When It Doesn’t Feel Like Love | John 11:1-16

Opening Remarks

John 11 this morning

Spent a few weeks in John 10 with Jesus teaching about how He is the Good Shepherd and the religious leaders were not.

A Good Shepherd keeps the sheep. He protects them. He lays His life down for them in the face of enemies. He lays across the door of the sheepfold to keep those out that desire to hurt the flock.

Jesus does all of those things for us, if we are His sheep. We are eternally secure in the hands of God the Father and Jesus Christ.

Unfortunately, these claims were not accepted by the Jews, who wanted to stone Jesus because He stated them.

So the end of chapter 10 tells us that Jesus and His disciples had left Jerusalem for the last time until His crucifixion a few months later. The end of John 10 tells us that many believed in these last few months, but His public ministry is coming to an end.

So we come to John 11 and one of the most famous stories in all the Gospels. This is the account of Jesus raising a man named Lazarus from the dead. I thought about trying to get through the entire account this morning because it really is just one story, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it in less than 3 hours, so you’re welcome.

Although the account would be best told in one sitting, we’re going to break it up. But I need an agreement. In exchange for my consideration of your time today, you have to commit to come back next week for the rest of it. Deal?!

READ 11:1-16

They say that hindsight is 20/20. We can look back and see things with much greater clarity than living in the moment. This account reminds me of that. We look at this account and get excited at what Jesus is doing, but what if you were part of it? What if you were Mary or Martha and your brother had died? What if you were one of the disciples trying to figure out why Jesus is doing what He does?

We like this story because of what Jesus does, but in the middle of it, these folks, whom Jesus explicitly says He loves, were probably thinking, “This doesn’t feel like love.”

TITLE When It Doesn’t Feel Like Love

PRAY

INTRODUCTION

Have you ever noticed how certain people have very different love languages?

Just take how certain families interact:

Some are very gentle and affirming

Some are direct and confrontational

For others, sarcasm is their love language

That may be somewhat true in our family

I remember when my girls were little they came in to a room at the church where I was serving and I looked at them and said, “Hey uglies!” It was a term of endearment for me, but the person that heard it was offended. They just couldn’t believe I would call them ugly. But my kids understood. And, for the most part, they’ve turned out to be normal, adjusted children. Most of them.

But my saying that to them didn’t impact how much I loved them. In fact, I could say it because they knew I loved them.

I believe this is true of our relationship with God as well.

There are times that things happen in our lives that might cause us to question God’s love, but just because it doesn’t feel like love doesn’t mean He no longer loves us.

I. Jesus Loves His Sheep

Remember John 10 was about the Good Shepherd laying down His life for the sheep.

Without question the Shepherd loves the sheep. Jesus loves believers.

Specifically in this text, there is no question that Jesus loved Mary, Martha and Lazarus.

They were believers. Part of the fold.

But Jesus had a close relationship with these particular siblings.

Luke 10:38 tells us that Jesus stayed in their home when traveling through Bethany.

They knew Jesus well enough to send a message to Him saying, “Lord, Lazarus our brother who you love, is sick.”

Mary was the woman who at one point had anointed Jesus’ feet with valuable perfume and washed His feet with her hair in an act of great humility. That’s how verse 2 identifies her.

Jesus and this family are tight. He loves them. They love Him.

But let’s not pretend that they were the only ones He loved.

It’s not as if He loved them instead of loving others. The love of God is not limited to only select families.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

1 John 4:9–10 “In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

When you read verses like those, you recognize that God’s love is not limited in scope. He has proven His love by sending His Son to die for the sins of the whole world.

He loved the world through the cross. And He loves believers through a relationship made possible by the cross.

“Jesus loves us, this we know, for the Bible tells us so.” Praise the Lord.

And because His love is not only limited to a few like Mary, Martha and Lazarus, then we can be confident that the truths of this story apply to us as well.

God loves you and He proved it when He sent Jesus to the cross.

If you’re a believer He loves you as part of the sheepfold. And we can assume that God, who is love but is also immutable in that He changes not, will deal with us the same way that He dealt with these three, whom He loved dearly.

So that gives us confidence and comfort. God loves us.

But understand something - if He loves us like He loved them, then there are some realities about His love that apply to us too.

II. It May Not Always Feel Like Love

Consider Christ’s words and actions in this text. Not everything He does would have been perceived as love.

Vs. 1-2 - First, Jesus allowed someone He loved to get seriously ill.

Notice that I didn’t say He caused it. But He allowed it.

Which means that those who Jesus loves will sometimes face undesirable difficulties.

Doesn’t mean He doesn’t love. It just means His love doesn’t always prevent what we think it should prevent.

Vs. 3-4 - Second, Jesus is more interested in His Father’s glory than He is fixing our difficulties.

It doesn’t say He stopped loving Lazarus. It says, “The glory of my Father is priority #1.”

He also says, “This sickness is not unto death.” Now, we know that in this story, Lazarus does die, but Jesus is saying “That’s just not the end of the story.”

Which further proves that sometimes it takes heart-breaking difficulties to most clearly point to God’s glory. His character and quality are often most clearly revealed during difficulties.

So there will be times that we have to go through something in order for God to receive the glory He deserves.

But notice, again, that it never says that Jesus stopped loving them.

In fact, it’s the next verse, Vs. 5, that explicitly states that He does.

Look at something else that Jesus does in this story. Vs. 6

Third, Jesus waited for two days. Which means this, there may be times that Jesus waits, not because He doesn’t love, but because there is something greater for us to learn.

Jesus was in a place called Perea, which was about a 25 mile journey to Bethany where Lazarus was. Most people say it was an 8-12 hour walk.

There’s a strong possibility that Lazarus had already passed away by the time the messengers got to Jesus and told Him about Lazarus (not that He didn’t already know, of course). In fact, down in vs. 39, Martha says he had been dead for four days, which means that He at least passed away on the day that the message got to Jesus.

But rather than leaving immediately, Jesus waits for two more days. After two days He says, “Let us go into Judaea again.” But at that point, the chances of Lazarus surviving aren’t great. He was sick enough that his sisters sent a message directly to Jesus.

So even if Jesus had left immediately, there was a strong chance that Lazarus would have died before He got to Bethany.

But Jesus waits. And notice, again, it doesn’t say Jesus stopped loving Lazarus. It just says He waited.

Sometimes love involves delays that we don’t understand at the time.

So after two days, when the Father gave Jesus the green light to go, He says in vs. 7, “Let us go into Judaea again.”

Judaea is where Bethany was. So Jesus waits for the right time to go deal with this situation.

But then the disciples have an issue with the plan.

Vs. 8, “Master, the Jews of late sought to stone thee; and goest thou thither again?”

They were concerned about Jesus’ safety. Bethany was only about 2 miles from Jerusalem where the religious leaders were, so they say, “Are you sure that’s a good idea. That’s like walking right into the teeth of the enemy.”

But Jesus’ answer reminds them and us that He is operating on a different level than everyone else.

Vs. 9 - Twelve hours represents the amount of sunlight in a day.

Jesus is saying, “My time in the light is not yet up. I’m going to keep walking while there’s light. I’m going to do all I can while I have time.”

He’s not worried about His enemies. That’s in His Father’s hands. He’s going to do what He can do and let the Father take care of the rest.

And this summarizes the difference between Jesus and everyone else in this story.

Jesus was looking at this situation through God’s eyes.

And don’t forget how the chapter was framed from the beginning: God loves Lazarus and his sisters.

III. It is when we understand the nature of God’s love that we have perspective on suffering.

The people were focused on the circumstances:

“Jesus allowed Lazarus to get sick”

“Jesus waited when He could have gone to heal Lazarus, or even just spoken a word”

Later, “If Jesus had been here Lazarus wouldn’t have died.”

The temptation would have been to say, “I see what Jesus is doing and it doesn’t feel like love.”

But Jesus’ love is how the chapter was framed. I believe John wrote it that way because, in the moment, it didn’t feel like love.

Vs. 11 - Jesus calls what Lazarus is doing “sleep.”

His disciples think, “Good for him. He needs his rest. Wish I could get some…”

But then He throws a curveball in vs. 14 and says plainly, “Lazarus is dead.”

Then He throws an even bigger curveball in vs. 15 and says, “And I am glad.”

So basically, He just admitted to His disciples that He allowed Lazarus to get sick and pass away for three reasons:

For God’s glory

That I may awake him out of sleep

To the intent that ye may believe

That is not our idea of love.

That’s like being from a family that speaks a different love language.

Some say “I love you” all the time. Some only say it on special occasions. Some never say it. Some say it with sarcasm. Some are overly affirming.

Everyone says it differently, but just because we don’t understand the love language doesn’t mean it’s not love.

We might think that Gods’ love is protection from harm. Keeping us out of trouble. Clearing the way for things to be easy.

But according to this text, God’s idea of love is not doing what is easiest for us. His idea of love is doing what is best.

It may not be what we prefer.

It may not be in our timeframe.

It may not seem fair.

And it may not fit our idea of love

But we must replace what we feel about God’s love with what we know about God’s love.

What do we know?

1. Vs. 4 - That everything God allows is for His glory.

If nothing difficult ever happened, God’s power and knowledge wouldn’t have opportunities to be displayed.

2. Vs. 15 - That everything God allows is for our best.

Jesus wanted the disciples to endure this trial because He was about to be crucified and things were about to get really hard. They needed to endure some things to be ready for what was coming.

So God always considers His glory and our best when choosing what to allow in our lives.

Which means His love won’t always look like what we want. But we can always trust it.

And if we can embrace this truth, we will go from “I don’t understand. I thought He loved me” to “I don’t understand. But I know He loves me.”

Because God’s love doesn’t always mean what’s easiest. But it does always mean what’s best.

So what do we do in the meantime?

Because it may be a while before we get clarity on tough situations. There may be a major delay. Or it may not end up like we wanted. We may not ever get an answer until we get to Heaven.

So the first thing to do is remember the truths from the text:

1. Jesus loves His sheep

2. It may not always feel like love

3. But we can always trust that His love seeks what is best.

But there’s one more thing to do.

Remember, they had to walk 8-12 hours with Jesus to get to Bethany where He would do the miracle and they would finally see what He was trying to do.

That’s a long time to walk.

That’s a lot of steps. Steps where you’re thinking about what’s happening.

Lots of time for reflection as they walked.

Honestly, lots of time to for doubt.

And they would eventually get their answers, but what if they had quit walking before they got to Bethany?

They would have missed what Jesus was trying to do.

They would have missed God’s glory. And they would have missed an opportunity for their faith to be built.

IV. If you want to fully realize the effects of God’s love in suffering, you have to keep walking

The disciples had to walk to Bethany to see what Jesus intended to do.

Bethany was where Lazarus was buried.

Lazarus was where Jesus would raise him from the dead.

Bethany was where God’s glory would be revealed and their faith would be strengthened.

But too many people quit on the way to Bethany and they miss it.

Because it doesn’t feel like love.

And they give up before Bethany.

Or they listen to voices like Thomas who said, “Let us also go that we may die with him.”

When you can’t see how God will be glorified or how it’s for your best, the only option you have is this, JUST KEEP WALKING.

Just Keep Walking

Walk with God closely when you need Him the most.

Surround yourself with people who will point you to His goodness.

Get into God’s Word more than ever so you be daily reminded of His love.

Don’t listen to the voices that are trying to discourage you.

Spend more time thanking God for His blessings than you do bemoaning your circumstances.

Don’t focus on the delays. Focus on the fact that His glory and your best are at stake.

Just trust the process. Stay on the path of faith. And keep walking.

God loves His sheep and wants what’s best for them. But if you give up before Bethany, you’re going to miss it.

CONCLUSION:

Are you in the middle of suffering?

1. First, you don’t know Christ as your Savior, you haven’t truly experienced the love of God yet.

You are a sinner, but Jesus died on the cross for your sins.

It is your choice to place your faith in Him alone to forgive you and save you.

You can’t possibly have perspective on suffering if you’ve never met Christ and experienced His love.

2. Second, for the believers in the room who are questioning God’s love:

The best remedy is to simply look at the cross.

The cross glorified God and revealed His best for your life.

It may not feel like love in this moment, but we can’t deny the love of God through Christ on the cross.

So no matter how it feels, the cross reminds us, “You are loved.”

So just keep walking.

The big reveal came in Bethany. The ones that stuck it out got to see it.

Don’t quit before God’s love is fully realized.

1. Jesus loves His sheep

2. It may not always feel like love

3. But we can always trust that His love seeks what is best.

4. So just keep walking.