HOW TO DEVELOP SELF-CONTROL

HOW TO DEVELOP SELF-CONTROL

Self-control means restraint, temperance. In this lesson, we will review five things that every Christian must do in order to develop this virtue.

Galatians 5:22-23

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul lists the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Among these virtues, he mentions self-control. I would say that self-control is a most necessary gift if one is to live a Christian life successfully. If you want to be successful as a Christian, bear fruit, and feel that you are living that life well, you need to cultivate the virtue of self-control.

The divorce courts, hospitals, Rehab and jails are filled with people who failed at one thing in their life—controlling themselves. They never learned how to control their whole body, not just one part.

# Self-control Won’t happen by itself

Now, the problem we have with self-control is that if we just wait around for it to happen, it won’t. Babies are not born with self-control. Anyone who has had a baby knows this. Self-control, like other virtues mentioned in this verse, must be developed and cultivated in our character with the help and strength of the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 5:16 says, “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

HOW TO DEVELOP SELF-CONTROL

I’d like to review with you five things that each Christian must do in order to cultivate this important virtue.

#1 - Know God's Word

2 Timothy 3:15–17 "And that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

#Will Alignment

Knowing God's Word is the very first step. Imagine that God’s will is a straight line. Your will should align with His, just like properly aligned wheels on a car. If your car’s wheels are misaligned, the ride becomes bumpy. In the same way, when God's will and your will are misaligned, your life becomes chaotic and lacks self-control.

The first step in gaining control over oneself is to know God’s will. And the only way to know His will is to know His Word.

The knowledge of God's Word reveals the direction in which God wants us to go.

People often ask, “I wish I knew God’s will. Can you tell me what it is?”

They sit, wonder, and wish they could read God's mind. But the last place they look is the Bible. When I ask them,

“When was the last time you read the Word?” they often reply, “I don’t have a lot of time.”

Well, no wonder they don’t know His will! You have to know His Word to know His will. When our will is lined up with God’s direction, the body will follow. When we are sure of the right path because we know it from God’s Word, we gain the strength to follow it.

It’s amazing when you can say to yourself, "I better not do that. It’s wrong, and I know it’s wrong because of this chapter and verse." The only way to know God's will is to know His Word, and the only way to know His Word is to read, study, and hear it often.

#2 - Be Aware of the Danger of Lacking Self-Control

Matthew 5:29-30"If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

If anyone doubts that the Bible teaches about the reality of Hell, they should realize that Jesus is the one who talks about it the most.

To develop self-control, we must be aware of the danger of lacking it.

the “pinky death hold.” When he had me pinned, I found his pinky, bent it slightly, and suddenly, I had control over him! I declared victory before he could overpower me.

Satan works the same way. He tries to control one small part of our lives. If he succeeds, he manipulates the rest.

For example, if you secretly struggle with alcohol abuse, Satan takes advantage of that weakness. Because of it, you start lying, your job suffers, and your health declines.

He uses one area to gain control over many others.

If God doesn’t control you, Satan will. Many people abandon the church because of one thing they couldn’t control. Eventually, that one thing takes over their spiritual lives and destroys them.

Jesus said, "It is better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." We must recognize the danger of lacking self-control. If Satan gets a foothold in one area of your life, he will try to control everything else. We must remain vigilant and resist him with the power of God’s Word.

#3 - Be Prepared to Suffer

Jesus says in Matthew 16:24 to His disciples, what should they do if they want to be His disciples? Well, He says, "They have to deny themselves and pick up their crosses and follow Him."

1 Corinthians 10:13 “Temptation has not come upon you except what is common to humanity. But God is faithful, who will not permit you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but will also make a way out together with the temptation, so that you may be able to endure it.”

In other words, there's nothing new. Whatever you're tempted by—whether it's greed, sex, lust, or any other vice—it's nothing new. Human beings have been tempted by these things forever.

Sometimes you can escape it, but sometimes you just have to endure it. Notice he mentions both here: sometimes there's a way to escape, but sometimes the only reaction is to endure.

Most people who fail at gaining self-control fail because they think this should come without cost. They believe it shouldn't cost them anything. When we realize that our bodies and fleshly minds will react violently when our will begins to exercise Godly control, it makes the effort just a little bit easier to handle. Peter refers to this in 1 Peter 4:1:

"...because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin."

I Peter 4:1b

So he's saying, "I can tell that you are making an effort at self-control, at ceasing from sin because I see the suffering that's taking place in your life." You say to the devil, "I'm not going to do what you say. I say no. I say be gone." And the devil says, "Oh yeah? I've got news for you, buddy. I'm gonna make your life miserable." And you say to your flesh, "No, no, no. I'm in charge of my flesh. My will is in charge of my flesh, and you're going to do what I say." And your flesh answers, "Oh yeah? Over my dead body." Because that's the way it is.

Do you understand what I'm talking about? Deliverance—that's what Christianity offers people. It offers deliverance, not just sobriety. But if you want to get to the deliverance part, you have to be prepared to suffer. If you're willing to go through the suffering, you will experience the joy and peace that come when your life is perfectly aligned with God's will.

#4 - Pattern Your Life After Winners, Not Losers

In other words, if you want to fly like an eagle, don't hang around with the chickens. Imitate people who are worthy of imitation, who have a proven record of success in "spiritual living."

"You also became imitators of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you, not only in Macedonia and Achaia but also in every place your faith toward God has gone forth, so that we have no need to say anything."

I Thessalonians 1:6-8

#Thessalonica copied Paul’s Example

Paul and his workers set an excellent example for the new converts in Thessalonica. They copied his example and became models for other churches throughout the region. That was on a big scale—copying the Apostles and churches.

Now let me ask you this: What kind of Christian do you think your children will be?

Well, they are going to be the kind of Christian that you are. That's the model they have. Parents, don't think that your children will be more faithful, devoted, and hardworking in their faith than you are. They are learning from the spiritual DNA you are stitching into them—the DNA of their Christian experience.

The Thessalonian believers were once pagans, but their transformation was due to the fact that they modeled their behavior on what they wanted to become, not what they once were. The same principle holds true today. We need to have fellowship with and pattern ourselves after people who have succeeded where we have failed.

To gain self-control, we must imitate those who have themselves gained control in the areas where we are struggling.

So, if you want to fly like an eagle, you better hang around with the eagles and learn how they fly.

#5 - Pray

And then finally, in order to cultivate self-control, you need to pray. In Luke 22:39-43, Luke writes the following:

And He came out and proceeded as was His custom to the Mount of Olives; and the disciples also followed Him. When He arrived at the place, He said to them, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation." And He withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and began to pray, saying, "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him. (Luke 22:39-43)

#Jesus was Perfect yet his mortal Body needed help

So, here's Jesus—who is perfect and without sin. He knows God's will completely and yet was tempted. His response to these times of testing was to pray and ask for strength to do what God wanted Him to do. He was God, but He still had to contend with a weak flesh. His spirit was willing, but His body needed help.

#Most people want to avoid sin but body betrays

It's the same for us. I dare say that everyone here, in their heart of hearts, does not actually want to sin. No one is thinking, "I can't wait to leave this building so I can go steal, cheat, lie, be sexually impure, or abuse someone." Most people want to avoid sin, but sometimes circumstances and our ignorance cause us to fall into temptation. The Spirit inside is willing to do what's right—it’s the flesh that double-crosses us.

Now, notice something about Jesus’ situation. He knew God's will perfectly. He had done God's will perfectly. Yet, He still prayed for the strength to continue doing so. This wasn’t the first time He prayed; keeping His human body under control required effort—just like it does for us.

Do we ever pray like that? We recite the Lord’s Prayer: "Lead us not into temptation..." But do we truly mean it? How often do we cry out to God, saying, "Lord, I am so weak. I'm fragile. I'm nothing. Please, can I have a day where sin is at a minimum? Can You help me do what’s right today?" Is that the nature of our prayer? Or is it just, "God, give me more, more, more"? Instead of giving in and making excuses for our weaknesses, we should pray and ask for strength to overcome them. And if we ask, God will provide it.

How Self-Control is a Gift

A good question that might come up after a lesson like this is: "If I have to do all these things, how is self-control a gift? Where’s the gift here? It sounds like a lot of work!" Well, self-control is a gift from the Holy Spirit because He provides all the elements to make it happen in our lives.

1. The Holy Spirit Provides the Word of God

We need to know God’s Word so our will aligns with His. But who do you think gives us the Word of God? The Holy Spirit:

But know this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation, for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God. (2 Peter 1:20-21)

The Holy Spirit provides God's Word, which reveals God's will. Without His Word, no one would know what is right or how to act.

2. The Holy Spirit Warns Your Conscience

That little voice that says, "I don't think you ought to be doing this"—where does it come from? Sometimes, it’s just a feeling, like wind resistance against a wrong decision. Who do you think is doing that? The devil? No! It’s the Holy Spirit:

For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. (Galatians 5:17)

We want to do what is right, to obey God, and to be holy—but our flesh, the world, and Satan push against us. Who pushes back? The Holy Spirit! He is the source of those warning bells that signal danger when we are out of control.

3. The Holy Spirit Strengthens You for the Fight

Overcoming sin is a battle. It’s not easy—we get beat up. But who gives us the strength to keep going?

If by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. (Romans 8:13b)

Not by self-will, but by the Spirit. Overcoming fleshly desires is hard, but we are not alone. The Holy Spirit works with our spirit to bring our bodies in line with God's will.

4. The Holy Spirit Leads Our Leaders

We have leaders in the church—examples to follow. But who leads them?

Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood. (Acts 20:28)

The qualities we admire in godly leaders were created in them by the Holy Spirit.

5. The Holy Spirit Brings Our Prayers Before God

Sometimes, we don’t even know what to say in prayer. We wonder, "God, are You hearing me?" But Paul reassures us:

In the same way, the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. (Romans 8:26)

The Holy Spirit helps us pray correctly before God. So, when we pray for self-control, we can have confidence because our prayers are brought before God by the Spirit Himself.

Conclusion

Self-control is a gift from the Holy Spirit because He provides all the essential resources to make it possible—and He provides them freely and abundantly. This is why it's a gift.

If our lives are out of sync with God's will, it’s usually due to ignorance of His Word, the love of sin, disbelief, or lack of prayer. We may spend a lot of time rationalizing or making excuses, but the real reason lies in one of these things.

Self-control is cultivated. As I’ve mentioned tonight, we develop it by:

Knowing God’s Word,

Being aware of the dangers and consequences of lacking self-control,

Being ready to fight and suffer to gain control,

Following godly leaders instead of worldly influencers, and

Praying constantly for God's help.

Some of you have already begun exercising more self-control just by believing and applying what I’ve taught tonight. You’ve already started asking God for help in the battle for self-control.

If you need to align yourself with Christ, confess Him, repent of your sins, and be baptized. If you need realignment in other areas of your life, seek the prayers of the elders, counseling, or whatever ministry can help you. I encourage you to make that need known as we stand and sing our song of encouragement.