretty strong feelings because of his situation and Jesus’ seemingly lack of intervention!

Then we see Mary and Martha.

The first thing we hear Martha say to Jesus is, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Those are the exact words we see Mary say to Jesus when she first see Jesus.

We also have Jesus.

We read several emotions Jesus faced.

vs 33 - a deep anger welled up within him,

What was he so angry about? There are three possibilities: (1) anger that they were forcing him to perform a miracle, similar to 2:4 in Cana; (2) anger at their lack of faith as seen in their excessive mourning; (3) anger at the power of sin and death in this world. The first is very unlikely because Jesus intended to perform a miracle from the start. Certainly the context makes the second viable since they have been weeping and pouring out their grief. But the repetition of this verb in verse 38 when he arrives at the tomb makes the third far more likely. Jesus is overcome by the horror of the human dilemma under sin and death, and as a result he is filled with anger. The specter of death hanging over all humanity unsettles him. This is critical for us as well. Christ and Christ alone has overcome death, and we must direct our lives by that fact.

b. he was deeply troubled.

The evangelist will use the second term, “deeply troubled,” later to depict Jesus’ state of mind when he faces his passion (12:27; 13:21).

To cause one inward commotion, take away his calmness of mind

To render anxious or distressed

To disquiet or make restless

c. vs 35, He wept

Was Jesus

Greatest Joy comes from the mist of Greatest Sorrows.

I have walked through life with couples who wanted to get pregnant but were unable to for a long time, years.

4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

Encourage Change

So knowing we all have emotional pain, what do we do know?

1. Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions:

Don't Suppress:Allow yourself to feel your emotions, whether it's sadness, anger, fear, or grief.Suppressing emotions can lead to further pain and hinder healing. 

Identify the Source:Try to understand the root of your pain. Is it a specific event, relationship, or lingering trauma? 

Journaling:Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a helpful way to process your emotions. 

Prayer:Pray to God, sharing your pain and seeking his guidance and comfort. 

2. Seek God's Comfort and Strength:

Read Scripture: Find comfort and encouragement in Bible passages that speak to your situation, such as Psalms 23, 34:18, or Isaiah 41. 

2 Corinthians 1:3–4 “3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.

God is the God of ALL COMFORT!

Remember God's Character: Meditate on God's love, mercy, and faithfulness, which can help you trust him even in difficult times. 

Prayer: Pray for strength, wisdom, and healing. 

Worship: Engage in worship, which can help you connect with God and find peace. 

3. Practice Forgiveness:

Forgive Yourself:Don't dwell on past mistakes or perceived failures. God has forgiven you, and you need to forgive yourself as well. 

Forgive Others:Forgiveness is a key to healing and moving forward. It's not about condoning their actions, but about releasing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment. 

Seek Reconciliation:If possible, try to reconcile with those who have hurt you, but only if it's safe and healthy for you. 

4. Seek Support:

Trusted Friends: Share your feelings with people you trust and who can offer a listening ear and support. 

Christian Counselor: If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, consider seeking the help of a Christian counselor who can provide guidance and support. 

Support Groups: Connect with others who are going through similar experiences. 

5. Practice Self-Care:

Take Breaks: Give yourself time to rest and recharge. 

Engage in Healthy Activities: Exercise, spend time in nature, or pursue hobbies that bring you joy. 

Nourish Your Body: Eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep. 

Mindfulness and Grounding Exercises: These can help you stay present and manage your emotions.