Dating

What do you think is the number one question most Christians ask?

“What is God’s will for my life?”

What do we mean by God’s Will?

Can we know God’s will?

What are we asking when we ask this question of ourselves?

We are usually asking for God’s will with a particular decision.

How are we to know if we are making a good decision or a bad one?

How does the nature of God play into these decision?

God Sovereign Will Providence.

When it comes to making decisions (big or small) in our lives. What does God require of us?

The two senses of God’s Will.

The principle of Obedience-Where God commands, we must obey. Obedience reflect God's stated purposes for his life. Here are a few of the major ones:

 to glorify God in all things (1 Corinthians 10:31);

 to minister to others (Romans 14:19);

 to fulfill God-given responsibilities (1 Peter 4: 10-11);

 to evangelize lost people (Matthew 28:19-20; 2 Peter 3:9);

 to do good works (Titus 3:8);

 to produce spiritual fruit (Colossians 1: 10).

The principal of Freedom-Where there is no command, God gives us freedom (and responsibility) to choose.

This principle asserts three things: 1) There are some decisions which have multiple options, any number of which may be acceptable to God; 2) the final decision made must not be in violation of God's moral will (in purpose, attitude, or execution); and 3) God will not dictate to the believer what he must do-the individual is free to make the decision.

Now think about this in context of dating?

What are some things that we are looking for when we are dating?

Where does God expect us to obey in Dating?

Put God First

Have you ever known a Christian couple that has been happily married for many years? What’s their secret? How have they built such a strong, lasting, joyful relationship?

You can be sure that both individuals put God first. This is the key to good relationships. When God is at the center, everything else falls into its proper place.

Deuteronomy 6:5 says,

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

When both people in a relationship seek to love God with all their being, it strengthens their relationship with each other. In our solar system, the sun is at the middle and the gravitational pull of the sun keeps all the planets in the proper orbit. Without the sun at the center, the planets would go hurtling off into space and our solar system would cease to exist.

God is like the sun. When He is at the center, the other elements of our lives function properly. When He’s not at the center, things begin to fall apart.

Date Christians

Putting God first implies only dating Christians. If a person is not a Christian, then God is not a priority in their life. They don’t have a relationship with God and aren’t seeking to follow Him or please Him.

When two Christians are joined together and are both moving toward God, each one is strengthened.

2 Corinthians 6:14 says,

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

In Biblical times, a farmer would yoke two oxen together, side by side, to have them pull a plow. If the oxen didn’t both pull in the same direction, the plow wouldn’t go in a straight line and the field would be a mess.

If you are “yoked” to an unbeliever in a relationship, you both will be pulling in different directions. You will be pulling toward God and they will be pulling in a completely different direction. You will find yourself in constant disagreement with them. You’ll be tempted to compromise your convictions to make them happy. As a result, your spiritual life will suffer and stagnate.

Commit to only dating other Christians. Don’t buy into the idea that you can date an unbeliever and cause them to change. This almost never happens. Resolve that you will only date those who are following the Lord.

Pursue Holiness

Pursuing holiness simply means seeking to obey God’s commands. When we pursue holiness, we seek to put off sin and put on obedience. We don’t do this to earn God’s love or favor in any way.

Rather, we do it out of love for God and gratefulness to Him. Through the gospel, He has saved us from our sins and brought us into His family. In response, we live holy lives.

In Ephesians 4:1 we read,

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called…”

One of the obvious ways to pursue holiness in your dating relationships is to strive for purity. When you’re dating someone, you feel all sorts of intense emotions and feelings. These feelings aren’t necessarily wrong in themselves, but they certainly make it easier to engage in inappropriate sexual activity.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 says,

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.”

Sex is a wonderful gift from God to those who are married. Sexual activity outside of marriage is sin.

Seek to avoid putting yourself in situations where you will be tempted to engage in sexual activity. This looks different for each person. You know the specific situations where you find yourself tempted. Ask God for the power to fight the temptation and strive to stay away from tempting situations.

Where does God give us Freedom in Dating?

Remember how do we define freedom?

Freedom isn’t the ability to do what we want whenever and with whoever we want. But rather living according to God’s design and His Word.

We have freedom of choice.

What choices do we have in dating?

So one obvious freedom is to choose to date or not?

Freedom in relationships starts with being good at being single.

Do you seek freedom in a relationship? We must be complete in God before we can complete someone else! 

There is actually one more way we can understand the will of God.

The Principle of Wisdom

The other side of the coin is that freedom entails responsibility. If God is not going to dictate every choice we make, then believers are not only free to choose, we are required to choose. That raises a critical question: On what basis is the Christian to make his decisions in freedom areas? That basis, in a word, is wisdom. And the Principle of Wisdom is: Where there is no command, God gives us wisdom to choose.

How do you define wisdom?

Where do we fine wisdom in the Bible related to the type of relationships we should pursue or avoid?

Proverbs 12:4 ESV

4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 2:16–17 ESV

16 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, 17 who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God;

Proverbs 25:24 ESV

24 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

What Are Godly Characteristics in Dating?

The story of Ruth and Boaz endures as one of the greatest love stories in history. From a foreign country, a young widow named Ruth travels with her grieving mother-in-law, Naomi—also a new widow. When they arrive at Naomi’s hometown of Bethlehem, little does either know the delightful surprise God has planned for them. Driven by hunger, Ruth takes advantage of the law that allows the poor to glean (pick the leftover grain behind the reapers). By God’s design, she gleans in a field owned by Boaz, Naomi’s distant relative.

Seeing her work, Boaz inquires about Ruth and learns that she left her family and homeland for the sake of her mother-in-law. Impressed by Ruth’s faithfulness and moved with compassion, he offers her food and drink at mealtime. He also instructs his harvesters to leave some stalks from their bundles for her to glean. As Naomi plays matchmaker, Boaz must circumvent the claims of a nearer relative in order to marry Ruth. This he does. And from their marriage, God blesses them with a son, Obed … the grandfather of King David.

God is more concerned about the choices you make in the type of person you date and who you marry than if you are choosing the person he has for you!

God’s will is like a fence not a bulleye!